JayDee

Shokan Lust has some good bits, some of the jokes in ‘You!’ aren’t terrible, and there’s also a few scenes in Ending the Fan that came out alright. I kinda have a soft spot for unleash the beast too, just because it’s probably my most plagiarised story. But enough about me now, this is your story discussion thread! We oughta talk your story! You ever think about introducing a good guy character who is too big to fit in the bunker? Kinda interracting with them outside, but having to face it all alone. A Transformer maybe, or some other big ol’ character.

Yeah, but it wasn’t my concept, it was a request fic

Oldschool mortal kombat fan probably! For the Shokan Lust story, someone had read my previous Sheeva-with-a-dick oneshot and suggested the Sonya corruption storyline for the next one. I had about a ten year period where whenever someone suggested something to me I could pretty much write it. Now I’m like “Soundas great! Awesome idea” *Gets nothing done* I am pretty sure DS only did the first Gogedheh story because someone paid him to do the concept in an actually readable and entertaining form, then the rest were paid for by folks who liked that one he wrote and didn’t know I did something with the character first. Possibly not the best recommendation of the original there

Come to that, I watched it when I was a kid so it’s gotta have been before your time originally hasn’t it? I forget this stuff! I keep forgetting too, it’s been years since I was a regular there so it’s probably changed a whole lot. I mean, two seperate comments on a story not by DS? Things have really changed! But aside from that, I expect different users now have different tastes. Funny thing, I’ve had Sheeva in three seperate stories which is probably enough to get her into my “most written about character” top five or so – (HP single fandom not included!). I liked playing her a lot back when MK3 came out I guess. Well, there’s a lot less violence/gore in my Sheeva-and-Sonya starring Shokan Lust and when it does appear it’s not the focus. Eh. Fair enough though, mosta my shit is kinda niche, and poorly written niche at that so worth skipping if ya don’t dig the themes

Has there been anything major you’ve cut out in the revision? Entire subplots, or sex scenes, or anything like that, or is it more of a re-ordering and changing from tell to show like the example here? Half-elf: “Yes I’m 400 years old, but I still like to fuck. Get yer pants off big guy.” It’s the kind of thing can bite a tyrant in the ass! I gues he doesn’t care with his power and demons. I did see the line, I didn’t realise it was that kind of drug! (brand name Floppicoxin… ahem) I think I assumed more like a fatigue one. D’oh. Ah, fair enough. I hadn’t thought about that. Makes sense!

I think my problem with mcstories was probably like you say a lot of repetition, but one author there I think I first saw on the grey archive was TantricLegion who did some great corruption stories. I sometimes still nip back there today to re-read one or two bits! Sometimes a particular style or theme of writing’ll just keep drawing ya in Unintentional reference, but I can totally start claiming it was intentional :p Well, if it does work it’s cool and good luck, and if it doesn’t it’s a nice mental exercise!

Compare and contrast!Ddescriptions of effects of various severities and treatments: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/burns-and-scalds/ (one small picture) vs https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/acid-and-chemical-burns/

You! Thank you for this review also! It’s funny, when I did chapter one I just figured it would be a oneshot, deciding what direction to go later on I had to try and draw the earlier stuff together and have it make some kind of sense. Or failing that a joke or two. The year 2000? Was it on the old grey archive, or superstories or another one? There were some good old stories back in those days. I remember one I think called superheroine central? Had some free stories too from some talented authors. Could absolutely just keep you reading, though these days I bet I’d get too tried afore long. Thanks again! Kate definitely suffers some ill effects from the magic there and even more so when she gets out of the house – luckily she’s got good friends to help her through it. Shannon’s promise to herself that she’d get Kate out in that Christmas story worked “Sounds like a Yaoi overdose” was one of my favourite lines from it! If you got any ideas on it that would work absolutely feel free to go ahead and use it! I just had it as a throwaway cranky Lupa line. When you say forced into the role, is it kinda like that film Liar Liar where he had to tell the truth all the time, or one where they’d be forced to provide expositon on everything, maybe even stuff they didn’t know about like, “Yes your husband was late back last night. He’s got a goat fetish. Just been blowing them all up the field.” Or something else? Either way, thanks you again for the reviews! Has been fun revisiting this little story.

I’m glad it was a quick fix! If I could face looking through my stories there’s probably a few there too. Oh, sure, deep inside! I saw that one, but it was ages ago so I mostly just have a vague idea they got a happy ending. No problem!

That’s what Uncle Joe always used to say!

New review for Unleash the Beast Thanks for your review! I wasn’t aware of this, so, I googled and found what you’re seemingly referring to: https://www.cyoc.net/interactives/chapter_116731/branch_116731.html or this page – https://www.cyoc.net/interactives/chapter_150402/full.html Now since my story was uploaded to AFF in 2007 (last edited in 2008) and time, unlike a heavy creamy load of dog spunk blown inside a witch, doesn’t flow backwards, I’m sure what you meant was “There’s a reskin of this story in a choose your own change thread The user there didnt even change the dog's name.” Thanks for letting me know. ...edit – if you happen to be a member there, feel free to let ‘em know one of the users isn’t being entirely original with their writing!

My own Jadis flashfic had no minors...but no sex either. Just piss and petrification. Which would make a good band name. I never actually got around to reading them, although having a vampire and a werewolf show up doesn’t exactly help my case. Shockingly, it is a genuine American name! See Starla the redneck in the movie Slither. “Who wants to try anal with me? You do? Bend over, nerd!” No worries, I know how busy folks get. Like I said to Invidia, If I didn’t have my reviews for the Sparrow/InBrighestday story already written months ago from IBD previewing it to me, I’d probably not have the time to give them as much feedback each week either (it’s a damn good story tho’!) I am looking forward to yours, hopefully tomorrow as I remembered I have a day off work!

You! part 2! Thank you again for this review! Her stories are very compelling. You want to look away, but can’t, and before you know it you’re doing her evi bidding. There’s no truth to the rumour this was based on J K Rowling. He’s distracted by the game at the time with headphones and mic, and when he turns around he just thinks his Mom’s let a couple of folks in and they came through the door. With Sarsa grabbing his attention he doesn’t click that ‘you’ are a total stranger. ‘Starla’ is just the name of some girl who knows who cosplays, roughly Sarsa’s height, and he initially thinks Sarsa is her in prosthetics and make up. Sarsa’s really only pretending to be nice with him. Once she encountered him she realised she could use him to further her aims, and put her rage to one side, but once she had what he wanted he was probably going to suffer a very long, painful, and possibly pop culture ridden fate. He’d not die. Thanks again for the reviews!

You! Thank youfor the review! She’s a great actress, playing ‘you’ like a fiddle and messing with your mind. And yeah, definitely a lack of reviews for folks sometimes Jadis is the heroine! She solved Narnia’s global warming crisis and stopped all those Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve from messing up the place. And that’s my story and I’m sticking to it because there’s a tree looking suspicously at me and some of them are on her side. Thanks again! Much appreciated the review. I’m super busy right now but will catch up on the new part of ‘From the Mirror Came’ as soon as I can

Publicly shaming plagiarism isn’t needed it just feels really good.

I’d settle for ‘em just letting George add new categories!

Whore of Heaven – part 3 reviewed! Thank you for the comments on part 3 also! All done now – at least it’s short He’s upgrading Megaman style – beat someone, take abilities! Wipe out the body on Earth, he can reform back in Hell. Well, until someone binds him. The creator: “These assholes doing all the raping are why we can’t have nice things.” Possibly inspired by some human looking devils in things like Devil’s Advocate and End of Days, though I don’t really remember now. Gotta get those soul contracts signed Spoilerwise I genuinely didn’t think it revealed anything that wasn’t in InBrightestDay’s summary for The Woman in the Statue - It does spoil parts The Least I Could Do which InBrightestDay wrote based on the original ending. I totally accept the amended ending isn’t for everyone but I still kinda like it, and I am sorry it’s weakened your enthusiasm for InBrightestDay’s far superior story (that’s not me being self-deprecating, it really is awesome). As well as the ending, I made a few other changes to fit in better with the sequel (there was a suggestion that Luzurial was shorter originally, and I think InBrightestDay spotted some other internal continuity stuff!) so I’m gonna take it as a plus that only the ending felt mostly tacked on Technically the only story to read first might be the Zombie Mother story I wrote even before WoH, which explained how Eparlegna got his current body. I stuck a few call backs to it in, such as the reference to Eparlegna is keeping the head of his half-human body’s mother. Still taking the reviews as a big plus, as you liked the rest of it I am glad you’re glad you read it Thanks again!

The trick is to find the site owner on the way to market, offer ‘em a handful of magic beans. There’s not a website owner in the world wouldn’t like their own beanstalk to the kingdom of the giants. Except maybe that Gadget Hackwrench fansite.

Whore of Heaven – part 2 reviewed! Thank you for the second part review also! Even more appreciated. I feel like I kinda screwed up the human servants thing with Eparlegna’s bad-boss activity at the end of the third part. I now believe having him use them more would have made more sense – The Dracula/gypsy comparison is cool, how it should have gone for sure. Kinda wish I’d done more with Bernice too, hopeless last stand badassary is something I got a softsport for tho’ Those two bad cops! I started on a story with Molly’s sister one time, never did get it finished. Glad this bit was hot tho! Haha, nah I’m pretty sure the site had that as one of the earlier codes. S’been part of wholesome fnafiction content for years. Maybe :D. I read a consensual Harry Potter/Narcissa Malfoy scene a few years back that did it phenominally well, much better than I’d managed here. It doesn’t get answered in the story here, but I think the ultimate answer for them having the sex organs is “ Angels were supposed to fuck,” but there was a bit of a miscommunication along the way from the higher order angels who didn’t have sex organs (gonna burn yer bits off trying it with the Seraphim!) and the closer-to-mortal-sphere types who do. Thank you again for the reviews

Whore of Heaven Thank you for the review! Appreciated as ever. Thanks! I wouldn’t be surprised if it was in an anime somewhere Monsters as embodiment of sins is a real old concept, but I guess most sources don’t try and smut it up. InBrightestDay did some really outstanding takes on it in The Woman in the Statue. The Sloth monster there is probably the one I’d have to face. Seems like good sense to me! Again, I think it’s an older idea of light and dark versions fighting each other so I can’t take the credit for it, but I can for deciding to throw it in! Not quite Chekhovian foreshadowing there! I think the bad guy probably also likes pillars because they’re vaguely phallic. Thanks! It gets a little sleazy! Sleazier. Thank you again for the review.

You can’t buy the site. You have to be given the ceremonial dildo by the Lady of the Lake. It sounds bad, but it’s better than the old method of having to pull it from the stone. You ever hear stone moan? It’s horrific.

For the Honour of The Slytherin second review this month! I wonder if it’s been linked somewhere? Thank you for your review. I’d agree it’s pathetic, but I’m really not seeing either the glamour or the encouragement. I mean, it’s in a bare stone room and emphasises how much it sucks for Hermione. Anybody who’d read that and think “Yep, this would be good in the real world with real people” is going to be already messed up in the head. As for adult sites having limits – On sites creating content (videos etc) using real people the limit should be whatever consenting human adults choose to do/act out with each other without any form of non-fictional coercion (and adult roleplay with whatever limits the participants set). In fiction, fuck it. There’s loads of stuff I’d not want to read at all, but I don’t see any problem with creativity from them as has it and write it. Ensure any trigger content is clearly signposted so that people who do not want to read it can avoid being subjected to it, but beyond that it’s for people to decide what they want to read or write in fiction. I suspect it is not something we’d agree on ever but thank you again for the review.

Intimidated by the big thread game? Just want some closure? From Appalachia and feel like counting all your fingers? This is the forum game for you. How it works: Read the most recent post in the thread carefully. Type the next highest number. Submit the post. If the highest number in the most recent post is 11 the game is over. You’re too late. If it’s above 11 some guys from up the more rural hollows were taking part. If it’s not here at all the mods didn’t see the funny side. So. Here were go. It begins. 1

The original x-men of Cyclops, Marvel Girl, Beast, Angel, and Iceman? Soaping each other up?