JayDee

Keying a whole story on one of those screens is a heck of an effort. I get pissed off half way through a tweet. Amazing work if you manage it!

Corrupt the Midwife gets what will probably be the final ever review, and deservedly so, since it’s not really my best work. Still better than that fucking Spyro story. Thank you for all the reviews and this final one. I do appreciate them all. There’s pretty much only 7 there because I wanted Chummy to get her rocks off at the end and didn’t have the time with the stuff I wanted to show in part 6. I’d been through half a dozen different ways to end it and settled on that one. I think a resounding ‘meh’ would be fair, though you’ve been too polite to say it. That was something I wanted to get in right from the start –it just felt like a great reference to the name of Nonnatus House in the series. There’s been lots of others who’ve referred to demons (and angels, and others) as not being born of course, so it’s not an original concept, but the trope sure fit there! Thank you! There's this really annoying trope that pops up in erotic fiction where the good guys, especially in fantasy stories or stories featuring religion, feel that sex is sinful in some way, apparently forgetting that, assuming God created the universe and all the living things in it, then He invented sexual reproduction so...obviously it isn't evil. There are sins related to sex, of course (rape, adultery, etc.), but the act itself isn't one. It seems like something Chummy might say facing a Succubus. While in a poorly written femslash. I think a lot of the sex is sinful stuff has just come from a lot of assholes seeking control over people’s bodies. Chummy absolutely had a husband, Peter Noakes, who she met during the first season, and their whole relationship was made of awesome. This story is set so early on in the series that she’s only just met him (mentioned in part 2 as “Now, there was a lot to be said for kissing, but she’d always rather thought she might go for a chap like that nice young police constable.”) She’s taller than him One of the endings I strongly considered was Chummy ending up with Peter at the end, but didn’t go with it for a few reasons. Of the ones I can remember now, one was that it seemed kind of off that Chummy was going to have so much fun thinking about Jenny and Trixie and then end up going back for cock and another was keeping it all femslash meant I wouldn’t have to put a generally misleading MF tag on it, and could leave it in the TV Misc Femslash catagory, since getting new series specific subcats is pretty rare these days due (I think, and happy to be corrected and no offence or complaint intended!) to the admin with the necessary database access being extremely busy in real life and obviously when someone’s a volunteer on a fanfic site that goes on the backburner compared to more important things like working, and living, and waging the forever war on The Lawn. As for Trixie, well, it was never explored in the series I don’t think so isn’t fanfiction great? Well thank you! It’s nice of you to say so, and I do appreciate it. I think the Shannon stuff’s worth reading and maybe the odd amusing line of period speak (and, fair enough, the nature of pleasure and sin from Chummy!) but this one falls so firmly into my “Didn’t work, goddamn it” catagory I didn’t even want to mention it to you for the Shannon appearance for a while. Still, it’s all finished now – thanks again for the review

“When I put my band together can I get a picture of you for the logo and later an album cover? Also, is rude to do this while picturing you?” Kate makes the sign of the horns and headbangs. Edit: I meant to say! You don’t need to wait to be asked, you can use these forum threads to lay out any background info you want, some authors have done it and then put a link to the thread with extra info. It’s just story extracts that are limited to something like 10 lines. So, like, if you wanted to explain stuff like the thought you put into character names or whatever you can throw it all in here. S’up to you really.

Funny thing, learning words from Warhammer – there’s a Warhammer fantasy character from around 30 years ago with the surname Dieudonné, which was where I first heard that name (I never played Warhammer, but I read a few of the books). Apparantly the Warhammer character was in turn named after an actor I’ve met someone else with the name since! “There was a giant crab monster!” “What happened?” “What happened? This is Poplar! It got mugged.”

Corrupt the Midwife Thanks for the review! I hope you can understand why I thought you’d be ok just skipping to chapter 6. Weirdly, Carnifex was one of the few out-there prompts I did know, vaguely remembered it from School ancient wossname, and then it showed up memorably* in The Sandman when I read the collected edition 20 odd years ago. *Well, I remembered it! “Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” “Yes, Miharu, I know. Every Sunday and Wednesday. She calls it community outreach. Do we have to argue?” Honestly, I could think of literally nothing else to use that prompt for, so tossed that kind of image in since by then Chummy wasn’t falling for it anymore. Very intelligent woman, that Chummy.

Ahh well, I don’t need to worry about any of the non-original characters, because per the last paragraph of this post I realised all of the fanfic characters I write are so blatently out of character that rather than being the actual characters they’re all my OCs pretending to be the proper characters in a fictional cosplay/b-movie “cheap off brand” set up using various prosthetics and, where called for, buckets of fake blood and old style horror movie effects. No fucking CGI here. And as for Luzurial, well, she seems like she might be pretty forgiving. Wait, no, she says the only “forgiving” she’s interested in here is “for giving me a stab in the face with a flaming sword.”

With so many AFF readers apparantly unwilling to review I’m filling in the gaps! Definitely a successfully emotional scene. Sorry ‘bout making ya feel bad with the original. Like I’ve said, I guess I do even feel a little bad for writing it. Although I’d probably do it all over again, because if you’re wanting to write and the only muse talking is the one with the crazy fucked up ideas… eh. You did great with that whole section though! Oh FFS, I guess sloppy writing is my brand. For a start it should be “and not feel”. I was trying to say I think readers would read it and see more than just a single note angsty scene and a lot more nuanced emotion going on. It’s not one note, it’s a symphony. I think you’ve done a pretty good job of showing good and decent folks in positions of authority – the cops in part one doing their job and so on – as well as baddies like Cassie and Hobbs. Nice mix! It’s pretty intimidating on it’s own, suddenly he’s back and he’s hungry. The unintended coincidental soundtrack gave it an extra push. Boy, I hope if that multiversal “Everything happens somewhere” thing was true, he’s not found out he’s a character in stories somewhere, stories where, for example he was defeated off page in a single line in his first Originals domain, or went down with one heavy slice from Kizzy in a later one. He might be more than a little pissed off. Ha ha. heh. Ohfuck. I guess there’s a nice bit of book ending too, with the chapter both starting and ending with a nice filling meal. Absolutely! Some of the best stuff is consensual. There’s even that term, “consentacle” which might be from a Futurama episode. But I think tentacle is just fine. Heh, I one wrote a prompt fic which has a girl fantasising about a tentacle monster under her bed – she would definitely have consented if asked, although I think the monster saw her as just a friend. My profile actually lost the setting for anonymous reviews for a while somehow, like an unintended reset. Once I noticed and set anon reviews to be allowed again I did get one or two more reviews I think. I get that some folks have issues with spammers and that, but I have to say that I’ve been pretty fine with anon reviews being on. (and in some fandoms there have been times when choosing to write a certain character pairing enrages people – which is why I’d do it, because fuck ‘em – and then some readers abuse anonymous reviews.)

Well parts 4’s the most repetitive bit and a bit of part 5 and part 7 in a way, and I never felt the brief sexual encounters gelled properly, but hey if you’re not suffering yet it’s all good “You what, guv? You want us ‘auling ass? Well, my mate Dodgy Bob can give us a lend of a van, might even be ‘is, but I dunno if the animal wranglers can get a donkey this time of night. Where’d you want the bleedin’ thing ‘auled, anyway? Miserable buggers, donkeys. My sister in law used to do a show with one, dahn the Rose an’ Crown.” Using much the same reference in the story, if I finish it. Fair enough! There’s certainly a lot of malevolent ghosts out there – the old stories by M R James could certainly be pretty damn creepy, and, well, Shannon’s pretty nice and laid back for a demon, so you probably are going to have a nicer time with her than some cursed apparation. I can see why it’s less creepy when the soul sucking demon is Shannon.

Corrupt the Midwife gets another review Thank you for the review! Naturally I am happy to get feedback in any format, but I actually feel kind of bad for you going through this one because it’s pretty repetitive and dull. Still, from a slumber-verse perspective I guess Shannon’s first outing at a soul snaring attempt has some vague interest if you ever do write a crossover! Well...that escalated quickly. I know this is a sex fic, but even so— Meanwhile, Shannon, “What’s taking her so long? It’s a sex dream, fuck already.” It is damn quick, I guess I do kind of like the idea of Chummy being terribly British about it though. Ah. That makes considerably more sense. Makes sense? Got to be a first for something I wrote! No, but I think I felt felt in the limited word count using the “it’s a hallucination” idea allowed the ability to get the stuff in quicker. It’s one of the things I think ultimately didn’t work, but I have done very little around orgasm denial so it is always worth trying something new. I always laugh at that phrase. It's a totally normal expression, I know, but maybe because of the "U wot m8" meme or maybe just because I imagine an angry pub patron going "You wha'?" in a cockney accent, it always makes me laugh. Like I said, a dumb reason, since that wasn't actually a joke. Strike a light, guv’nor, those cockney sparrows and their dialogue why it fair warms the cockles it does. Glad I made you laugh, even if some of it was at the story rather than with it I know that's just you using the prompt, but it's still hilarious. Thanks again! Some of the prompt words definitely make you go “For Fuck’s Sake...” but some amazing prompt stories have come out of them over the years. The next set of three prompts I’m half trying to tackle features the word fagottist, so it seemed the only way to work it in would be to have an arrogant basson player as a character. Fella’s gonna get his arm bent quite painfully for one of the other words in the prompt section for that week too, I think. Even if you do know Shannon, she’s got black hair and an Irish accent here, and using a different first name so it doesn’t get blatant it’s her until later. I guess it depends on what creeps people. “Oh, you’re a soul sucking demon from Hell!” “ ‘Fraid so.” “It’s such a relief. I was creeped out for a minute there, thought you were a ghost.” I ought to do a ghost story someday. Besides that ghost horse one I did. Actually now I’m trying to remember if I did do more. Anyway, thank you again for the review, I really appreciate it. I should get part 3 of The Woman in the Statue reviewed tonight

Fair enough! Bible it is. I’ll just make sure to have an author’s note at the start confirming how OC heavy it is so folks know not to proceed if that isn’t their cup of tea. Thank you for your time. “Mom, have you been mocking the gods again? There’s a giant sea monster outside wants a word.”

Shannon – Her entirely fictional dad was of Scottish-American descent while her equally fictional (though occasionally played by Shannon herself with a few tweaks and larger cleavage) Mom was a mix including some Irish-American and a lot of non-specific Scandinavian and German. They were both created as part of her schoolgirl cover story. The real in-universe source for the first name is a dead woman she knew in Hell, and for the surname Shannon liked the sound of it, and also had a vague recollection of the whole “not of woman born” thing from Shakespeare, which wasn’t too show offy to blow her cover. Kate – Since she hasn’t let me nail down her past I went with something that worked either as a fake name or a real one. Lupa – Her parents both really liked alliterative comics names like Bruce Banner and Peter Parker, and Lupa was also her maternal Grandmother’s name. They knew it would fly without making her a target for mockery, alhough sadly the, ahem, sun-allergy skin condition she developed later might have caused her to be bullied at her new school if she didn’t get to be friends with a totally cool other new girl. Kizzy – One of her fictional ancestors was held a slave in Louisiana at the time of the civil war. She had some help putting her cover story together from an Angel much closer to humanity, and, yeah, I loved the real meaning of the name in the context of Kizzy – her’s was the first of the four’s name I nailed down, because it just felt so right. With her demonstrating zero Angelic abilities until the night of the slumber party it’s not going to give her away. I dunno, it took way to long to come up with Wilde. It’s a lot more of terrible job

Made 2500 words of progress on a prequel chapter for “The Slumber Party of Evil Doom.” Decided I should give the characters surnames for while they’re at school. Came up with Shannon MacDuff, Kate Wilde, Lupa Lopez and Kizzy Dieudonné. Look, some of us are shit at names ok? I had Kizzy’s first hello include the phrase “Fellow Humans,” and keep giggling at it. Dunno if it works though. Oh well, hopefully I can get it finished and posted, because it has been quite fun to write.

Thinking again, when Hobbs used the term hybrid, that feels like another sort of general pop less-slangy term you’ve got there – I mean, he’d likely have heard the term apotheosis at some point in PPD training, but it was the easier on the mouth/spur of moment term ‘hybrid’ that came to mind, leading to Chloe’s nerves kicking in and filling him in with what had become the technical term – borrowed by science from religion to explain the effects of certain extra-dimensional incursions (or whatever the sciency jazz out be) on the folks who make the deals.

Listen to what your heart tells you! InBrightestDay’s Heart: “What are you asking me for? I just pump blood. I don’t know this stuff. Try that know-it-all spleen.” Eh, could use descended as a slang term and maybe have Chloe toss in a comment during that terminology explanation to Hobbs that people started using Apotheosis wrongly 75 years ago maybe thanks to journalists mis-reporting or the belief that the hybrids were becoming more than human – the scientific explanations would have seen transhuman abilities as a plus presumably! - but it stuck!

Corrupt the Midwife has 1044 hits so far. Seems fair as ultimately I didn’t get it right. InBrightestDay had look though ‘cos Shannon’s tied in with the whole slumber-verse (given that it ultimately all originated with an OC in another TV fanfic I guess it was just getting back to roots) This is a magical Sybian, isn't it? The shape of the thing, and the undeniable fact that it vibrated all the more as she went faster across the cobbles, was having an effect through sensible skirt and even more sensible unmentionables. I knew it! Thanks for the review! Shannon’s voice is heard and influence felt through the rest, but with not knowing the TV show you might be as well skipping ahead to part 6 for her showing up in person again. Ha, indeed, she’s playing it up a lot. I could just see the real Dubheasa of Shannon going “Who in the fuck would fall for that? You’d have to have never met an Irishwoman!” Yeah, a magical Sybian is very Shannon and of course, picking as her first target a woman who could be an actual saint with time, but with damagingly repressed lust as a weakness, would have gone down very well with Hell. Her failure to ensare said soul perhaps less so. I mean, they’d ask, “how much of a fool must she be to have left the woman both no longer damaged by repression and stronger in her faith?” And thinking about this made me realise that her next attempt would have demanded results much more quickly, which led me to start thinking about a scene set prior to The Slumber Party of Evil Doom which if I can get down right I’ll probably even post to the story as a prequel chapter. (at the same time as either labelling Part 3 as definitively non canon, or changing the ending a little, perhaps so that Eparlegna instead finds himself experiencing every torment he ever inflicted on everyone else, not just Luzurial, without actually being them. I think that could work, with him stuck in a loop). Thanks again for the review!

My two cents would be to stick with apotheosis – I hope you do!. It’s got the benefit that a highly technical term being used wrongly by the general population after a major event (or due to some TV show. Fuckin’ data used as singular instead of datum.) is incredibly human and happens all the time to the point that outside of their original technical usage the general meaning of the word evolves. Sure, some theologians probably complained about the mis-use while a corrupted Shondra-alike was fisting them, but everyone else would have gone with it. There’s no doubt going to be slang terms too, because these fuckers would be showing up in the fictional media of the day way more than in the real world! “That bitch Murial Jenkins has become one of those Hellspunks.” “No, Mom, we call them ‘Hell’s Punks.’ “ “Well I bet it wasn’t a taste of blood she had.”

Ya know if there’s stuff that really irks you, you can always go back in and edit it! Let Chloe flash that badge, fiddle any comments around sniping distance etc. It’s all allowed This ain’t literotica, just open up that control panel, click edit and away ya go. Maybe stick a note at the end saying you’ve edited it following a review with thanks etc. A lot of the time stuff like that only occurs to me when someone else points it out too, which is why I rarely had any concrit reading the parts through or said “Hey, what about...” (though gotta say, since I missed mentioning it in the review, slipping in dilkash as a term of enderment in part 2 will definitely make less ‘where’d that come from?’ than there was when it first got used chapters later!) Those officers fallen in the line of duty had names, Sir. Officer Shondra Jackson. Officer Molly MacPherson. #bluelivesmatter (Wait… they did what? To an archangel? The MBP tag was needed? Murdered a fellow officer too? Didn’t put their share in the department donut fund? Get someone to chip those names off the memorial, Bob.)

Absolutely – I think you’ve probably got the right tag at the start now. Given the mundanity of the name in Sweden I will do my very best not to crack Matrix jokes in the reviews of the remaining chapters. Unless they make me laugh when I think of them.

I like that whenever people say “There are no stupid questions,” someone can usually point to one of mine to disprove it. So… if you wrote a story set at the edge of Heaven at the time of Lucifer’s rebellion, but that besides references to the Creator, Lucifer and Michael (none of whom get dialogue), the story featured entirely original characters would it need to go under the Bible in books (or I guess Satan was in The Talmud first), or is it an old/generic enough setting that it could go in Originals, with a mention that this guy and that guy referenced feature in religious traditions? I don’t know if I’ll finish this thing, I’ve started a few unfinished things just for the pleasure of writing lately, trying to get back into it, and I gotta say it was a strange moment to realise I was writing dialogue for my charcter Eparlegna before he was a demon*, but if I do get it done I’d like to know where to put it/what dislcaimer to use (and also if it goes under books to remember to apologise for everyone being an OC, except for those references to Lucy and Big Mike.) *I didn’t sit down to do that. I’m just writing and suddenly it’s “Wait a minute… oh fuck.”

It’s a waaaaay better follow on than the heat death of the universe ending, so why not? Was pretty much my point of view. Gave me a chance to do some minor polishing on WoH anyway as well as the extended ending. I don’t know shit about sniper ranges, and have a bit of blind spot with distances anyway, so I never even noticed anything was off while reading through!

...yeah, we’ll call that canon too. What the heck. Better than anything I had!

Whore of Heaven gets another review. Thank you for the review! I appreciate all the feedback, so thank you for taking the time. I’m not surprised it’s not a sexy read for you – it’s a very niche story for anyone who’d find it arousing, I think. I had to re-read it recently and it didn’t do a whole lot for me either, except for some bits in part 2. I think you’re probably pretty much on it with the horror vibe – it’s just fairly grim tortureporn towards the end. On the plus side InBrightestDay’s thoughts have led to a fantastic sequel (I’ve had the luck of reading a little ahead of what is posted and it just gets better and better!) so one good thng to come out of it! I feel you’re right about her being tricked easily – this is of course a bit of a flaw with the writing. So far as the trap at that point, well, she had the power to break free easily but doing so would have condemned a group of innocents to a painful death. My other angel, Kizurial, would have done it without pause on the basis that their souls would still be safe, but Luzurial is, well, she’s too nice. Not wanting to see humans suffer was why she went down there. Or something. Eh, no, I see where you’re coming from. I think I criticised myself for the same thing at one point. As for the thong and bra – eh, you wouldn’t see Kizzy in that get up either. The meta reason is that the original requester provided a picture of the basic angel type and that’s similar to what she was wearing. In Universe… she kind of is naive about sex, I guess. Or maybe that’s just the fashion in heaven where none of the angels or archangels are having sex. I’m blaming the original request! Certainly in InBrightestDay’s sequel she’s wearing more sensible clothing. I’m glad you found it worth the read! I really appreciate the review. Thanks again!

Don’t worry I won’t talk about the karaoke night where Luzurial stuns everyone with a pitch perfect rendition of Iron Maiden’s Hallowed be thy name. Or the issues when the IRS turn up to discuss 75 years of back taxes owed for “Being one of those busking statue guys.” Or when Kevin asks her why she keeps killing birds and shouting about “75 years of goddamn crap, you feathery bastards!” Or anything about a dimension hopping succubus. Yeah I can see that the English Major version would possibly have proven less useful. If we assume that ‘evil born of Hell itself, and it's coming back’ from the summary comes back, being able to dash in and correct grammatical errors or quote a bit of Maya Angelou would perhaps prove less helpful than the whole applied theology gig. Especially as said evil might be quite happy about caged birds being unable to sing and cheerfully ready to give an example. And to be fair, NPC path finding and combat has come on a bit since those- wait, nevermind, you didn’t take the computer game route. And absolutely, champions are often known for their band of true companions anyway. No doubt a big guy did some kind of heroic sacrifice just beforehand, and the champions’s old mentor probably died too, still kvetching about the mess the bad guy made. “It wasn’t the high five that got you sent to Hell. It was the ‘Down low… too slow!’ you followed it up with.” Another good thing that Calista was there to point out Luzurial couldn’t be a demon, because you’d be getting really bowel looseningly nervous if it was a demon, you know the aftermath of Whore of Heven, and both weapons hadn’t worked. Luckily no urgent extra request for brown uniform pants needed.