Thundercloud

carnivorous humanoid frogs

Making a five year old forget traumatic stuff sounds very reasonable...if you want real drama you might consider if it is more effective to have the father have done a genuine mistake

The death was caused by somebody that the boy admire.

Don’t worry. It did not sound like any bemoaning, but just served as good place for me to place the “your story is good enough to get more reviews” comment. I don’t go around tallying reviews for authors that I enjoy reading...but I have been waiting for you checking chapter 13 of G.S.P. for quite a few months now. If we are speaking about other stuff I have written I would be interested to know what you think about The Tale About the Laughter of Azbezil (revised). Perhaps not a perfect fit for you since there are some non consensual scenes but the bad-stuff-happening-to-people count is way lower than for the G.S.P. story and the overall story is quite InBrighteestDay compatbile. I admit that I have read that I each chapter more than once...

That sounded very depressing...I hope you will get more reviews after all your hard work. There is a reason the final battle of stories usually include quite much fighting. As for the matter of action...I actually think you peaked there in chapter 10. The Woman in Statue is bound to end with an epic duel given the groundwork of JayDee, but the real action IMHO happens on the way up in the actual “dungeon”. I think you did a good job with this. Her reflection there increase the tension of the final battle. It is very much the best line. The others are not even close...”My name is” for instance suffers from interference with far too many songs and movies. I have done my review for the final chapter so now you know the answer. I look forward at hearing your thoughts about my stuff...I think I am ahead of you in the number of reviews by quite a few now.

As a foreigner I think it will be nice to get read about something different in the news papers….the last week has really been an orgy of reporting of not yet final results from the US election. From another perspective I think it is great that US will finally try to become a new player in carbon free energy. The lasts years has IMHO given China far too much room to continue to gain geopolitical power from their clean energy investments. Europe and US need to get their act together and make sure that China does not control all the essential technology that will used for the next hundred years.

Would been a miracle if there had not been any errors considering I wrote most of the text between midnight and 2 in the morning for a number of nights. To be fair I do make plenty of mistakes with English even when rested...will need a decade or two more to perfect my English. Good that you could look past the language mistakes to enjoy the story. Thank you. I think the scene benefits from the limited viewpoint. It was the fun to write the scene in any case. Good, I worried a bit about it having James to notice it might make it too obvious. In the beginning I had the thought that the police could be viewing more than one video and I could leave it to reader to notice the difference in production...but that idea had me dragged into also visitingthe murder scenes too and that soon became a bit too much darkfic for a regular Halloween story. Yep, people is always looking for patterns. How much better the world would be if people working at the papers understood statistics better. A realistic slasher story...I take that as praise you only can get on AFF. Thank you for the encouraging review.

Practice makes perfect when writing stories. I got the intended meaning...but now you had me start laughing again. I thought about telling you but InBrigthestDay got there before me. I think these days the association would be more like “Dear god! A Feminist!” The weird thing is that from the circles where I move very few of the guys actually care about unshaven arms and legs, girls without mascara will most certainly be considered weird but the obsession with shaving seem totally out of proportion. It is a super hero from my G.S.P. story (that InBrightestDay has read) that pack a very heavy punch. Maybe you should do a story about lots of people that suddenly realize they have the same Shannon as contact in their phone….or a decameron story where all participants change the name of Shannon due to privacy reasons so they don’t get they are talking about the same person and suddenly she appear herself and wonder why they all tell stories about her without giving her name any credit...

Suggesting a werewolf with their superior sense of smell wearing a fake leather trenchcoat...probably only a good idea if you have a death wish. One of my prime motivations to write such things is to get them out of my head. When I know how the scene play out and get out the replay loop in my head that goes...what if...or it could be...even better if it...maybe go back to what if. On the other hand these ideas are not so sticky as others I have been stuck with. One possibility is actually to write a prequel that describe the killers earlier activities...but I am probably more inclined to go with the 4 more chapters for With the Mirror Came... Five years back is during my loooong break from AFF when I was busy writing on other sites (that does not exist anymore)

Having a backlog with reviews must feel good. A fellow author need to do what an fellow author need to do to hint at the possibility of cooperation... I look forward to it. Lol, so very true.

Thanks for deep dive into mythology. I think that in general your writing style InvidiaRed is not quite compatible with my reading preferences. When the story does not explain quite what is happening and I need to take a break and research why I recognize a particular name to understand what is happening then my reading focus is lost. When it is nordic mythology that I sort of remember, but not quite... then effect is even worse. Nothing wrong with your style in itself, but it is not my preference. So keep working...but I will probably be a rare reader.

I will look forward to see how it develop. Hope my schedule will allow me to read it an timely fashion. You can always return to that chapter and add some content if you get in the mood some day. At the end of the day it is your story so you decide to what degree you want to got explicit and when a fade out is better for the flow of the story. It is not like posting on AFF means any commitment to have a certain degree of explicit scenes.

Yep, that detail was meant to be rather funny. I also think that the stress about the state of apartment give a plausible reason why James might not be at the top of the game so to say when they return at his home. It is part of slasher-movie rules of engagement that the killer is super efficient in every encounter with a super natural sense of opportunity for getting away with murder...at least until he tries to murder the lead character and cannot land even a single blow. *smiles* Trying to write something thrilling and getting a Hitchcock reference back feels good. Feel free to send me a PM about it. Good that you enjoyed the read.

One ofthe story gremlings I spoke about earlier that was making progress hard were more scenes from previous murders at the sorority house. I originally added the violence tag due to these...but eventually decided that they did not progress the story much and they was kind of hard to write without foreshadowing too much. Yep, hard to fetch the camera without being seen on tape You are welcome, I enjoyed writing that. It was obviously chosen for the reverse reason in reality. My reason for using that particular movie is that I really liked it and thought that prompt for people to watch it might be useful. It was also a great way to mark the age difference between the characters. Good to hear. To be honest I decided that the readers guess is as good as mine. I considered writing in the detail that the phone was left in the kitchen and had been moved by somebody, but then decided that James reaction on this would just slow down the urgency of the scene. In the end it is not like James objection about the water pitcher in the living room is very convincing evidence. I can imagine plenty of reason why Jane would like fresh water from the tap and watch the phone. I am glad you like it. I have carried this idea for like 15 years, but never got around to write it since the story twist felt kind weak on its own for a stand alone story. Good to have the story finally out of my system.

I read it as a very funny joke about the libido of juniors. Speaking from experience there need to be certain thickness on leather for it really to make sounds. When I wear my leather armor it is quite easy to make it creak by breathing deeply. A modern leather trench coat is often more plastic than any leather and those will not make any sounds,, but if you have an older one that has not been oiled for some time I can imagine it giving sounds that make it sound that it is on the way to break...creaking heavily sounds fitting provided we are speaking about leather that need to be oiled.

I actually did realize the gender before the actual sex, but there was a clear “wait...is it a girl moment” when I read it. Sam is a tricky name...one reason why my mind started down the wrong path might be something simple as it made sense for two brothers on the bed since you highlighted that Jenny was sitting opposite from them. I can most certainly see your argument and it is a good one. My thought is that it did not have to progress into an actual sex scene for there to erotic possibility. I suppose the thing I reacted on was that you had Freddie and Sam go down the lust path while Jenny was acting kind of emotionless. Nothing wrong with this of course, but it kind of gave the game away that she would go for murder. Having Jenny acting more passionate about that she was planning something for when father got home could perhaps worked to make it less clear where it was heading to give more surprise for (some) readers.

Thank you for the review (where I cut out the spoility part of the review, would be a shame to give final twist away for other people that happen to read this). I am glad that you enjoyed it considering how I struggled to get it done on time. I checked your chapter, but was a bit tired so I need to read it once more before the review.

Okay...no beta reader as usual, but by working a few hours past midnight for a couple of days I have managed to get the story finished. The Teen Slasher by Thundercloud Summary: The notorious teen slasher is active again and deputy officer James Ewan is charged with trying to keep a horny teenager safe that survived the massacre at the sorority house. Will he be able to keep the target safe or will he be fatally distracted by the nubile teen? Story Codes: M/F, F/F, MCD, Violence, COMPLETE

Still not done...but I have killed some of story gremlins that was impeding progress so there is hope to get my story working for Halloween…I hope it will be for this years Halloween.

Not sure I got the time, but maybe...

Actually I think you can forget about thermal...I remember reading that for a standard space suit the heat is lethal about 5 million kilometers from the sun but the radiation from the sun will kill you in about 75 million kilometers distance. As a reference Earth is 150 million kilometers from the sun. Getting close to the sun is simply really really hard. From another point of view,..slingshoting towards the sun will take so very long time that the person will die of hunger long before the sun becomes an issue. If you want some kind twist for your missing the escape pods scenario I think the solar wind could be a better bet. The solar wind changes with erruptions from the sun and when the magnet poles of the earth changes and can kill the electronics of spacecrafts. Arranging a rescue before a upcoming solarwind erruption wipe out the life support of the spacesuit could allow from serious drama.

Ages since I heard that name...Homer Vargas was one of big names among erotic author on the Internet around the period 1998 to 2002. His archive of stories should still be on ASSTR in case anyone is curious.

Feel no pressure about returning the review favor. I try to be good citizen and from time to go hunting for stories that have few or no reviews, but mostly I focus my reading time on those who had written a review about something of mine. If you find some story of mine that sounds interesting I would be delighted if you give it a shot, but what I write is not for everyone so no hard feelings if you don’t. If you are unsure about a particular story you can always drop me a PM, InBrightestDay did so for my G.S.P. story that he thought might or might not be his cup of tea...by now he has read and reviewed everything but the last chapter. I don’t know about the preferences of most readers...the number of reviews is always way lower than the number of readers so honestly I think we at best know what a tiny minority of the readers prefer. I assume there are many readers here that are okay with visiting AFF and read stories they enjoy but not being comfortable enough to register an account to state their opinion. As for the matter of you writing smut I think the sex scenes in later part of the story are quite good. One of the reasons I mentioned the upcoming sex in the later chapters is by the way that it is not totally rare for stories to have story tags for planned chapters that the author never came close to write before they lost their steam. A review that verify the story will end with actual sex can at least not lessen the likelihood that somebody check the story. In my experience quite many authors add the foreshadowing on later edits when they know what they need to foreshadow about. In your case I suspect you get it right because you have rather well developed characters so you can step into their perspective. I think it is quite fine to let the reader add the details in many situations, but adding the details over the story needs to be done with extra care. Maybe a possible simple solution would be that you add a reference to her hairstyle in the first chapter or something similar. It is rather short opening chapter so you have room to add some visual details without slowing things down too much. I am not suggesting that you should change anything about her personality, but that maybe these other characters could be used on more occasions. Possibly to highlight that Tamara is socially awkward. I would argue that it is the final story that matter and not if it took time to write. At least I try to tell myself this when I realize I have stories that I update about once or twice each year when things are progressing good.

Don’t feed the troll

I cannot speak for everyone obviously but the story have a far too low ratio of reviews considering how much dick girl fun there are. Keep the good work!