JayDee

For me it really depends on the writer. For example the Dresden Files books are all ‘narrated’ from Harry’s POV and it really works. Othertimes it is less great. I keep thinking doing one of those Dracula style epistolary stories would be cool, with all the diary entries and letters and newspaper clippings. “Witnesseses report a woman turning into a wolf. The relevent authorities have been informed.” etc Only much less shit than that sounds.

That’s pretty much it! His spirit just isn’t in it after he realises she’s totally loving it. It’s probably the only funny part in the story, but that chapter is a crossover between Predator and Clueless (and for parts of it, Mortal Kombat) so… Rules? I didn’t think that far ahead. I was just trying to get all the lurkers talking. Failed, mostly. Should have gone with something like “Of your OCs who haven’t fucked yet, who would be most likely to fuck each other.” or something Naruto related. But with no prior knowlege of each other, genre free, no prep match up: of Gogedheh vs Kizzy – Is limited by the mostly-human-like form she wears. The way I think of her is that a lot of the abilities she would have in her true form are denied to her, in a way they aren’t for lower orders like an Angel or Archangel. I’ve assumed her true six winged always-burning form cannot exist on Earth without damaging the planet extensively, like having a mini sun pressed against it. Trained humans can and do beat Predators in fights in the films – Dutch the mercenary, Harrigan the cop, and her flaming soul sword would be a fair weapon against his wrist blades and armor – and could probably deflect plasma blasts too, but ultimately he’s simply more experienced at hand to hand combat than she is despite her age (Staff officers… always got their asses stapled to a desk...) and so he might have the edge. Shannon – Would simply assume she can seduce him (perhaps feigning reluctance if she deduces he prefers rape), get naked, entice him to fuck her and then eat his life during the act, leaving him a dried out husk. Quickest, easiest victory. She might even get off. Lupa – She’s a bit like the vampire Cassidy from the old Preacher comics – she has the strength and the speed, but despite Kizzy making her and Kate undergo combat training she’s probably liable to get her head taken off, which would work as well as the old stake through the heart (as Buffy once said, “You’d be surprised how many things that’ll kill”). If she did get past his guard enough to drink a load of alien blood she could withstand a lot of stabbings and a hole knocked through her with the plasma caster to take him. The mersmerism would work if she could get the mask off him and then he’d be wondering why he was lying down and baring his neck. “Hey! Tastes like guacamole!”. Kate – Is the kind of ferocious beast critter that Predators hunt anyway. Probably the weakest against him for all her own strength and speed and some training. I mean, this guy can take down Xenomorphs and the like, and in a lot of ways Kate’s just a metalhead with a party trick and the munchies. Still, if Danny Glover can take a Predator it could be evenly matched on the day if she was desperately ferocious enough. She’s fast enough to dodge fire at least, and she can take a bit of punishment from the wrist blades too, maybe enough to get him bleeding out before she did. So overall except for Shannon (who once again would solve a problem by fucking it), I would really see it depending on how things went during the bouts if there was no pre-prep. I pretty much just made the 1D version of Luzurial. You’ve made the 3D version! No, absolutely genre is key. Every rape fic ever written about superheroines shows that. Including the abomination that was DC’s Identity Crisis. Unless it is a Chick Tract universe where at the very last second he accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour, says sorry, and goes to Heaven while the kind hearted Roman Catholic who killed him to save humanity is thrown in the lake of fire for being the Wrong Sort. I don’t know that he’d hate Hell anyway – they’d probably have him taking seminars. “Agile Working, Degredation and You.” ...yeah, my money’s on the god dude to win those scraps. I mean, it’s not the fairest of fights unless your name is Surtur or something. Heh, Blackbird, so he’s the kind who kicks the balls and pokes the eyes and gets the three count after the ref bump.

Louisiana Pit Fight: Sandi Stone Vs Jody is one of those stories I always forget I’ve written. It was a request fic for a hugely muscled character I had never heard of. so i stuck her in the the Preacher setting ‘cos Jody was one of the characters could kick anybody’s ass and mean enough to do the brutality the request implied. I was looking through it and this one line, Thank you for the review! I appreciate you taking the time and I’m glad it was entertaining. I suspect you’re right – I don’t think anybody really deserved this. Not the characters, and frankly it is iffy if any of the readers should have been put through it. In terms of muscle women getting beaten and destroyed, VileCorpus (also known as VileCorp) who requested this Sandi story did a lot of work in that area, with obscenely muscled women often fighting other obscenely muscled women. I think he produced quite a few comics that are probably available via google. He did do a bit of writing too – but the forum they were originally on was deleted years ago. Not sure where they would be now. In terms of my stories I’ve got a few more with the violence and the rape (go to my profile and see tags, would take too long to list ), but not so many with the actual muscle woman/fighting back elements. The Crushing of Cassie Cage in the games section might be closest given the kicking meted out to the bad guy before the nastiness kicks in, and it also features a redneck. Cassie isn’t anywhere near as muscular though. I hope you’re able to find more stories with the topics you like. Thank you again!

I know the term! – not from the comics, but from the paperback books that came out ages time ago (looking it up, I think I read ‘em around 1994 when they came out!), seems they shared a universe with the comics/possibly novelisations of ‘em. I didn’t use the terms and naming from that universe in my story as I specifically based it on the film portrayals (Predator 1 and 2) I’d seen. I hadn’t read the books in a long time so was too hazy. I see what you mean, he is an OC for sure, but in a way it was just me slapping a name, libido and sexual sadism on one of the nameless types from the films so I wasn’t thinking of him as a properly original character. He counts for sure though! In Predator 2 the mask had an alternate mode for the meat freezer warehouse place where the infra-red wasn’t working to see the government guys, so Lupa being room temp wouldn’t matter too much The hypno effect would likely be negated by the mask in the way, too. So could he take the pack? Well, that would depend. He only went against non-superpowered foes when I wrote him. The later stories Deathstalker wrote expanded on his ingenuity at facing considerably more powerful beings and winning, so if Deathstalker was writing him, probably he could take all of them. If I was writing it… My gut feeling is that he could take most of them because that’s basically what he does – if he knew enough about them to decide they were worth the hunt he could prepare effective weapons such as silver for Kate, or binding circles and the like. In the story I wrote he met someone with a sex drive almost comparable to Shannon’s and it confused the hell out of him. So if she just straight up let him fuck her and he didn’t understand the danger despite his preparation she could simply kill him with sex as part of her Succubus abilites. If they were hunting him because he was on an Earth hunt but he didn’t know about them, he would have a far tougher time of it for sure, at least to begin with. Also it would totally depend if the fight was taking place in a rape/snuff fic or a good natured supernatural adventure

I haven’t really got a whole lot of OCs though and some of ‘em already fought – Kizzy beat Eparlegna (in one canon strand!), Kate beat Jeb… I could come up with a fight between the tentacle monster from Under Joan’s Bed and Shannon from various, but somehow I think it would end up in a very sticky draw. Or possibly the tenacle monster begging for mercy.

It’s the internet. We can have discussions like this. Obviously if you’ve already written yer OCs fighting you have an answer for them, but what about the ones who haven’t fought? What then? Who wins?

The Dildo of Kings Thanks for your review! The story is way too short, for sure, but in my defence it was written for a prompt challenge with a 1000 word limit. Heh Looks like we’ve both done stories on the “fucking possessed weapons” kink. Corinthian Knot now has 55050 hits and 10 reviews. That’s quite a lot for AFF! Thank you for this review also! Yeah, that original Tomb Raider game you’re strolling along and suddenly wolves! Scared the piss out of me the first time. That bear and t-Rex later were just as bad. She’s killed a lot of wildlife that was just trying to mind its own business away from human civilisation though. Probably not a PETA spokesperson. The detail of using the ponytail was in the original drawing the story was written about so I can’t claim credit for that one. I’m glad you found it hot and sexy though – it’s one of those stories that I think works for people who enjoy the central idea, but everyone else would be a bit baffled. I’m afraid this may have been the last of the good work – I can’t believe it’s from 2011. Where did all those years go? It was all downhill from there, sadly. Thanks once again for both reviews.

“We’re gonna rock rock rock rock with the ROCK!” The Green Angels’ lyricist was really earning the big bucks. I suspect he might not have been a fan of Metallica “Well, this rock music can’t get any worse after Black Sabbath.” *Hears The God That Failed* “I was wrong.” This here is one sweet gooey WAFFy post. Which I’ll ruin with flashbacks to the old I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream point and click game. I never got around to reading the story; I should do that sometime, it is meant to be an absolute classic. The next reviews being for Whore of Heaven I suspect where I will not take offence if you have some harsh words about Luzurial’s treatment. I thank you for your time! I have replied also

The Green Angels one was great too, with rock music manager Lew Siffer and “Here’s your wedding gift… some AIDS!” Kevin overcomes his fears and fights bad guys! A timeless tale. Put like that it’s hard to argue with! Miharu ended up with a happier ending too. Although, I guess lot of the stories I wrote where the characters straight up died had happier endings than Luzurial did. Thank you! I’ll have another look through the old draft for any terrible errors I missed (besides the characterisation and plot) and send it over.

There’s a few writers on here who are definitely far cross that line seperating them from the cheap nasty pornographers like me. They’re putting out seriously talented writing. I was going to start naming names but then I’d miss someone out and it’d be awkward. Also as at least three or four of them are site staff it would look like I was asskissing. But the point is, your current work reminds me of that level. Thank you also for your reviews on the two parts of Miharu Sarutobi Must Resist! – I really appreciate them, and I am not just saying that. Thanks for letting me know about the times it made you laugh – really went for a jokey tone in a few places so I’m glad it came across well! Yeah, sorry about that, me not being entirely clear. Ol’ Eparlegna’s just there in the flashbacks. Maybe I ought to go for a more pompous setting name like “The Books of Kizurial.” Otherwise I’m just gonna steal slumber-verse from you :p You know, when I saw the Bigotry tag and a Japanese protagonist, I kind of figured that would mean bigotry against said protagonist. Guess it runs both ways. Equal opportunity bigotry! It’s still un-PC but everyone gets a fair share. Dreneparssa backward is...the first time this story made me laugh. Thank you! I think Dreneparssa was the last backwards demon name I came up with. Guy’s a total dork! I see mine was not the only D&D group for whom Dark Dungeons was a rite of passage. I’ve seen a whole bunch of chick tracts over the years, and I realise this isn’t entirely the point, but some of them are hilarious. I don’t know that I got all of the intended value from them to be honest. Weirdly enough there’s a Chick Tracts section on AFF, with a Dark Dungeons fanfic. There's why I thought this was the guy from the second chapter of You! Makes sense! They’re both just mean spirited offensive stereotypes of COD players. I’d forgotten I’d used the COD GOD wording twice tho’ The fact that I’ve written stories around Valve point’n’shoot games like Team Fortress 2, Half Life 2 and Left 4 Dead but portray dickish COD players twice over may suggest a certain amount of anti-COD bigotry. Probably correctly. Heh, maybe Miharu got a saving throw or something. I'd previously assumed that "spike" thing was literal, you know, to cause maximum pain and tear holes in the uterus, but "rounded spike" just sounds like an ordinary penis. The crown’s more like the way a glass coke bottle narrows towards the end, but with rounding at the tip like you see on the top of some metal fences. Drew’s a bit less hardcore than his Daddy. Second time the story made me laugh. There's something inherently funny about using hellfire to power your house. I mean, is that considered green energy? There's zero carbon footprint, but the screams of the damned probably count as noise pollution... It still makes less noise than that one the family had in Home Alone! You got to get some benefits out of being a demon. Like how Shannon has literally never had to buy a drink for herself in any bar or club. Third and fourth times the story made me laugh, first because of the delivery and then because how did that happen? Was Eparlegna just having an off day? Was he morbidly curious about what consensual sex felt like? I think he was just impressed by her enthusiasm and willingness to be taken hard over and over. She might even have been the one who summoned him in the first place to unleash him on others and played to his pride enough that he left her basically what she was when he first met her – mentally screwy but physically ok. Perhaps Luzurial would have got an easier ride after all if she’d submitted immediately. He might have just recently eaten a group of ravers off their heads on MDMA or something. The less likely but possibly funnier possibility is that another considerably less intimidating demon was engaging in a bit of ID theft/demon catfishing and pretending to be Eparlegna. Such things likely wouldn’t go down well with the old bastard, but nobody said demons were all smart in this setting. Case in point of less than top intellectual brilliance: Drew. Ah, there's the bigotry. as casually racist as most evil creatures and many FPS gamers. Truth, unfortunately. When you’re playing a game and half the rest of the team have swastika symbols in non WW2 games and shout racist abuse every time they get killed… yup that’s FPS online play. I expect all the jokes, and the fact that Drew is considerably less threatening and actually pretty pathetic probably account for it – As you said further up the review – A bit less than Eparlegna’s wish to see the entire world in his dominion with an angel bound in a statue and suffering for all eternity for opposing him. I can't imagine why... Drew’s demon junk actually tastes better than Wendys chicken nuggets. The guy’s a moron! Plus, he has anger control issues, and when he couldn’t get her off he kept attacking her with force which then made it worse. So an asshole as well as a moron. Well, that or all the guides he read had been written for “how to please an extreme masochist” topics. Miharu Sarutobi is Ian Fleming's James Bond, complete with her own brand of the cultural chauvinism. Miharu: And don’t you forget it, baka!. Now get me a Asahi while I play the new Final Fantasy! Fifth time the story made me laugh, because of course the washer and dryer are in the hellmouth. It’s okay except on a full moon and then the washing comes out dirtier than it went in. Laugh number six... And Janet just carries on regardless Huh. Apparently he did just want to know what consensual sex felt like. Also, he has tentacles now, I'm guessing because this story has a Japanese protagonist. If Shannon can manifest a cock for a story where there’s a gay guy who likes bottoming, Eparlegna can manifest some tentacles for background flavor in a story with a Japanese character! Although thinking about it, I’m sure I was intending that they were a variant on the old stone tentacles used for restraint in Whore of Heaven, only being used much more actively - maybe formed from the flesh of other victims or just something else. He’d still be the one directing them after all, and presumably he can choose to get sensory feedback even if they aren’t attached to him. Well, that, or it really is another demon pretending to be him. Could explain why Drew is such a loser. At the point Drew’s thinking anal is kind of gay even his demon half is basically face palming. I am 90% sure that the whole “Miharu hating and despising anal, and then coming from it and ending up having a lot” was one of the basic elements requested by Devil_PS for the story. After about six months he is totally her bitch, and Janet’s probably hacked off because she’s got another damn teen living in her basement, she never got to unleash Drew on Mrs Jenkins, and none of the demons are answering her booty call summonings anymore. Thank you once again! I’m glad you didn’t end up suffering through something too terrible expecting more slumber-verse shenanigans at least. A few good laughs probably makes it much more worthwhile. There’s one 1000 word prompt story I haven’t posted with Lupa under a silence spell and Shannon, (Mentioned in this post!) where I decided that I didn’t like Lupa’s characterisation as being happy at killing. I much prefer her as snarky or outright bitchy and happy to bruise flesh and break bones, but not happy killing people at all (as opposed to, say, Kate, who’ll kill and chew on anyone who deserves it like good ol’ Jeb). I might one day post it as a “non canon” or “imaginary story!” to steal from DC silver age, or maybe even try and re-write it to feature Kate instead of Lupa. Reason I am mentioning it is just to throw out there if you’d like me to send it to you to read, with it being slumber-verse related? If not, no worries!

Sorry about the name mix up – I wanted to copy and paste the character names (except Frank!) for the review to make sure the spelling was right. It looks like I still had Lydia’s names copied when I’d meant to change it to Eleneore’s for that comment. For me with reviews I sometimes worry too much about spoiling and so it’s just basic “Wow, I liked the fucking!” and sometimes I try and cover specific bits or quote lines that really appealled to me. I’ve never been any good at constructive criticism so I am generally looking at positives and not seeing negatives!

On the plus side, there doesn’t need to be a specific pairing category for you to load the story you write! You can just load it to the Slash Male/Male section, you don’t need to select a pairing subcat.

I think that’s pretty good. It’s got some good emphasis on what is the meat of the story, the recovery of Luzurial and her relationship with Kevin. It feels – and this is just my reaction at reading it – that maybe the end could be punched up in some way, to have a greater sense of foreboding or threat if that makes sense. I’m sure it’d be fine as it is though. I mean, it’s Shannon. She wasn’t always a succubus but she sure was always Shannon (Edit: Although she had a different name!). No doubt such thoughts were contributing factors in her fall, particularly if someone else already on Lucifer’s side in the early days of plotting noticed an unguarded admiring glance, a flush of skin or a lip bite, or even came across her top secret carefully hidden “Things I’d like to do with Luzurial” ‘diary’. “I’ll have slippery nipples, a mouthful of angel’s tit, a slow comfortable screw against the wall, sex on the beach, slam a red-headed slut and a white russian, and then I’ll go out and have some cocktails.” Bob: “Guys guys! Imagine if you could fuck your flashlight!” Jake (who already has one handle first up his ass): “That’s so unrealistic, Bob.” They’re completely different things really. Mine was a PWP rapefic that was as long as it needed to be to fit in the cruelty and terrible cop jokes; basically mine was just porn. Yours is much more like a proper novel with some erotic elements and so the increased detail, the character interactions and disucssions, and background descriptions, the alternate events happening away from Luzurial, all add immeasurably to the experience. Yours is literature. I feel I probably should spellcheck forum posts, but I always just never bother. I’m lazy, me.

...just noticed that. I do know the difference, I swear.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. And then when you’ve finally got through all the blood, sweat and tears of getting it just right you have to write a summary to draw in the readers. And that could be a hell of a conversation with Kizzy some day. “I just wish we were allowed to screw back in the old days, you know? I was totally happy there apart from that even though I was like, the humblest of the host.” “What do you mean?” “Duh. That fucking celibacy command that came down from you Seraphim. The Creator gave Luzurial a rack like that, and then said hands off. It’s the deal with the tree in the garden and Eve loving figs all over again.” “That.. that wasn’t… My friend, I tell you truthfully I never knew of any order given for celibacy. Though there was always one of the cherubim who debated most strongly in favor of it, no argument would have made us issue any order contrary to the Creator’s creation.” Later “Hey, Kiz, why’s Shannon eating a big tub of ice cream and crying?” My badly written BDSM really hurt the masochists. So they demanded I write more. Thanks for raising this! I always appreciate little pointers like this. For this one example I think I’ll keep it as it is because it has a faint echo of the phrase “carrying a torch for someone” and she isn’t carrying one. I have to make my own fun. I think I did know the term Flashlight from all the media I consume, but always worry about mistyping it as Fleshlight. Yeah, Sarsa’s lack of imagination does mirror my own. I think I may have seen the bottle in a room in Fallout New Vegas. Chances are none of them are really superfluous! Plus the interractions you’ve written for them are so natural and realistic – that’s one of the many reasons I think folks who give it a chance on AFF will love it. I mean, some right bastard of a writer put her though absolute hell so a little comfort is no bad thing. No doubt with billions of years they’d have done a bit of redecorating! I suspect it would be more the demons of Shannon’s attitudes rather than the likes of Eparlegna. Even so, I thank you for the reading and the feedback. And also for writing the superior-in-every-way sequel to Whore of Heaven.

Fucking Halloween Party was great fun to write! Still worth a read for folks who want some slightly spooky succubus sex without the kind of horrific death found in some of my stories. Nobody even gets a nosebleed. Someone does get a finger up the ass, but overall it’s a positive learning experience. Thank you for the review! I am also happy to hear your getting some progress down after the screen glaring. It might never get released! I mean, purely on the unliklihood of me never getting around to the story. At worst it’s “I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. Yes, I did get a blowjob but I never dreamed someone as awesome as you was interested in me when I did, please don’t dump me… ” at best it’s “You want a threesome with her involved? Well, I mean, I love you, Jen, but if you really want it I guess we can try and find her…” I am glad ya liked it though, it’s pretty feel good right? Shannon as a succubus would probably only have ensnared souls that were going to Hell anyway. She was never the cruellest of the fallen. Had things been a little different she may never have fallen at all. I'm not checking to confirm this, but I just know that somewhere on the internet there is either a pirate porno with that exact title, or that has a character with that name. There's no way no one has taken advantage of that pun yet. I did have a look and there’s like 33 hits on google, and I don’t honestly know if the porn guy was before the original writing of the story (rather than the current loading date) or not. A little bit of interracial that was entirely good natured anyhow. They had fun! Hopefully the good cap’n met a decent guy afterwards and was really happy. I love that line. Thanks! It seemed better than my first thought of looking at the BDSM gear, rolling her eyes and muttering ‘amateurs’. Introducing a sex dungeon in a story and only using it for background would probably enrage Chekov, mind. And that one. Thanks again! Just think how strong the spell would have been if she’d been able to source some IRN-BRU. (This joke only applies for the people of Scotland.) Yeah, Sarsa’s just her pen name! (There was a bottle of Sarsaparilla in the room when she came up with it.), but she wanted You to believe you had power over her. “Writers are liars,” as Neil Gaiman wrote in The Sandman, although he may have been lying. Poor old Astrid, and all she did was mock the fanfic. So, you can imagine that COD troll was not likely to be having a romantic handholding date after his flame. Rumor has it they found bits of him in 18 states. Including Kansas. And those bits were all still alive. *flinch* Two reviews into the future... I guess one thing with a story like this is that for 99%+ of the readers who choose something like it they’re unlikely to have previously chosen Whore of Heaven and so it wouldn’t any flashback moments for them, it’s just a threat with the dramatic irony of knowing she’s not a real angel. For the less-than 1% of you who did read both, well, flinching isn’t unreasonable Shannon’s one of the all round nicest characters I ever came up with but I guess at the end of day she’s still one of the fallen who rebelled against the throne and was cast down into Hell. That’d intimidate most people, especially on a first date. The thing with beauty is that it can always in the eye of the beholder. There are those who absolutely love the aesthetics of death. And for the others, well, say you’re soaring high over the plains and forests, the cities and lakes, you can find beauty in what you see as long as you don’t look too closely. Maybe. I think I probably just thought it was a nice image. Yeah! Well, as long as Astrid doesn’t mind that total lack of monogamy or occasional cock thing. To be honest, those might be deal breakers. Thanks for your feedback on this! It was a fun one to write and I remain pretty happy with it so It’s cool to hear you liked it.

Just the tip! thank god!

Good luck! It’s a real pain when that happens, but I am sure based on what you have done so far that when it is done it’ll be sensation. I just hope folks love it as much as I do! Nah, she’d take the muckiest view she could. Filthy mind that girl. Haha, exactly! Thank you! Heck, just imagine the cracks and anguished screams that keep breaking out through the crowd as unwashed young perverts realise they’ll be dating the other hand for a while. But Lupa is a little bit of a hypocrite as she would be quite happy to do certain things to those hairy throats without getting full un-coerced consent.

If you don’t read Fucking Halloween Party any time soon it’s all good, it’s mostly just Shannon solving a problem by fucking it anyhow. If you’ve got the time and motivation to write, then write, I say! Get your story storied, and if it takes days or weks or months I’m sure the ending will be sensational when it comes. I really hope it gets a lot of reads and reviews because the chapters I’ve read so far were really really good and you deserve that recognition. I was thinking of other lines around Kizzy’s nerdy fandoms, say if Shannon was filling in Lupa on Luzurial more some time, “Do you know how pure you have to be to be known as ‘The Pure,’ in Heaven? Like, really pure. I bet even Kizzy fiddles her expenses.” “Huh?” “You ever notice how many times she goes to look for evil threats to humanity at science fiction conventions?” “I went with her that one time. Those neckbeards were evil. ‘Know how many wandering hands I had to break in that crowd? Anyway, there some some asshole she was tracking. Drew or something.”

You!: 5, aka The One Where I Couldn’t Think Of A Title That Fit ...That doesn't mean there's nothing funny in this chapter! There's a certain amusing (to me) irony that the main character, who turns out to be black and had that bit about Tarzan back in Chapter 1, immediately assumes that the white girl is the angel. Thank you for ths review also! I went with that purely on rule of funny. And at least he noticed Kizzy’s serenity and probably started to assume before getting a faceful of Shannon being Shannon. Kizzy’s attractive – The sheriff in Blood on the Hay found her pretty enough – but she’s wearing a Star Trek t-shirt and Docs and all businss at that moment, while Shannon has the simple white dress, the halo-like hair and the stunning smile and the rest. Plus I did just think it was funny I love that whole thing. The image of the void before the Big Bang, her inhuman nature but also her basic goodness, just all of it. Thank you! I think with Kizzy, I tended to view her as having been quite seperated from humanity before she came down on Earth and so she’s ended up ‘living’ her chosen disguise personality (which she presumably had some help constructing) more than. say, an Archangel might, while still being the Seraph underneath. I dunno, there’s probably other stuff where I contradicted that. I do that a lot. Also, I really like how those lines came out too. Not my worst writing for sure! Also, that was funny. Thank you! Yeah, I see what you’re getting at. I guess Tyrone made the right choice rather than trying to fight or run, or side with Sarsa, although Lupa might be somewhat less happy once her thirst subsides slightly. That’s why I! would start with her chapter. They had a word limit of 1000 words when I originally started doing the prompts, but this was removed later on. I stuck with it for You! partly for continuity and partly because I was having a great deal of trouble finishing anything and it felt like an achievable limit. Absolutely it could do with a longer and more detailed ending, especially as Tyrone would have enjoyed a few rounds with Shannon before dying, but I think I just about justified it by him deciding Sarsa needed to be sent to Hell quickly, and Lupa being really thirsty. I mean, not really, but close enough. Thank you one final time for the reviews on You! I like how it turned out overall and so I’m glad you and others did too.

I haven’t written any story about either of them. I am sure others have done so. Good luck finding these.

You! 4 Thank you! I really am grateful for your thoughts on all the parts. It’s the one where you realise your memory is fucked so a play on ‘forgot’ seemed to work and I think I’d used all the good jokes so I had to fill in with more dramatic stuff. Sometimes the obvious jokes are the ones that need to be made, and there's really no way a modern vampire character wouldn't make at least one Twilight joke at some point. Heh, yeah, I’m sure it’s a a contractual requirement to include ‘em. Lupa totally sees herself as a wandering badass who happens to be on the side of the good guys out of the bond of friendship and not a sparkley lovey dovey vamp. So, if I'm reading this correctly, does that make Kate a wolfwere instead of a werewolf? That's like a spider that was bitten by a radioactive human. That’s the implication! but the next line is “You’re opening your mouth to ask if she’s serious as Lupa comes back to the room.” So I’m not one of the users who massively maps out character backstories. There’s users here with databases that say what their main characters had for breakfast 10 years ago, me I just bashed outwhatever sounded good for whatever story. There’s multiple possibilites for Kate’s past, but I think honestly that what I was doing here was partly having her doing a straight faced joke to get her good mood back after flashing back to Sarsa’s story. The past I favor for her more was that she got her abilities from an ancient wolf spirit, wounded and ‘dying’ from some supernatural battle. She showed some kindness to it and comforted it as it came to an end. In return she gained her wolf side the instincts and urges related to it, and also the ability to share it, like a modern source of lycanthropy different to the old European strains but with some similarities, like around the moon. But come the day I ever write the origin stories l might end up going for the joke version given above. Thanks again! Just the one chapter to get through now. I hope it’s not too terrible. I was mostly out of ideas. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. It got so bad I thought I was writing The Simpsons.

You! 3: Wolf Moon – is my favorite ever chapter title referencing a t-shirt design I love the way you keep taking advantage of all the meta jokes the 2nd person perspective allows. Thank you for reviewing chapter 3 as well! I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Of course, Sarsa’s story is fictional, out here in the real world the Spyro story is worse. I don’t think Lupa was ever an A student at science. If she’d read some psudoscience explanation for vampires she’d probably go for that “Yeah, us vampires have a form of quantum entanglething, we can spread out and come back. Also magnetism from the blood iron, maybe. What are you asking me for anyway, poindexter? Come here, let me give you a kiss on the neck…” Sarsa is a master of the sympathy pendulum, isn't she? First I felt bad for her, then I didn't, then I did, now I don't... Another sad thing is, when I wrote part one as a oneshot I’m pretty sure I intended her to be genuinely a victim who just wanted to write, and that it was all as it appeared. But the story didn’t want to go that way, and Fucking Halloween Party cemented her as the nasty kind of demon. Frankly, I think the clue was in the second person Mary Sues. I don't really have anything to say about that; it's just funny. Thank you! It’s cool when jokes land Lupa’s exaggerating for comic effect, but honestly there’s nothing to say that Shannon didn’t look for a way to fuck her way past the wards first. “What if I build power by having a really big gangbang and overload the wards with it? Lupa could be fluffer!” “I put them in my mouth, I’m draining them, mi amiga… I meant the blood! The blood!” ...I dunno. Something like that. Anyway, thanks again for reviewing part 3! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the story.

I’ve written more than a few stories myself that needed a racism tag and that was in the 21st century (just about any of mine with the recurring characters of T-Dog and Pops especially), so sticking that jab at Burroughs in was probably also another example of JD Hypocrisy… except I guess in my stories, they were just done for people who got off on the interracial rape theme rather than a colonial’s view of Africans. I dunno, I’m happy you’re not actually annoyed by it though! That bit in the Pellucidar series certainly sounds a bit more modern than when a character commented on a supposedly African woman as “the n-word wench” in a Tarzan book anyway. There’s some great books from the period though for sure. Crap! I’d hoped I’d saved you the time! I really didn’t think there’d be anything in there you’d be entertained by, but at least it wasn’t a harrowing experience. I’m glad it made ya laugh!

You! is short and has no sex, but until I started flagging for ideas near the end was a hell of a lot of fun to write. Part 1 review: Thank you for your review on this and chapter 2! I really appreciate ‘em. I genuinely think there is some funny stuff in here so I hope you found it amusing too. For the chronology – Part one is after Slumber Party but before Fucking Halloween Party, then Kate arrives in part 3 on the night of the events of FHP, Lupa arrives afterwards. This is a story that has some messing with personal peception of the passage of time and character unreliable memory due to magical trap/influence. I did have a lot of fun playing around with second person and how a lot of folks don’t care for it outside of maybe CYOA fans. My personal view is that any format can be good if written well. Well, mostly. The intended sequel starting straight at the end of You! would be called I! and would be in first person with a chapter per character starting from Lupa’s POV and then the other three , plus another character and one from Sarsa at the end. Sarsa loves cliched stereotypes, her writing is full of ‘em! So she was always gonna go for hooves, she probably makes the effort to show them instead of feet the same as how Shannon can grow a penis as a demonic control over appearance thing. I had some stories under my old pen name with a hooved demon, but got through all the good jokes back then so haven’t really returned to it. As someone who grew up reading Edgar Rice Burroughs (never Tarzan, interestingly enough, but the Pellucidar and Barsoom series), DON'T YOU PUT THOSE WORDS IN MY MOUTH, STORY! Burroughs might have gone to Mars or inside the Earth but he sure never went to the Jungle, and since you haven’t read the Tarzan series you’ve missed elements like Burroughs apparantly deciding the only suitable term for any African is the n-word. And this wasn’t writing in the antebellum south – even by the late 30s when the Tarzan books were still coming out. He made Tintin in the Congo look like Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream,’ speech. Also, to be fair to the in universe character, when it’s revealed who ‘you’ are in story, it could be argued ‘you’ have a little more reason not being keen on the Great White Savior in Africa character type… so that maybe the statement about Tarzan was a real feeling from ‘your’ mind rather than some of the fake memories. Bit spoilery, that. Ahh well. I am sorry if I offended your tastes, it was really very much a throwaway line and when I wrote part 1 I hadn’t even realised who ‘you’ were so having more of a reason implied in part 5 is no defence. Maybe I can help! Yay! A review! Thank you for this, seriously I appreciate it. I think there’s some fun stuff in You! Part 2 review Okay, so I know this is about bad fanfiction writers and self-insert characters, but considering that the official language of Hell in your stories seems to be Hsilgne, there's something humorously meta about it. Yup, that was the intention! Bit of self-mockery for the backward demon names thing as well as for joking about the self-insert stuff. I think it worked! Oh, God, Sarsa, I feel you. Seriously, her first piece of feedback is a flame. While her fanfiction sounds like what most thirteen year old girls would write, those are never really warranted. I’m sure most 13 year old girls can do a better job than Sarsa, but, yes, getting a flame for your first piece of feedback would suck. Getting them later though used to just make me smile! I tended to quote them in the old AFF forum flames thread. On the other hand, there is such a thing as overreacting. Nice one! Although, she is a demon! Pride and that – overreacting to minor slights could probably in the job description. The Miharu story is only in continuity as Drew is a spawn of Eparlegna. Neither big E or any of the other characters show up, beyond Drew’s mom Janet’s reminiscence about Eparlegna, so it’s not worth your time to finish on that score – I don’t think it has any themes you’d like! Like, not even one. This isn’t Drew here– as it happens by the end of his story Miharu is hogging the computer time anyway for gaming so he doesn’t get as much chance to read and review, and he’d probable also be able to sense the demonic influence Sarsa puts into her stories and steer clear as well. Given what Sarsa did to Astrid from Fucking Halloween Party just for a mocking email I think it is safe to say that once this flaming COD player’s usefulness to her is at an end it will emerge she hadn’t actually forgiven or forgotten and he might not enjoy a date as much as he thinks. Something I might reference in I! if I ever manage to write it. Yeah, Sarsa’s got some sympathetic elements but she isn’t a very nice entity. Nope. Thanks again for your chapter reviews! I am sorry if I offended you with the line about Tarzan.