Thundercloud

The idea for the story actually started with the thought...what is in it for santa’s helpers? The answer that they get to do scheduled visits to those on the naughty list that possibly could be persuaded to do sexual things seemed like the natural answer when thinking about it from a AFF perspective. As for points where the writing quality can be improved it would be miracle if there was not such considering that I don’t have any beta reader for this story and did not go through with my normal trick to write and leave it unpublished for a couple of months so I can read it myself with fresh eyes when I have sort of forgotten the text. Thank you for the encouraging review.

I added a summary for my story so there is something to copy to the first page. Thus TCR did not forget to copy any summary for my contribution since I did not think about writing such until I saw TCRs story.

I wrote a couple of reviews kind of lately and I don’t think I got a reply from everyone. Just thought it worth to mention...

Thank you, your fix seems to have solved the problem.

Maybe I am missing something obvious….but should there not be a button so can use so we can add our contributions?

It’s like the Godzilla movie from 1998 when Godzilla is so large its feet crush a t-rex skeleton and stomps a buss to tiny bits….but they spend most of the movie running around trying find the location of the monster that somehow manage to hide itself totally.

I think I am in...the pesky little detail of not having a betareader...but when have that stopped me. :-) If by chance any of you other participants is looking for somebody to exchange beta reading services with you can drop me a line.

Glad that I could improve your day. I really liked the twist at the end. Makes me think of a quote from Swedish writer named Ellen Key...”Education is what remains after we forgot what we have learned” It is obvious that Murakami is right, you simple don’t becomes a published author without continuing to train and loads of self discipline. On the other hand there is plenty of people that do running as time to spend their free time without ever hoping to win the marathon race. Looking at things from Keys perspective the fact that it feels daunting to revise old stuff is partly since education improve over time even if we turn rusty and we are able to see stuff in older stories we have written. I totally understand your thoughts about revising the text. Looking at my old stuff always feels like a encounter with my ex-girl friend. Not that I have a real problem with the level of quality in the old texts since I know I wrote it practice my literate skills, but it is not like I ever become filled with inspiration when I get reminded of the choices done back then. Looking at my own contributions here on AFF the during the last year it is only the long epics that get revised. The shorter stories rarely have enough story for me to overcome the effort to really start to work at them. Thanks for the offer to use your story concept for a story of my own. It is tempting, but most probably I have enough story ideas in queue to use for quite some time.

Quite a lot of reviews actually...it felt unfair to just read your story so I read all but one (InvidiaRed unfortunately have writing style that does not work for me). I cannot claim to keep tab of all yōkai in that massive series so I don’t recall if there are any standard jorōgumo. Does not seem impossible that they take out such a monster since there is quite a lot of small yōkai they eradicate , but the reason I started thinking about this show is that it in the final battle it is revealed that the main enemy, that by the way is a male, is in truth a spidermonster. It could also be worth to mention that the bad guy manifest crazy many powers over the series that is not spider related, so it is bad fit if you are looking for jorōgumo anime, but it is a very worthwhile anime/manga in my opinion. At least if you have the time to watch approximately 200 episodes... Seems like a smart move...BDSM is often seem as mysterious and kink of kinks so to say when viewed from mainstream society. In reality I would say it only works in eroticas if the characters are compatible. Bondage like you did it with a hint of danger is often just as effective. That this is a game they have been playing before. I will see when I get time to read it. Lots of stories to read...

I have now posted chapter 5 named The Hidden Danger: Fairy Hunting This chapter features Helian and Larion searching for clues about the artifact Magul. The search will take them to city of Nabasi where they will have to learn how dangerous it can be to tangle with fairies. Unfortunately they are not alone since Azbezil has sent a group of his own to Nabasi so there more dangerous things than fairies lurking. Story codes for the chapter FF Inc MC MF Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Larion and Helian but the following heroes also make an appearance Duwlon, Enbon, Talinda and Fenlyw Next chapter that needs revision is the first chapter of the book The Time of the Prophecy...but I don’t have a planned date for this. If you want read more of the Tale about the Laughter of Azbezil any time soon I suggest using the review button to let me know you want to read more is a good idea.

Thank you for the support. There is plenty of adventure left for the siblings before they get a chance to learn the secret about Azbezil’s laughter. Basically the Hidden Danger story arc will come to end after the next chapter, but after that there are two more story arcs before the story wraps up. Thanks, these interruptions are plenty of fun to write. It also gives me the chance to highlight stuff for the readers that would be hard to fit in the normal flow of the scene. Good that you managed to enjoy the story even with these scenes. Considering the characters involved there obviously going to be some more such scenes in later chapters but I can promise you that it will not go over the top. Far too many natural pairing between characters that not incest like.

I have now posted chapter 4 named The Hidden Danger: The Signet Ring This chapter features the quest to restore power to the magic ring that aided the heroes in the prologue. The adventure brings the heroes to the tomb of kings but unfortunately living and dead enemies will gather to make the quest much harder Story codes for the chapter Anal Inc MF Rape Violence Main hero featuring in the chapter is Cymari, but Duwlon, Enbon, Larion and Helian will also make an appearance Next chapter scheduled for revision is the fifth part to of the Hidden Danger story arch and if everything works out it should be released at the 23 (but it might be later)

Quite an interesting idea...too bad that I have too many stories in progress to start a new one for the moment. Thus I am not making any promises (unless you want to wait a decade or so), but I appreciate you posting your prompts here. Very many good ideas.

I am very grateful for you providing this review for my story. By chapter 2 you have seen quite many of the characters so it is great that you like the cast of the story, but I am proud to say hat there is much good to come. The heroes will need quite a lot of more tricks to save the day when the villains make more of an appearance in the later parts of the story. As for grammar errors I think you might want to stay clear of the original story until I have revised it properly. :-) There is quite a lot to fix when I revise the language I wrote 15 years ago and your review helps a lot with the encouragement to continue working.

I have now posted chapter 3 named The Hidden Danger: Secrets of the City This chapter features the heroes visiting the city Shernam where they try to learn more about Azbezil and run into trouble. The most dangerous enemies are also set to make the first appearance Story codes for the chapter MF Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Talinda and Duwlon Next chapter scheduled for revision is the fourth part to of the Hidden Danger story arch and if everything works out it should be released at 9 of November.

I have now posted chapter 2 named The Hidden Danger: The Lake of Three Flames This chapter features the heroes searching for cure for their sister but the search will take them to a magical where dangerous magic lurks Story codes for the chapter 3Plus FF Inc MC MF (and to some degree Violence) Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Larion and Enbon Next chapter scheduled for revision is the third part to of the Hidden Danger story arch and if everything works out it should be released at 2 of November.

All very true...except that the punishment was not as effective as her superior hoped... How about this curse...“You cannot climax until have suffered a splinter inside your cunt”

I think you should keep track of when it reaches 1337 hits...should be worthy of some celebration. For readers looking for a little bit of smut I do think Shannon is a great character. The problems of building a reputation...I think there is great likelihood people would build up some expectations when an author liking your kind of kinks include the word “corrupt” in the title. I did not really mind since the story had quite a few good points but I can see why some readers could have been expecting something quite different. Suppose the demon is into pain and likes the hurt caused by the cross... I actually think you explained it okay...more like cheap in the sense of rather small firework for the end of the story than cheap as in bad writing. Good luck with that.

I have now posted chapter 1 named The Hidden Danger: Searching for Adventure This chapter takes place 33 years after the prologue when some of the heroes are getting anxious about trying to defeat Azbezil and this sets the wheels of fate in motion. Story codes for the chapter MF Violence (and to some degree Ds Inc) Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Fenlyw, Duwlon and Enbon Next chapter scheduled for revision is the second part to of the Hidden Danger story arch and if everything works out it should be released at 26 of October.

The impossibility to know what the reader thinks...unless the write good reviews like yours. My point of view is pretty much that if I enjoy reading a wild range of levels of kinks there are bound to be other that enjoy such too. Having a really good plot twist at the end of the story like The Master Program does cannot be negative. *smiles* Thanks for the advice. That applies to LARPers too...hmmm...american LARPer visiting nordic style LARP and runs into a real Huldra. I agree...actually died on lake Vättern is quite a repeating event. It is a very large lake.

Good that you liked it. Primary I started writing it because I felt that I considering the success of my Master Progam should write more stories without so many kinks. Having a male lead is kind of a refreshing change. Not like it is first story I have written with such…my Azbezil story does for instance both feature male and female lead characters in the later chapters. Actually it does suffers from Martinesque style of changing points of view...so maybe it does not count properly. Goddess...actually you had me kind of surprised here. I suppose you mean the Norse goddess Freya that seems like sometimes in English is called Frida...but for me as a Swede that name would translate into the Swedish name Freja (the Swedish name of the goddess is the same name). The name Frida is medieval name with the meaning “the beutiful” or “the beloved” and does not have any connections to any goddess from what I recall. I know a couple of woman named Frida, but it is not a very common name today. I do have a planned story for a hulder in the Scandinavian Tales series...if this is that story...nope...I need to get used to the english spelling first. The proper name in the scandinavian languages is huldra and each time I see the name hulder I stumble hard. Not like in the movies when they have surprise sex and somehow ends in perfect synch and the woman’s back turned toward the camera so they don’t have pay her extra for frontal nudity. Not that real world sex does not play out like that also but I tried to think how I would react if something happened to me... Yep, he is about to learn the hard way how that will backfire. If you have not done it you can check the wikipedia page of John Bauer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bauer_(illustrator) Very fun. Thanks again for the good and useful review. Especially useful when starting a new story.

Author: Thundercloud Title: The Tale about the Laughter of Azbezil Summary: A forgotten prophecy warns of a witch king that will bring death and destruction to the kingdom. Love and romance give the people who understand the danger strength to struggle on, but darkness haunts them. Can they learn the secret of the laughter before demons and monsters overrun the kingdom? Feedback: Long or short, every review counts and increase my publishing speed Fandom: Original Pairing: N/A Warnings: 3Plus Anal Ds FF Inc MC MF Preg Rape Tent Tort Violence (most of story codes apply to individual scenes in upcoming chapters while the more mainstream ones applies to all chapters) Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered (the plan is to revise the prologue and the Hidden Danger story arc in the upcoming weeks. The story arcs The Time of the Prophecy and the story arc The War of Sorrows will follow later) URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109447 Review Reply thread:

Lol...I suddenly realize that I actually had succeeded into forgotten Scrappy Doo...until you reminded me. Thank you for the answer. I don’t think I have read Corrupt the Midwife. *smiles* Very plausbile.

Well...I most certainly know of the characters after seeing the show a few times but mostly I found the show forgettable. Probably like my subconsciousness worked hard to remove all memories of the sillyness of the dog and that Shaggy character. Speaking about things we have been talking about recently...in what story is Shannon’s mission on earth explained? I think it is a magnitude harder to make use of archaic words than to find them in the dictionary so even while Demongoddess contribution is kind of essential for there to be a prompt in the first place I think you deserve serious credit for the making use of the words. Maybe you could do a bit more original stories with aliens. There should be plenty of room for jokes is such stories...and tentacles. I can so relate with trying to escape Ikea. Had a relative that went there with his grandchild...when the kid suddenly decided she had to hug every soft thing there and it turns out there quite a lot pillows on a Ikea store. He spent literally hours before he got them outside. In my family our kid love the meatballs and my wife start to talk about blood murder if we are at Ikea too long.

Author: Thundercloud Title: Scandinavian Tales: The Deal Summary: Robin believes that he has his future figured out now now when has moved back to his small Swedish home town. Problem is just that he forgotten the tales his grand parents used to tell him about strange things happening around the town. What is about to happen might make him very sexually satisfied, but for every deal there are consequences and Robin is in for an real surprise. Feedback: Long or short, every review counts and increase my publishing speed Fandom: Original Pairing: N/A Warnings: MF Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109443 Review Reply thread: