JayDee

Corrupt the Midwife has 1044 hits so far. Seems fair as ultimately I didn’t get it right. InBrightestDay had look though ‘cos Shannon’s tied in with the whole slumber-verse (given that it ultimately all originated with an OC in another TV fanfic I guess it was just getting back to roots) This is a magical Sybian, isn't it? The shape of the thing, and the undeniable fact that it vibrated all the more as she went faster across the cobbles, was having an effect through sensible skirt and even more sensible unmentionables. I knew it! Thanks for the review! Shannon’s voice is heard and influence felt through the rest, but with not knowing the TV show you might be as well skipping ahead to part 6 for her showing up in person again. Ha, indeed, she’s playing it up a lot. I could just see the real Dubheasa of Shannon going “Who in the fuck would fall for that? You’d have to have never met an Irishwoman!” Yeah, a magical Sybian is very Shannon and of course, picking as her first target a woman who could be an actual saint with time, but with damagingly repressed lust as a weakness, would have gone down very well with Hell. Her failure to ensare said soul perhaps less so. I mean, they’d ask, “how much of a fool must she be to have left the woman both no longer damaged by repression and stronger in her faith?” And thinking about this made me realise that her next attempt would have demanded results much more quickly, which led me to start thinking about a scene set prior to The Slumber Party of Evil Doom which if I can get down right I’ll probably even post to the story as a prequel chapter. (at the same time as either labelling Part 3 as definitively non canon, or changing the ending a little, perhaps so that Eparlegna instead finds himself experiencing every torment he ever inflicted on everyone else, not just Luzurial, without actually being them. I think that could work, with him stuck in a loop). Thanks again for the review!

My two cents would be to stick with apotheosis – I hope you do!. It’s got the benefit that a highly technical term being used wrongly by the general population after a major event (or due to some TV show. Fuckin’ data used as singular instead of datum.) is incredibly human and happens all the time to the point that outside of their original technical usage the general meaning of the word evolves. Sure, some theologians probably complained about the mis-use while a corrupted Shondra-alike was fisting them, but everyone else would have gone with it. There’s no doubt going to be slang terms too, because these fuckers would be showing up in the fictional media of the day way more than in the real world! “That bitch Murial Jenkins has become one of those Hellspunks.” “No, Mom, we call them ‘Hell’s Punks.’ “ “Well I bet it wasn’t a taste of blood she had.”

Ya know if there’s stuff that really irks you, you can always go back in and edit it! Let Chloe flash that badge, fiddle any comments around sniping distance etc. It’s all allowed This ain’t literotica, just open up that control panel, click edit and away ya go. Maybe stick a note at the end saying you’ve edited it following a review with thanks etc. A lot of the time stuff like that only occurs to me when someone else points it out too, which is why I rarely had any concrit reading the parts through or said “Hey, what about...” (though gotta say, since I missed mentioning it in the review, slipping in dilkash as a term of enderment in part 2 will definitely make less ‘where’d that come from?’ than there was when it first got used chapters later!) Those officers fallen in the line of duty had names, Sir. Officer Shondra Jackson. Officer Molly MacPherson. #bluelivesmatter (Wait… they did what? To an archangel? The MBP tag was needed? Murdered a fellow officer too? Didn’t put their share in the department donut fund? Get someone to chip those names off the memorial, Bob.)

Absolutely – I think you’ve probably got the right tag at the start now. Given the mundanity of the name in Sweden I will do my very best not to crack Matrix jokes in the reviews of the remaining chapters. Unless they make me laugh when I think of them.

I like that whenever people say “There are no stupid questions,” someone can usually point to one of mine to disprove it. So… if you wrote a story set at the edge of Heaven at the time of Lucifer’s rebellion, but that besides references to the Creator, Lucifer and Michael (none of whom get dialogue), the story featured entirely original characters would it need to go under the Bible in books (or I guess Satan was in The Talmud first), or is it an old/generic enough setting that it could go in Originals, with a mention that this guy and that guy referenced feature in religious traditions? I don’t know if I’ll finish this thing, I’ve started a few unfinished things just for the pleasure of writing lately, trying to get back into it, and I gotta say it was a strange moment to realise I was writing dialogue for my charcter Eparlegna before he was a demon*, but if I do get it done I’d like to know where to put it/what dislcaimer to use (and also if it goes under books to remember to apologise for everyone being an OC, except for those references to Lucy and Big Mike.) *I didn’t sit down to do that. I’m just writing and suddenly it’s “Wait a minute… oh fuck.”

It’s a waaaaay better follow on than the heat death of the universe ending, so why not? Was pretty much my point of view. Gave me a chance to do some minor polishing on WoH anyway as well as the extended ending. I don’t know shit about sniper ranges, and have a bit of blind spot with distances anyway, so I never even noticed anything was off while reading through!

...yeah, we’ll call that canon too. What the heck. Better than anything I had!

Whore of Heaven gets another review. Thank you for the review! I appreciate all the feedback, so thank you for taking the time. I’m not surprised it’s not a sexy read for you – it’s a very niche story for anyone who’d find it arousing, I think. I had to re-read it recently and it didn’t do a whole lot for me either, except for some bits in part 2. I think you’re probably pretty much on it with the horror vibe – it’s just fairly grim tortureporn towards the end. On the plus side InBrightestDay’s thoughts have led to a fantastic sequel (I’ve had the luck of reading a little ahead of what is posted and it just gets better and better!) so one good thng to come out of it! I feel you’re right about her being tricked easily – this is of course a bit of a flaw with the writing. So far as the trap at that point, well, she had the power to break free easily but doing so would have condemned a group of innocents to a painful death. My other angel, Kizurial, would have done it without pause on the basis that their souls would still be safe, but Luzurial is, well, she’s too nice. Not wanting to see humans suffer was why she went down there. Or something. Eh, no, I see where you’re coming from. I think I criticised myself for the same thing at one point. As for the thong and bra – eh, you wouldn’t see Kizzy in that get up either. The meta reason is that the original requester provided a picture of the basic angel type and that’s similar to what she was wearing. In Universe… she kind of is naive about sex, I guess. Or maybe that’s just the fashion in heaven where none of the angels or archangels are having sex. I’m blaming the original request! Certainly in InBrightestDay’s sequel she’s wearing more sensible clothing. I’m glad you found it worth the read! I really appreciate the review. Thanks again!

Don’t worry I won’t talk about the karaoke night where Luzurial stuns everyone with a pitch perfect rendition of Iron Maiden’s Hallowed be thy name. Or the issues when the IRS turn up to discuss 75 years of back taxes owed for “Being one of those busking statue guys.” Or when Kevin asks her why she keeps killing birds and shouting about “75 years of goddamn crap, you feathery bastards!” Or anything about a dimension hopping succubus. Yeah I can see that the English Major version would possibly have proven less useful. If we assume that ‘evil born of Hell itself, and it's coming back’ from the summary comes back, being able to dash in and correct grammatical errors or quote a bit of Maya Angelou would perhaps prove less helpful than the whole applied theology gig. Especially as said evil might be quite happy about caged birds being unable to sing and cheerfully ready to give an example. And to be fair, NPC path finding and combat has come on a bit since those- wait, nevermind, you didn’t take the computer game route. And absolutely, champions are often known for their band of true companions anyway. No doubt a big guy did some kind of heroic sacrifice just beforehand, and the champions’s old mentor probably died too, still kvetching about the mess the bad guy made. “It wasn’t the high five that got you sent to Hell. It was the ‘Down low… too slow!’ you followed it up with.” Another good thing that Calista was there to point out Luzurial couldn’t be a demon, because you’d be getting really bowel looseningly nervous if it was a demon, you know the aftermath of Whore of Heven, and both weapons hadn’t worked. Luckily no urgent extra request for brown uniform pants needed.

A Song Of Forgotten Beauty – I said recently I’d loved to write a sex scene with a winged character that wasn’t Spyro. I must have forgotten this one. I just read through it again and noticed a couple bad typos/errors I’ll probably polish, but apart from that I feel quite happy with it. So I don’t always put my own writing down! Certainly feathery! I have the story Harvest Mouse under original with a full on MM furry fuck (you don’t want to read it), but this probably is in the same ball park. Thank you for this review! It was cool to get it and actually unexpected. I actually read chunks of Hesiod’s stuff at school, what, 20 years ago now. We went through a lot of other old Greek and Roman stuff too (Tragedies, Comedies, Histories, poems… Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War had some good bits!), I really loved that material although I was never that great at Latin or Greek, and it’s rusted away almost entirely now. So, yeah, I double checked the early references and basically made the summary as a reference to how the Romans especially thought they had horrific features. So far as fanfic goes – I’ve been really wanting to do a story with Medusa, Stheno and Euryale for years and never even got around to properly planning it. It wouldn’t be incest! But folks would be getting hard. Rimshot. Would you say no to Zeus? That’s a good way to get yourself doing something inventive down in Tartarus. I think it probably depends on the monster. Some of the ones sent by gods probably did not like it, whereas those sea snakes sent by Athena to fuck up Laocoön and his sons might have had a great time. We may never know. Absolutely some dickish behavior though. Although in a way that’s quite endearing about them too, because the Greeks were happy to have Gods that were basically people, but more so. Yeah, he stuffed those birds! Ahem, yes, thanks! I’m glad it was alright. Wanted a touch of erotica at least. It’s totally within the genre! I mean these harpies just have bird-like features. Leda straight up fucked a swan and had two human kids. Ok, the swan was Zeus in disguise but even so… Basically, the Greeks didn’t have something beautiful in a myth if someone wasn’t gonna stick their junk in it, and have a kid. The trouble Jason had getting jizz out of the fleece… Thank you again for the review – I really appreciate it.

A line about it at the top of the chapter might be the way to go. If the intention is that she’s blackmailed into sex, well, you might need the rape tag since coerced sex isn’t consensual. If she really is forced into things later, well, it’s probably going to come up as a trigger for folks. Possibly worth asking one of the archive mods to read it over and see what they think! So far as she aphrodisiac heh, I think we’ve all been there where you have an idea to use and then other stuff that feels way better comes up and it can end up virtually forgotten. I was just joking around about Roy’s equipment. Making a double entendre when it wasn’t actually there! Absolutely, looking after a dog you really need the dog leash, water bowl, food bowl, the right food to go in the bowl if the dog has specific dietry requirements, dog treats, bedding, the list goes on and on! Although as a working dog Roy ought to be pretty well behaved I imagine? I guess I’ll see in the following chapters.

You may want to leave your twitter handle. There’s a lot of nicks and freddys on there.

That’s hilarious. The pictures are all cool, but thanks for sharing that one especially. Well, there we have it. If I ever re-visit Jenny she’ll be getting angry ‘bout polluters and littering. Maybe she could be the river spirit in one of the requests in this post if I get around to doing it before Pippychick’s likely superior effort. Edit: Also, all my prompts in the two posts on that page and also in this earlier post are high quality story concepts and no doubt lead to best literary nobel prizes someday. And if not, we’ll make ‘em innuendos! “Hey Smokey! There’s a fire in my pants, you’d better beat it out.” I had them walk into the bar and then waited to see what happened next. Shannon got a free drink and pretty much guaranteed sleeping with the bartender. Then conflict. Well, I have a scraps folder which isn’t as full as you’d think. I did a bunch of fics back in the day I no longer have on AFF, and it’s these I’ve been re-writing into original or fanfics. Twinpregnation was one of ‘em that was gore free!. I’ve still got some oneshots and one four parter to de-RPF-ify. Of the remaining ones, some aren’t gory at all, some have a bit I might just strip out simply because it’s not the best written and the four parter is literally all gore. There’s like two lines in each part where someone isn’t being fucked, killed, butchered, or eaten. In my defence, when I wrote that one I didn’t know the fucking characters were real fucking people.

The first one’s pissed because somone threw a skull in her pond after she did her spring clean “Does a bear shit in the woods?” “...take your MM scatfic back to AFF.” I’ve managed a couple thousand words so far on a walks into a bar story. Kizzy’s not there; she’s helping at a homeless outreach project instead. Meanwhile at the bar, some bad guys showed up. Dunno if I’ll finish it. Just trying to write more, really. Sit down for a time and try and write something. Maybe I’d be better concentrating on one of my few remaining gorefest re-writes from 2007. Something I could finish at least!

Jenny From The Pond because if there’s one thing JayDee likes it’s malevolent water beasties. Hence that half-assed request that led to Pippychick’s brilliant story The Price, available right here on this very archive. It’s also notable as one of only two stories I loaded on fanfiction.net (as Kizurial, since JD and variants were taken.) Thank you for this review! Another case where I always thought another review unlikely. I think it may have been decided that if AFF had a seperate Oral History subdomain section users would end up confused. And thirsty. I guess when your sole reason for existing is to be a warning against getting close enough to water to drown you’re gonna be one creepy water critter. She probably just has a ham, egg, and chips at a riverside pub these days. Thank you! It was always a bit of a challenge to tell a story of some sort in 1000 word limit. There’s definitely a few of them that could have done with more time in the telling. This one sort of boils down to Zach arrives, gets a look at British Teeth, and flees. I mean, it was her favorite rock… Heh, I ought to revisit him someday in another humorous misunderstanding. Perhaps around a wolf in some sort of park back in America. I probably was referencing that – I think I’d boned up on her before writing it, but equally it might just be concid… nah, screw it, I’m taking credit. Thanks again for your review, I ‘preciate it.

You are literally already in it. Read it, it’s all about you.

Roy seems like a hecking good boy and It’s great there’s more of him coming. As it were. I hope the final ending isn’t too dependent on feedback, if I’m the only one reviewing. There’ll never be an ending in that case! I can absolutely see how it must take a lot of time and effort though, that first was, what, 9k+ words so there’s literal hours of writing time in there. Takes a good while to read, too, but I’ll try and get part 2 read before too long.

I’m sure it’s right. I mean, I can’t count past 10 without taking my shoes off so I take your word for it. Thanks for putting the thought in!

Well, if it’s the most horrifying thing you see today you’ve not heard Weezer’s new cover of No Scrubs.

That does sound like the ol’ Lamia. Sometimes writing the stuff down is the only way to purge it. Although, If it helps, there’s always the bright side that l I never got around to writing her “Turducken but with angels” idea. Anyway, you could always undelete it and use it for the basis of an AFF Halloween party story… Wait, that wasn’t me, that was the muse.

Kizzy’s definitely got the ability to have wings on her human-like form, per end of Slumber Party part 1, probably not dissimilar in size to Shannon’s although angelic rather than demonic. I guess I had that so that people would believe her when she indicated she wasn’t human (besides the flaming sword). She’d have entirely different ones in her true Seraph form. Six of ‘em for a start, but since looking at her would probably burn out mortal eyes they probably don’t need the math. Rule of three! I nearly stopped at two and thought, no, gotta get that third one in there.

And, wow, another review for Whore of Heaven though I suspect many readers will take the attitude of that other reviewer of The Woman in the Statue and not have a look at the dark and gory origins. Which is probably the sensible option. Thank you for your review. I’m grateful for you taking the time to read it. Gore content is always going to be one of those things I think folks like or they don’t – not just as a sexualised thing, but with some of the horror movies and that. A bit of violence here and there is alright but I guess part 3 was pretty heavy on it. She survived though! Unlike the character in another story who got white phosphorus in a very uncomfortable place. I’m really glad you found the story more interesting – I put in a bunch of variety of stuff to try and keep it chugging along. I mean, it still has some tentacles but they’re less focussed. It’s funny, I’ve not seen a whole lot of hentai really, but I did see quite a lot of old anime they used to show on TV and there’s probably some shared influence in the villains. Hey thanks – It’s like InBrightestDay has pointed out too, I guess, where the actual physical/magical restraints would fall short, her own personality and unwillingness to cause harm to trapped innocents serve to finalize the trap. So it does pull together, without blowing my own horn. I’m glad it worked anyway! I am hoping to start reading With the Mirror Came… soon – that Beast tag sounds fun! – will probably have to go a chapter at a time.