JayDee

Fucking Halloween Party was great fun to write! Still worth a read for folks who want some slightly spooky succubus sex without the kind of horrific death found in some of my stories. Nobody even gets a nosebleed. Someone does get a finger up the ass, but overall it’s a positive learning experience. Thank you for the review! I am also happy to hear your getting some progress down after the screen glaring. It might never get released! I mean, purely on the unliklihood of me never getting around to the story. At worst it’s “I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. Yes, I did get a blowjob but I never dreamed someone as awesome as you was interested in me when I did, please don’t dump me… ” at best it’s “You want a threesome with her involved? Well, I mean, I love you, Jen, but if you really want it I guess we can try and find her…” I am glad ya liked it though, it’s pretty feel good right? Shannon as a succubus would probably only have ensnared souls that were going to Hell anyway. She was never the cruellest of the fallen. Had things been a little different she may never have fallen at all. I'm not checking to confirm this, but I just know that somewhere on the internet there is either a pirate porno with that exact title, or that has a character with that name. There's no way no one has taken advantage of that pun yet. I did have a look and there’s like 33 hits on google, and I don’t honestly know if the porn guy was before the original writing of the story (rather than the current loading date) or not. A little bit of interracial that was entirely good natured anyhow. They had fun! Hopefully the good cap’n met a decent guy afterwards and was really happy. I love that line. Thanks! It seemed better than my first thought of looking at the BDSM gear, rolling her eyes and muttering ‘amateurs’. Introducing a sex dungeon in a story and only using it for background would probably enrage Chekov, mind. And that one. Thanks again! Just think how strong the spell would have been if she’d been able to source some IRN-BRU. (This joke only applies for the people of Scotland.) Yeah, Sarsa’s just her pen name! (There was a bottle of Sarsaparilla in the room when she came up with it.), but she wanted You to believe you had power over her. “Writers are liars,” as Neil Gaiman wrote in The Sandman, although he may have been lying. Poor old Astrid, and all she did was mock the fanfic. So, you can imagine that COD troll was not likely to be having a romantic handholding date after his flame. Rumor has it they found bits of him in 18 states. Including Kansas. And those bits were all still alive. *flinch* Two reviews into the future... I guess one thing with a story like this is that for 99%+ of the readers who choose something like it they’re unlikely to have previously chosen Whore of Heaven and so it wouldn’t any flashback moments for them, it’s just a threat with the dramatic irony of knowing she’s not a real angel. For the less-than 1% of you who did read both, well, flinching isn’t unreasonable Shannon’s one of the all round nicest characters I ever came up with but I guess at the end of day she’s still one of the fallen who rebelled against the throne and was cast down into Hell. That’d intimidate most people, especially on a first date. The thing with beauty is that it can always in the eye of the beholder. There are those who absolutely love the aesthetics of death. And for the others, well, say you’re soaring high over the plains and forests, the cities and lakes, you can find beauty in what you see as long as you don’t look too closely. Maybe. I think I probably just thought it was a nice image. Yeah! Well, as long as Astrid doesn’t mind that total lack of monogamy or occasional cock thing. To be honest, those might be deal breakers. Thanks for your feedback on this! It was a fun one to write and I remain pretty happy with it so It’s cool to hear you liked it.

Just the tip! thank god!

Good luck! It’s a real pain when that happens, but I am sure based on what you have done so far that when it is done it’ll be sensation. I just hope folks love it as much as I do! Nah, she’d take the muckiest view she could. Filthy mind that girl. Haha, exactly! Thank you! Heck, just imagine the cracks and anguished screams that keep breaking out through the crowd as unwashed young perverts realise they’ll be dating the other hand for a while. But Lupa is a little bit of a hypocrite as she would be quite happy to do certain things to those hairy throats without getting full un-coerced consent.

If you don’t read Fucking Halloween Party any time soon it’s all good, it’s mostly just Shannon solving a problem by fucking it anyhow. If you’ve got the time and motivation to write, then write, I say! Get your story storied, and if it takes days or weks or months I’m sure the ending will be sensational when it comes. I really hope it gets a lot of reads and reviews because the chapters I’ve read so far were really really good and you deserve that recognition. I was thinking of other lines around Kizzy’s nerdy fandoms, say if Shannon was filling in Lupa on Luzurial more some time, “Do you know how pure you have to be to be known as ‘The Pure,’ in Heaven? Like, really pure. I bet even Kizzy fiddles her expenses.” “Huh?” “You ever notice how many times she goes to look for evil threats to humanity at science fiction conventions?” “I went with her that one time. Those neckbeards were evil. ‘Know how many wandering hands I had to break in that crowd? Anyway, there some some asshole she was tracking. Drew or something.”

You!: 5, aka The One Where I Couldn’t Think Of A Title That Fit ...That doesn't mean there's nothing funny in this chapter! There's a certain amusing (to me) irony that the main character, who turns out to be black and had that bit about Tarzan back in Chapter 1, immediately assumes that the white girl is the angel. Thank you for ths review also! I went with that purely on rule of funny. And at least he noticed Kizzy’s serenity and probably started to assume before getting a faceful of Shannon being Shannon. Kizzy’s attractive – The sheriff in Blood on the Hay found her pretty enough – but she’s wearing a Star Trek t-shirt and Docs and all businss at that moment, while Shannon has the simple white dress, the halo-like hair and the stunning smile and the rest. Plus I did just think it was funny I love that whole thing. The image of the void before the Big Bang, her inhuman nature but also her basic goodness, just all of it. Thank you! I think with Kizzy, I tended to view her as having been quite seperated from humanity before she came down on Earth and so she’s ended up ‘living’ her chosen disguise personality (which she presumably had some help constructing) more than. say, an Archangel might, while still being the Seraph underneath. I dunno, there’s probably other stuff where I contradicted that. I do that a lot. Also, I really like how those lines came out too. Not my worst writing for sure! Also, that was funny. Thank you! Yeah, I see what you’re getting at. I guess Tyrone made the right choice rather than trying to fight or run, or side with Sarsa, although Lupa might be somewhat less happy once her thirst subsides slightly. That’s why I! would start with her chapter. They had a word limit of 1000 words when I originally started doing the prompts, but this was removed later on. I stuck with it for You! partly for continuity and partly because I was having a great deal of trouble finishing anything and it felt like an achievable limit. Absolutely it could do with a longer and more detailed ending, especially as Tyrone would have enjoyed a few rounds with Shannon before dying, but I think I just about justified it by him deciding Sarsa needed to be sent to Hell quickly, and Lupa being really thirsty. I mean, not really, but close enough. Thank you one final time for the reviews on You! I like how it turned out overall and so I’m glad you and others did too.

I haven’t written any story about either of them. I am sure others have done so. Good luck finding these.

You! 4 Thank you! I really am grateful for your thoughts on all the parts. It’s the one where you realise your memory is fucked so a play on ‘forgot’ seemed to work and I think I’d used all the good jokes so I had to fill in with more dramatic stuff. Sometimes the obvious jokes are the ones that need to be made, and there's really no way a modern vampire character wouldn't make at least one Twilight joke at some point. Heh, yeah, I’m sure it’s a a contractual requirement to include ‘em. Lupa totally sees herself as a wandering badass who happens to be on the side of the good guys out of the bond of friendship and not a sparkley lovey dovey vamp. So, if I'm reading this correctly, does that make Kate a wolfwere instead of a werewolf? That's like a spider that was bitten by a radioactive human. That’s the implication! but the next line is “You’re opening your mouth to ask if she’s serious as Lupa comes back to the room.” So I’m not one of the users who massively maps out character backstories. There’s users here with databases that say what their main characters had for breakfast 10 years ago, me I just bashed outwhatever sounded good for whatever story. There’s multiple possibilites for Kate’s past, but I think honestly that what I was doing here was partly having her doing a straight faced joke to get her good mood back after flashing back to Sarsa’s story. The past I favor for her more was that she got her abilities from an ancient wolf spirit, wounded and ‘dying’ from some supernatural battle. She showed some kindness to it and comforted it as it came to an end. In return she gained her wolf side the instincts and urges related to it, and also the ability to share it, like a modern source of lycanthropy different to the old European strains but with some similarities, like around the moon. But come the day I ever write the origin stories l might end up going for the joke version given above. Thanks again! Just the one chapter to get through now. I hope it’s not too terrible. I was mostly out of ideas. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. It got so bad I thought I was writing The Simpsons.

You! 3: Wolf Moon – is my favorite ever chapter title referencing a t-shirt design I love the way you keep taking advantage of all the meta jokes the 2nd person perspective allows. Thank you for reviewing chapter 3 as well! I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Of course, Sarsa’s story is fictional, out here in the real world the Spyro story is worse. I don’t think Lupa was ever an A student at science. If she’d read some psudoscience explanation for vampires she’d probably go for that “Yeah, us vampires have a form of quantum entanglething, we can spread out and come back. Also magnetism from the blood iron, maybe. What are you asking me for anyway, poindexter? Come here, let me give you a kiss on the neck…” Sarsa is a master of the sympathy pendulum, isn't she? First I felt bad for her, then I didn't, then I did, now I don't... Another sad thing is, when I wrote part one as a oneshot I’m pretty sure I intended her to be genuinely a victim who just wanted to write, and that it was all as it appeared. But the story didn’t want to go that way, and Fucking Halloween Party cemented her as the nasty kind of demon. Frankly, I think the clue was in the second person Mary Sues. I don't really have anything to say about that; it's just funny. Thank you! It’s cool when jokes land Lupa’s exaggerating for comic effect, but honestly there’s nothing to say that Shannon didn’t look for a way to fuck her way past the wards first. “What if I build power by having a really big gangbang and overload the wards with it? Lupa could be fluffer!” “I put them in my mouth, I’m draining them, mi amiga… I meant the blood! The blood!” ...I dunno. Something like that. Anyway, thanks again for reviewing part 3! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the story.

I’ve written more than a few stories myself that needed a racism tag and that was in the 21st century (just about any of mine with the recurring characters of T-Dog and Pops especially), so sticking that jab at Burroughs in was probably also another example of JD Hypocrisy… except I guess in my stories, they were just done for people who got off on the interracial rape theme rather than a colonial’s view of Africans. I dunno, I’m happy you’re not actually annoyed by it though! That bit in the Pellucidar series certainly sounds a bit more modern than when a character commented on a supposedly African woman as “the n-word wench” in a Tarzan book anyway. There’s some great books from the period though for sure. Crap! I’d hoped I’d saved you the time! I really didn’t think there’d be anything in there you’d be entertained by, but at least it wasn’t a harrowing experience. I’m glad it made ya laugh!

You! is short and has no sex, but until I started flagging for ideas near the end was a hell of a lot of fun to write. Part 1 review: Thank you for your review on this and chapter 2! I really appreciate ‘em. I genuinely think there is some funny stuff in here so I hope you found it amusing too. For the chronology – Part one is after Slumber Party but before Fucking Halloween Party, then Kate arrives in part 3 on the night of the events of FHP, Lupa arrives afterwards. This is a story that has some messing with personal peception of the passage of time and character unreliable memory due to magical trap/influence. I did have a lot of fun playing around with second person and how a lot of folks don’t care for it outside of maybe CYOA fans. My personal view is that any format can be good if written well. Well, mostly. The intended sequel starting straight at the end of You! would be called I! and would be in first person with a chapter per character starting from Lupa’s POV and then the other three , plus another character and one from Sarsa at the end. Sarsa loves cliched stereotypes, her writing is full of ‘em! So she was always gonna go for hooves, she probably makes the effort to show them instead of feet the same as how Shannon can grow a penis as a demonic control over appearance thing. I had some stories under my old pen name with a hooved demon, but got through all the good jokes back then so haven’t really returned to it. As someone who grew up reading Edgar Rice Burroughs (never Tarzan, interestingly enough, but the Pellucidar and Barsoom series), DON'T YOU PUT THOSE WORDS IN MY MOUTH, STORY! Burroughs might have gone to Mars or inside the Earth but he sure never went to the Jungle, and since you haven’t read the Tarzan series you’ve missed elements like Burroughs apparantly deciding the only suitable term for any African is the n-word. And this wasn’t writing in the antebellum south – even by the late 30s when the Tarzan books were still coming out. He made Tintin in the Congo look like Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream,’ speech. Also, to be fair to the in universe character, when it’s revealed who ‘you’ are in story, it could be argued ‘you’ have a little more reason not being keen on the Great White Savior in Africa character type… so that maybe the statement about Tarzan was a real feeling from ‘your’ mind rather than some of the fake memories. Bit spoilery, that. Ahh well. I am sorry if I offended your tastes, it was really very much a throwaway line and when I wrote part 1 I hadn’t even realised who ‘you’ were so having more of a reason implied in part 5 is no defence. Maybe I can help! Yay! A review! Thank you for this, seriously I appreciate it. I think there’s some fun stuff in You! Part 2 review Okay, so I know this is about bad fanfiction writers and self-insert characters, but considering that the official language of Hell in your stories seems to be Hsilgne, there's something humorously meta about it. Yup, that was the intention! Bit of self-mockery for the backward demon names thing as well as for joking about the self-insert stuff. I think it worked! Oh, God, Sarsa, I feel you. Seriously, her first piece of feedback is a flame. While her fanfiction sounds like what most thirteen year old girls would write, those are never really warranted. I’m sure most 13 year old girls can do a better job than Sarsa, but, yes, getting a flame for your first piece of feedback would suck. Getting them later though used to just make me smile! I tended to quote them in the old AFF forum flames thread. On the other hand, there is such a thing as overreacting. Nice one! Although, she is a demon! Pride and that – overreacting to minor slights could probably in the job description. The Miharu story is only in continuity as Drew is a spawn of Eparlegna. Neither big E or any of the other characters show up, beyond Drew’s mom Janet’s reminiscence about Eparlegna, so it’s not worth your time to finish on that score – I don’t think it has any themes you’d like! Like, not even one. This isn’t Drew here– as it happens by the end of his story Miharu is hogging the computer time anyway for gaming so he doesn’t get as much chance to read and review, and he’d probable also be able to sense the demonic influence Sarsa puts into her stories and steer clear as well. Given what Sarsa did to Astrid from Fucking Halloween Party just for a mocking email I think it is safe to say that once this flaming COD player’s usefulness to her is at an end it will emerge she hadn’t actually forgiven or forgotten and he might not enjoy a date as much as he thinks. Something I might reference in I! if I ever manage to write it. Yeah, Sarsa’s got some sympathetic elements but she isn’t a very nice entity. Nope. Thanks again for your chapter reviews! I am sorry if I offended you with the line about Tarzan.

Stick her under the invisibilty cloak, and have her make noise. Boom! Thestralgirl.

Three reviews from three different people in one day. Did it just get 2007 AFF in here? Is it the end times when time becomes unhinged and creatures of evil spread their wings, take flight and and accidentally get shredded by jet engines? Corinthian Knot Granted, perhaps Lara's supposed to be confused, but I felt like maybe that was supposed to be a period. And thank you for another review! I love getting them. Ain’t a writer here who doesn’t like getting them I think. She did kill that dog’s whole family. I haven’t got on to the new Tomb Raider games yet, but in the old ones she was always blasting hell out of animals who were just trying to live their lives. She was always fucking dogs, it was just she she used to use pistols or a shotgun! It wasn’t always a given she’d be alive when I played either. I never intended for her to die, I was just never that great. You’re right about her poor porn fic outcomes though. I alone have written something like five stories with her in, (one is a part of a story under movies) and she dies in at least three of them. She did survive the one where she gave birth to a Centaur. On the sentience/squick level – I had an earlier dog story called Unleash the Beast that would be squickier because the dog was not magic, but at least no sex slave ending so… Then another time I’ve donea story using one of Narnia’s talking horses where sentience + speech made it virtually a furry fic. I’m not proud. Except for the title. That made me smile. Surprising hotness is one of the best kinds! Also the most worrying when you wake up at 3am and think “Whoa, I found that hot. Is being a monster infectious?” Thanks for asking about the question mark – I think it is actually intentionally meant to be Lara questioning that it felt good (which would naturally be a surprise), with the lack of clarity being down to poor phrasing. I was trying to think if I had any stories I could recommend that might suit your tastes and, well, nope. Not a single story of mine outside the slumber-verse I would recommend for you. There’s some sections here and there that would maybe appeal (breast massages etc), but mostly you’ll just end up wondering just what happened to leave me so broken. Finally, thank you again for taking the time to review.

There is no better name! Get out there and be credit to team! Don’t forget the wise advice of Pyro, “MMPPH!”

Savagery is one of those stories with zero redeeming features, save that I wrote it as a request and the person who requested it seemed to like it. Sometimes that’s enough. Thank you for your suggestion, I appreciate you taking the time to think about this. It’s been ages since I read a lot of comics so I am not familiar with the New 52 – I did see the Wonder Woman film though, and surely Gal Gadot’s WW could kick his ass good and hard. I have to say though, what would either version be doing walking the boundary between Hell and Faerie? Now, if heroes were to find her it would surely be mighty Baytor and his companions Six Pack, Dogwelder and Bueno Excellente. I’m sure that together they could give Darius a suitable punishment. Bueno in particular specialised in it. Worth thinking about anyway… Some day, maybe.

Ending the Fan is ultimately not my best story, but it was one I had a lot of fun coming up with stuff for and I am still fond of most of it. Despite having rape content (Moz is an Orc. It’s cultural.) it’s still ultimately good natured. And I really liked writing “Antoinetta liked to act the playful young woman; the last thing many had seen even before she joined the Dark Brotherhood was her cheerful smile. She knocked back the potion carelessly, perfectly convinced it wasn’t poison. Everybody knew that if Moz gra-Bura wanted something dead, she would hit it with an axe.” And thank you for your review! It seemed like it had some of the content you enjoyed so I am glad I was right in suggesting it. I’m surprised I had much storyline in there around the fuck scenes. Funnily enough as degrading as it got I never went as far as one request – they wanted to see Moz orgasm with her face in a bowl of fresh shit. It just wasn’t that kind of story. Thanks again for your positive kind words.

Blood on the Hay is one of those stories that really needs a final part or two, to show how Kate got back in the pack after running out in TSPoED and before being part of the team in You! There’s a lot of prompts I’ve never done stories for so maybe, one day… In some ways it probably ought to have been loaded on as further chapters to the previous story, bit late now, really. Thanks for the review! I haven’t had this much feedback in one go in ages. I really appreciate it Jeb’s one of the times I had nasty serial-attacking character most definitely not get away with it forever. There will have been some people reading it from the codes and the description and the title expecting it to go the other way, what with me being the writer and them not having read the previous story. Still, goes to show that the MCD tag doesn’t always mean horrific body horror. Just, you know, most of the time when I am using it. The lack of a whole lot happening in the second part is another reason why a further part would be good. And also so Hanson and Deputy McQueen can get laid. Shannon isn’t picky. I think I was actually intending that Kate had decided to do the right thing for the previous victims, and sniff out the evidence of what had happened before leaving. It was kind of based off that thought she had considered, that Kizzy might have intentionally driven her towards Jeb, and that with a bit of self reflection she wasn’t really evil – sure, she’d wanted to make her friends into werewolves, and be the alpha, but that was just natural pack instinct! I always intended that Lupa had come from a fairly devout Catholic background, and that she’d lost her faith and become an athiest because of things that happened before she became a vampire. If you were a vampire would you want to suddenly find out God was real? Better to assume there’s another few inhuman entitites with scientific explanations who are just a bit deluded right? I think her saying of grace would be sarcastic as hell, especially if she was saying it over someone’s bared neck. Thank you again! I definitely never expected another review on that one.

Oh yeah it’s all personal choice. I am sure any of us are grateful for any reviews. I think from the query InBrightestDay was just wondering if there’s any sort of set way people do things here for them! I appreciate negative reviews just as much as it’s always good to get alternate perspectives – even straight up flames that don’t talk about the story I tended to enjoy because at least someone had made the effort although they’re against site rules and had to be deleted I’m not writing a whole lot of anything these days, but every time in the past I’ve said I’ve stopped writing I’ve ended up doing something else so never say never! Thank you loads for your review on the ancient story Mike Rapes A Dyke I think there’s two reasons for why there’s more positive reviews than you’d expect. The first is that the story has been on the site for over a decade and my perception is that users reviewed more readily back then so there would be more chances for reviews both positive and negative (and to increase the hit count!). The other is that some of the positive reviews I get on stories have always been people who enjoyed the concept no matter how unpleasant. (Others were just being nice and thanks to all who did!) It’s my experience that even when a story is objectively terrible as many of mine are, if someone enjoys the kink they’ll praise it more than normal. There’s a Spyro the dragon request story I wrote that I think is irredeemable trash, but a few people who have a Spyro snuff fetish (like the guy I wrote it for) yummed it up! The more negative/neutral reviews on Mike Rapes a Dyke are surely users who don’t enjoy the kink and so see the flaws you raise instead, or others (like he issues with the unclear POV switches – I would definitely try to do that better these days!). The relentless negativity of the story’s ending was an issue for a few people, but I’ve stuck by it to drive home how shitty the experience was. Even later on in my story Twinpregnation poor cousin Lily is still referenced as being in a bad way. Someone really oughta do something to hurt that Mike guy though, even like decades in the future… I would suggest that a lot of my stories over the years do actually suffer from the points you’ve raised – As well, since a lot of them were set to fulfil a specific kink request or idea and so lack real storytelling or characterisation to get to the people engaged in the kink whether rape fantasy, snuff fantasy or on one occasion much older woman raping a teenage boy fantasy. They’re a mixed bag of objective crap! Of my other stories the only one I’d really suggest you might also like would be Ending the Fan, in the games section, as it features a physically strong axe-wielding female character in occasionally degrading but always enjoyable sexual encounters who does get a magic cock of her own in at least one part (but avoid chapter 6 as it has no sex and just puts forward views on the nature of heroism. It might be some of my personal favourite writing but nobody’s gonna masturbate to it.) I really appreciate the review and thank you especally for taking the time to have a serious look at this old story. Have a great day!

It’s always interesting to hear a bit of the background in the writing of a specific story. I’ll be looking forward to part 3 – feel free to drop me a PM if I don’t notice when you’ve loaded it

I was just throwing comparative religion at the wall and seeing what stuck. I think it says a lot about my lack of basic common decency that I’m happy to blame what’s clear a hugely problematic moral choice on an in story character’s cruel decision rather than take responsibility myself! Dear Creator, Shannon did it again. Truly I would complain, but we now have the fastest pizza delivery times in the the world. She refers to the pizza delivery girl as ‘pineapple,’. When I asked why, she said she knew some people believed it was wrong to have her on top but it felt so right. Kate’s puppy obedience class continues well, and she can now sit, roll over, and beg for a heavy metal CD. She has also stopped laying on the rug and intimately cleaning herself with her tongue whenever the door-to-door evangelicals come by. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she’d been in wolf form. I have continued to witness to Lupa in the hopes of convincing her of the truth of your existence and the love for your creation. Unfortunately she showed me some tracts she found written by a mortal called Jack Chick that were so terribly unchristian I temporarily became an athiest myself until beyond their power. Until next time, your faithful servant, Kizurial of the Seraphim ...wow, that’s less good than I hoped. Should have gone with recounting the capture of a summoned tentacle lust beast from the darkest pits of Hell, and how after three days it was so exhausted it just wanted to snuggle and watch Netflix, and so Kizzy had to remind Shannon of the gift of mercy. Although possibly it still came out better than this letter from a long dead and forgotten forum RP thread. ...nice

The Slumber Party of Evil Doom, best known as being the story that got me banned for life from Jersey City. Thank you for your reviews on each chapter of this story! For the prompts part 1's Slumber wasn't too bad, part 2's Adduced gave me trouble and part 3's Paronomasia made me shudder before just going with silliness. I did manage to do 1000 word flashfic/chapter every week for 52 weeks though, so yay me I guess. I was definitely trying for an unexpected ending. I mean, buncha monster girls so far, so normal and then BOOM! Angel! I really feel like doing a story where they do all walk into a bar now. Girls night out after defeating some terrible evil. I think Kizzy would probably be a wine drinker, Kate on the Jack’n’Coke and hammering the juke box, Lupa probably just having a quick nibble on whoever the biggest creep on the bar is, and Shannon taking regular trips to a glory hole and doing her thing. I remember when I first wrote it, I initially had her staying but not doing a lot more than growling or cursing and I found with the 1000 word limit that used to be on the prompts I wanted the word count to show other things. Rather than just have her sit quiet I had her jump through the window and thought it worked better! I’m glad you liked that. On the one hand, that explains the difference between Seraphim and lower angels: a Seraph can't drop his/her sword; it just kind of goes poof when he or she isn't holding it. On the other hand, I just had kind of an unpleasant flashback. I figure she probably could drop her sword but the nature of the binding is a little different, since she was effectively bound by her own will, the sword is effectively drained into the binding. Possibly. It’s a while since I wrote it, but Kizzy’s appeared in a couple more recent stories and I think for this version of canon I’m seeing Seraphim as being of an exponentially higher level of power than lowest angels (of the sort Shannon once was), although by taking on the human-like form she’s perhaps more limited. Why did a Seraph get the job? Well, who can guess the intention of the creator… And, yeah, I think I can guess what the flashback is to. A dark day in Los Angeles. Well, Seraphim aren't supposed to interact with mortals much, so I guess that's why her people skills suck. That and she’s spent a bunch of her time on Earth just watching Star Trek and thinking Worf is cool. I mean, we’re lucky she didn’t just insult Shannon in Klingon at that point. Unpleasant flashbacks intensifying... While Kizurial silently called for aid from her comrades that would not come, for she was fairly caught. No, no, no. I will not go through this again! You are not making me read this again, JayDee! Hey come on! I didn’t make anyone read it! I just put it out there and let temptation do the rest. FFFFFFFFFFFF— She released the bracelets with another command. Kizurial's sword ignited as she swung towards the shocked Eparlegna. —FFFUUUU oh, okay. Um...false alarm. Heh, see? It’s not always horrible in one of my stories! Sometimes there’s a happy ending. Hell, I’d already done Whore of Heaven so it’s nice to take a different route. Eparlegna got two stories where he mostly succeeded, if defeated offscreen at the end of WoH (and I guess Miharu Sarutobi Must Resist! was an offscreen success, although Janet seems to remember him quite fondly) so it was time for him to his ass kicked back to hell by Kizzy! Gotta love the power of friendship! Apparantly it’s magic I thank you for your feedback and what is probably the most detailed moral look at something I’ve written, ever. Ultimately this was me having a difficult prompt and deciding to let Eparlegna – who isn’t really my favorite character – suffer through a bunch of humiliations and then coming up with the idea of him being Luzurial so that he really had only hurt himself. In some ways I think the punishment here is closer to that concept of people being reincarnated and suffering in their new life for whatever shit they did in the old one. They have no memories of their past life or anything, but they’ve come back as a rat or a snake or a writer of Naruto cuckold fics or something because in a previous life they were especially evil. I guess the difference there is that if they’re better in the new life they move back up in a further re-incarnation while Luzurial was going to spend eternity suffering (I mean, when I put in a few lines at the end to lead to your sequel, 75 years is still really cruel especially after all the tortures and rapes!) without getting that shot at a new life. I dunno, you might have noticed I don’t always think things through! I totally agree Luzurial didn’t deserve what she got – and neither did Bernice, who could have been the hero of another story, or any of the other poor victims. So yeah, that ending is not really moral or ethical or even very nice, I agree, and I suppose Lily’s in character thought would be that she can’t do anything to stop what Eparlegna had already done, but she can stop him doing any more and at least make one of the worst evils he ever committed to have been done to an aspect of himself, hence punishing himself sufficiently. She’s got a desk job in Hell (“You probably do have to be mad to work here”) and had a very traumatic experience herself, so probably it isn’t justice and it isn’t fair, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. The only way I can think now to have made it fairer would have been that once Luzurial was sealed in the statue to find her pre-Luzurial memories returned, but meh, at the end of the day it’s in indefensible and I tended to assume that not having any sex in it, most folks wouldn’t read it anyway In a lot of ways part 3 is a joke episode and would be even less canon than the rest so folks wouldn’t need to see them as the same character. Thank you again for your in depth thoughts on this story! I’m glad you found the jokes amusing. Some of them are wince inducingly bad but, hey, Hell!

I’m sure it’s fine to review either per chapter or a whole completed multiparter – whatever you feel like, most of us writers are just happy to get reviews and appreciate feedback in any format and wouldn’t dream of imposing a preference Sometimes it feels like you could just keep tinkering with a story and you kind of have to have a cut off point where you stop making major changes but still slide in little extra corrections if other folks notice an issue. Review for Fucking Halloween Party Thank you for this review! I appreciate the feedback and it’s really cool it caught your interest. I’m glad that the stuff that worked, worked, and as for the stuff that didn’t – I like your suggestions for a character, as you say they would have some interesting story possibilities. It would probably allow for more conflict than the current situation, but I’m probably locked in the current version now! Could definitely be inspiration for future stories! I double checked I hadn’t accidentally called Shannon Samantha anywhere – easy typo! So far as retaining her demonic powers; it’s all about an extension of her own will rather than being granted by Hell Shannon was once an angel who followed Lucifer (if the lowest possible rank, far below Kizzy in terms of power) and she still retains her will, though perverted into sexual usages by her decision to become a Succubus. That’s how I tend to write her anyway. In her other appearances she’s not actually having sex. Shannon would be pretty cool with being degraded and playing a slutty submissive tbh – in the story she corrected Steve’s degrading language for his benefit rather than her own, since he didn’t really know what he was doing. I will get around to reading some more of your stories – the The Master Program was fun and I loved that ending. Thank you again for your review and inspirational thoughts. The alternate character ideas are definitely interesting.

I might not have the skill to write this but at least I can spell triy— trye- triyd. Oh shit. Never mind. Harder than it looked.

Twinpregnation reviewed! I just realised it has hit 5k hits so folks must still be reading it. I hope we’ll be seeing a lot more of the reviewer InBrightestDay here now they’ve registered! AFF likes writers! Also, they’re working on a really really really good story. But on to the review! Thank you for reviewing this again! I’m really glad you liked it and that the long term element works. I just like the idea that it isn’t some dirty lust thing but a deep affection that’ll last a lifetime. After all the bad ends I’ve written it is nice to have something positive. As a piece of pornography the big element was writing sex people found hot so I am glad that came across well too. Funnily enough it would have been connected to something else you read, but previous reviewers persuaded me it worked better without the appearances from other characters. I do see where you’re coming from with the criticism and it feels like doing more of that would have improved it a hell of a lot. I re-wrote it from another of my stories of about half the length and added quite a bit on at the start, but I really feel now I could have done more. It’s definitely something to keep in mind if I did anything similar. I really appreciate the criticism. Thank you again for this review and welcome to AFF! Oooh! and to point out for AFF users that of the 100+ stories I have loaded on AFF there’s only 2 or maybe 3 of them that meet Literotica’s terms and conditions (I haven’t tried the third one yet). I’ll surely never have anything else I could load there! I’m not going anywhere unless, of course, the moderators finally decide they’ve had enough and place me under Damnatio memoriae.

To be honest I have problems with the English in my stories and English is supposed to be my first language (although the local dialect is a bit different to the version shown by, say, Hugh Grant in Hollywood). When I review if there’s some awesome bit I like to say it’s great, but then I don’t want to ruin it for some other reader who checks the reviews before reading the story. It’s a fine line