JayDee

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 2: A Fagottist Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: Jude x The Duchess. Warnings: AFFO Bigotry ChallengeFic MF Oral

Exactly! Ain’t no kids around before the dawn of time. And thanks! If I get it done, I’ll probably stick her right in there for someone for Chastia to be patrolling with. “Man, don’t ask what we get up to. A gentleman never tells.” “Right, got you, it’s just we overheard Calista leading a woman’s studies seminar on sexual fulfilment. Luzurial says there were three Succubi at the back. Looking shocked and taking notes.”

Twinpregnation was probably the most successful of my old story re-writes. I’ve got more feedback on it already than I ever did on the original version and I get a bit of kick that out of the idea that one of their descendants is serving her country in a tiny cameo in someone else’s story. If it makes the final draft. Thanks for your review! I appreciate your thoughts. I’m really glad the sex came across as hot – It’s a big part of the aim of a PWP thing like that. Funny enough the “twins having twins” ref made me think ‘Twinception’ for the frst time and I’m glad to see from google that Urban Dictionary got there years ago. In my original version of the story it literally started with the coming in and seeing the picture. I see what you mean about the perspective shift and the potential for the reader not knowing Connor’s thoughts – It never even ocurred to me to be honest! The original version of the story had the perspective shifts without the impregnation emphasis, and then I wanted to really establish all the changes to the characters for the re-write so I kind of made used seeing each character’s point of view to give them a lot of detail – the new opening was a big expansion on that. It almost certainly would have been better the way you suggest! I don’t know that I’ll ever write sequels. I’ve always enjoyed that whole “risk of getting caught” or “actually having someone talking obliviously to one or both parties having sex while they’re doing it” due to coming in at the wrong time kink/trope/whatever and having some of that going on would be a lot of fun to write. Uncle Declan definitely wants to appear in more stories. “What are you doing in there, Connor?” ‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’ ‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’ ‘Don’t say ‘My Sister’’ “Your neice.” ‘SHIT’ (With apologies to Family Guy who probably lifted the joke directly from an 80s sitcom) Thank you again for the review! I really appreciate it and it was a nice surprise.

Oh yeah, totally, write the ending you want to write – this is the kind of story where bad guys do win often. If the ghost doesn’t get beat he doesn’t get beat. I was just throwing out my thought. And Jonathan does seem like less of an asshole in that whole light – he’s doing some messed up stuff, but convinced it’s what she wants, so well, fair enough. He’s still losing points in the ‘decent person’ stake for cheating on his actual girlfriend, and not really thinking things through, but less of an asshole all the same.

He was gonna go with “Straight Outa Hell” but someone already used it I figured she would intervene to prevent him touching Jan, but show little concern about the possibility of him hurting her. At the same time she’s very aware that a guy gets drunk and hits one woman might go out and hit another. I was definitely considering the Mpreg option, simply because then I’d get to explore something I’ve done very little with, but I think It’s more likely to be a thought-about pregnancy rather than actually happening. All these folks writing first time stories, then there’s me thinking about doing the “first masturbation in creation” scene. Billions of years later, “Hey, can you guess what I invented?” But maybe that’s a bit too Mary Sue tbh. Maybe she ought to get the idea off a canon character. Anyway, thanks again for the review! Hopefully won’t be too many weeks until part 2.

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist) Sometimes you get an idea for a story that almost nobody else is going to want to read, but you feel like writing it, and posting it, anyway. I have this concept for how to end this but I’m still not sure how to get to the end. Still, bit of sex in part 2! Thank you for your review! I appreciate it. While I don’t think she’ll be in part 2, Kizzy’s definitely going to be important in the story – Jude’s the title character, but then it was Jeb’s blood on that hay in the title of Kate’s story (I’ve been working on part 3 of that in my head, too). I figure it just happened to be that Jan needed help with homeless stuff that night. It’s probably not the first time Kizzy’s volunteered there – another time it might have been assisting elderly people, or one of other community outreach jobs. She’s certainly volunteering at non-church places, too. Probably sometimes she just goes out for a walk, and sees what she can do. Kizzy’s first appearance shows her solving Jack with violence, but that was after first getting into a position where she had enough friends for a sleepover. Slow, careful work. Then she didn’t demonstrate quite the best negotiating skills with Shannon, before once again using violence against Eparlegna – but both Jack and Sleazy E were pretty evil, and that’s easy for her to deal with. When it comes to Jude, she’s got things a little harder, especially beause until fairly recently she didn’t really understand mortals so well. She’s getting better. Jude… eh, he’s got some pretty unpleasant traits on display – the racism, homophobia, slapping Kizzy – but maybe he can turn his life around… and maybe instead he’ll give into temptation in Part Two. Where one of the prompts is gravid. I don’t know how soon I’ll get the second part done, it depends on what the ol’ muses help me put down. Might even get the Fall of Chastia story done first. I kind of want to write a ‘before the battle’ section for that. The Temptation of Chastia, maybe, so I can include a bit of Lucifer and make it less entirely OC for the bible section. And maybe even throw in some thought-to-be-totally-against-the-rules masturbation. Get caught jilling off by Lucifer? Well, it might appeal to someone. Thanks again for the review!

When the original version of the review just called him a second rate Buffy villain without naming ‘em I thought Thundercloud must have meant Warren. I mean, I thought The Judge was pretty cool (though not as cool as Buffy was when she shot him with that rocket launcher) – say what you want about Spike, he knew how to get nice presents for Dru. So why Warren? Well, look at everything in common! They both: Seek domination Don’t like being told what to do Poor attitude to women And they’re fuckin’ rapists While very smart in some areas, deeply stupid/blinkered in others. Got superiority complexes Display bad tempers Have a tendancy to vengeance Once got skinned by an enraged witch (admittedly, that story hasn’t been told for Eparlegna yet. Wasn’t his finest hour. Anyway, it grew back.) Are definitely fucking Andrew off screen Ok, that one isn’t Eparlegna. But the other stuff totally fits. But seriously folks, if InBrightestDay is working with a second rate villain that’s the fault of the source material in Whore of Heaven. I think the dude comes across as pretty badass and evil in the new story.

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 1: A Seraph Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult Fandom: Original Pairing: None in part 1. Warnings: AFFO Bigotry ChallengeFic Racist Violence

He does have a twisted sense of humor so there’s a fair chance it was built out of the bones of employees of a popular Ready-to-assemble furniture vendor. He may have enjoyed the meatballs.

AFF: Where even the pages of the theological philosophy textbooks are stuck together. Rumor has it at least one of them can be distracted with new episodes of Star Trek.

Keying a whole story on one of those screens is a heck of an effort. I get pissed off half way through a tweet. Amazing work if you manage it!

Corrupt the Midwife gets what will probably be the final ever review, and deservedly so, since it’s not really my best work. Still better than that fucking Spyro story. Thank you for all the reviews and this final one. I do appreciate them all. There’s pretty much only 7 there because I wanted Chummy to get her rocks off at the end and didn’t have the time with the stuff I wanted to show in part 6. I’d been through half a dozen different ways to end it and settled on that one. I think a resounding ‘meh’ would be fair, though you’ve been too polite to say it. That was something I wanted to get in right from the start –it just felt like a great reference to the name of Nonnatus House in the series. There’s been lots of others who’ve referred to demons (and angels, and others) as not being born of course, so it’s not an original concept, but the trope sure fit there! Thank you! There's this really annoying trope that pops up in erotic fiction where the good guys, especially in fantasy stories or stories featuring religion, feel that sex is sinful in some way, apparently forgetting that, assuming God created the universe and all the living things in it, then He invented sexual reproduction so...obviously it isn't evil. There are sins related to sex, of course (rape, adultery, etc.), but the act itself isn't one. It seems like something Chummy might say facing a Succubus. While in a poorly written femslash. I think a lot of the sex is sinful stuff has just come from a lot of assholes seeking control over people’s bodies. Chummy absolutely had a husband, Peter Noakes, who she met during the first season, and their whole relationship was made of awesome. This story is set so early on in the series that she’s only just met him (mentioned in part 2 as “Now, there was a lot to be said for kissing, but she’d always rather thought she might go for a chap like that nice young police constable.”) She’s taller than him One of the endings I strongly considered was Chummy ending up with Peter at the end, but didn’t go with it for a few reasons. Of the ones I can remember now, one was that it seemed kind of off that Chummy was going to have so much fun thinking about Jenny and Trixie and then end up going back for cock and another was keeping it all femslash meant I wouldn’t have to put a generally misleading MF tag on it, and could leave it in the TV Misc Femslash catagory, since getting new series specific subcats is pretty rare these days due (I think, and happy to be corrected and no offence or complaint intended!) to the admin with the necessary database access being extremely busy in real life and obviously when someone’s a volunteer on a fanfic site that goes on the backburner compared to more important things like working, and living, and waging the forever war on The Lawn. As for Trixie, well, it was never explored in the series I don’t think so isn’t fanfiction great? Well thank you! It’s nice of you to say so, and I do appreciate it. I think the Shannon stuff’s worth reading and maybe the odd amusing line of period speak (and, fair enough, the nature of pleasure and sin from Chummy!) but this one falls so firmly into my “Didn’t work, goddamn it” catagory I didn’t even want to mention it to you for the Shannon appearance for a while. Still, it’s all finished now – thanks again for the review

“When I put my band together can I get a picture of you for the logo and later an album cover? Also, is rude to do this while picturing you?” Kate makes the sign of the horns and headbangs. Edit: I meant to say! You don’t need to wait to be asked, you can use these forum threads to lay out any background info you want, some authors have done it and then put a link to the thread with extra info. It’s just story extracts that are limited to something like 10 lines. So, like, if you wanted to explain stuff like the thought you put into character names or whatever you can throw it all in here. S’up to you really.

Funny thing, learning words from Warhammer – there’s a Warhammer fantasy character from around 30 years ago with the surname Dieudonné, which was where I first heard that name (I never played Warhammer, but I read a few of the books). Apparantly the Warhammer character was in turn named after an actor I’ve met someone else with the name since! “There was a giant crab monster!” “What happened?” “What happened? This is Poplar! It got mugged.”

Corrupt the Midwife Thanks for the review! I hope you can understand why I thought you’d be ok just skipping to chapter 6. Weirdly, Carnifex was one of the few out-there prompts I did know, vaguely remembered it from School ancient wossname, and then it showed up memorably* in The Sandman when I read the collected edition 20 odd years ago. *Well, I remembered it! “Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” “Yes, Miharu, I know. Every Sunday and Wednesday. She calls it community outreach. Do we have to argue?” Honestly, I could think of literally nothing else to use that prompt for, so tossed that kind of image in since by then Chummy wasn’t falling for it anymore. Very intelligent woman, that Chummy.

Ahh well, I don’t need to worry about any of the non-original characters, because per the last paragraph of this post I realised all of the fanfic characters I write are so blatently out of character that rather than being the actual characters they’re all my OCs pretending to be the proper characters in a fictional cosplay/b-movie “cheap off brand” set up using various prosthetics and, where called for, buckets of fake blood and old style horror movie effects. No fucking CGI here. And as for Luzurial, well, she seems like she might be pretty forgiving. Wait, no, she says the only “forgiving” she’s interested in here is “for giving me a stab in the face with a flaming sword.”

With so many AFF readers apparantly unwilling to review I’m filling in the gaps! Definitely a successfully emotional scene. Sorry ‘bout making ya feel bad with the original. Like I’ve said, I guess I do even feel a little bad for writing it. Although I’d probably do it all over again, because if you’re wanting to write and the only muse talking is the one with the crazy fucked up ideas… eh. You did great with that whole section though! Oh FFS, I guess sloppy writing is my brand. For a start it should be “and not feel”. I was trying to say I think readers would read it and see more than just a single note angsty scene and a lot more nuanced emotion going on. It’s not one note, it’s a symphony. I think you’ve done a pretty good job of showing good and decent folks in positions of authority – the cops in part one doing their job and so on – as well as baddies like Cassie and Hobbs. Nice mix! It’s pretty intimidating on it’s own, suddenly he’s back and he’s hungry. The unintended coincidental soundtrack gave it an extra push. Boy, I hope if that multiversal “Everything happens somewhere” thing was true, he’s not found out he’s a character in stories somewhere, stories where, for example he was defeated off page in a single line in his first Originals domain, or went down with one heavy slice from Kizzy in a later one. He might be more than a little pissed off. Ha ha. heh. Ohfuck. I guess there’s a nice bit of book ending too, with the chapter both starting and ending with a nice filling meal. Absolutely! Some of the best stuff is consensual. There’s even that term, “consentacle” which might be from a Futurama episode. But I think tentacle is just fine. Heh, I one wrote a prompt fic which has a girl fantasising about a tentacle monster under her bed – she would definitely have consented if asked, although I think the monster saw her as just a friend. My profile actually lost the setting for anonymous reviews for a while somehow, like an unintended reset. Once I noticed and set anon reviews to be allowed again I did get one or two more reviews I think. I get that some folks have issues with spammers and that, but I have to say that I’ve been pretty fine with anon reviews being on. (and in some fandoms there have been times when choosing to write a certain character pairing enrages people – which is why I’d do it, because fuck ‘em – and then some readers abuse anonymous reviews.)

Well parts 4’s the most repetitive bit and a bit of part 5 and part 7 in a way, and I never felt the brief sexual encounters gelled properly, but hey if you’re not suffering yet it’s all good “You what, guv? You want us ‘auling ass? Well, my mate Dodgy Bob can give us a lend of a van, might even be ‘is, but I dunno if the animal wranglers can get a donkey this time of night. Where’d you want the bleedin’ thing ‘auled, anyway? Miserable buggers, donkeys. My sister in law used to do a show with one, dahn the Rose an’ Crown.” Using much the same reference in the story, if I finish it. Fair enough! There’s certainly a lot of malevolent ghosts out there – the old stories by M R James could certainly be pretty damn creepy, and, well, Shannon’s pretty nice and laid back for a demon, so you probably are going to have a nicer time with her than some cursed apparation. I can see why it’s less creepy when the soul sucking demon is Shannon.

Corrupt the Midwife gets another review Thank you for the review! Naturally I am happy to get feedback in any format, but I actually feel kind of bad for you going through this one because it’s pretty repetitive and dull. Still, from a slumber-verse perspective I guess Shannon’s first outing at a soul snaring attempt has some vague interest if you ever do write a crossover! Well...that escalated quickly. I know this is a sex fic, but even so— Meanwhile, Shannon, “What’s taking her so long? It’s a sex dream, fuck already.” It is damn quick, I guess I do kind of like the idea of Chummy being terribly British about it though. Ah. That makes considerably more sense. Makes sense? Got to be a first for something I wrote! No, but I think I felt felt in the limited word count using the “it’s a hallucination” idea allowed the ability to get the stuff in quicker. It’s one of the things I think ultimately didn’t work, but I have done very little around orgasm denial so it is always worth trying something new. I always laugh at that phrase. It's a totally normal expression, I know, but maybe because of the "U wot m8" meme or maybe just because I imagine an angry pub patron going "You wha'?" in a cockney accent, it always makes me laugh. Like I said, a dumb reason, since that wasn't actually a joke. Strike a light, guv’nor, those cockney sparrows and their dialogue why it fair warms the cockles it does. Glad I made you laugh, even if some of it was at the story rather than with it I know that's just you using the prompt, but it's still hilarious. Thanks again! Some of the prompt words definitely make you go “For Fuck’s Sake...” but some amazing prompt stories have come out of them over the years. The next set of three prompts I’m half trying to tackle features the word fagottist, so it seemed the only way to work it in would be to have an arrogant basson player as a character. Fella’s gonna get his arm bent quite painfully for one of the other words in the prompt section for that week too, I think. Even if you do know Shannon, she’s got black hair and an Irish accent here, and using a different first name so it doesn’t get blatant it’s her until later. I guess it depends on what creeps people. “Oh, you’re a soul sucking demon from Hell!” “ ‘Fraid so.” “It’s such a relief. I was creeped out for a minute there, thought you were a ghost.” I ought to do a ghost story someday. Besides that ghost horse one I did. Actually now I’m trying to remember if I did do more. Anyway, thank you again for the review, I really appreciate it. I should get part 3 of The Woman in the Statue reviewed tonight

Fair enough! Bible it is. I’ll just make sure to have an author’s note at the start confirming how OC heavy it is so folks know not to proceed if that isn’t their cup of tea. Thank you for your time. “Mom, have you been mocking the gods again? There’s a giant sea monster outside wants a word.”

Shannon – Her entirely fictional dad was of Scottish-American descent while her equally fictional (though occasionally played by Shannon herself with a few tweaks and larger cleavage) Mom was a mix including some Irish-American and a lot of non-specific Scandinavian and German. They were both created as part of her schoolgirl cover story. The real in-universe source for the first name is a dead woman she knew in Hell, and for the surname Shannon liked the sound of it, and also had a vague recollection of the whole “not of woman born” thing from Shakespeare, which wasn’t too show offy to blow her cover. Kate – Since she hasn’t let me nail down her past I went with something that worked either as a fake name or a real one. Lupa – Her parents both really liked alliterative comics names like Bruce Banner and Peter Parker, and Lupa was also her maternal Grandmother’s name. They knew it would fly without making her a target for mockery, alhough sadly the, ahem, sun-allergy skin condition she developed later might have caused her to be bullied at her new school if she didn’t get to be friends with a totally cool other new girl. Kizzy – One of her fictional ancestors was held a slave in Louisiana at the time of the civil war. She had some help putting her cover story together from an Angel much closer to humanity, and, yeah, I loved the real meaning of the name in the context of Kizzy – her’s was the first of the four’s name I nailed down, because it just felt so right. With her demonstrating zero Angelic abilities until the night of the slumber party it’s not going to give her away. I dunno, it took way to long to come up with Wilde. It’s a lot more of terrible job

Made 2500 words of progress on a prequel chapter for “The Slumber Party of Evil Doom.” Decided I should give the characters surnames for while they’re at school. Came up with Shannon MacDuff, Kate Wilde, Lupa Lopez and Kizzy Dieudonné. Look, some of us are shit at names ok? I had Kizzy’s first hello include the phrase “Fellow Humans,” and keep giggling at it. Dunno if it works though. Oh well, hopefully I can get it finished and posted, because it has been quite fun to write.

Thinking again, when Hobbs used the term hybrid, that feels like another sort of general pop less-slangy term you’ve got there – I mean, he’d likely have heard the term apotheosis at some point in PPD training, but it was the easier on the mouth/spur of moment term ‘hybrid’ that came to mind, leading to Chloe’s nerves kicking in and filling him in with what had become the technical term – borrowed by science from religion to explain the effects of certain extra-dimensional incursions (or whatever the sciency jazz out be) on the folks who make the deals.

Listen to what your heart tells you! InBrightestDay’s Heart: “What are you asking me for? I just pump blood. I don’t know this stuff. Try that know-it-all spleen.” Eh, could use descended as a slang term and maybe have Chloe toss in a comment during that terminology explanation to Hobbs that people started using Apotheosis wrongly 75 years ago maybe thanks to journalists mis-reporting or the belief that the hybrids were becoming more than human – the scientific explanations would have seen transhuman abilities as a plus presumably! - but it stuck!