JayDee

There’s a few writers on here who are definitely far cross that line seperating them from the cheap nasty pornographers like me. They’re putting out seriously talented writing. I was going to start naming names but then I’d miss someone out and it’d be awkward. Also as at least three or four of them are site staff it would look like I was asskissing. But the point is, your current work reminds me of that level. Thank you also for your reviews on the two parts of Miharu Sarutobi Must Resist! – I really appreciate them, and I am not just saying that. Thanks for letting me know about the times it made you laugh – really went for a jokey tone in a few places so I’m glad it came across well! Yeah, sorry about that, me not being entirely clear. Ol’ Eparlegna’s just there in the flashbacks. Maybe I ought to go for a more pompous setting name like “The Books of Kizurial.” Otherwise I’m just gonna steal slumber-verse from you :p You know, when I saw the Bigotry tag and a Japanese protagonist, I kind of figured that would mean bigotry against said protagonist. Guess it runs both ways. Equal opportunity bigotry! It’s still un-PC but everyone gets a fair share. Dreneparssa backward is...the first time this story made me laugh. Thank you! I think Dreneparssa was the last backwards demon name I came up with. Guy’s a total dork! I see mine was not the only D&D group for whom Dark Dungeons was a rite of passage. I’ve seen a whole bunch of chick tracts over the years, and I realise this isn’t entirely the point, but some of them are hilarious. I don’t know that I got all of the intended value from them to be honest. Weirdly enough there’s a Chick Tracts section on AFF, with a Dark Dungeons fanfic. There's why I thought this was the guy from the second chapter of You! Makes sense! They’re both just mean spirited offensive stereotypes of COD players. I’d forgotten I’d used the COD GOD wording twice tho’ The fact that I’ve written stories around Valve point’n’shoot games like Team Fortress 2, Half Life 2 and Left 4 Dead but portray dickish COD players twice over may suggest a certain amount of anti-COD bigotry. Probably correctly. Heh, maybe Miharu got a saving throw or something. I'd previously assumed that "spike" thing was literal, you know, to cause maximum pain and tear holes in the uterus, but "rounded spike" just sounds like an ordinary penis. The crown’s more like the way a glass coke bottle narrows towards the end, but with rounding at the tip like you see on the top of some metal fences. Drew’s a bit less hardcore than his Daddy. Second time the story made me laugh. There's something inherently funny about using hellfire to power your house. I mean, is that considered green energy? There's zero carbon footprint, but the screams of the damned probably count as noise pollution... It still makes less noise than that one the family had in Home Alone! You got to get some benefits out of being a demon. Like how Shannon has literally never had to buy a drink for herself in any bar or club. Third and fourth times the story made me laugh, first because of the delivery and then because how did that happen? Was Eparlegna just having an off day? Was he morbidly curious about what consensual sex felt like? I think he was just impressed by her enthusiasm and willingness to be taken hard over and over. She might even have been the one who summoned him in the first place to unleash him on others and played to his pride enough that he left her basically what she was when he first met her – mentally screwy but physically ok. Perhaps Luzurial would have got an easier ride after all if she’d submitted immediately. He might have just recently eaten a group of ravers off their heads on MDMA or something. The less likely but possibly funnier possibility is that another considerably less intimidating demon was engaging in a bit of ID theft/demon catfishing and pretending to be Eparlegna. Such things likely wouldn’t go down well with the old bastard, but nobody said demons were all smart in this setting. Case in point of less than top intellectual brilliance: Drew. Ah, there's the bigotry. as casually racist as most evil creatures and many FPS gamers. Truth, unfortunately. When you’re playing a game and half the rest of the team have swastika symbols in non WW2 games and shout racist abuse every time they get killed… yup that’s FPS online play. I expect all the jokes, and the fact that Drew is considerably less threatening and actually pretty pathetic probably account for it – As you said further up the review – A bit less than Eparlegna’s wish to see the entire world in his dominion with an angel bound in a statue and suffering for all eternity for opposing him. I can't imagine why... Drew’s demon junk actually tastes better than Wendys chicken nuggets. The guy’s a moron! Plus, he has anger control issues, and when he couldn’t get her off he kept attacking her with force which then made it worse. So an asshole as well as a moron. Well, that or all the guides he read had been written for “how to please an extreme masochist” topics. Miharu Sarutobi is Ian Fleming's James Bond, complete with her own brand of the cultural chauvinism. Miharu: And don’t you forget it, baka!. Now get me a Asahi while I play the new Final Fantasy! Fifth time the story made me laugh, because of course the washer and dryer are in the hellmouth. It’s okay except on a full moon and then the washing comes out dirtier than it went in. Laugh number six... And Janet just carries on regardless Huh. Apparently he did just want to know what consensual sex felt like. Also, he has tentacles now, I'm guessing because this story has a Japanese protagonist. If Shannon can manifest a cock for a story where there’s a gay guy who likes bottoming, Eparlegna can manifest some tentacles for background flavor in a story with a Japanese character! Although thinking about it, I’m sure I was intending that they were a variant on the old stone tentacles used for restraint in Whore of Heaven, only being used much more actively - maybe formed from the flesh of other victims or just something else. He’d still be the one directing them after all, and presumably he can choose to get sensory feedback even if they aren’t attached to him. Well, that, or it really is another demon pretending to be him. Could explain why Drew is such a loser. At the point Drew’s thinking anal is kind of gay even his demon half is basically face palming. I am 90% sure that the whole “Miharu hating and despising anal, and then coming from it and ending up having a lot” was one of the basic elements requested by Devil_PS for the story. After about six months he is totally her bitch, and Janet’s probably hacked off because she’s got another damn teen living in her basement, she never got to unleash Drew on Mrs Jenkins, and none of the demons are answering her booty call summonings anymore. Thank you once again! I’m glad you didn’t end up suffering through something too terrible expecting more slumber-verse shenanigans at least. A few good laughs probably makes it much more worthwhile. There’s one 1000 word prompt story I haven’t posted with Lupa under a silence spell and Shannon, (Mentioned in this post!) where I decided that I didn’t like Lupa’s characterisation as being happy at killing. I much prefer her as snarky or outright bitchy and happy to bruise flesh and break bones, but not happy killing people at all (as opposed to, say, Kate, who’ll kill and chew on anyone who deserves it like good ol’ Jeb). I might one day post it as a “non canon” or “imaginary story!” to steal from DC silver age, or maybe even try and re-write it to feature Kate instead of Lupa. Reason I am mentioning it is just to throw out there if you’d like me to send it to you to read, with it being slumber-verse related? If not, no worries!

Sorry about the name mix up – I wanted to copy and paste the character names (except Frank!) for the review to make sure the spelling was right. It looks like I still had Lydia’s names copied when I’d meant to change it to Eleneore’s for that comment. For me with reviews I sometimes worry too much about spoiling and so it’s just basic “Wow, I liked the fucking!” and sometimes I try and cover specific bits or quote lines that really appealled to me. I’ve never been any good at constructive criticism so I am generally looking at positives and not seeing negatives!

On the plus side, there doesn’t need to be a specific pairing category for you to load the story you write! You can just load it to the Slash Male/Male section, you don’t need to select a pairing subcat.

I think that’s pretty good. It’s got some good emphasis on what is the meat of the story, the recovery of Luzurial and her relationship with Kevin. It feels – and this is just my reaction at reading it – that maybe the end could be punched up in some way, to have a greater sense of foreboding or threat if that makes sense. I’m sure it’d be fine as it is though. I mean, it’s Shannon. She wasn’t always a succubus but she sure was always Shannon (Edit: Although she had a different name!). No doubt such thoughts were contributing factors in her fall, particularly if someone else already on Lucifer’s side in the early days of plotting noticed an unguarded admiring glance, a flush of skin or a lip bite, or even came across her top secret carefully hidden “Things I’d like to do with Luzurial” ‘diary’. “I’ll have slippery nipples, a mouthful of angel’s tit, a slow comfortable screw against the wall, sex on the beach, slam a red-headed slut and a white russian, and then I’ll go out and have some cocktails.” Bob: “Guys guys! Imagine if you could fuck your flashlight!” Jake (who already has one handle first up his ass): “That’s so unrealistic, Bob.” They’re completely different things really. Mine was a PWP rapefic that was as long as it needed to be to fit in the cruelty and terrible cop jokes; basically mine was just porn. Yours is much more like a proper novel with some erotic elements and so the increased detail, the character interactions and disucssions, and background descriptions, the alternate events happening away from Luzurial, all add immeasurably to the experience. Yours is literature. I feel I probably should spellcheck forum posts, but I always just never bother. I’m lazy, me.

...just noticed that. I do know the difference, I swear.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And then when you’ve finally got through all the blood, sweat and tears of getting it just right you have to write a summary to draw in the readers. And that could be a hell of a conversation with Kizzy some day. “I just wish we were allowed to screw back in the old days, you know? I was totally happy there apart from that even though I was like, the humblest of the host.” “What do you mean?” “Duh. That fucking celibacy command that came down from you Seraphim. The Creator gave Luzurial a rack like that, and then said hands off. It’s the deal with the tree in the garden and Eve loving figs all over again.” “That.. that wasn’t… My friend, I tell you truthfully I never knew of any order given for celibacy. Though there was always one of the cherubim who debated most strongly in favor of it, no argument would have made us issue any order contrary to the Creator’s creation.” Later “Hey, Kiz, why’s Shannon eating a big tub of ice cream and crying?” My badly written BDSM really hurt the masochists. So they demanded I write more. Thanks for raising this! I always appreciate little pointers like this. For this one example I think I’ll keep it as it is because it has a faint echo of the phrase “carrying a torch for someone” and she isn’t carrying one. I have to make my own fun. I think I did know the term Flashlight from all the media I consume, but always worry about mistyping it as Fleshlight. Yeah, Sarsa’s lack of imagination does mirror my own. I think I may have seen the bottle in a room in Fallout New Vegas. Chances are none of them are really superfluous! Plus the interractions you’ve written for them are so natural and realistic – that’s one of the many reasons I think folks who give it a chance on AFF will love it. I mean, some right bastard of a writer put her though absolute hell so a little comfort is no bad thing. No doubt with billions of years they’d have done a bit of redecorating! I suspect it would be more the demons of Shannon’s attitudes rather than the likes of Eparlegna. Even so, I thank you for the reading and the feedback. And also for writing the superior-in-every-way sequel to Whore of Heaven.

Fucking Halloween Party was great fun to write! Still worth a read for folks who want some slightly spooky succubus sex without the kind of horrific death found in some of my stories. Nobody even gets a nosebleed. Someone does get a finger up the ass, but overall it’s a positive learning experience. Thank you for the review! I am also happy to hear your getting some progress down after the screen glaring. It might never get released! I mean, purely on the unliklihood of me never getting around to the story. At worst it’s “I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. Yes, I did get a blowjob but I never dreamed someone as awesome as you was interested in me when I did, please don’t dump me… ” at best it’s “You want a threesome with her involved? Well, I mean, I love you, Jen, but if you really want it I guess we can try and find her…” I am glad ya liked it though, it’s pretty feel good right? Shannon as a succubus would probably only have ensnared souls that were going to Hell anyway. She was never the cruellest of the fallen. Had things been a little different she may never have fallen at all. I'm not checking to confirm this, but I just know that somewhere on the internet there is either a pirate porno with that exact title, or that has a character with that name. There's no way no one has taken advantage of that pun yet. I did have a look and there’s like 33 hits on google, and I don’t honestly know if the porn guy was before the original writing of the story (rather than the current loading date) or not. A little bit of interracial that was entirely good natured anyhow. They had fun! Hopefully the good cap’n met a decent guy afterwards and was really happy. I love that line. Thanks! It seemed better than my first thought of looking at the BDSM gear, rolling her eyes and muttering ‘amateurs’. Introducing a sex dungeon in a story and only using it for background would probably enrage Chekov, mind. And that one. Thanks again! Just think how strong the spell would have been if she’d been able to source some IRN-BRU. (This joke only applies for the people of Scotland.) Yeah, Sarsa’s just her pen name! (There was a bottle of Sarsaparilla in the room when she came up with it.), but she wanted You to believe you had power over her. “Writers are liars,” as Neil Gaiman wrote in The Sandman, although he may have been lying. Poor old Astrid, and all she did was mock the fanfic. So, you can imagine that COD troll was not likely to be having a romantic handholding date after his flame. Rumor has it they found bits of him in 18 states. Including Kansas. And those bits were all still alive. *flinch* Two reviews into the future... I guess one thing with a story like this is that for 99%+ of the readers who choose something like it they’re unlikely to have previously chosen Whore of Heaven and so it wouldn’t any flashback moments for them, it’s just a threat with the dramatic irony of knowing she’s not a real angel. For the less-than 1% of you who did read both, well, flinching isn’t unreasonable Shannon’s one of the all round nicest characters I ever came up with but I guess at the end of day she’s still one of the fallen who rebelled against the throne and was cast down into Hell. That’d intimidate most people, especially on a first date. The thing with beauty is that it can always in the eye of the beholder. There are those who absolutely love the aesthetics of death. And for the others, well, say you’re soaring high over the plains and forests, the cities and lakes, you can find beauty in what you see as long as you don’t look too closely. Maybe. I think I probably just thought it was a nice image. Yeah! Well, as long as Astrid doesn’t mind that total lack of monogamy or occasional cock thing. To be honest, those might be deal breakers. Thanks for your feedback on this! It was a fun one to write and I remain pretty happy with it so It’s cool to hear you liked it.

Just the tip! thank god!

Good luck! It’s a real pain when that happens, but I am sure based on what you have done so far that when it is done it’ll be sensation. I just hope folks love it as much as I do! Nah, she’d take the muckiest view she could. Filthy mind that girl. Haha, exactly! Thank you! Heck, just imagine the cracks and anguished screams that keep breaking out through the crowd as unwashed young perverts realise they’ll be dating the other hand for a while. But Lupa is a little bit of a hypocrite as she would be quite happy to do certain things to those hairy throats without getting full un-coerced consent.

If you don’t read Fucking Halloween Party any time soon it’s all good, it’s mostly just Shannon solving a problem by fucking it anyhow. If you’ve got the time and motivation to write, then write, I say! Get your story storied, and if it takes days or weks or months I’m sure the ending will be sensational when it comes. I really hope it gets a lot of reads and reviews because the chapters I’ve read so far were really really good and you deserve that recognition. I was thinking of other lines around Kizzy’s nerdy fandoms, say if Shannon was filling in Lupa on Luzurial more some time, “Do you know how pure you have to be to be known as ‘The Pure,’ in Heaven? Like, really pure. I bet even Kizzy fiddles her expenses.” “Huh?” “You ever notice how many times she goes to look for evil threats to humanity at science fiction conventions?” “I went with her that one time. Those neckbeards were evil. ‘Know how many wandering hands I had to break in that crowd? Anyway, there some some asshole she was tracking. Drew or something.”

You!: 5, aka The One Where I Couldn’t Think Of A Title That Fit ...That doesn't mean there's nothing funny in this chapter! There's a certain amusing (to me) irony that the main character, who turns out to be black and had that bit about Tarzan back in Chapter 1, immediately assumes that the white girl is the angel. Thank you for ths review also! I went with that purely on rule of funny. And at least he noticed Kizzy’s serenity and probably started to assume before getting a faceful of Shannon being Shannon. Kizzy’s attractive – The sheriff in Blood on the Hay found her pretty enough – but she’s wearing a Star Trek t-shirt and Docs and all businss at that moment, while Shannon has the simple white dress, the halo-like hair and the stunning smile and the rest. Plus I did just think it was funny I love that whole thing. The image of the void before the Big Bang, her inhuman nature but also her basic goodness, just all of it. Thank you! I think with Kizzy, I tended to view her as having been quite seperated from humanity before she came down on Earth and so she’s ended up ‘living’ her chosen disguise personality (which she presumably had some help constructing) more than. say, an Archangel might, while still being the Seraph underneath. I dunno, there’s probably other stuff where I contradicted that. I do that a lot. Also, I really like how those lines came out too. Not my worst writing for sure! Also, that was funny. Thank you! Yeah, I see what you’re getting at. I guess Tyrone made the right choice rather than trying to fight or run, or side with Sarsa, although Lupa might be somewhat less happy once her thirst subsides slightly. That’s why I! would start with her chapter. They had a word limit of 1000 words when I originally started doing the prompts, but this was removed later on. I stuck with it for You! partly for continuity and partly because I was having a great deal of trouble finishing anything and it felt like an achievable limit. Absolutely it could do with a longer and more detailed ending, especially as Tyrone would have enjoyed a few rounds with Shannon before dying, but I think I just about justified it by him deciding Sarsa needed to be sent to Hell quickly, and Lupa being really thirsty. I mean, not really, but close enough. Thank you one final time for the reviews on You! I like how it turned out overall and so I’m glad you and others did too.

I haven’t written any story about either of them. I am sure others have done so. Good luck finding these.

You! 4 Thank you! I really am grateful for your thoughts on all the parts. It’s the one where you realise your memory is fucked so a play on ‘forgot’ seemed to work and I think I’d used all the good jokes so I had to fill in with more dramatic stuff. Sometimes the obvious jokes are the ones that need to be made, and there's really no way a modern vampire character wouldn't make at least one Twilight joke at some point. Heh, yeah, I’m sure it’s a a contractual requirement to include ‘em. Lupa totally sees herself as a wandering badass who happens to be on the side of the good guys out of the bond of friendship and not a sparkley lovey dovey vamp. So, if I'm reading this correctly, does that make Kate a wolfwere instead of a werewolf? That's like a spider that was bitten by a radioactive human. That’s the implication! but the next line is “You’re opening your mouth to ask if she’s serious as Lupa comes back to the room.” So I’m not one of the users who massively maps out character backstories. There’s users here with databases that say what their main characters had for breakfast 10 years ago, me I just bashed outwhatever sounded good for whatever story. There’s multiple possibilites for Kate’s past, but I think honestly that what I was doing here was partly having her doing a straight faced joke to get her good mood back after flashing back to Sarsa’s story. The past I favor for her more was that she got her abilities from an ancient wolf spirit, wounded and ‘dying’ from some supernatural battle. She showed some kindness to it and comforted it as it came to an end. In return she gained her wolf side the instincts and urges related to it, and also the ability to share it, like a modern source of lycanthropy different to the old European strains but with some similarities, like around the moon. But come the day I ever write the origin stories l might end up going for the joke version given above. Thanks again! Just the one chapter to get through now. I hope it’s not too terrible. I was mostly out of ideas. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. It got so bad I thought I was writing The Simpsons.

You! 3: Wolf Moon – is my favorite ever chapter title referencing a t-shirt design I love the way you keep taking advantage of all the meta jokes the 2nd person perspective allows. Thank you for reviewing chapter 3 as well! I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Of course, Sarsa’s story is fictional, out here in the real world the Spyro story is worse. I don’t think Lupa was ever an A student at science. If she’d read some psudoscience explanation for vampires she’d probably go for that “Yeah, us vampires have a form of quantum entanglething, we can spread out and come back. Also magnetism from the blood iron, maybe. What are you asking me for anyway, poindexter? Come here, let me give you a kiss on the neck…” Sarsa is a master of the sympathy pendulum, isn't she? First I felt bad for her, then I didn't, then I did, now I don't... Another sad thing is, when I wrote part one as a oneshot I’m pretty sure I intended her to be genuinely a victim who just wanted to write, and that it was all as it appeared. But the story didn’t want to go that way, and Fucking Halloween Party cemented her as the nasty kind of demon. Frankly, I think the clue was in the second person Mary Sues. I don't really have anything to say about that; it's just funny. Thank you! It’s cool when jokes land Lupa’s exaggerating for comic effect, but honestly there’s nothing to say that Shannon didn’t look for a way to fuck her way past the wards first. “What if I build power by having a really big gangbang and overload the wards with it? Lupa could be fluffer!” “I put them in my mouth, I’m draining them, mi amiga… I meant the blood! The blood!” ...I dunno. Something like that. Anyway, thanks again for reviewing part 3! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the story.

I’ve written more than a few stories myself that needed a racism tag and that was in the 21st century (just about any of mine with the recurring characters of T-Dog and Pops especially), so sticking that jab at Burroughs in was probably also another example of JD Hypocrisy… except I guess in my stories, they were just done for people who got off on the interracial rape theme rather than a colonial’s view of Africans. I dunno, I’m happy you’re not actually annoyed by it though! That bit in the Pellucidar series certainly sounds a bit more modern than when a character commented on a supposedly African woman as “the n-word wench” in a Tarzan book anyway. There’s some great books from the period though for sure. Crap! I’d hoped I’d saved you the time! I really didn’t think there’d be anything in there you’d be entertained by, but at least it wasn’t a harrowing experience. I’m glad it made ya laugh!

You! is short and has no sex, but until I started flagging for ideas near the end was a hell of a lot of fun to write. Part 1 review: Thank you for your review on this and chapter 2! I really appreciate ‘em. I genuinely think there is some funny stuff in here so I hope you found it amusing too. For the chronology – Part one is after Slumber Party but before Fucking Halloween Party, then Kate arrives in part 3 on the night of the events of FHP, Lupa arrives afterwards. This is a story that has some messing with personal peception of the passage of time and character unreliable memory due to magical trap/influence. I did have a lot of fun playing around with second person and how a lot of folks don’t care for it outside of maybe CYOA fans. My personal view is that any format can be good if written well. Well, mostly. The intended sequel starting straight at the end of You! would be called I! and would be in first person with a chapter per character starting from Lupa’s POV and then the other three , plus another character and one from Sarsa at the end. Sarsa loves cliched stereotypes, her writing is full of ‘em! So she was always gonna go for hooves, she probably makes the effort to show them instead of feet the same as how Shannon can grow a penis as a demonic control over appearance thing. I had some stories under my old pen name with a hooved demon, but got through all the good jokes back then so haven’t really returned to it. As someone who grew up reading Edgar Rice Burroughs (never Tarzan, interestingly enough, but the Pellucidar and Barsoom series), DON'T YOU PUT THOSE WORDS IN MY MOUTH, STORY! Burroughs might have gone to Mars or inside the Earth but he sure never went to the Jungle, and since you haven’t read the Tarzan series you’ve missed elements like Burroughs apparantly deciding the only suitable term for any African is the n-word. And this wasn’t writing in the antebellum south – even by the late 30s when the Tarzan books were still coming out. He made Tintin in the Congo look like Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream,’ speech. Also, to be fair to the in universe character, when it’s revealed who ‘you’ are in story, it could be argued ‘you’ have a little more reason not being keen on the Great White Savior in Africa character type… so that maybe the statement about Tarzan was a real feeling from ‘your’ mind rather than some of the fake memories. Bit spoilery, that. Ahh well. I am sorry if I offended your tastes, it was really very much a throwaway line and when I wrote part 1 I hadn’t even realised who ‘you’ were so having more of a reason implied in part 5 is no defence. Maybe I can help! Yay! A review! Thank you for this, seriously I appreciate it. I think there’s some fun stuff in You! Part 2 review Okay, so I know this is about bad fanfiction writers and self-insert characters, but considering that the official language of Hell in your stories seems to be Hsilgne, there's something humorously meta about it. Yup, that was the intention! Bit of self-mockery for the backward demon names thing as well as for joking about the self-insert stuff. I think it worked! Oh, God, Sarsa, I feel you. Seriously, her first piece of feedback is a flame. While her fanfiction sounds like what most thirteen year old girls would write, those are never really warranted. I’m sure most 13 year old girls can do a better job than Sarsa, but, yes, getting a flame for your first piece of feedback would suck. Getting them later though used to just make me smile! I tended to quote them in the old AFF forum flames thread. On the other hand, there is such a thing as overreacting. Nice one! Although, she is a demon! Pride and that – overreacting to minor slights could probably in the job description. The Miharu story is only in continuity as Drew is a spawn of Eparlegna. Neither big E or any of the other characters show up, beyond Drew’s mom Janet’s reminiscence about Eparlegna, so it’s not worth your time to finish on that score – I don’t think it has any themes you’d like! Like, not even one. This isn’t Drew here– as it happens by the end of his story Miharu is hogging the computer time anyway for gaming so he doesn’t get as much chance to read and review, and he’d probable also be able to sense the demonic influence Sarsa puts into her stories and steer clear as well. Given what Sarsa did to Astrid from Fucking Halloween Party just for a mocking email I think it is safe to say that once this flaming COD player’s usefulness to her is at an end it will emerge she hadn’t actually forgiven or forgotten and he might not enjoy a date as much as he thinks. Something I might reference in I! if I ever manage to write it. Yeah, Sarsa’s got some sympathetic elements but she isn’t a very nice entity. Nope. Thanks again for your chapter reviews! I am sorry if I offended you with the line about Tarzan.

Stick her under the invisibilty cloak, and have her make noise. Boom! Thestralgirl.

Three reviews from three different people in one day. Did it just get 2007 AFF in here? Is it the end times when time becomes unhinged and creatures of evil spread their wings, take flight and and accidentally get shredded by jet engines? Corinthian Knot Granted, perhaps Lara's supposed to be confused, but I felt like maybe that was supposed to be a period. And thank you for another review! I love getting them. Ain’t a writer here who doesn’t like getting them I think. She did kill that dog’s whole family. I haven’t got on to the new Tomb Raider games yet, but in the old ones she was always blasting hell out of animals who were just trying to live their lives. She was always fucking dogs, it was just she she used to use pistols or a shotgun! It wasn’t always a given she’d be alive when I played either. I never intended for her to die, I was just never that great. You’re right about her poor porn fic outcomes though. I alone have written something like five stories with her in, (one is a part of a story under movies) and she dies in at least three of them. She did survive the one where she gave birth to a Centaur. On the sentience/squick level – I had an earlier dog story called Unleash the Beast that would be squickier because the dog was not magic, but at least no sex slave ending so… Then another time I’ve donea story using one of Narnia’s talking horses where sentience + speech made it virtually a furry fic. I’m not proud. Except for the title. That made me smile. Surprising hotness is one of the best kinds! Also the most worrying when you wake up at 3am and think “Whoa, I found that hot. Is being a monster infectious?” Thanks for asking about the question mark – I think it is actually intentionally meant to be Lara questioning that it felt good (which would naturally be a surprise), with the lack of clarity being down to poor phrasing. I was trying to think if I had any stories I could recommend that might suit your tastes and, well, nope. Not a single story of mine outside the slumber-verse I would recommend for you. There’s some sections here and there that would maybe appeal (breast massages etc), but mostly you’ll just end up wondering just what happened to leave me so broken. Finally, thank you again for taking the time to review.

There is no better name! Get out there and be credit to team! Don’t forget the wise advice of Pyro, “MMPPH!”

Savagery is one of those stories with zero redeeming features, save that I wrote it as a request and the person who requested it seemed to like it. Sometimes that’s enough. Thank you for your suggestion, I appreciate you taking the time to think about this. It’s been ages since I read a lot of comics so I am not familiar with the New 52 – I did see the Wonder Woman film though, and surely Gal Gadot’s WW could kick his ass good and hard. I have to say though, what would either version be doing walking the boundary between Hell and Faerie? Now, if heroes were to find her it would surely be mighty Baytor and his companions Six Pack, Dogwelder and Bueno Excellente. I’m sure that together they could give Darius a suitable punishment. Bueno in particular specialised in it. Worth thinking about anyway… Some day, maybe.

Ending the Fan is ultimately not my best story, but it was one I had a lot of fun coming up with stuff for and I am still fond of most of it. Despite having rape content (Moz is an Orc. It’s cultural.) it’s still ultimately good natured. And I really liked writing “Antoinetta liked to act the playful young woman; the last thing many had seen even before she joined the Dark Brotherhood was her cheerful smile. She knocked back the potion carelessly, perfectly convinced it wasn’t poison. Everybody knew that if Moz gra-Bura wanted something dead, she would hit it with an axe.” And thank you for your review! It seemed like it had some of the content you enjoyed so I am glad I was right in suggesting it. I’m surprised I had much storyline in there around the fuck scenes. Funnily enough as degrading as it got I never went as far as one request – they wanted to see Moz orgasm with her face in a bowl of fresh shit. It just wasn’t that kind of story. Thanks again for your positive kind words.

Blood on the Hay is one of those stories that really needs a final part or two, to show how Kate got back in the pack after running out in TSPoED and before being part of the team in You! There’s a lot of prompts I’ve never done stories for so maybe, one day… In some ways it probably ought to have been loaded on as further chapters to the previous story, bit late now, really. Thanks for the review! I haven’t had this much feedback in one go in ages. I really appreciate it Jeb’s one of the times I had nasty serial-attacking character most definitely not get away with it forever. There will have been some people reading it from the codes and the description and the title expecting it to go the other way, what with me being the writer and them not having read the previous story. Still, goes to show that the MCD tag doesn’t always mean horrific body horror. Just, you know, most of the time when I am using it. The lack of a whole lot happening in the second part is another reason why a further part would be good. And also so Hanson and Deputy McQueen can get laid. Shannon isn’t picky. I think I was actually intending that Kate had decided to do the right thing for the previous victims, and sniff out the evidence of what had happened before leaving. It was kind of based off that thought she had considered, that Kizzy might have intentionally driven her towards Jeb, and that with a bit of self reflection she wasn’t really evil – sure, she’d wanted to make her friends into werewolves, and be the alpha, but that was just natural pack instinct! I always intended that Lupa had come from a fairly devout Catholic background, and that she’d lost her faith and become an athiest because of things that happened before she became a vampire. If you were a vampire would you want to suddenly find out God was real? Better to assume there’s another few inhuman entitites with scientific explanations who are just a bit deluded right? I think her saying of grace would be sarcastic as hell, especially if she was saying it over someone’s bared neck. Thank you again! I definitely never expected another review on that one.

Oh yeah it’s all personal choice. I am sure any of us are grateful for any reviews. I think from the query InBrightestDay was just wondering if there’s any sort of set way people do things here for them! I appreciate negative reviews just as much as it’s always good to get alternate perspectives – even straight up flames that don’t talk about the story I tended to enjoy because at least someone had made the effort although they’re against site rules and had to be deleted I’m not writing a whole lot of anything these days, but every time in the past I’ve said I’ve stopped writing I’ve ended up doing something else so never say never! Thank you loads for your review on the ancient story Mike Rapes A Dyke I think there’s two reasons for why there’s more positive reviews than you’d expect. The first is that the story has been on the site for over a decade and my perception is that users reviewed more readily back then so there would be more chances for reviews both positive and negative (and to increase the hit count!). The other is that some of the positive reviews I get on stories have always been people who enjoyed the concept no matter how unpleasant. (Others were just being nice and thanks to all who did!) It’s my experience that even when a story is objectively terrible as many of mine are, if someone enjoys the kink they’ll praise it more than normal. There’s a Spyro the dragon request story I wrote that I think is irredeemable trash, but a few people who have a Spyro snuff fetish (like the guy I wrote it for) yummed it up! The more negative/neutral reviews on Mike Rapes a Dyke are surely users who don’t enjoy the kink and so see the flaws you raise instead, or others (like he issues with the unclear POV switches – I would definitely try to do that better these days!). The relentless negativity of the story’s ending was an issue for a few people, but I’ve stuck by it to drive home how shitty the experience was. Even later on in my story Twinpregnation poor cousin Lily is still referenced as being in a bad way. Someone really oughta do something to hurt that Mike guy though, even like decades in the future… I would suggest that a lot of my stories over the years do actually suffer from the points you’ve raised – As well, since a lot of them were set to fulfil a specific kink request or idea and so lack real storytelling or characterisation to get to the people engaged in the kink whether rape fantasy, snuff fantasy or on one occasion much older woman raping a teenage boy fantasy. They’re a mixed bag of objective crap! Of my other stories the only one I’d really suggest you might also like would be Ending the Fan, in the games section, as it features a physically strong axe-wielding female character in occasionally degrading but always enjoyable sexual encounters who does get a magic cock of her own in at least one part (but avoid chapter 6 as it has no sex and just puts forward views on the nature of heroism. It might be some of my personal favourite writing but nobody’s gonna masturbate to it.) I really appreciate the review and thank you especally for taking the time to have a serious look at this old story. Have a great day!

It’s always interesting to hear a bit of the background in the writing of a specific story. I’ll be looking forward to part 3 – feel free to drop me a PM if I don’t notice when you’ve loaded it