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  1. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Another review from @GeorgeGlass, this time for WitS chapters 4-6! One does wonder about the insurance claim there… Kind of reminds me of that bit from Big Trouble in Little China where Jack Burton is trying to figure out what to do concerning the loss of his truck due to supernatural forces. “...And I don’t want to hear ‘Act of God’.” The Charnel Spider does seem to be something of a fan favorite. Because none of this would have happened without JayDee giving me permission to write it, they got an advance copy of every chapter before posting, and I remember being really excited to show them the Charnel Spider, due to the...well, I guess it really being kind of fucked up horror imagery. I wasn’t really sure how to portray an Envy-based monster. The problem there was that the obvious solution, shapeshifting to be what it wants to be, was something that, if I recall correctly, Fullmetal Alchemist had already done with the homunculus Envy. The idea of, instead of copying what you want, taking it from someone else, was sufficiently creepy to me (“I wish I had skin like I’ll just take yours.”) that I went with that. I’m glad the confrontation was reminiscent of WoH, as this was probably the part of the story where I was most dedicated to evoking some of the feel of JayDee’s first story. Thanks again for the review!
  2. InBrightestDay

    InBrightestDay's (Originals) Review Reply & Discussion Thread

    Ok, so, I’m working on a few different things, and I just now happened to go to my gmail account and oh crap @GeorgeGlass left a WitS review two days ago and I didn’t notice it! Well, let’s rectify that. Thank you! The “castrate him with a spork” thing made me chuckle a bit as well. I mentioned this in the AN, but the tentacle scene was the first one I’d ever actually written, so I was definitely nervous. The positive reception it’s gotten has been very encouraging. Finally, I’m glad you enjoyed the little bit of payback Hobbes gets. I knew what I was going to do to Barbara, and I just kind of wanted to give her...I don’t know, something, some little moment where she gets back at him at least a little. Glad you’re enjoying the story so far, and I hope it continues to be fun for you!
  3. Ok, so it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here.  Not a long time since I visited the site, but I’ve been very quiet.  I have, however, in the last week had JayDee, Sparrow and one person on the DR asking “Are you dead?”

    Allow me to settle that.  I am, in fact, dead.  I’m sure you’re all wondering how I’m typing this, and it is a mystery.  I can’t quite answer it myself.  Blame JayDee’s slumber party super team for this; it sounds like something that would happen to them.

    Ok, obviously I’m not dead.  A lot has been going on, some of which is cool and some of which will be awkward to talk about, but I feel like I should tell you all about it.

    First off, I turned 35 back in April, and had my latest midlife crisis.  I have one of those every year, stressing about all the things I haven’t done in my life, and they’re getting more appropriate since, in four years, I’ll hit what, statistically, is mid-life for an average American male.  Likely in response to this, I am...endeavoring to get a new job, after working at a grocery store for the last decade.  I don’t want to elaborate too much, because this might fall through, and I may instead have to just push harder to advance at the store.  If things work out, there will be a prolonged training program (about six months), but after that I should be making enough money to live on my own, meaning I will no longer be an approaching-middle-age-man living with my parents.  I don’t want to say any more than that now, lest I get my own hopes up too much, but I will let all of you know if things move forward.

    Up next, I should explain why I stopped talking.

    Part of my Asperger’s is something whose technical name I don’t know, but that I’ve heard referred to simply as “avoidance.”  Generally, when something stresses me out, I tend to begin looking at or doing anything else.  That became a factor recently.

    Some of you have presumably been following Mortuus Orbis, a multi-franchise crossover story I co-wrote with Sparrow.  It’s massive, far larger than I realized it would be when I agreed to work on it (to be fair, I also think it’s far larger than Sparrow thought it would be).  Two arcs, the one just titled Mortuus Orbis and the second one, titled Bunkerkampf, have been written, but there are three more to go, and then there were also plans for a sequel.  It’s part of a much bigger multiverse too, and as we talked during writing, I remember multiple other stories being discussed, including a story involving the Halo and Metroid franchises, another involving a massive planetary siege, and another that involved Avatar: The Last Airbender.  I also couldn’t see an endpoint to this, a place where it would really be over and done with.  Assuming these were all like MO, I would be doing the vast majority of the writing.

    I saw this multiverse stretching out ahead of me, potentially forever...and I panicked.

    Well, panicked isn’t the right word.  That sounds like I was like…


    What really happened was that the avoidance kicked in, and I began to not-entirely-consciously withdraw from conversations that could or would likely involve this huge project, ending up with me going very quiet on AFF.  This did result in me being more relaxed, but at the same time it meant me abandoning Sparrow and not interacting with all of you here, so this is an untenable situation.  I have to figure out how to approach this again.

    I’m not entirely sure how to do this, but I want to make it work.  At the very least, I will eventually finish the remaining three arcs of MO.  I’m not sure what the writing schedule will look like, given what I said about the possible (fingers crossed) change in careers.  If I get settled into an apartment and therefore don’t have to constantly take care of dogs, I’ll actually have more uninterrupted time to write, but again I really don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.  At any rate we’re in an uncertain time right now, but I hope to know reasonably soon whether the training will start or not.

    I do have some other projects going on at the moment, though, so I’d like to take a moment to discuss a few of them.

    Mommy Loves You: Games (Dungeons & Dragons).  A oneshot, it is nearing completion, expecting around 5k words.  This story is entirely Sparrow’s fault, and he will thus have it dedicated to/inflicted on him. ;)

    Sins of the Fathers: Games (D&D).  A possible sequel to MLY, this is still somewhat theoretical, but I have a rough idea of how it would go.

    Noctis Sector Chronicles – Do Not Go Gentle: Original (kinda).  In progress.  A oneshot and partway done, but longer than MLY (will likely end up around 15k words).  This is part of the Dark Star universe created by John Drake.  He allowed several of his readers to design alien species for the universe, which led to characters created by readers and stories that introduce them, which came to be called the Noctis Sector Chronicles.  Two are already up, and this is to be mine.  The character, Selara, will also be one of the protagonists in a huge project below.

    Title Redacted: Miscellaneous crossovers.  In progress.  Sparrow-adjacent.  Takes place in the multiverse; obvious connection.  Entire cast classified, wish to preserve surprise, but fact that I’m speaking like a scientist Salarian *inhale*...suspicious.

    Found Family: Original (kinda, again).  In progress.  This started out as a story idea of mine, using all of the alien OCs as characters, and then another reader, currently going by Aia (she changes her screen name frequently) got super excited and REALLY wanted to co-write.  And then she just took off with writing it herself.  I’m very much involved in story planning and editing, but basically Aia and my writing relationship is Sparrow and my writing relationship backwards.  I came up with the story idea and most of the plot, she writes (except for a few select scenes I did myself) and I edit.

    Aia is a beast, though.  Where I may get a scene done in a day, Aia usually gets a chapter, something like 18,000 words, done in a day.  It’s a lot to read and keep up with.

    Anyway, FF started out as one book with three acts, but given the increased character focus, it became three books (it’s like the Snyder cut of an internet fic).  Anyway, this will go up on AFF, along with my NSC story, once both are done.

    Tales of the Multiverse: Containment Breach: Anime crossovers.  In planning.  Action/horror story starring Marlene and Yuji from Blue Gender and other characters I need to come up with (‘cause what’s the point of a multiverse team if you can’t throw some other people in there?) facing a threat from an alternate Earth that went very bad.

    The Arena: Miscellaneous crossovers.  Still very much in planning.  I haven’t started writing because this one needs more work in terms of story structure, specifically laying groundwork for the third act.  I have a lot of moments in there, but some of the things I’d thrown in fall into that category where they’re badass, but aren’t rooted in character arcs, and without that the events feel empty.  I’m somewhat nervous now that the field of “Deathstalker Giant Crossover-Inspired Fics” is no longer empty, so this has to be as good as I can make it so that it’s not completely overshadowed by MO.

    Long Is the Way: This one won’t even be on AFF, but I want to mention this for completeness’ sake...and because you all will laugh when I tell you that yes, I am in the process of rescuing someone else’s angel.  I have an outline, which I’ll almost certainly share with JayDee because they must suffer all of my stories like this. :P  The short version is that this will be “InBrightestDay does Dante’s Inferno” and the title comes from a Milton quote: “Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

    The Spider House: Original.  In planning.  Cody and Yua’s intro story.  Y’all know about this one, but I am looking forward to whenever I get to writing it.  Low on the list because it doesn’t have to come out at any specific time.

    Anyway, I hope this sheds a little light on things.  I wish I could elaborate on the job thing, but again, I’m really scared of getting too optimistic and then being let down, so I don’t want to go into detail.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. JayDee


      I think it’s at least partly that I’ve had more exposure to them, besides enjoying Social Distancing and the Halloween 2019 After Party oneshots, and the little extracts you sent like Yua [edit – wait, fuck spoiler, sorry!] I got to have my own little shot at writing Cody for the end of Parlor Games which would get anybody even fonder of a character :)


    3. Sparrow


      Actually no, I need to say more than that. Since this is my fault to begin with.

      Where to start…


       Assuming these were all like MO, I would be doing the vast majority of the writing.

      Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I fell back into some bad habits. In the increasingly unlikely future where the rest of MO gets written, I’d definitely try and do more to pull my own weight.

      As for my multiverse madness, don’t worry about it. Even in my own mind it’s a long way from ever getting written, assuming I ever do. Mainly because I can’t figure out how to frame any of it in a way that would work as a story.


      stuff about new job

      As someone who’s been struggling to find gainful employment myself for these past six months (and then some), I very much hope this works out for you. I’ll be lucky if I can get minimum wage, nevermind enough to buy my own place. 


      Mommy Loves You: This story is entirely Sparrow’s fault, and he will thus have it dedicated to/inflicted on him.

      ...It is? The only thing you told me about that could be this, didn’t have anything to do with D&D. This is as much a mystery to me as everyone else.


      stuff related to the Dark Star stories

      I had assumed that was what you were working on all this time, and that you were working on it on Drake’s discord, since you knew that’d be the one place I’d never go. Least I wasn’t entirely off the mark.


      I’m somewhat nervous now that the field of “Deathstalker Giant Crossover-Inspired Fics” is no longer empty, so this has to be as good as I can make it so that it’s not completely overshadowed by MO.

      Unlikely. Aside from how much more coherent what of it you’ve described to me is, mine is much more obviously a rip of DS’s original, whereas yours could easily stand on its own.

      Besides, MO has a readership of around five people. That’s not much of a shadow to get out of.

      You’ll be fine.

    4. JayDee


      Good luck with the job hunt.

  4. Ok, so last time the news was nerve-wracking, but I’m happy to report that things have improved substantially.  My little brother is fine (his symptoms never got worse than the mild ones I described last time), and my middle brother’s wife has tested negative several times now, so it seems she was never infected.

    Still sort of nervous about my aunt, but that’s two out of three COVID-related things that have turned out well so far.

    With all that in mind, I have some reviews to catch up on.  I know Invidia  has started reading Mortuus Orbis, and of course JayDee has left reviews of every chapter, and @Sinfulwolf has left three wonderful reviews on the finale of WitS, so over the next few days I’ll endeavor to respond to all of those.

    As for what’s coming up next, I have at least two things to work on in the near future.  Both of them are science fiction stories tied to another work, one that’s not on AFF and I don’t really want to describe here.

    Suffice it to say I make weird friends for who I am.  Then again the first friend I made here was JayDee so maybe not that weird. :D

    In the case of the longer one, my co-writer has asked if she could just start writing, so I have to make an effort to keep pace lest I be left behind (as well as work out precisely which of us will be writing what scenes).  I know Sparrow may be concerned at the moment, but I don’t quite know what the co-writing process with her will be like, so it may not eat up as much time as one might fear, and after the weekend, I will endeavor to be on Discord more often.

    I have another idea for a story called Below, but that doesn’t have anybody waiting for it, so it can be placed on hold until other things get done.

    Bringing it all back to the beginning of this post, thank you to everyone who wished my family well and offered prayers and support.  You have no idea how much I appreciated all of that. :wub:

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. InvidiaRed
    3. Sparrow



      I mean, it’s not like I Google searched “how tall is Lady Dimitrescu?” or anything.

      Really brings new meaning to the phrase ‘climb her like a tree’. You’d need a ladder to have sex with her.

    4. JayDee


      I want to know about a mechanics of a 6’9 character 69ing with a 9’6 character.

  5. Haven’t been by here in a bit, and I noticed @JayDee and @Sparrow discussing my absence.  I figured I’d give a bit of info on what’s going on.  JayDee mentioned work, and that’s part of it, but there’s a little added stress as well.

    COVID-19 has begun working its way through my social circle.  Among other things, my youngest brother tested positive a few days ago, and his girlfriend lives with him, so it’s no surprise that she’s got it now too.  I just learned about his girlfriend, so I haven’t spoken with her yet, but I did have time to call my little brother, and he’s what I suppose you could describe as “mildly symptomatic”: no serious problems with breathing, but he’s congested and running a fever, so I’m somewhat nervous.

    One of my cousins has tested positive as well, and the disease is making its way through her family (my aunt is doing her best to isolate herself, but it’s difficult since she lives with them).  In addition my middle brother’s wife was exposed today, so we’ll have to wait and see whether she’s infected or not.

    Everything seems ok so far, but I’d be lying if I said this didn’t stress me at all.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. JayDee


      Shit, super sorry to hear about this. I hope they’re all ok. It’s a right bastard of a virus this one. I really do hope things work out ok.

    3. Sparrow


      My heart goes out to you, man. Sorry to hear that’s happening. Stay safe.

    4. Sinfulwolf


      Fuck, as others have said, stay safe, and hopefully they all get better soon. Keep yer chin up, though it may be hard in times like this.

  6. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party 2020 -- Review Responses

    In case anyone else is feeling left out, I did also leave reviews for @JayDee and @InvidiaRed’s stories. It just took me longer to get JayDee’s done, because I fell asleep.
  7. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party 2020

    If you’re waiting on me, you should probably go ahead. I spent a while thinking about this, trying to write Meaningful Gifts, and eventually came to a decision...and by eventually I mean earlier today. Meaningful Gifts began as a story called Cold Comfort (which itself was based on a heart-crushingly sad story on Literotica that I wanted to do a happier version of). Then, while I was coming up with the idea of MG, Halloween happened, and I had an idea for a story that was very similar to MG, but took place at and after a Halloween party, this one called For One Night Only. I had assumed I would never write Cold Comfort, and would only use the ideas for Meaningful Gifts, but the more time I spent trying and failing to keep MG distinct from For One Night Only, the more I began to think it might be better to merge the elements I liked from one of those into the other. End result: Meaningful Gifts is not going up. Instead, the elements of the relationship I really like will, I think, be absorbed into For One Night Only, which will go up on Halloween. In addition, there is a good possibility that I will eventually end up writing Cold Comfort after all, though I don’t plan that to be a Holiday Party release. I’m really sorry for anyone I’ve disappointed here. I know my promise to write MG was part of what caused this party to happen.
  8. InBrightestDay

    Mortuus Orbis

    AAAAAH! You noticed it before I did! Well, uh...thank you for doing the job I was too incompetent to do!
  9. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party

    Just a quick update here. A lot is happening around my house, including trying to write something else as kind of a surprise for someone, and just feeling like I’m being crushed by work, so in spite of the fact that it takes place on Christmas, Meaningful Gifts is probably going to be up on or around New Year’s instead. I’m really sorry about this, but then again I feel like the same thing happened with Moonlit Snow, so evidently this is just a thing that happens with my holiday stories.
  10. InBrightestDay

    Mortuus Orbis

    One day late to mention this, but Chapter 5 is up!
  11. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party

    If you just mean you need someone to proofread, I can do that.
  12. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party

    Aw, I liked Memories. True, it requires some prior reading, hence why some folks didn’t “get” it, but I thought it was a really sweet story, and I don’t think you should feel bad about it.
  13. InBrightestDay

    AFF Holiday Party

    I think one of the problems here is that nobody knew if there was going to be a party until you posted that question. As a result, at least one story that would have been a chapter in the party, Invidia’s Winter Blessing, ended up being posted as a standalone story instead. I’m having issues with the internet at my house (I’m typing this on my phone; for those wondering, this is why I haven’t responded to reviews or PMs, and why I haven’t reviewed Winter Blessing yet), but those issues should be resolved soon. I will begin work on Meaningful Gifts and keep an eye on this thread. If no one else responds, I’ll likely stop writing that and work on something else, but if there are other replies, I will do my best to have it done by Christmas Day.
  14. InBrightestDay

    Mortuus Orbis

    Late again (dang it!) but Chapter 4 is up. We get to know some more characters and begin planting the seeds of what’s to come.
  15. InBrightestDay

    Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread

    AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH! Well, I had written quite a lot here, and then went to open another tab to check something, and in the process accidentally clicked the little x at the top of this one, closing it, and while AFF sometimes saves what I’m writing, this time it didn’t. *sigh* Alright, let me try and recreate all of it. First off, I’m obviously way behind on getting involved in this thread, and that has to do with work. I got back from Thanksgiving vacation, and then was promptly scheduled to work seven days in a row. I thought I’d have time on Tuesday, but my little brother decided to come into town for Christmas early, so my mom had me helping her get a bedroom ready for him, moving furniture with her, running down to Goodwill to drop stuff off and basically spending the day running errands, and then it was back to work Wednesday, but I’m here now! I don’t have any fascinating behind the scenes details to share about the creation of Chapter 2, as while I was heavily involved in re-writing a lot of the early parts of the story, this is the one chapter where I didn’t do that; not one word of that is mine. Of course, since I didn’t do! I really like the concept of what @Sparrow calls the eyrie (after the term for the nest of a large bird of prey). In the story that inspired this one, I don’t think the hell flyers had any sort of communal sleeping area, but this is an idea I’ve seen in movies and pulp adventure stories going way back: the place the monster puts someone it’s not ready to eat yet. This is also where we first meet Cindy, and this was yet another character I’d never heard of before (it’s funny, because character-wise this story contains a mix of “Oh yeah, I know them” and “who the hell…?”). I seem to recall she’s from something Sparrow wasn’t super fond of; I think he said she was the only really good thing to come out of that story arc or something. I really like her interactions with Chun-Li, especially Highlight of the chapter is still Chun-Li strangling the hell flyer through the bars of her “cell”. Something I didn’t quite realize was going on when I read Chapter 1 and saw Chun-Li hit the thing with a kikoken was that Sparrow was giving it a distinguishing feature. By injuring it in a specific way, he made sure we could tell that one apart so we can see Chun-Li get some very satisfying payback here. And yeah, also guilty of confusing Marvel’s Spinneret with the webcomic Spinnerette. I’d never even read the webcomic, merely knowing about it through TV Tropes, but it was enough to cause a mixup. Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened. Always a good thing. I freaking loved JayDee’s summary of the moment I asked that question, by the way. It turned into a cool WitS moment, though, so it all worked out! To be fair, I’m blanking on other candidates for this myself, and as for keeping Harry from being too OP, we did have a readily available out. I won’t spoil anything for anyone who doesn’t know about the source material for this story, but you may have noticed that while magic works in the Necropolis, it’s getting nerfed somewhat. That nerfing is variable, but not random, and results in a lot of magic-based characters being significantly weaker than they ought to be (this will come up again in, I think, Chapter 8 or 9). I did get somewhat more involved here, writing some of the new stuff inthe action scene involving Harry. Originally, as mentioned, he would have had his natural magic, but no training, so he couldn’t really fight. When he gained five years worth of Hogwarts schooling, he obviously gained the ability to participate, so I put in some stuff about him hitting zombies with the disarming spell, which isn’t the best thing for actually hurting them, but expelliarmus is kind of his signature move, and I don’t know if he’d learned enough to throw an incendio at any of them (also that might have just resulted in flaming zombies, sending things from bad to worse). The other two characters, Black Widow and April, are doing pretty much the same stuff as Sparrow originally wrote for them. I can’t wait to discuss this, and my initial reaction to it, when it actually happens. I mean “Baby Got Back” isn’t that...*Googles*...1992. Holy shit, that’s 28 years ago. Man, now I feel old. Also, Damn it, JayDee! Now that’s stuck in my head. I...I can speak no more of this here. As for why the character in the next chapter doesn’t provide the Terminator line, I always assumed the line’s use here was intended as foreshadowing. Regarding the next chapter itself, I personally like it, though I do know things slow down for some scene-setting. I’ll talk about it more when we get there.