JayDee

Jude’s Tale is nearing it’s end with two parts to go. Unless the next part gets split into seperate parts in which case three. That’s not the plan, but there’s already been two non-original-plan parts, with a third one now planned for the final part so… Ayyy. Thank you for your review! I love that there’s some depth and thought provoking stuff in there. Heh, I did have some more Star Trek refs in the original draft, but cut ‘em all for space with only the passing red shirt reference left. Hell, it was a bit of a repeated theme in Star Trek, besides that one around Data’s rights, they later had an actual Artificially intelligent gynoid in “The Offspring” (I mean the Data’s daughter episode, not the 90s pop-punk act), and besides TNG’s moriarty stories, hologramatic life and sentience were big in Voyager. Kizurial would definitely be aware of all that I guess it’s pretty much like Kizzy says, Kizurial and her Angel assistant did such a good job that the mask can pass properly for life. Jude certainly seems convinced. Of course, as another part of Kizurial’s plan for Jude, then having the construct act and feel that way could still be entirely artificial. But going to “I think, therefore I am.” The mask Kizzy certainly thinks she is thinking… I wonder if this, done as a reactive plan to the Void Blade could cause problems for Kizurial down the road… the re-absorbed mask persoanlity and thoughts coloring Kizurial’s own more than when she was able to just draw on them to act similar to a mortal (and she still had trouble with that in her early days on Earth). I love this one, because it implies that Jude has an idea of what being dead would feel like. He’s walking and talking so the obvious thought is “I feel alive!” but Jude went the wrong way there for sure. No doubt with some funeral mental images. Heh. Thanks! That's just a hilarious way of describing Shannon, frankly. Actually, while the borrowed memories would naturally include a sexual orientation, that has to be a somewhat confusing experience for Kizurial, since I'd imagine she didn't really have a sexual orientation before. I wonder what that's like for her. Thanks again! I figured that as a Seraph, Kizurial was probably too far removed from humanity, unlike a Luzurial or Chastia type, to see them in a sexual way any more than she would other mortal sentient species. She was probably effectively asexual even, with affection and compassion and so on, but no sexual desires in that sense. Now there’s a place where more insistant thoughts from the re-merged mask part of her could color her thoughts. She totally ignored any attracting thoughts of Jude’s appearance when she first met him, but now, if a guy with an actual decent personality (or a terrible bad guy genuinely seeking redemption and reforming) flirted with her… Oh, god, I just had an awful inappropriate thought for I! if I manage to write it… Thank you again! Yeah, he’s even felt the pain of the Void Blade’s version of unmaking already – it’s not just existentially terrifying, it really fucking hurts body and soul– but he’s reached the stage where he’ll take that over sinking any lower. It doesn’t get rid of his guilt, or make him any better of a person – and Kizzy snapping at him is me trying to make it clear that it doesn’t really make amends even if she finally accepts his apology – but it does show some good in there. If the whole chapter was Kizurial testing Jude to see how dedicated he was to being decent person, he passed… Is it pretentious that my replies to reviews seem to end up longer than the story parts? I think maybe it’s because you’re writing in the shared universe I like to expand on my thoughts around it, even in reply to other reviews, or more like I just like rambling on. Probably that.

That old woman feels like the kind of filthy reprobate you could spin worlds from. The elf and the pseudo-Orc were interesting too!

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Jude's Tale – Part 6: A Mask Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: None really. Warnings: AFFO ChallengeFic, Viol aftermath, MCD(I realised probably required after remembering @BronxWench’s reply in this thread so also added to main summary)

A Big Girl's Bad End is a crime against all that is good and right in this world. It’s offensive to all right thinking people and quite a few degenerate scum. Thank you for your review. I appreciate all reviews! I am sorry however that you subjected yourself to this trash. I mean I’m sorry for you because even re-reading what I wrote 10-11 years ago was hard going so how it went for yourslf… eessh. Two more scrolls down and you’d ave reached the WAFFiest story I’ve done in the last year which was Twinpregnation, also a re-write, but which which has one of the happiest endings I ever wrote. It even has representation for that often bashed group, the ginger male. No tentacles though. Sadly I do know exactly how morbid curioisity works. I figured the ‘scroll by’ warning might even cause some, but sort of hoped the bold message inside would help dissuade it, but anyone who doesn’t gets to see the very rich treating the less well off horrifically, which could almost be satire. But is really just crap. The Van Dijk family first appeared in one of my old, almost as bad, stories in the form of Michael who got a reference there. For the other names I wanted something that felt realistic but also wasn’t likely to come up on someone else searching their name. So Gertie and Abe are kinda old fashioned anyway, and Stott is a fairly rare surname and together they don’t bring up a load of living folks. I’m glad you found some good lines in there to lessen the horror. That ‘Cadence’s vocabulary’ line was one that occured to me while I was doing the re-write and I just thought screw it and threw it in. I could see the horrible badly educated rapists thinking “what the hell does corpulent mean?” No BBW rubbed me the wrong way. Literally none of the nasty shit I’ve written has been because I hate folks or think they deserve to suffer or whatever. Part of it was just dealing with the shit ideas my lamia muse hissed at me by writing them down, part of it was wanting some validation by writing the nasty requests and hoping for feedback, and probably other motivations, but nothing to do with hating characters – a lot of the nastiest request shit I wrote I didn’t have a clue who the characters were, but the writing motivation was there so I went on and did it and I guess hoped for some kind of validation in their reviews. For this one – ‘bout 10/11 years ago the author Deathstalker had his own little forum and there was a prompt/challenge thing where a couple writers could set each other a character to write something horrible about. For this one I suggested the witch/sea goddess from the Pirates of the Carribean because I thought it could be a tough challenge (it never got written in the end), and in return Soemele gave the suggestion of some plus size actress I’d never heard of or seen in anything. The original version I wrote therefore had her name and appearence but not a lot else to connect to her, and I changed a bunch of the details to create Gertie. I think it was the last proper RPF story I wrote before deciding I wouldn’t do anymore, which is why it never got posted anywhere except briefly at DS’s forum. There’s a credit at the start for Soemele suggesting a plus size character which is literally all I got from ‘em for it. I seem to recall they didn’t like how it turned out anyway, but I may be misremembering and would happily take a correction from anyone there who remembered better. Oh, and for incest being practiced easily Twingpregnation :p Thank you! Anger and disgust seem like legitimate responses! I don’t even respect myself though… The ending was only implied in my first version but going back over it for the re-write I thought it would be very slightly more balanced to let him have a moment in the sun. It’s not really Cadence going for equal opportunity cruelty because it’s a lot faster than Gertie got, but it’s a step that way. I’d disagree on one point… it’s graphic, shameful, snuff I’d much rather be the kind of author who only ever put out happy fun time stories like Fucking Halloween Party or You! but I have this kind of horror show bullshit that comes out sometimes. I suck, I think! But you’re awesome for leaving a review (and in general!) and I’d like to thank you again. When toplessrobot’s old fanfiction friday reviewed my old Star Wars story “You Can Take the Boy Out of the Moisture Farm…” in 2008 one of the tags used at the bottom of the review was (and is!) "Things That Make Me Drink". It seems to be a shared and understandable reaction. Thanks again, and I really am sorry you put yourself through it.

Sorry to hear ‘bout the block. Nothing worse than tentacles that go soft and just won’t perform. “Get up that character’s ass!” “No.” “Fuckin’ tentacle critters.”

I only ever reference the works of C S Lewis when it comes to horsecock. Also my not yet written story “The Lying Witch and the Voredrobe.” Child eating eldrich abomination vs Irishman with a broken bottle. My money’s on the priest. I got it, it was clear - I was just being crude.

It says the word ‘death’ = happiness rank 10217 of 10222 I wonder if words 10218 – 10222 are all related to spending time in the same room as Piers Morgan.

This is fucking great. Genuine laugh out loud funny. See, this is the difference between a cheap smutty inuendo and straight up quality parody. I’m probably going to be chuckling about this all day! ...that sounds far beyond the limited self control I possess when it comes to writing. How limited? I wrote and uploaded a Spyro snuff story for a request. It totally makes sense and I see where you’re coming from. I don’t know when my writing motiviation is going to give out again (this chapter I am doing at the moment I am having a hard time getting right… and it’s only 1000 words, talk about yer atrophied writing muscles), but if I manage a final part with Shannon being released then I can definitely see how to include some non-forced references to Luzurial into the wordcount – I mean, being in a statue herself it wouldn’t make sense for Shannon not to think about her. It doesn’t feel like pushing at all! I’d rather have it spoiled for me if it meant you could could get it written. Then I’d still enjoy it and other folks could enjoy it too! I have had some ideas about what was coming in The Woman in the Statue for, at the most basic level, like 10 years and more recently some things you said in the emails (The final part where they resolve everything with a Battle of the Bands challenge is gonna be so epic!) and that hasn’t spoiled my enjoyment at all anyway.

One downside here is that sexualized stories with explicit depictions of both rape and violent, gory death don’t always get a whole lot of feedback on AFF. Oh folks’ll read ‘em right enough, just a lot won’t say anything.

Thank you! It’s always annoying when a housemate drinks something you were going to enjoy yourself, am I right? That was the very first draft. I can totally see me thinking up jokes when I go back through and deciding to ruin the mood with them. There is that. I always prefer reading other folks stuff to be sure. I have thought of a way to get her out as part of Jude’s story, but it’ll need an extra chapter. An Epilogue part maybe! I’ll see how it goes Damn thing keeps expanding. Still wouldn’t fit in having things out with Kizzy though. As you say, the 1000 word chapter type probably wouldn’t do it justice. You have nothing to apologise for! Never know what kind of suggestion might spark someone into something. It doesn’t feel remotely like pushing – apologies though if anything I’ve said felt like pushing with yours, I mean except for stoner and sloth monster, I totally pushed for that.– and sorry ‘bout the whole feels again thing. I wasn’t really joking about the Sad Shannon Oneshot, if you needed to write something around that or any of the other bits go ahead! So here’s where it might be helpful to come to the conclusion that Kingmaker711 won’t be coming back to you. Maybe he’s quit erotic writing for mainstream writing, or decided he was living in sin and joined a church or even woke up one night to see Gabriel putting pool balls into a sock with a “So, I heard what you wrote about my girlfriend” expression. That being the case you come up with a way to change the plan to have nothing to do with Kingmaker711’s story, and you’re good to go. If you needed help on it you could even start a thread on the writer’s forum!

Epar and Legna are both words in latin or Italian, and Spanish has roots in latin so it works for Spanish too. Definite romance language feel… A good in character reason for explanations is better than “By the way… I can do this!” style exposition. Ya did good with it. “That one up there? That’s not a star. I hope it does not come this way.” I just really liked the way the whole section read tbh. The light’s light whichever of ‘em is being seen “Should we recall Father Donal?” “No, just message him to start drinking on the flight.” “After what happened to those hybrid eejits interrupted him drinking in Derry?” “That’d be why.” “God forgive us.” It’s different to what it was before, but I’d say you made the right choices. Still got emotion in there for sure. There is that hard limit – fair enough I didn’t work count it. You can still explain on the forum, mind Another thing that works with it, is that Kevin’s a college kid and a lot of the modern colleges (so presumably still doing it come 75 years) are encouraging folks to re-confirm consent so it comes across as Kevin also recalling sexual conduct induction! Well, I thought so. Blessing makes sense! I mean, angel, right? Molly may have inadvertantly kissed her while working downstairs, but I doubt it would have been possibe to differentiate from the other stuff she was doing, especially with a fist in back. And the kissing being something she can enjoy really is sweet how it’s used here. One of the bits I really liked! Bravo, anyway! It’s just a pretty hot moment.

I renamed the story to Jude’s Tale since as much as I like the alliteration his musical ability has very little to do with the story. This might turn out to be mistake, but I am sure it’s one I can live with.

Since I decided Luzurial was Shannon’s old boss, way back while writing a chunk of text in reply to your initial setting up a crackfic threesome dialogue (“I’m not sure about this woman” you had I think ), it’s been pretty much guaranteed that Shannon cared about what happened to her! Whether I write it or no… but the ideas the are there. Sad Shannon Oneshot? :p You would honestly probably do a better job of writing it than me. My drama is often undercut by attempts at comedy, like, I dunno Lupa: Whoa, didn’t know Shannon got angry. Kate: What about that you fed on that guy while she was making coffee, then he didn’t have enough blood to get it up for her, and passed out before using his fingers? Lupa: She wasn’t angry, just disappointed. It won’t be covered in this story anyway, this is about Jude’s fate, not Jan’s or Kate or Lupa’s or Shannon’s… It might come up in another one. Probably not titled “The Slut in the Statue” “My name is Shannon. My hobby is whore. More of a vocation, really.” I think Shannon wouldn’t bear a grudge so long as Luzurial was out again. That’s another reason to have the whole time skip thing with the other universe. Shannon has spent billions of years in Hell so getting on with people who’ve done stupid shit or made terrible mistakes is basically a life skill and, ultimately, she still has a forgiving nature. She’d still be sad about what happened to Luzurial, but what happened to her was far more Eparlegna’s doing than Kizzy’s. Kizzy, on the other hand, once she finally understood she had something to feel guilty for, might have a long time of feeling terrible about it. I think there’s also potential for a scene where Kizurial apologised to Luzurial. That line is so old they say Solomon tried a version on Bilqīs! That was my other thought, very Narnia! But the big advantage of it being directly tied to the existence of Eparlegna’s work of art (or even Eparlegna himself bound within it) would be that they then move at the same speed afterwards, which would deal with other problems I could see from them being out of sync. I dunno, probably won’t come up in a story unless there’s some kind of crossover. No way. The Woman in the Statue is too brilliant not to be canon and both the events in it and talking about it with you has inspired me towards thinking about relationships between the OCs so much more. I just gotta get around to re-doing chapter 3 of Slumber Party until then part 3 remains un-cannon (it was so jokey it was barely canon in the first place). It’s your choice too, but I am honored to have it as the canon sequel to Whore of Heaven I don’t have self-confidence for anything, never mind writing! Also, cool to see the update, I’ll get part 7 reviewed later today Edit: And, hey, happy to support your writing! Your writing is awesome, you should totally have confidence in it.

Where do you find inspiration? No idea. Sometimes just talking stuff through. What do you do when you lack motivation? Twitter, reddit, gaming, books… What do you do to get your muse working again (instead of taking breaks repeatedly)? I dont’ really. I just wait until I’m motivated to write. Plus, I’ve got one muse it’s better for us all if it doesn’t wake up.

The ability to atone is something I’m planning to explicitly confirm in The Fall of Chastia, the current phrasing is: “Ashael. You have my sympathy, but I am not able to forgive your crime. I only hope that you may atone. I hope all of you may atone, even Lucifer, and come again into the Creator’s light at the Time of Judgement. The Creator's will be done.” That’s just Luzurial speaking from her understanding, before sending Ashael off on that long journey that will lead to her becoming a Duchess of Hell and screwing a bassoonist in the back of a limo, but I’m assuming redemption before the Time is possible. Shannon is still under the impression that she can’t have sexual relations as an angel, or while residing in Paradise, so here and later on in Fucking Halloween Party she’s still thinking she could never go back because her inherant nature would make it a miserable time, and she would inevitably do something to fall again – by FHP she’s basically convinced herself again she doesn’t want to go back. As noted another time when she does find out the truth about angels and the permitting of sexual relations she might want a big tub of ice cream. Heh. She knows what happened to Luzurial, and I actually have a story in mind to write some time about her reactions to it and how she secretly tried to get Luzurial out without anyone knowing, but failed because she’s a demon – Eparlegna apparantly didn’t want any of his pettier fellow denizens of the pit (Hi, Duchess) ruining his work of art just to mess with him, or inspiring any mortals to do it for the same reason, so only angels or non-demonically influenced mortals can do it. She assumes that angels are already doing everything they can to try and release Luzurial, otherwise she’d have been bugging Kizzy all the time to, uh “make it so”. If she had been able to influence a mortal into it, then rather sooner than 75 years...: Shannon: “I’ll suck your dick if you vandalise that statue and pull the coating off? No? Hey, you, sweetie, got any succubus in you? Would you like some-.. Damn it! The Somebody Else’s Problem field in the park is totally making this hard!… Sir, have you been saved from virginity?” She doesn’t know about Kizurial’s involvement in the commands– word has reached some non-angels (Hi again, Duchess), but didn’t make it to Shannon yet. And, yes, awkward probably isn’t quite the word, but they’ve worked through it by FHP and You! at least. Strong friendship! Anyway, no doubt due to some kinda Narnia time-passing-relatively-faster between the two parrallels as a result of the statue merely existing in one of them making the universe itself want to end quicker to be rid of it (it’s the best theory I got so far), by the time Kizurial comes to terms with the fact she made a mistake in her interpretation of justice, and basic fuckin’ empathy, and agrees that the order not to help Luzurial should be rescinded, 75 years have passed within the WoH universe and a curious (or… dun dun DUNNN! divinely inspired? :p ) college guy has taken action and the events of The Woman in the Statue have happened, and Shannon and Kizzy arrive there to find [aftermath of chapter 8 and 9 events. You know what I mean. Glitter everywhere. Wait, no, that’s a different thing.] Kizzy: “Over there… Look! She’s already released!” Shannon: ...”and normally that would have all the parts of my attention, but would you feel the lust boiling off the cute girl hugging that even cuter guy! She makes me look asexual!”

I hoped the opening line wouldn’t upset you, it was my reaction at the end! Thank you for taking an idea I’d never have gotten anywhere with and making something of it!

She definitely had distinctly impure, indeed downright mucky, thoughts about her commander Luzurial in the old days. And most of her comrades. And herself. I’ve basically got the ending written out but need to get it together and write the things that brought her to that point and if I don’t, well, the ending was fun to write! And it’s nice of you to say so, it really is, but I even have trouble writing the damn gore these days! I mean, look at this story here, someone’s been stabbed in the stomach and nobody even tried to fuck them as they were suffering. What the hell kind of JD story is this? ...oh now I remember the Ace story. Yeah, that one was fucked up.

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist) Thank you for the review! It’s good of you to stick with the story and provide the feedback. I guess Kizzy has a plan, like the A-Team’s Hannibal she loves it when a plan comes together. That’s one of the way she thinks things through more than Shannon who just likes coming together – I think she has fantasies like that about most people, but of course the Angels are inhumanly beautiftul/handsome so... I’m glad it made you laugh – it took me years after her first apperance to decide the name Shannon originally had, and in the end that seemed the most hilariously inappropiate one. I’ve actually done the first chunk of a story called The Fall of Chastia which from BronxWench’s guidance I’d have to post in the Books section as it features some Biblical angels as active characters and Lucifer’s rebellion. I hope to get it done! She’s been bound within a statue as Luzurial was at the end of Whore of Heaven but she isn’t in any pain. As the Duchess mentioned earlier, it actually was Kizurial who gave the order that no angel should release Luzurial from Eparlegna’s statue as a further punishment for Luzurial disobeying the creator’s order to leave humanity to face Eparlegna alone. Kizurial was assigned to Earth by her Creator a relatively short time later, to deal with the kind of supernatural slumber party killer you might normally see an ordinary angel dealing with, and then needed to stay there, because she hadn’t returned Shannon to Hell, or granted her oblivion. These things may not be unconnected. The creator has plans too… The Principality (who I alone have imagined with a Welsh accent) unaware of Shannon’s friendship and service with Kizurial, sees herself as applying Kizurial’s ‘justice’ to a demon who escaped Hell, although not being a demon herself hasn’t subjected Shannon to horrible tortures first. Shannon’s fate could just get very dull, bound in the statue, watching people going about their lives in a park somewhere, if Shannon doesn’t have some kind of succubus-power infused toy in there to keep her entertained until she is released… Tolkien had a great sense of continuity, I barely keep continuity within the same scene I just can’t write so good as some of you other folks on here. You and BronxWench or George – and InBrightestDay paints much better word pictures than I do! Still, I don’t feel bad because I get to enjoy your writing (or be deeply unsettled and actually have a frickin’ nightmare after the last one… But that can be enjoyable too, s’like a free horror movie.)

Jude's Tale (original title Fate of a Fagottist) reviews! And let’s try the at-symbol for these… Thank you for coming back to review, I surely appreciate it. I guess the status of Shannon’s pass is now more obvious… Can’t fool the entrance! Thanks! I specifically went as vague as possible beyond it having a lot of souls there, and the necessary lake which I had an idea was one of the earliest/oldest parts of the creation of Paradise. The earlier references to perception, such as over the wall, also work as a bit of a saving throw – if another character sees/experiences things differently then it can still work! Also, I needed to fit in the word klaxon and it felt as good a way as any. I also didn’t use Heaven as a term to be a little less specific. Don’t know if it worked, but eh. I can't describe how hard I was laughing at this, partly because of Spock's Brain being used as punishment, and partly because of the shenanigans. I mean, the idea of Kizzy getting a dating profile is moderately funny (and kind of sweet), but imagining what a profile for her designed by Shannon would look like is hilarious. Thank you! This is one of those things a character says, like with Kate and her claim she was bitten by a metalhead, that might be them just messing around or might actually have happened – I could see Shannon doing it with Kizzy’s interests at heart, so there could be a story there sometime. Plus, I too just found it a little funny. I figured actually being back there might hit Shannon harder than she expected. It’s been billions of years, and she’s trying to be a decent, but still she is the enemy, the betrayer of her duty who fell at the dawn of things. Oh that is going to be so awkward when Kizzy gets out of the lake. Kizzy: You did what? Principality: It was your idea! And the ending of this part was why I decided to put the reference to Luzurial being trapped in the statue in back in part 2, otherwise it would just come out of nowhere. Since Shannon isn’t in constant agony and wasn’t horribly tortured first, she’s a lot better off than Luzurial. Besides “It was your idea!” (Also, heh ) The Principality has the argument that Shannon was cast down to Hell and made her way back in further than any demon ever managed, so restraining her in a different way was more appropriate. This also prevents her sharing how she got through the entrance before the Angels can figure it out. The whole thing ties in with the idea I had that there might have been a certain amount of bad feeling towards Kizurial, so when Shannon uses her name it encourages the Principality to mete out a harsher punishment than usual for breaking back into Paradise. That’s all stuff Kizzy needs to recognise and come to terms with, and ultimately, try to make amends for. Thanks! The likelihood is that there is one more chapter to go, but I did have some ideas for a penultimate chapter. I’ve started on it and if I think it works there’ll be two more to go. I dunno. I just hope the ending makes sense and isn’t disappointing. But, eh, I’m having fun writing it.

Pen Name: JayDee Story link: Fate of a Fagottist – Part 5: A Succubus Review replies link: Review Replies -Original Type of fic: Flashfic (...ish. I mean, each part is going to be up to 1000 words.) Rating: Adult+ Fandom: Original Pairing: None, Shannon thinks about sex. Because it’s Shannon. Warnings: AFFO ChallengeFic, also brief reference to 3plus, Oral.

Now I kinda want to read the follow up with the unionized henchmen set in the same universe “What do we want? Better pay! What are we against? Darkness leaving us just bones! Also, Karen using the last of the milk and not getting more in.”

I reviewed your AFF Holiday oneshot too, but that got replied in the thread there ...d’oh, I’m normally good about spoiler warnings or else doing my best to keep spoiler free. I’ll go delete and edit it. Sorry about that!

Whoohoo! Beta’ing feels a bit too formal for my half-assed enthusiastic comments. Betas give concrit! They’re able to identify issues way more often than I seem to spot, but it is a great chapter and I’ll review later

I’m disagreeing with that version too! Commssioning art on this story would be awesome and I don’t see how it could be needy or arrogant! Yer being too hard on yaself.

[totally hogging InBrightestDay’s thread] Long time ago I comissioned some art of my old (non smut!) roleplay original character, I’m respectfully disagreeing with it being neediness and arrogance and just saying I thought it was cool. Still do. S’quality artwork! Oh, and I got a $30 quick sketch based on my Mortal Kombat fic although that wasn’t my characters, more of a way to promo it on hentai-foundry when I posted there. and total humblebrag, one dude did some fanart after reading one of my TF2 stories, and another commissioned something based on one of my harry potter stories. but it’’s more humble than brag as neither told me and I only saw later. Oh, and if you get down there check out SinfulWolf’s Closing Time oneshot, that one was great! [/totally hogging InBrightestDay’s thread] I am probably the last person on the internet using fake html for forum posts.