InvidiaRed

From ANON - Makersc on January 29, 2019 I love that the main POV is the dark lords rather than that of a hero who is supposed to slay the dark lord it’s a nice change, it’s also very well written. Keep up the good work. Elf Death is indeed the main character. It’s actually rather hard to write him because I don’t want him to be mary sue. I don’t want to over play his flaws and I do want him to be likeable. Or at the very least so that his motivations are understandable. He’s a old thing. A potent thing. He doesn’t expect easy victory but he has already conquered the continent twice. From here on out. The carnage starts and he doesn’t intend to stop until his throne is returned to him.

From InBrightestDay on January 27, 2019 I like this one. I expected something kind of sad or emotional, but there's a surprising amount of humor to it, especially the entire Hitler bit, which makes me wonder if the teen with the Word above his head comes from some alternate timeline or if it's just an effect of being outside the stable bubble. (Whichever you consider funnier. She’s saying don’t be a monster. What he’s hearing is don’t be successful.) I also like the way you describe Tinarah's mental illness. It's not that she feels sad, it's that doesn't feel anything, which is its own kind of horror. (It’s mostly from personal experience…. I very nearly didn’t survive highschool. Anxiety and depression fed on one another till it was unbearable.My parents caught me before I contemplated the unthinkable) The one thing I would criticize is that sometimes the way the lines are broken up creates doubt about their implication. As an example, this part here... “Yes? No? I don’t even know any more.” She reluctantly admitted aloud as she sat next to the teenager. ...is easy enough to figure out. The top line, the quote is what she is reluctantly admitting. The problem is that because of that format, this line... “I feel dead inside. My emotions are muted at best. How can you possibly say that? You bear a word of creation above your brow. You are a god… And….I am nothing.” Tinarah angrily shouted. Thrilled at the momentary eclipse her angry had surged. She felt it even now slip away. Drained by the foul ennui that had poisoned her. ...is now harder to understand. Did she angrily shout that she's nothing, or did she say calmly that she's nothing (there's a period there, after all, rather than an exclamation point) and then just yell wordlessly? I can't really tell because of the way the story's lines are broken up. That criticism aside, I did still enjoy the story, both the banter between the two characters and the implications of a much wider story outside of this one. Thank you I’ll fix it for clarity.

From Ayrick on January 01, 2019 Damian is so out of his depth. Where is gouhlneedle at? Passion is a hell of a drug. Ghoulneedle is out of cold for the next few chapters.

I think I got everyone ’s reviews. Thank you The rest are in my review response place

From JayDee on December 19, 2018 Outreach It feels like Vaneris’s feelings for iteration pi are not entirely healthy... It was interesting. Lots of hints at wider lore as with the Halloween story and that momentous things have happened, but here’s a couple folks just lying together on a holiday. And, hey, Bread can be hard to get right! A relationship is hard enough without a vast power imbalance between two beings. The nearly unfettered power on their home turf means even a mild temper tantrum by a godling can be absolutely apocalyptic. Love often blinds those with it of the faults of their beloved. the result of a dalliance between a fertility goddess and a god of pestilence is Vaneris.Its not by accident that the name is similar to

From Desiderius_Price on December 18, 2018 Outreach - InvidiaRed It was nice seeing iteration pi return. A bit of formatting to the poetry would do it nicely (ie, indent it). Thank You. I’ll try to mend it

From SinfulWolf on December 20, 2018 Outreach – by InvidiaRed The style is rather interesting. I think anthologies like this really are a great time to experiment. This style of writing, I think it can work really well for a short story (as here) but I don’t think it’d work for anything much longer. Each sentence being a paragraph, especially at the start for the time in the hole, made every bit a little more impactful. Almost like poetry. I think where it was showing it’s weaknesses was when it came to dialogue. It felt a little disjointed, and didn’t flow very well, and since a single character had multiple lines, sometimes I wasn’t entirely sure who was speaking at a given time. Still, a rather nice story with a lovely ending, and your setting is quite interesting indeed. Certainly shows all the work you’ve put into it. I always seek to improve…. You are absolutely correct dialogue isn’t a strength yet. the rules for dialogue is vaguely arcane… At least to me.

haha. I’ll never forget the flavor text since my brother loved to spam lightning bolt( He’s hardcore Red)(for those interested I’m hardcore Black) MTG ftw

“Breeder venom changes the host to be more hospitable to their little parasitic shits.” He wouldn’t be able to take said anti-venom if he was severely hallucinating. Part of him is aware he’s infected its just the rest of the hallucination drowns it out. Hahaha. Now I can’t wait till next holiday.

From BronxWench on December 16, 2018 Outreach Beautiful, just beautiful. You play with language like a master, and it's delightful to see how you coax words into new patterns. And this world of yours--so unique, and painful, and full of terrible beauty. Thank you! Thank you for the kind words.

From PlagueClover on December 16, 2018 Outreach by InvidiaRed This was a very sweet story. You know, when I read fics you've written, the style, the elite word usage and complicated thought processes make me very curious about what's happening in that brain of yours. I mean that in a good way. Your writing is very different from anything I've read before. It's a lot to take in, a lot of jumping back and forth so I had trouble following/understanding what was happening, but once I kinda caught onto the rhythm of it, and that little romance began to spark, it managed to pull at my heartstrings and ended beautifully. Awesome job. It takes effort to make the words flow. To make them go. Where they end up nobody knows. From one mind to the next A simple test, A detail stress For Context is Queen and the order of words King.

Outreach is up. Haha. I almost changed my mind for a unabashed story based on a horny santa, His demonic gimp Krampus, his wife and his quest to find another Ho.

Outreach A godling alone in the dark finds hope within an outstretched hand.

From Ayrick on December 04, 2018 I felt a bit lost in this chapter. I'm loving the story so far but Leviathan confuses me. I don't get it. Damian is 3 people inside? Is Zoquir just one? Does Zoquir now have like 7 piercing and prices on his arm and a gross tramp stamp? He's a personal whore so why would he need prices on his wrist? I never want the reader feeling lost. Time to go back and edit for clarity. The piercings are for mundane obfuscation. Next chapter will have alot of world building

If it's more sci-fi Since genetic editing became common place. The modder scene grew hardcore. What nature had produced. People became obsessed with tweaking and improving. At first, it started simply with exotic eye and hair colors. Gradually turned to skin colors and exotic limbs. And after a few generations, it wasn’t enough. Entire genomes had to be resequenced and scrambled. Not just in themselves but in their pets. Their plants. Everything. Designer diseases, Outlandish symptoms and worse became fashionable. Nature had become obsolete and uncool.