SirGeneralSir

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SirGeneralSir last won the day on May 24 2017

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  1. SirGeneralSir

    Loric and the Chains of Fate

    So I added a second chapter a while back, still not too much in the sex department….. yet. If anyone has had a chance to read it, I would very much like some feedback on anything really because its the first time I have written a story of this type in an original world. Thoughts on the characters, The world, my flawed writing style?
  2. SirGeneralSir

    Loric and the Chains of Fate

    I did an Original story, just the first chapter. I am looking for any kind of feedback on the story, I may or may not continue it. Author: Me SGSTitle: Loric and the chains of fateSummary: The gods and goddesses are gone, the world is ruled by darkness even on a sunny day. A young tavern boy helping pull miners out after a collapse, falls into a crevasse to his doom only to wake up at the ruins of an underground temple with a beautiful woman sleeping on its altar, who happens to be guarded by a demon. Story is about a young man that finds a goddess that has been asleep since the time of lights end when the demon hoards drove out the gods and their heroes.Feedback: Feedback and constructive criticism much appreciated.Fandom: OriginalPairing: MC/multipleWarnings: 3Plus, F/F, Fet, Fingering, M/F, Oral, Other, Preg, Rape, SH, WIP, http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109810
  3. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    Yeah I think that is what I will do. The dad’s are fighting a “hoard” 5-10 outside, the mom’s bring kids into cellar, one pig walks in on the mom’s as they enter back into the main house and get killed, boy (Seth) mom is eaten on the floor where he can see it all happen. Dad (Thorin) comes in, throws the pig out the door and with no mercy, hacks away at the monster, still in eyesight of his son, this sets fear into his Seth’s mind about his own dad etc etc. in short breaking his mind. spell is used to remove that memory of events, creating the feeling of betrayal. yes?
  4. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    My thoughts are that the more …… savage the better. I am thinking that the mom’s die a bloody mess etc, frogs make me think of typical frog vore where the person is just swallowed. Maybe Pig men of some kind? I know in Asian anime Orcs are more like Pig men/people but I would have to make them more beast like almost goblin like in mentality but high brute strength.
  5. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    now I just need a monster that would/could travel in a small pack (werewolves were used for something else) and be something terrifying. giant rats? some kind of boar monster?
  6. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    Pondering on the possible paths I could take, I am thinking maybe something like the kid/s are in the cellar to be safe, but the mothers are in the main house. monster/s break in and have lunch, maybe there were more of them like a pack of ….. (monster) and the dad’s were fighting the main monsters, this was just one that got away. So the kids can see and hear the moms being killed and eaten, but the boy (Seth) also sees what dad did to the monster for killing his wife, so much so that he became scared of dad too. or something like that.
  7. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    at the moment, my thoughts are that he was about 5yrs old, kind of half thinking that both moms were there, maybe rushed just him or the 2 girls into a hiding place together before being attacked. maybe a potion was used by the elf father to block the memories of what happened as I currently have it that the son is over hearing the details of what actually happened.
  8. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    It’s a family of elves that farm, mostly exotic stuff for potions, poisons etc. The human dad Thorin, is friends with the elf dad. It could be a demon, a beast like monster or anything else of the sorts. I am starting to think a demon would be a little typical, but making it a beast that farmers would normally deal with in this world would be more practical like a rat monster, Ogre etc. I just dont have the tragity feeling that would lead to the lie.
  9. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    So the father and son live on a small farm, dad is ex elite guard/military to the kingdom. across the way is an elf farm, a dad from the same unit and twin sisters that are deeply in love with the boy. both mothers died at the same time, same cause. The world is a mish mash of our worlds mythology in terms of cultures and monsters, but the gods are different etc. My hope, is that the son, who trusts dad 100% will feel betrayed by the lie. but the death was not just a normal got sick, or bandits. I want something that would strike fear into the heart of a child, something that would potentially make them feel unsafe at home at any time, so far my thoughts are going to a demon of some kind. I was also thinking that dad being the ex military type literally destroyed the demon in a way that might make his son see him differently. This would give dad a reason for protecting his son from the idea of the demons till he is older, but also his image with his son.
  10. SirGeneralSir

    Creating drama

    So I am trying to create some drama between a father and son revolving around the death of the mother. All I have ATM is that the boy was really young when she died and that the dad kept HOW she died a secret because he wanted to protect his son from ……… something. The setting is in a fantasy world and I dont know what would fit for this set up. any ideas?
  11. SirGeneralSir

    Am I wrong or is my grammar checker an idiot?

    sometimes it just needs an update, but I have also found in some writing programs that they are rather stupid
  12. SirGeneralSir

    element magic vs element magic

    I was talking with the wife, she added black to the color list. All these colors have different effects look wise with fire. ATM I am thinking the colors could be. Holy – Gold/White Demonic – Blood red/Black Undead – sickly green/light blue Mortals – normal red orange and purple. thoughts?
  13. SirGeneralSir

    element magic vs element magic

    actually, I remember a game now that the undead used a green fire, their entire theme was green or purple. too many ideas.
  14. SirGeneralSir

    element magic vs element magic

    So there are different types of magic elements, using fire for this one. Fire, Holy fire, Hellfire. I have always known Holy fire to be a blue or white, maybe golden? but there is also a fire that undead tend to use, it can also be a blue or white. Normal fire is …… normal but what about Hellfire? I have been thinking about it and I feel that a deeper red, maybe a blood red would be better to make them feel different? any thought on this one?
  15. SirGeneralSir

    non villain bad guy

    So I am thinking then that a type of hypnosis and modified pheromones would be more practical for this jack ass. He doesnt want a love potion where the women never leave him alone and he cant do his work etc, he just needs submissive ……. puppets?