JayDee

Thanks! And phew. No problem with nitpicking, honestly, it’s always nice to learn things. I did just have a look and saw – https://www.dictionary.com/browse/-al Giving Luz (light) uri (light) al (having the form or character of) So I could stretch and say -al still works for the light squared idea but relies on a bit of Latin instead. No doubt a quirk of that setting. Phew again.

Hopefully they mean whoever did this ‘in story’ :p As for the spelling, I grant that my ancient Hebrew scholarship was weaker than it should have been, but honestly some of the angels in this setting have even less proper names. Luzurial was the name the character gave me in my head, who’m I to argue? Kizzy’s just as bad… And as for Chastia, I mean, that’s originally from latin. I ain’t the brightest!

Jude's Tale gets a review! And I have time to respond before going away for the weekend That sounds so much like the setup for a short porn video (or just a really terrible pickup line) that I grin just thinking about it. “Terrible synth music starts playing in the park.” Firstly thanks for the review! Secondly, terrible pick up line is what I was going for. This is like a pair of totally inexperienced introverts, managing to spend time with each other officially for study but also due to each having deeply held desire for the other suddenly finding their desires overwhelming, and nerding it up a little. Like the awkward kissing! Plus, being around a revved up Shannon can make most people act like they’re in bad porn. Nacre was coming up and I chose cutlery to get it in there – a hamper picnic also seemed a good way to get ‘em to Shannon’s statue. I didn’t know about the reputation as an aphrodisiac! Unintentionally makes it kind of even more appropriate, so that’s cool. Besides being classy I was thinking about Persephone having to stay in the underworld, while the donuts may have been sourced over at the Ironic Punishment Division but, yes, likely Jude’s choice if they’re in there. Just throwing references at the wall and seeing what I could get away with. Thanks! “Just throwing references at the wall and seeing what I can get away with.” :p Tegwen wanted to ensure Shannon had a suitable punishment, as inspired by Kizurial’s decision, but she’s as naive about sexuality as Luzurial was so it ended up harsher than intended. She presumably expected Shannon to meekly stand inside and consider her sins for eternity. Although unpleasant it hasn’t got so bad I thought it needed the Tort tag – if you think it could use one, let me know! The orgasm denial element is also a call back to what Shannon put Chummy through in Corrupt the Midwife Holy shit. This statue thing... First I thought it lasted for 100 trillion years, then I realized that because of how long red dwarfs live it would actually be 120 trillion years. Then you clarified that the statue lasts until the nucleons decay, which means it lasts for anywhere from 2 trillion trillion trillion years to 30 million trillion trillion trillion years (depending on proton half-life), and here we learn that after just one or two billion years the torture of the experience is enough to shatter even an immortal mind. If I may almost-quote something I had a character think in my own story, how is it that every time we learn more about this situation, it somehow becomes impossibly worse? *Taps self on chest* Monster. The Duchess could be wrong, although she believes she is right. I think Luzurial and even Shannon could both retain their minds throughout the whole of existence if left inside. Eparlegna might even intend that with the original design, because retaining rational awareness and those periods of lucidity, would likely make the suffering even worse. Something I've picked up on, at least from my own reading experience, is that the best way to really hurt me as a reader is to say or do something unbelievably cruel and then be as flippant about it as possible, minimizing its importance. Given the Duchess's expertise with torture, I honestly can't tell if she's genuinely just being casual about it or if those words were carefully chosen to hurt Shannon as much as possible. The whole story from the Duchess’ perspective has been about scoring as much emotional damage to Shannon as possible, because Shannon walked out on her. So her involvement started with manipulating Jude to try and kill Shannon’s friend (with added big picture bonus of trying to take out a frickin’ seraph). The Duchess’ motivation is a big part of the reason I thought it was appropriate to end the story with Shannon after all rather than leave that part of the story unshown. The last time she punished Shannon directly was in the decades after the Chummy debacle. That was physical punishment and it didn’t go so well, since Shannon throroughly enjoyed all the filthy sexual things the Duchess’s mind could come up with, though the Duchess just heard all the hollerin’ and thought things were going to plan. Thinking about Luzurial’s utterly unconsensual violations and tortures is considerably more painful to Shannon. The Duchess has realised this and is taking full advantage to twist the knife. Making a point of talking about Kizurial’s command in front of Shannon’s statue is another part of that. Her final throw of the dice is trying to kill the friendship and leave Shannon without someone watching out for her on Earth against other angels. It’s still ultimately Jude’s Tale because he goes from being the Duchess’ pawn to being in a position to influence her back, (my favorite bit is her appalled reaction to finding he intends to help her find redemption) and if I didn’t get to explore his past and his change from good guy to dipshit, at least it was a tale of his present and possible future. Dying, and getting inside Kizurial (stop snickering, Shannon), definitely put Jude in a mindset to change away from being a nasty bigot, and get back to the kind of guy he used to be, much less of an asshole than in parts 1 – 3. Shannon’s “Fuck you,” is a way of saying that his regretful words alone aren’t much to her, but maybe after those lifetimes in Hell if he’s keeping at it she’d speak more kindly to him – plus she’s pretty fucking miserable at that point. Hopefully I’ll get to write a oneshot follow up at some point to resolve the issues between Shannon and Kizzy (and with some apologies from Kizzy to a certain other archangel, oh and a tentacle monster. Heh, calling back to taking a story title taken from a song I could call it “All Apologies.” Thanks for reviewing all of the parts of the story, I appreciate the heck out of it. I genuinely hope it hasn’t been too tedious to push through, but I had fun with it! I’m off in a bit and won’t be back on AFF until Sunday after that, but I’ll be happy to reply further then – I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 8 - A Sexy Fucking Statue Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: Shannon solo, couple unnamed girls together, buncha non-detailed OCs getting it on. Warnings: AFFO ChallengeFic COMPLETE, Inc (no detail), FF Fingering (minimal detail), Solo, Toys.

It could have been. I originally thought of doing it that way, but decded to include dead Jude getting Shannon out as the final part – he’s gonna legitimately feel bad that someone got imprisoned trying to fix him stabbing Shannon, after all. I’m sure I can squeeze some buttplug jokes inside another story. Shannon’s usually got a range of toys available. Kizzy and Shannon and what happens after that will all be seperate if I ever get to write it. Which I’d quite like to, although it probably won’t be the most gripping story. I’m thinking I’ll probably throw in a tentacle demon incursion to spice things up since I haven’t tried tentacles for a while.

Fair enough!

I think by the time it rolls around extreme climate change coupled with the current drive towards putting even more of the world into poverty for the benefit for the few will see much of the remaining population barely surviving as intentionally poorly educated serfs for a tiny inbred elite in the remaining habitable areas. I may be less optimistic. So there’s one bit earlier, Would it work if they’re taking a similar attitude to civillians breaking inside the Rupture (which happened the first time around as well in the confusion, and possibly also due to sheer numbers overwhelming part of the line that didn’t fire on civillians, due to folks desperate to try and reach/save loved ones) – most of the National Guard guys don’t know who Kevin and Co or Brendan are, so they would just see an SUV smashing through to get inside, Brendan’s gun likely not visible through the windows, and have only a non-lethal option allowed against non-demons/id constructs… we don’t know how effecitve it is against an SUV, and so could only report it up the line that some poor dumb bastards had gotten through?

That was the original plan Unfortunately you may be disappointed. I’m having trouble fitting in the stuff I need to show in the final part!

You could always try it and see how it turned out! “You miss 100% of the come shots you don’t write” -Definitely not Wayne Gretzky that time.

I’m sure it’ll be good either way!

I guess the exhaustion in Whore of Heaven could have been down to a much higher rate of forced orgasms, than the consenual ones with Kevin (I mean, rather than just being down to not-very-thought-out writing). “Servant, this makes you look like someone else who has authority to be there.” “Thank you master.” “Whatever you do, don’t go out there and introduce yourself under the name they’re looking for instead.” Later “I’m Brendan… ah crap.” I kid I kid! I’m sure you’ll do fine. If you stuck with the comms SNAFU you could always make it deliberately down to someone sympathetic to Eparlegna’s aims in the National Guard being the one to get the message and not pass it on. gotta be some there same as in the PPD.

Oh, gotcha. No, she’s still got it. It’s in nice and snug and she’s exactly the kind of person who would happily take a sex toy to paradise. Expecially when she’s got more important things to worry about, so it’s still there with her in the statue. If she had got into a situation where it was an issue then once her hands were free she would have eased it back out. Heh, if she had given it and Kate came round to Shannon’s recently used buttplug in her hand… I mean, at least as a werewolf Kate knows what all their butts smell like. To Kizurial it would very likely be seen as something that’s worth making a sacrifice for, because of what Jude might achieve in this instance, but It’s really not an issue for the Seraphim in this setting. They’ve got far-beyond-mortal regenerative capabilities of body and soul (which in their true form I suspect are a lot less dinstinguishable than for humans). Even when stabbed with a Void Blade which the Duchess believed would be guaranteed to end her, Kizzy kept the effects on herself at bay for long enough to be able to stop it entirely while in the Lake. It probably all relates to how in their true form they burn constantly for billions of years without being consumed by fire. Always worth asking! Jude might even ask her what that was all about at some point, though probably not in story.

Jude's Tale final part will hopefully be finished by next Thursday, ‘cos I’m gonna have very limited internet access Friday and Saturday and a chunk of Sunday. I’m just happy to get reviews! Thank you for ‘em, I appreciate the thoughts and comments. However you want to do ‘em is fine by me. Thank you especially for this bit! Many great parts? I love that compliment! Yeah, she left the buttplug in, she was probably still hoping to get back to Trenna quite quickly (she can be a bit of an optimist when it comes to sex). I haven’t played a Mario Kart for a while either, but that blue shell sure was annoying on some of the ones I have played I don’t always find it the easiest myself! I kind of wrote my way into it back in The Slumber Party of Evil Doom without ever expecting it to matter. It doesn’t really impact most of the stories. There’s about five stories I’ve done plus Inbrightestday’s The Woman in the Statue taking place on one Earth, and then a bunch more are taking place on the other Earth, but which ones are which doesn’t really matter Yes, the hammering was how the Void Blade’s effect on the barrier was perceived by Kizzy and Jude. I’m glad the interaction came across good! Kizzy basically gave Jude the equivalent of a layer of the skin on the tip of her little finger, tiny for her, but huge to Jude. This is down to the different power levels between a seraph and a mortal soul. Doing it allowed her to patch up the damage to his soul from the Void Blade, which had begun to be unmade, but also empowers him a little eg with the mind shield.. As a seraph, Kizzy answers only to The Creator. Besides following her creator’s commands and guidance, she’s at liberty to do anything she thinks is the right thing to do. Sometimes she gets her decisions horribly wrong. Jude enters in the middle of the Duchess shouting so with it being from his POV he doesn’t understand it either! He doesn’t know any of this, but: When the Duchess knew Shannon left with Kizzy and Jude, she sent empowered and armed ghoul types to kill their Lupa and Kate – for being friends with Kizzy and Shannon as much as anything. The Duchess can be really petty. Anyway, the ghouls made a shit job of it for various reasons and she’s upset with them. There is a reference to another story – Jeb was killed by Kate in Blood on the hay. I figured the Duchess did some research into Shannon’s friends before starting and discovered how some real nasty pieces of work like Jeb had been killed by Kate, and ended up recruiting them from their own torments, possibly because seeking revenge makes them more powerful. Or something. Thank you again for the review.

It starts with the salad, it ends up with waking inside a Wicker Man.

It helps if you/your relatives are tall because it probably means you’ve had the right combination of genetic and upbringing/nurtering background to get there so hopefully your kids will too. You feed ‘em the right probably high protein or something diet and make sure they get the right exercise, and hope they end up tall! Or do that horrible operation where they break and re-set the legs with a gap and people end up with weaker legs but more inches. I dunno. Maybe a lot of the time it’s like Pulp Fiction where Butch says American names don’t mean shit – folks don’t bother checking the meaning, they just like the sound of a name that originally meant Tall or something. Temira might be the original source for the name meaning tall in that story universe Thanks again for the review.

Jude's Tale comes close to a conclusion. May the creator have mercy on the readers souls. So, if the Duchess weighs the same as a duck... Monty Python jokes aside, I liked several of the ideas presented here. First, there's Jude's attitude toward his own fate. Admittedly, since he died while committing a sin (attempted murder and whatnot) he's going to Hell, but there's also the fact that he seems to think himself beyond forgiveness and thus actively refuses it when Kizzy offers. One example of someone kind of like that from the Bible is Judas Iscariot, and as it happens, "Jude" is a variant of "Judas." The name is generally used to refer to the other Judas (yes, there's more than one), but I can't help but wonder if that was intentional Thank you for continuing to review this story! As ever, I really appreciate the review. I figured that there’s been a few decades of people dying and then thinking they’re the first to quote some film at an angel and some of the angels have long since stopped finding it funny. The tall angel (who for the sake of naming in my head I’ve been thinking as Temira) is especially sick of it. I just had the idea of him being called Jude before anything else. Later as I did the first scrap I figured Jude’s parents named him after Jude the Apostle, who had centuries of less educated folk mixing him up with the less popular Judas and so less veneration than others got. That it also echoes Judas Iscariot was absolutely intentional, though not really because of his incredible sense of guilt – I kinda feel bad for Judas because he basically did what he needed to anyway, if he hadn’t someone else would have had to, probably. I bet if he’d gone and found ‘im afterwards and said sorry, Jesus woulda been “It’s cool, bro.” Only, you know, in Aramaic or something. Kizzy offered him the chance at redemption working as an Earthbound soul (“Kate, please stop using the ghost to chill vodka.”) but he thinks he can do more in Hell, after Kizzy gave him an idea for redemption. Probably doesn’t hurt that she has confirmed he has a degree of protection due to the Duchess’ promise, being at least so far as lesser demons go. On the other hand, if a certain fallen Seraph has a look in his mind and takes offence… So this is what Sarsa was talking about when she mentioned untold agonies. That was for a flame, sure, but same idea. Jude’s just thinking it is a reflection of Paradise because he saw a big lake in both places. He didn’t see enough of Paradise to really know, although the definitely oddly coincidental dialogue probably doesn’t help his perception! If Dante could write people into Hell for shit he didn’t like… Also, yeah, Sarsa established that kind of thing is serious business in this universe so some of these damned souls could literally be people who Sarsa is upset with and sent down, but before Kizzy is on to her. Heh. Unintentional interstory continuity! I think yeah, you’re probably right. It’s almost a theme I’ve been trying for at all along – Shannon seeking redemption through working with Kizzy, and in the Fall of Chastia story Luzurial actively hopes that even Lucifer might be redeemed, and even T-Dog does something decent at the end of his life, but it’s also in there when I was talking about how sucicides might go to Hell in the setting though many are undeserving of it but believing they should. Then they don’t necessarily have to stay for long. I wonder if it was Chastia’s way of treating the suicidal souls in her care that kept so many unwilling to reincarnate and take another life. Another reason Lucifer put up with her doing things her way, I suspect. Jude absolutely thinks he deserves Hell too, though. Kizzy’s forward-thinking enough to have kept the scar as much for his benefit as for what he sees as her reminder. She’s not going to forget really! Oh, yeah, despite all that? Eparlegna’s pretty much beyond redemption. You’d have to hollow him out and make him someone else to even get close. I love these suggestions of other stories going on in this universe. As soon as Shannon left with Kizzy, the Duchess set a plan in motion to further hurt her by killing her friends. Things… things went poorly for the attackers because Kate and Lupa were really up for a fight, they’ve had some training with Kizzy, and also Shannon had a few tricks and traps about the place – her knack for that kind of thing was first shown with the jewelry she created in the Slumber Party story, but also got a look-in with her understanding of Astrid’s spell in Fucking Halloween Party and her working out how to get Lupa into the warded house in You! She’s not just a pretty face and insatiable libidio! Might have to tell that story some day… “Oh for fuck’s sake, is it the fucking mormons this time?” “Bunch of ghouls. So almost. Oooh, I ate that one! And that one and… hey, it’s like leftovers that come to you!” awkward... Also, there's something kind of funny about asking a demon on a picnic. That made me smile. Looking forward to the next chapter! He took Jan out for a proper dinner, all the Duchess gets is a picnic. I guess you don’t carry so much money when dead. Well… I hope it isn’t a disappointment. The last chapter. I don’t know that this one worked as well as I wanted, ah well. Thank you again!

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 7 - A Dead Man Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: None. Warnings: AFFO, ChallengeFic.

Friendship's Gift is one of very few things I’ve written I am really happy with. I’m sure ultimately it’s flawed as fuck, but I love how it turned out. I mean, it’s also one of the few stories I loaded to fanfiction.net. Anyway I kinda mentioned it in the hopes of getting another review, and got another review. Which was nice. Thank you for taking the time to review this! I know it can be a bit of a pain reviewing something in an unfamiliar fandom. It’s really great to hear that you still enjoyed it – and yep, Ahnassi was a real questgiver character. Must...resist..."Khajiit has wares" joke. Ahnassi isn’t even asking for coin. Not that there aren't any jokes in the story, of course. Still, I did feel sorry for the characters, and I appreciated the maturity shown in Ahnassi's acceptance at the end. It’s really hard for me to write something even kinda angsty and emotional without putting in some jokes. S’like I said, more self control than I possess to leave ‘em out. And thank you! It’s really nice to hear it comes across genuinely, sometimes it can be hard to fit everything into the 1000 word limit and not have it come across as under-explained or forced. And the last thing the Orc wants to do is use force. I’m glad you appreciate the ending too – I really appriciate the review! Thank you gain for it.

Fingers crossed you go for the special then! And more specials afterwards! I was worried about re-writing my old thing to be an original story but not having enough original elements so besides bringing back Declan and the Flynn family I threw in a buncha other stuff as a subplot at the start/in the middle, but that just distracted folks from the sibling sex, so took it all out, and decided it still tied in well enough with the Mike story. It’s pretty awesome the way it turned out. Got some emotion there for sure. As I said before, you feeling that way means we got a great story in the sequel so it worked out in the end! I thought it worked really, really well. Serving Eparlegna when Luzurial is around has incredibly become an even more high risk occupation.

I’m sure someone, somewhere, has a thing for ‘on fire’ at least. Maybe she’s developed a thing for guys who’re prepared to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, and if such a guy somehow survived and strove for atonemnet and redemption, no matter how bad he was before… Plus, T-Dog has an enormous schwanzstucker, and maybe she’s into that kind of thing. As I said, an awful inappropriate thought.

Jude’s Tale has another review which says what we’re probably all thinking about the original title. Thank you for your review! I agree with the lameness. Basically I came to dislike the original title (it was too damn obscure for one) and I really wanted to change it. Unfortunately at that point my mind went blank so after a couple days stewing I went back to the ancient format of X’s Tale – as you say it doesn’t really cover what to expect (the summary is a little better for that but still vague really, could do with a punch up), but I really didn’t want to leave it as “untitled story”. If I think of something more evocative or less lame then I’ll change it again and hope not to confuse too many people. I suppose I could argue him dying doesn’t stop the original fate part being appropriate since dear old Atropos would insist dying is everyone’s fate but misplaced or not, definitely lame. It was @InBrightestDay who inspired me to keep going with perspective switches for this story so credit again there! I’m glad it worked out good. There are more hints at Jude’s background, but in parts 4 and 5 he’s even more an extra in his own story. I think it’s down to me doing the flashfic 1000 word count challenge and having thinner character portraits to leave more words for the stuff I did show. Alright, tell. The flashfic format almost comes like computer game resource management trying to get the balance right. Could definitely have done with more about him than what Kizzy gets from his mind in part 1 or his self pity and resurgent prejudice in part 2. I do have his motivations for ending up like that thought out, so will try and find a good place to share ‘em. And if I fail it’ll be a weakness in the story. Whoohoo! As basically a pornographer most of the time it’s always really awesome to hear someone found a sex scene hot. Thanks again for your review, I really appreciate both the positive words and the honest appraisal of the bits that haven’t worked so well for you.

Jude’s Tale is nearing it’s end with two parts to go. Unless the next part gets split into seperate parts in which case three. That’s not the plan, but there’s already been two non-original-plan parts, with a third one now planned for the final part so… Ayyy. Thank you for your review! I love that there’s some depth and thought provoking stuff in there. Heh, I did have some more Star Trek refs in the original draft, but cut ‘em all for space with only the passing red shirt reference left. Hell, it was a bit of a repeated theme in Star Trek, besides that one around Data’s rights, they later had an actual Artificially intelligent gynoid in “The Offspring” (I mean the Data’s daughter episode, not the 90s pop-punk act), and besides TNG’s moriarty stories, hologramatic life and sentience were big in Voyager. Kizurial would definitely be aware of all that I guess it’s pretty much like Kizzy says, Kizurial and her Angel assistant did such a good job that the mask can pass properly for life. Jude certainly seems convinced. Of course, as another part of Kizurial’s plan for Jude, then having the construct act and feel that way could still be entirely artificial. But going to “I think, therefore I am.” The mask Kizzy certainly thinks she is thinking… I wonder if this, done as a reactive plan to the Void Blade could cause problems for Kizurial down the road… the re-absorbed mask persoanlity and thoughts coloring Kizurial’s own more than when she was able to just draw on them to act similar to a mortal (and she still had trouble with that in her early days on Earth). I love this one, because it implies that Jude has an idea of what being dead would feel like. He’s walking and talking so the obvious thought is “I feel alive!” but Jude went the wrong way there for sure. No doubt with some funeral mental images. Heh. Thanks! That's just a hilarious way of describing Shannon, frankly. Actually, while the borrowed memories would naturally include a sexual orientation, that has to be a somewhat confusing experience for Kizurial, since I'd imagine she didn't really have a sexual orientation before. I wonder what that's like for her. Thanks again! I figured that as a Seraph, Kizurial was probably too far removed from humanity, unlike a Luzurial or Chastia type, to see them in a sexual way any more than she would other mortal sentient species. She was probably effectively asexual even, with affection and compassion and so on, but no sexual desires in that sense. Now there’s a place where more insistant thoughts from the re-merged mask part of her could color her thoughts. She totally ignored any attracting thoughts of Jude’s appearance when she first met him, but now, if a guy with an actual decent personality (or a terrible bad guy genuinely seeking redemption and reforming) flirted with her… Oh, god, I just had an awful inappropriate thought for I! if I manage to write it… Thank you again! Yeah, he’s even felt the pain of the Void Blade’s version of unmaking already – it’s not just existentially terrifying, it really fucking hurts body and soul– but he’s reached the stage where he’ll take that over sinking any lower. It doesn’t get rid of his guilt, or make him any better of a person – and Kizzy snapping at him is me trying to make it clear that it doesn’t really make amends even if she finally accepts his apology – but it does show some good in there. If the whole chapter was Kizurial testing Jude to see how dedicated he was to being decent person, he passed… Is it pretentious that my replies to reviews seem to end up longer than the story parts? I think maybe it’s because you’re writing in the shared universe I like to expand on my thoughts around it, even in reply to other reviews, or more like I just like rambling on. Probably that.

That old woman feels like the kind of filthy reprobate you could spin worlds from. The elf and the pseudo-Orc were interesting too!

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 6: A Mask Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: None really. Warnings: AFFO ChallengeFic, Viol aftermath, MCD(I realised probably required after remembering @BronxWench’s reply in this thread so also added to main summary)