JayDee

I said for halloween I wouldn’t manage anything, then I did, so it’s quite possible this time If I say I’ll manage something I won’t. Bah. But I can read and review whatever you folks do for it!

Not awkward at all! Throwing Harry into horrific situations is very very AFF and it wasn’t even written for here! Glad you aged him up tho’ – Really glad! As with InBrightestDay, when the new character showed up in the copy I saw I too figured foreshadowing! It’s definitely a toughy – don’t get me wrong, what you have there is a perfectly fine summary! I just was thinking ways to draw in some bonus fandom-specific readers. I mean, even if one only shows up to die it can still be a valid promo – like Drew Barrymore in Scream! The ol’ Dead Star Walking cameo! Was just something that occured to me! I hope ya both have good holiday times btw! Sounds like you’ve been busy as busy! Good to have work in this economy tho’ I recall reading they said “fuck that shit” and ignored OMD in the long running newspaper strip too! It absolutely did! I say Harry works fine! Y’all did good. It’s a good scene! Lighting zombies on fire is often a mistake if they aren’t some kind of fast burning type, so, yeah. And I dunno that his Patronus’d do much for ‘em either. They’d probably try an’ fuck it. Harry wants to slytherin dat ass. Ok, I’ll stop now. I figured Marvel wanted another yet spider character and didn’t like people constantly calling for “Madame Webb, but sexier. No… no that’s too sexy.” ...I may be a little out of the loop tho. I haven’t got to read as many comics the last few years. Haha, awesome that it was unintentional! Heck, maybe even having that line in brought the next character to mind. I just tend to assume all you authors are cunningly constructing asskicking stories with every single thread ultimately tied up, while I always just kinda smashed my face into the keyboard and went “BLUB BLUB BLUB” Looking forward to re-reading part 4!

It was the dwarf where they said he’d gone too far. “But she had such a lovely beard!” he cried. ...I kid I kid. Well, today I learned! I knew what a Hattock was, weirdly enough, but not a Mattock. @InBrightestDay does like them big blonde armoured bounty hunter types. Lovely! Have a good’n. I hope yer writing writes easily for ya.

I get the feeling. I never really thought too close ‘bout stuff I wrote either. Then years later someone says “Why do the eyes glow at this bit?” and I just looked baffled. Still, does read well as if planned here! It’ll maybe depend on the reader – lot of folks don’t mind slower character/story building… and yeah, some’re just here for sex or violence or both. I hope they stick it out, builds to a great ending on what I read before!

Holodeck Bitch yet another one of those flashfics I did when I did a prompt a week for a year. This was definitely one of the tougher prompt words with ‘Opprobrium’ and is definitely poorly written porn. Anyways, 9 years later a review Thank you for your comment! You make a very fair point – it doesn’t get that lonely in space, after all. I got not defence for this one. On the plus side at least it wasn’t a horse nuzzling, am I right?

Look, that chicken's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Thanks and eh, it’s just me. Sometimes I do good at writing and sometimes It just don’t do nothing. I do hope I finish it tho, even just for me! Sorry. haven’t got the last part of the Hidden Danger yet, hopefully not long! Hey, Hashtag Not All Vampires! :p Dracula walked around during the day! That’s when you take the Hot Shots Part Deux route and start shooting chickens from the bow!

Reminds me of how in Discworld ordering a “short” in a Dwarf bar was recorded as suicide by the watch and not murder. Yes, given how much money his new buddy is making from the king’s army trade dropping hints about being an enemy possibly not the wisest come to that. My memory is terrible! They could be walking knee deep through paladin parts and I’d be like “Was that mentioned before?”

There definitely are some Control Point (CP) Map specific stories in Gaming, but they don’t usually cause trouble here. I tend to prefer Capture the Flag (CTF) maps myself.

Zeus kinda got stiffed with all that, thanks to all the areas having their own local stories that then got melded together as eg Athenian influence went one way, Corinithian another… not to mention that habit of just assuming 90% of foreign Gods were the Olympians in wigs and fake beards, like old Herodotus’s cheerful attempt to compare everything in Egypt to Greece and claim it all came from Egypt first “Yeah, Dionysus is huge down there, only they call him something else. Definitely him though. I went for an interview and he was absolutely shitfaced, off his head on the wine, and muttering about flooding crocodopolis...” For my money the best bit that the later folks all quietly tried to ignore was Hesiod’s “No, Cerberus had 50 heads. Straight up, Guv. Time you’d petted all of them you didn’t want to get out of Hades anymore.”

Hera got *real* tired of hearing that from Zeus :p “How can you cheat on me with all these mortals? I’m your sister!” etc

I’m really, genuinely, absolutely not offering any criticism of what you wrote, or having it in your story, or you! Some folks have different tastes and some stories just want to be told a certain way. It was solely about the need for the warning, so I absolutely appreciate you tossing one in. Thanks for the info on the rest of it as well – implied stuff isn’t such an issue, for example I can just imagine that the demon randomly decided that the kid should go to bording school in another world, grew up ok, and ended up woking in one of those shops that sells magic items that is never there when you go back. I mean, take my story ‘Whore of Heaven’ – Eparlegna takes over a chunk of city and everybody dies which implies babies got eaten. I just didn’t think about it, or whatever. Implied stuff doesn’t really hit the same as explicit! Thanks again for the new disclaimer, is appreciated. Absolutely did! Well, sure, but she does seem quite horny given how quick she was to jump bones in the cave so I wondered if the fertility was foreshadowing I totally get where that comes from– I had the same wanting to show off an idea in my Shokan story, with literally razor sharp nails… it’s like “Bush is cool, but this description sounds neat!” Background check tho… “The water could cure your sister.” “That’s good.” “It will also turn her into a sex obssesed cult member from the future.” “That’s bad.” “The sex’ll be pretty great though.” “...that’s good.” ...sorry, Simpsons.

Whoohoo! I hope you do post it. Even though some folks are quiet as little mice with feedback, it’s still a good story and will hopefully be read. I wouldn’t read too much into that – The forum is set out with subforums that kind of match the breakdowns of the archive sub-domains, but wih the odd exception most folks seem to try and get away with sticking under general. For me, I just have review reply topics that are sub-domain specific rather than individual story specific. If I did it by story I’d probably have more topics under threesomes or what have you.

...donuts, mostly. Come to think of it, I don’t think I did sent the donut tangents. Possibly I decided to use it if I ever finished my Deathstalker homage. Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it. I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

*Worries* Interesting feedback on the feedback! Getting onto reviewing the next part as soon as I can – I like to read them all in one go and sometimes twice through, and with the length it takes some chunks of time and I’ve been managing to write a bit more of a story just for me lately. I hope that’s ok for the delay!

Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store. For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li. I’ll get around to re-writing the feedback I sent IBD as reviews at some point.

Herd of Grimaces. Make Big Macs out of her.

Dat mass tho

Feral catgirls.

Feel free! It didn’t realise when I wrote the idea, but I’ve realised today it was probably subconsciously inspired by the video to the Crash Test Dummies cover of The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead, only without the happier ending. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLt60MUv7AU

The Dad has a secret evil side of his soul that emerged and killed the Mom After ignoring warnings from the Prophet Gloria “The Rythm” got her. “Your Mom died young” is actually code for “Your mom ran away with a woman who didn’t treat her like shit.” “Son… it was the shits. Just up and crapped herself to death one day. We had to move the farm house a mile after filling in the privy didn’t clear the air, but it wasn’t enough. The miasma is still spreading. The country becomes uninhabitable. A rag tag group of heroes tried to fight it but ended up gagging and fleeing.” The Mom accidentally choked to death on horse semen trying to win a drunken bet “Fucking. Elves.” “Fucking elves.” “Fucking Elvis. Fat boy just crushed her to death. Nobody knows where he came from. Talked of a weird world where he was King.” “Son… it was your father who was dying, but I wanted you to have a strong male influence so I took a potion to make me a man. Mistakes were made. Anyway, it’s wearing off...” ATM did it. She caught an infection through a mouth ulcer. The village constables caught her wearing a fursuit and hanged her. The headpiece popped right off, so they had to string her up again. tl;dr No, no ideas at all.

Whore of Heaven Thank you for the parts 2 and 3 reviews as well! I feel like Molly and Shondra’s jokes may slip into so bad they’re good territory if they’re earning chuckles! At least Bernice’s soul is safe – straight on up to paradise to harangue the angels who aren’t helping (InBrightestDay wrote a story with that too!) I’m glad Eparlegna came across as more than just one note! Things do get pretty bad for Luzurial here, but there’s some light at the end of the tunnel. Just not in chapter 3… Looking back at the start of chapter 3 I absolutely see what you mean. I suspect it’s a combination of it being one of my longer stories by that point and me running out of ideas, and him just being impatient to get brutal at that point after Molly and Shondra had done their thing. Torture stuff absolutely isn’t for everyone – and anything with the cervix is gonna be fairly wincey for sure. Glad it didn’t ruin the rest of it for you! Thank you again! As for the rervised ending, although I wrote the lines it is entirely to fit in with the sequel which is so good I had to adapt the ending for it to be ‘canon’. I really appreciated getting the recent reviews.

“How’s Abdul?” “He went after you and he’s in pieces.” “Ah, my wounds don’t look that bad do they? Luzurial healed me?” “No, he walked into the Lego Trap. He’s literally in pieces.” Makes a lot of sense! I do wonder if Kizzy after spending time amongst mortals would be less fast to sacrifice them. I mean, except Drew. Working with the mortals there was great, I think everyone’ll like the champion and there’s always a nice action moment when the tank kicks in! We had a discussion about this as I recall. You: Just remembered this. What’s that about? Me: *Looking baffled and slightly scared, poking Whore of Heaven with a stick* I… don’t know. The possibilities are endless! Lupa: “Who the fuck brought a one-legged man to an ass kicking contest?” *Sees Luzurial glare* Lupa: “...is what I heard those cabrons over there say.” Kevin: “I’m going put my foot right up your ass! And leave it there, to give my sump a break!” Definitely think you made the right choice. Hell, you could probably even fit in some stories during the year where she has caused to do her job around Kevin. Especially if he found himself in suipernatural hijinks – gonna be some Eparegna fans out looking for revenge etc etc! Whoohoo!

Whore of Heaven Thank you for the review! It’s always great to get some feedback on old stories. I’m glad you liked the writing style! I totally get where you’re coming from with that line. It’s,uh, Her awesome breasts were revealed in their entirety for the first time, perfect unblemished mounds of flesh, tipped with dark brown areola and large nipples. it’s more than a litty cringry really. But it is possibly one of the lines that persuaded @InBrightestDay that this was their type of character, so I’ll just take a minute to promote their just-finished follow up story The Woman in the Statue that not only goes into great, better-written detail about what happens next to Luzurial after this story, but also takes a brave brief stab at explaining the somewhat skimpy outfit. The meta-reason for the outfit is that the original person who requested I write an angel story, provided a picture with a similar outfit for what they’d liked to see and I never really stopped to think, “Well, this ain’t so pure...” Thank you again! I hope parts 2 and 3 are not disappointing.

Generally positive! Healing! Fingers crossed it all works out.