JayDee

A Song Of Forgotten Beauty – I said recently I’d loved to write a sex scene with a winged character that wasn’t Spyro. I must have forgotten this one. I just read through it again and noticed a couple bad typos/errors I’ll probably polish, but apart from that I feel quite happy with it. So I don’t always put my own writing down! Certainly feathery! I have the story Harvest Mouse under original with a full on MM furry fuck (you don’t want to read it), but this probably is in the same ball park. Thank you for this review! It was cool to get it and actually unexpected. I actually read chunks of Hesiod’s stuff at school, what, 20 years ago now. We went through a lot of other old Greek and Roman stuff too (Tragedies, Comedies, Histories, poems… Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War had some good bits!), I really loved that material although I was never that great at Latin or Greek, and it’s rusted away almost entirely now. So, yeah, I double checked the early references and basically made the summary as a reference to how the Romans especially thought they had horrific features. So far as fanfic goes – I’ve been really wanting to do a story with Medusa, Stheno and Euryale for years and never even got around to properly planning it. It wouldn’t be incest! But folks would be getting hard. Rimshot. Would you say no to Zeus? That’s a good way to get yourself doing something inventive down in Tartarus. I think it probably depends on the monster. Some of the ones sent by gods probably did not like it, whereas those sea snakes sent by Athena to fuck up Laocoön and his sons might have had a great time. We may never know. Absolutely some dickish behavior though. Although in a way that’s quite endearing about them too, because the Greeks were happy to have Gods that were basically people, but more so. Yeah, he stuffed those birds! Ahem, yes, thanks! I’m glad it was alright. Wanted a touch of erotica at least. It’s totally within the genre! I mean these harpies just have bird-like features. Leda straight up fucked a swan and had two human kids. Ok, the swan was Zeus in disguise but even so… Basically, the Greeks didn’t have something beautiful in a myth if someone wasn’t gonna stick their junk in it, and have a kid. The trouble Jason had getting jizz out of the fleece… Thank you again for the review – I really appreciate it.

A line about it at the top of the chapter might be the way to go. If the intention is that she’s blackmailed into sex, well, you might need the rape tag since coerced sex isn’t consensual. If she really is forced into things later, well, it’s probably going to come up as a trigger for folks. Possibly worth asking one of the archive mods to read it over and see what they think! So far as she aphrodisiac heh, I think we’ve all been there where you have an idea to use and then other stuff that feels way better comes up and it can end up virtually forgotten. I was just joking around about Roy’s equipment. Making a double entendre when it wasn’t actually there! Absolutely, looking after a dog you really need the dog leash, water bowl, food bowl, the right food to go in the bowl if the dog has specific dietry requirements, dog treats, bedding, the list goes on and on! Although as a working dog Roy ought to be pretty well behaved I imagine? I guess I’ll see in the following chapters.

You may want to leave your twitter handle. There’s a lot of nicks and freddys on there.

That’s hilarious. The pictures are all cool, but thanks for sharing that one especially. Well, there we have it. If I ever re-visit Jenny she’ll be getting angry ‘bout polluters and littering. Maybe she could be the river spirit in one of the requests in this post if I get around to doing it before Pippychick’s likely superior effort. Edit: Also, all my prompts in the two posts on that page and also in this earlier post are high quality story concepts and no doubt lead to best literary nobel prizes someday. And if not, we’ll make ‘em innuendos! “Hey Smokey! There’s a fire in my pants, you’d better beat it out.” I had them walk into the bar and then waited to see what happened next. Shannon got a free drink and pretty much guaranteed sleeping with the bartender. Then conflict. Well, I have a scraps folder which isn’t as full as you’d think. I did a bunch of fics back in the day I no longer have on AFF, and it’s these I’ve been re-writing into original or fanfics. Twinpregnation was one of ‘em that was gore free!. I’ve still got some oneshots and one four parter to de-RPF-ify. Of the remaining ones, some aren’t gory at all, some have a bit I might just strip out simply because it’s not the best written and the four parter is literally all gore. There’s like two lines in each part where someone isn’t being fucked, killed, butchered, or eaten. In my defence, when I wrote that one I didn’t know the fucking characters were real fucking people.

The first one’s pissed because somone threw a skull in her pond after she did her spring clean “Does a bear shit in the woods?” “...take your MM scatfic back to AFF.” I’ve managed a couple thousand words so far on a walks into a bar story. Kizzy’s not there; she’s helping at a homeless outreach project instead. Meanwhile at the bar, some bad guys showed up. Dunno if I’ll finish it. Just trying to write more, really. Sit down for a time and try and write something. Maybe I’d be better concentrating on one of my few remaining gorefest re-writes from 2007. Something I could finish at least!

Jenny From The Pond because if there’s one thing JayDee likes it’s malevolent water beasties. Hence that half-assed request that led to Pippychick’s brilliant story The Price, available right here on this very archive. It’s also notable as one of only two stories I loaded on fanfiction.net (as Kizurial, since JD and variants were taken.) Thank you for this review! Another case where I always thought another review unlikely. I think it may have been decided that if AFF had a seperate Oral History subdomain section users would end up confused. And thirsty. I guess when your sole reason for existing is to be a warning against getting close enough to water to drown you’re gonna be one creepy water critter. She probably just has a ham, egg, and chips at a riverside pub these days. Thank you! It was always a bit of a challenge to tell a story of some sort in 1000 word limit. There’s definitely a few of them that could have done with more time in the telling. This one sort of boils down to Zach arrives, gets a look at British Teeth, and flees. I mean, it was her favorite rock… Heh, I ought to revisit him someday in another humorous misunderstanding. Perhaps around a wolf in some sort of park back in America. I probably was referencing that – I think I’d boned up on her before writing it, but equally it might just be concid… nah, screw it, I’m taking credit. Thanks again for your review, I ‘preciate it.

You are literally already in it. Read it, it’s all about you.

Roy seems like a hecking good boy and It’s great there’s more of him coming. As it were. I hope the final ending isn’t too dependent on feedback, if I’m the only one reviewing. There’ll never be an ending in that case! I can absolutely see how it must take a lot of time and effort though, that first was, what, 9k+ words so there’s literal hours of writing time in there. Takes a good while to read, too, but I’ll try and get part 2 read before too long.

I’m sure it’s right. I mean, I can’t count past 10 without taking my shoes off so I take your word for it. Thanks for putting the thought in!

Well, if it’s the most horrifying thing you see today you’ve not heard Weezer’s new cover of No Scrubs.

That does sound like the ol’ Lamia. Sometimes writing the stuff down is the only way to purge it. Although, If it helps, there’s always the bright side that l I never got around to writing her “Turducken but with angels” idea. Anyway, you could always undelete it and use it for the basis of an AFF Halloween party story… Wait, that wasn’t me, that was the muse.

Kizzy’s definitely got the ability to have wings on her human-like form, per end of Slumber Party part 1, probably not dissimilar in size to Shannon’s although angelic rather than demonic. I guess I had that so that people would believe her when she indicated she wasn’t human (besides the flaming sword). She’d have entirely different ones in her true Seraph form. Six of ‘em for a start, but since looking at her would probably burn out mortal eyes they probably don’t need the math. Rule of three! I nearly stopped at two and thought, no, gotta get that third one in there.

And, wow, another review for Whore of Heaven though I suspect many readers will take the attitude of that other reviewer of The Woman in the Statue and not have a look at the dark and gory origins. Which is probably the sensible option. Thank you for your review. I’m grateful for you taking the time to read it. Gore content is always going to be one of those things I think folks like or they don’t – not just as a sexualised thing, but with some of the horror movies and that. A bit of violence here and there is alright but I guess part 3 was pretty heavy on it. She survived though! Unlike the character in another story who got white phosphorus in a very uncomfortable place. I’m really glad you found the story more interesting – I put in a bunch of variety of stuff to try and keep it chugging along. I mean, it still has some tentacles but they’re less focussed. It’s funny, I’ve not seen a whole lot of hentai really, but I did see quite a lot of old anime they used to show on TV and there’s probably some shared influence in the villains. Hey thanks – It’s like InBrightestDay has pointed out too, I guess, where the actual physical/magical restraints would fall short, her own personality and unwillingness to cause harm to trapped innocents serve to finalize the trap. So it does pull together, without blowing my own horn. I’m glad it worked anyway! I am hoping to start reading With the Mirror Came… soon – that Beast tag sounds fun! – will probably have to go a chapter at a time.

Fair enough! Thank you again, anyway. Wonderful reviews. I guess I got lucky with putting enough elements in there to bulk ‘er out. I’ll probably still keep thinking 1D or 1.5D at best, but it’s worth noting that I am pretty convinced that most of what I ever wrote was terrible. Something’s getting sheathed in Part Nine and it isn’t sexual? I kid! I kid!… No, absolutely though, can’t be forced. Some of it appears on the screen and it was like it was never in my brain at all. It just appears, sometimes with an echo of mocking laughter in the darkness of my hindbrain. Heh. Shakespeare humor. Should I ever need to write another angel of similar build I’m definitely going to have this math in mind. If nothing else I feel like writing a sex scene someday with a character with wings. Besides Spyro the fuckin’ dragon. I bet it’s gonna be epic. Always happy to get any review! Even flames And she was ok! It just took 75 years in universe and 11 years outside. Some kinda relative time Narnia thing going on there. “Ugh,” muttered Eparlegna, as he looked upon he mess he had made of his mother “I thought she smelled bad on the outside.” Wait, no, that’s Star Wars. Eparlegna burst out, looked down at the hole he had made and began to sing, “ Hello my baby, hello my honey Hello my ragtime-” Wait, no that’s Spaceballs. “Hey, who wants to eat the placenta?” Wait, no that’s hippies. Huh. I’ll stop now on rule of three before you decline to ever speak to me again. It may already be too late. Well, she could be allowed to escape, so long as she got raped again in the next part. They’d probably have been ok with that. I think you’re right that a lot of those readers were pretty much there for the Archangel violation (Back when someone pasted it to the old old gurochan site they even loaded it under the title “Angel Violation”, possibly because there technically isn’t any whoring in it. Some perverts are very keen on semantics.) I said Deathstalker could have done it, I didn’t say he always does :p The guy is paid by the word! Also, I’ll glare at anybody who says his version of Rebecca Chambers with a cute penis isn’t canon. LALALA I don’t want to hear it! Eh, I probably could have been a bit more explicit about it though in the warning. Some of my later stories have stronger allcaps warnings at the start. Oh well, I’m sticking with the “At least we got The Woman in the Statue” out of it. Yeah, going with this Happy ending! I do have that reputation as a monster to uphold! I mean, it was moist eyes rather than outright crying, like in part 1 feeling bad for her in the hospital with that my name is whore bit. Total hypocrisy I suppose. Well thanks to you, the one mortal able to do for her what needed to be done, that ending is reconned down to 75 years! I mean, still 75 years where every second hurts like eternity, but it’s better than a poke in the womb with a sharp dick as Eparlegna likes to say. To be fair it’s that long in our universe. Once life has ceased in the WoH universe the creator might have hit fast forward and got to Judgement Day in only a few trillion years. I always thought so. They got another song “Vampire Punk Rockers from Hell” that also feels like it could inspire a pretty good story too.

Sounds like non spam reviews tbh. Thanks for deleting!

I don't really have any analysis of this line or anything. It just makes me sad. It also occurred to me while rereading this that there was layer of cruelty in the orgasm denial torture that I hadn't noticed before. The part that contains the "guttering like a candle" line shows that Eparlegna doesn't need Luzurial's cooperation to impregnate her, so why does he go to all the effort of making her beg? As far as I can tell, it's just so that she'll feel ashamed of herself afterward; so that she will suffer just that little bit more. "You are my whore. I am your master. Say it." "I... am your whore. You are my Master." The words trembled with emotion, a terrible mixture of lust and total, soul consuming, despair "Your name is whore. You will never have another. You have never had another. Do you understand?" "Yes, Master." "What do you want whore?" "Fuck me, Master! Give me release!" Eparlegna gave his Archangel slut her desire. Her tore her hymen with consent and filled the Archangel's virgin channel with his demon spike. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he brutally fucked her. For the target audience, that's probably the hottest moment in the entire story, but for me it's absolutely heartbreaking, partly because it represents the complete disintegration of Luzurial's self esteem, but in no small part because that's just such a human reaction, simply wanting to not hurt anymore, just for a little bit. My heart went out to Luzurial so many times during this chapter (any time she's crying from how much pain she's experiencing, really), but that's definitely one of the more wrenching moments. In addition, I should mention that the first time I read this story, I didn't cry. I was surprised, because I'm kind of sensitive like that, and I came close a few times, but when I reread it, I did tear up, because when I read this line... "Please... creator... have mercy... if not on me, on humanity. Do not let this creature be spawned of my body and his." ...I realized what the wording implied. If you reverse the order of those words (if it's "if not on humanity, on me"), then it sounds selfish, but with the order they're in now, it hammers in that even as she's experiencing pain so intense that she genuinely thinks it will kill her, when she has every right to beg for relief, she phrases that prayer so that her relief is a secondary concern. Even now, Luzurial's primary focus is the safety of the mortals she came here to protect. Even after being tortured, raped and made to call herself a whore, she hasn't really lost who she is or why she's here, because she is a good person. Finally, there's the ending. For those of you reading this in the future, just realize that the story originally ended with "Every second hurt like eternity." I said in my review of The Slumber Party of Evil Doom that I can't agree that Luzurial deserves what happens to her, and I'm going to have to reiterate it here. The line about the stars growing cold implies the heat death of the universe, and since star formation should be able to continue for about 100 trillion years, that's the minimum time she has to spend locked away, every single moment agony beyond human comprehension. This is the kind of thing the damned go through, but they have to earn it. The serial killers, the child predators, the genocidal monsters, they all earn it. Luzurial may be on Earth, but she has been condemned to effectively eternal torture worthy of Hell...because she came here to help us. Pride is a sin, but given what we've seen in the rest of the story, there's no way she earned this. Now, I want to clarify that in spite of how this may look, this is not a negative review. I can't say what this story did for its target audience, but it made me want someone to break open the statue, hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay. I can count on one hand the number of fictional characters I've felt as bad for as I do for Luzurial, and that takes talent, a talent for establishing the character and for communicating her sadness, her humiliation and her pain. So while I can't say this story is fun to read, and I'm not rushing to put it in my Recommended Reading section the way I did with You!, I do believe that your gifts as a writer are on display here. I think a lot of the audience were fapping in part 2 but for Part 3 the target got a lot narrower. It’s the kind of thing folks would say gets a bit too hardcore in places, especially as those wounds started piling up. There’s a much bigger audience for rape and humiliation than for the kind of no-human-could-survive-this guro that tends to get a showing in part 3. I guess Luzurial does still come across as really tough here, and at the same time Eparlegna comes across as a total bastard. He’s got an actual Archangel at his mercy for the first time ever. Probably the first time there’s something living that can withstand all the cruelty he can give out, and that’s before you get into whatever he’s still bearing grudge for when some other angel threw him from heaven during the fall. Unlike, say, Shannon who probably just managed to turn back to Luzurial before she was thrown from the light of the creator and managed “Hey, no hard feelings! Call me sometime! Don’t be a stranger!” So yeah, Eparlegna really layering on the cruelty. She’s badly weakened, he doesn’t need to hurt her more, but, fuck it, when’s he going to get another chance? Hmm... yeah, those abilities probably could have freed her in just about any other genre. The really talented writers of this stuff – your Deathstalker types – will actually come up with proper ways to explain that sort of thing. In truth I was never that great. The sadness. I’m sorry about this. It’s one of those things... with writing stories like this I always wanted to really ensure they were only read by people who would enjoy the extreme content. I stuck on the story codes and the disclaimer/warnings and hoped for best. I didn’t really want to make folks sad (I’m considerably less bothered about angry.) On the other hand if it hadn’t got as bleak as it does I suspect we wouldn’t be getting to see The Woman in the Statue, and it perhaps wouldn’t have stuck in your mind for so long. Your name is whore. And there’s an explanation for anybody wondering about her first words in The Woman in the Statue. Really just playing to the title there which I took from a song (with credit). That’s another thing I’d be a lot less likely to do today, just use a song title for a story. Even citing the song it just feels pretty cheap. And it makes it way harder to search for references to the story elsewhere of course. I mean I thought the hottest moment in the story was when she has that first orgasm denied and then Molly gives it to her, and sure, she’s squirting an inhuman amount and Molly comes too and then Shondra’s just like ‘Are you seeing this shit?’ But, yeah, that huge penetration with her wrapping around him desperate to come again to have a break from her pain, well, a lot of the readers may have found it pretty hot if they’re into this stuff. Given the overwhelming silence of 3 reviews in 10K hits though it seems just as likely a lot more scanned through and thought it was shit and never spoke of it again. That’s Eparlegna’s completely bogus definition of consent there. Sloppy writing on my part. See, there’s a lot more places in The Woman in the Statue where I teared the fuck up so maybe I’m the real wuss! You’re right there - She never really forgot why she came to Earth or who or what she was. She was there to help and she begged for them to be spared... I suppose there is a bit of tragedy in that if she or another angel had never gone down Eparlegna would still have been defeated, but perhaps more quickly without his stronger Angel-born form. The implication of waiting until the heat-death of the universe was absolutely intended. It was going to take the triumph of entropy to break her shell. Looking back at it I can’t argue she didn’t deserve it. Overall it may well be the worst thing I’ve ever written happening to a character, with the only defence being that this level of cruelty is absolutely in line for Eparlegna, though rarely would he be able to actually do it someone – a human would simply have died before much time had passed, even one powered up probably wouldn’t last that long. I didn’t take it as a negative review. I took it as a fair review that doesn’t sugar coat the nastiness, or the missed opportunities. Again I’m kind of glad I did manage to make you feel so bad for her, because as a result we get your masterpiece sequel. I’d pretty much forgotten the Rec Reading section (I need to go stick some of BronxWench’s stories there now they’re back up!) but I put a link to The Woman in the Statue in mine today. Thanks for the promo for You! I thank you again for the praise, the compliments, the constructive criticism and the analysis. I think with me mostly dried up for writing AFF will instead have a far brighter and powerful creative light shining here with yourself. Best of luck in the future! Let’s finish on a song –

That's funny because it has two possible interpretations. The first is that the dispassionate, third person narrator just facepalmed at that joke. The second is that that was Luzurial's PoV, and she was like "something terrible is about to happen to me, but I can still take time to appreciate how shitty that pun is." I know that this wasn't written as a tragedy, but it has a moment that just about every tragedy does: the spark of hope that's introduced and then extinguished. In this case, that comes in the form of Bernice, the only person with the moral courage not to let someone be tortured in front of her. I might perhaps criticize that we don't get to see Luzurial's reaction to her death, perhaps a small moment of gratitude for the one mortal brave enough to stand up for her. There is something sort of interesting about the contrast between the two cops' personal histories and how they act with Luzurial. Molly is an actual murderer, while Shondra's never crossed that particular line, yet Shondra's the one causing real pain to Luzurial, while what Molly is doing doesn't hurt at all (unwanted cunnilingus is still sexual assault, but at least it's not physically painful) There's actually a joke I'm surprised you didn't go for. Considering that they call Luzurial an illegal immigrant and Shondra tortures her by jamming a fist into her, I'm honestly surprised there wasn't a cavity search joke. I can't really say I would have laughed, but I'm kind of surprised it isn't there. Also... She raised her head, and he gazed into the suddenly glowing maelstrom of her eyes. The framing tangle of her golden hair reflected the glow, while the purple-red clouds high overhead cast everything else in their own sickly swirling colours. Oh, shit is about to get real. The glow faded from Luzurial's eyes Or not. I'll have to remember that, though... she pulled together the shreds of her dignity and courage, and spat down into Molly's face. It might not have worked, but I still smiled when she did that, because yes, that was the right way to react to being assaulted and tortured: spit in that bitch's face. As before, Luzurial remains an admirable character. She's just been raped, mocked and feels unjustified shame for her own body's reaction (in spite of her age, her naivete where sex is concerned also engenders sympathy), and yet her focus is exactly where it should be: she refuses Eparlegna's offer again, never willing to put humanity at more risk, and focuses on remaining strong for the caged women. The moment is intensely bittersweet, because this is all really just a setup for really hurting her in the next chapter, but it doesn't change the fact that what she's doing is the right thing. You know, if you don’t mind a bit of lesbian sex which isn’t consensual you might actually like my story Shokan Lust. Just stop reading before the final chapter where a dude gets flayed. But I’m told up until then it is quite fappable. (One reviewer – “ The sex is appealing, arousing, and sensual.” so eh). Absolutely though, I think including the sense that this powerful beautiful Archangel is helpless and humiliated was a big part of the appeal for readers who liked this section and the story as a whole. It plays right into the power play elements of the rape fantasy too. I think going back to Luzurial’s character that it wouldn’t be possible for this kind of thing to happen to her and for her not to feel humiliated at that stafe. I totally get that it this theme for everyone though. Or even for most people. I have no idea if I intended for that Cop Humor to be from Luzurial’s POV, but with the next sentence detailing her looking back with defiance it actually does work well. Equally, though, it could be an actual bit of “What the fuck did I just write?” self-insert, but if so it’s definitely bad it came after terrible punning and not, say, the birthing scene. Yeah, absolutely great point about Bernice; Luzurial should have taken the time to remember that one mortal who’d died for her. It would even have fit in the theme of the story because with the way she was feeling it could have served as another jab; another person dead that she might blame herself for. Bad miss on my part. I think the reason for why Molly is doing the more sexual stuff is that she looks at Luzurial and finds her hot as fuck while Shondra is less impressed. It’s been a long time, but I suspect that’s what I thought. Molly’s taking advantage of the power she has to possess Luzurial in the way she couldn’t normally. Plus, the effect of taking power from Eparlegna for Shondra has maybe left her feeling much more sadistic than usual, while for Molly she gets the same power but she’s already a killer so for her “it was Monday.” ...crap, really should have had a cavity search joke. “We’re looking for smuggled manna!” There ya go. Or just an anal fisting joke, “Open wide and say Ave Maria!” I still don’t really remember what the deal with the eyes glowing was. Loss of sexual control and that maybe. I’m sure you’ll make it properly mean something awesome in The Woman in the Statue! I like that face spit too. Glad it turned out cool! Molly would not be finding a warm welcome in heaven at that point, that’s for sure. And then, well, part 3. Where things get a little disturbed...

Whore of Heaven has been on AFF since 2007-10-28, has over 10K hits and until today had a grand total of three reviews. That doubled today with a review for each of the three parts from InBrightestDay who is currently writing the incredibly superior sequel, The Woman in the Statue, which has managed already three reviews in 24 hours. I hope you all go read it because it’s amazing stuff. On to the reviews! Firstly, so I don’t repeat myself too much, thank you for writing these reviews of the parts, thank you for the compliments on my writing, thank you for the pointing out of the stuff that’s worthy of criticism (such as my not thinking properly about binding circle barrier dimensions). It’s probably the most detailed overall review I’ve ever had for a story (some of Jack’s could come close in the old days). We all like getting reviews even the “Great! write more!” but rarely do we get the really detailed analysis. I think a lot of writers here would be crossing their fingers you get around to reading and reviewing their stories! They hang together so well I’m not going to do the “Quote a paragraph, respond, quote, respond” thing but instead respond to each one beneath the review. Would be hilarious if it came from Drew ("Yeah, sure, the stuff just gave you first degree burns on your tits, but you KNOW you want it inside you, babe!"). Coming from Eparlegna, it's not funny in the least, especially as we just saw him scorch a woman's internal organs just like that. Even an actual joke... We both came alone! Perhaps later… we will come together? ...comes across not as a facepalm, but instead as a genuinely menacing threat. Following on from this, the chapter, the entire story, really, has a very well-accomplished sense of slowly building dread. It never lets up and winds tighter and tighter as things progress. When Luzurial steps into the binding circle, it winds tighter. When the tentacles grab her wrists and she can no longer escape, it winds tighter. I suppose for the target audience, this was more a sense of sexual anticipation, but for me this was fear. The tags attached to the story told me that awful things would happen to Luzurial, so when I realized, by the end of the chapter, that I thoroughly sympathized with her and was absolutely rooting for her, my feelings were...decidedly mixed. The one thing I'll say in criticism of this chapter is that the size of the holy circle seems a bit inconsistent. Luzurial's first attempt at freeing herself involves trying to just break the barrier by stretching her wings, which implies that the dome is much smaller than her wingspan. When her wrists are bound, though, she tries to break free by taking off...which means she has enough space to beat her wings. This isn't necessarily a mistake, since the dome may be wide enough for her to spread her wings enough to flap them (i.e. the dome is ten feet wide and she has a fifteen foot wingspan), but perhaps that first time she was stretching them up to push against the ROOF of the thing, which given the shape of a dome would be much closer. I've had a few reviews from people not in the target audience for a story before. Like (almost?) every review on Nymphadora Necrophilia. I guess it was my only angel story, she didn't die, what's not to like? Reading your review of Luzurial's introduction makes her seem way cooler than she does in the story. It makes the writing sound great too! I read a review like this, it makes me want to read the story! The narration is definitely a little... misleading in places. Sloppy. Especially when it gets into the stuff that's Eparlegna's opinion but just gets narrated. Look, you try giving him orders to say and do things... That comparison to the cop/soldier type going against orders because it's the right thing to do - I guess we've all seen that storyline before but it has never previously occurred to me how much Luzurial embodies the trope. Wows. I just don't seem to manage to come up with good sounding phrases like that so much anymore. There was that brief bit about Kizzy at the end of You! which I guess as atmospherically the same. Some of the mistakes she makes, well, they're enforced by genre aren't they? But stopping to give life the representations of virtue, to fight the monsters, that was something that I guess felt right at the time. She is compassion! I suspect that if I was trying to write something like this today, Eparlegna would probably sound a lot more like Drew. Only less of a nerd. The end of the chapter has things looking pretty bleak so for anybody on Luzurial's side the hope that things will get better would be a strong one. But, this is a 2007 JayDee fic and we all know what that means! That said, part 2 is probably considerably less bleak than it could be. Mal said in another thread "Your story, Whore of Heaven is one of my favorite erotic works and that it was part of the inspiration for me to peruse my own erotic writings. (FYI, I have a penchant for seeing the beautiful and the pure corrupted and or humiliated…)" so I guess that's as good a description as any of what the target audience got out of it overall (yup, another AFF user is better at writing than me!) Good points around the size of the circle. I'll claim that it was being in some way manipulated off page by Eparlegna. No? Ok, well I'll go for the dome idea then. That's pretty cool image anyway. It's funny, when I got the first email from you a decade ago it seems I leaped to the conclusion that you were a theologian, kind of a modern Peter Abelard (uh... pre-castration). I was on to a wrong'n there!

Twinpregnation review – I’m so glad I noticed a while back my settings had somehow reset to no anonymous reviews so I could change ‘em and start getting anon reviews again. Thank you ANON! I’m really happy you liked this story and thought the conclusion was wonderful! I appreciate you taking the time to leave the review. I’ll take a **** review, especially as my local takeaway only has a ** health rating. There actually was a bunch of unnecessary details originally, but I stripped them out following the initial reviews for this version that concentrates on twins and ‘pregnation. Thank you again.

http://comics.adult-fanfiction.org/review.php?set=read&no=600060544 Hi, most recent review on the above appears to be a spambot. Do you need to take any info/record from it for anti-spam or should I just go ahead and delete it?

I keep reviews this length up, I’ll be writing more in them than I did in Whore of Heaven. The comforting works really well too. I mean, that little hand squeeze back… d’aww. That episode where she has to act like the Doctor, (because in story his program was inside her implants I think it was) she nailed his mannerisms and expressions. That was some fantastic acting there. And if I was writing the story somebody would pull it out and show it to him. Bwa ha ha ha! etc No, I kid, I kid. Maybe. I’ve always said yes when anyone’s asked. How could I not like it? The quality of the writing is amazing! The story is great, simply brilliant. I was really happy to see you get a couple of other reviews straight off the bat too. Hopefully there will be many more to come if folks give it a chance. I bet they’ll love the heck out of that incest fic too (and the Spider one!) I kind of want to write a story called Something and make it a total WAFF piece and then people can say “I read something by JayDee and it was so waffy.” I’m taking a compliment here - thanks for liking my writing style! It’s so fucking great you got around to this, can’s stress that enough! I love it!

Just bumping this, one of my first ever posts and certainly my first ever thread started as JayDee on this forum, to promote the new extended part 3 of Whore of Heaven. Read the original and want to read another three paragraphs? Well, this is the promo for you.

Sure, why not? Alternate it in different chapters if you want it really clear. There’s a few writers who do it!