Thundercloud

I liked to write the initial twist with her straight with voyeuer-kink, but then showing how the magic of the dildo starts to influence her to get involved with a helping hand. I think it is obvious they will end up as a married couple with a lot less money as they keep visiting two nymphomaniacs with a magic dildo that charges money for them to act out their more and more perverted fantasies. I totally agree. From Carol’s perspective, she goes abroad, leaves it to her husband to keep track of the kids, and doesn’t hear anything worrying. They might basically be grown-ups, but she expects things to stay basically the same since everything sounds fine. At home, she realised that her daughter had gotten a flat without any income to pay the rent and that her son was behaving like a total stranger. From a writing perspective, Ronja has always thought of her stepmother as having a keen eye, so when she finally makes an appearance, she must realize something is amiss after all the foreshadowing. I am sure the ghost would not mind fooling around, but since she is John’s natural mother, there would not be anything stepmilfy about it. Considering all that is contained in the story, also having incest without a step-relation is maybe not such a big deal, but you have to draw the line somewhere. 🙂 The fun bit here is that Ronja thinks Maria enforces the house rules because she wants it that way, while Maria, in truth, is pressured by the ghost to do it. Pretty neat, I would say. Thank you. Yes, the first time with Maria. I wanted to include some bestiality as the climax of the story approaches, and this seemed like a good variation. All was, of course, on direct instruction from John, who wanted to sell more clips. Good question. It is not obvious from the text, but there is a sandy beach named Smeduddsbadet not far from this location (a couple of hundred meters). People often sunbathe or eat on the cliffs, but the beach is the more popular place to take a swim. I meant this fellow to be on the way there, but never got around writing it down. Reverse from the previous chapter, with the first scene as the best. 🙂

170k words is the current estimate for the whole story. That is a good idea. Pretty many spin offs possible if I get eager to return to the characters. I totally agree. My favorites were Grand Central Station and walking the streets around Central Park. I walked the streets because I visited a house there. I could draw on that experience when I later wrote one of the scenes for my G,S,P story. The story never explains why he was at Beckomberga. I have a vague idea that this story should be linked to my story, "Can the Mirror see the Moment?" but I don’t know whether I will write the spinoff or focus on other things. Considering how quickly the ghost adapts to technology, it would make sense that he is from the 1970-1990 time period. The hospital closed in 1995, but the famous lobotomizations happened much earlier. A possibility for why he was locked up was that he lost control over the dildo magic and couldn’t really control himself...but that would imply he was from a much earlier time period. I don’t think people from 1970 would lock somebody up for nymphomanic behavior. I saw you have already reviewed the next chapter, but the comment on that will have to wait until later, as the bed calls me.

Thank you. Considering how much trouble they have gotten into so far because of not communicating, I thought it was important to show they are learning from their previous mistakes. The intention when I wrote it was that bullies always act out when they are in a group and say things they would never dare to say alone with their victim. The idea that some fool might run into trouble by trying to exploit Maria never crossed my mind. Imagine what kind of hurt that person would suffer if Maria had the chance to let some steam out…no I should not listen. If I started going down that path, I would soon have another 10 chapters to write. 🙂 Thank you. As a fellow author, I think you can imagine how many times I revised that section before I was satisfied. Inner thought processes are damn hard to write. *smiles* I recognize the feeling. When I visited New York, it was a marvel at the walking streets I had seen in so many movies. I agree, there is quite a history there. Count Carl Piper began construction in 1695, but he was taken prisoner by the Russians during one of the wars before it was finished. His wife finished the work by recruiting Nicodemus Tessin the Younger, one of the most famous architects in Swedish history, who did much work for the king. The city of Stockholm has been responsible for taking care of the garden since 1945. I think it is safe to assume John has some collections of pictures and clips that gave the ghost so many ideas. As for the punishment, the magic is messing with and making them do stuff no normal person should be doing. Good, we can enjoy it as a story, not as a movie clip of an actress suffering the same. 🙂 Nice if the last scene is the best.

I am not complaining that it is too much work. My problem was that I, for almost a week, thought there had been a failed update on AFF that had caused a major outage. Three is nothing with the pop-up that suggests incognito mode might be a problem, and there is no information about an explanation on a different page than the one you are accessing. If you add text to the popup that warns the user that if they are having trouble with the popup, they should visit the main site without incognito, people would be able to solve the problem without visiting the forum. Since no activation-email came, I had no way to log in. Thank you very much. I really look forward to test the new UI.

I am using Firefox and there is no activation email sent as far as I can see. As for the new site. It is extremely hard to know that you cannot surf to the subdomain you want to visit without following instructions that are only visible if you are not using incognito. I suggest you change the popup text to inform visitors what they must do to avoid the problem. Giving a non working popup with no explanations is not reasonable if you want people to find the site. The only reason I understood the site works at all was a message from JayDee that made me realize the site somehow must be working.

Sounds like you want to start talking about Chekhov’s Gun... Reading your stuff and trying to avoiding nasty content might not be the best plan. On the other hand, I have read enough by you to know what to expect. Great sex scenes and you sometimes knowing the franchise you are dabbling with… 😉 At the end of the day I also have a reputation to uphold. You might not need reviews to review, but everyone is not as good at doing reviews.

The idea that I should raise the stakes for Maria by making her further enslaved by the dildo came from a reader. This scene when she get the compulsion to masturbate, but cannot act on it since the magic of the dildo has messed a lot with her head seemed like the perfect way to show it for the reader. There are more hypno commands in play than Ronja (or the reader) knows, but there is also a thought that the commands are so effective since Ronja have no real objections to doing the sex. Back in the first chapter she fantasized about Jonathan using hypnosis to exploit her sexually. The reality of that turned out to not be less glamorous than she had imagined, but Ronja is practically the perfect victim for the ghost since she is inclined to like all kind of sex a lot. Yep, seems you are getting it, but are over thinking things. He he, part of humiliation is that somebody must be listening if there are loud sex. Having the girlfriend over and making sure she gets how embarrassing it is with parents listening is bound to make things more peaceful for the parents, at least that is what the mother hopes. It is also worth to mention that it is meant to be general theme that much of the fear about coming out as lesbians is in the girls heads. The people around the girls are all remarkable tolerant compared to what might happen in the real world if girls start to do depraved things. Maybe I should do some short story about such linen ghost costume, that concept has promise. Important for the ghost to stay in character. Just about every place in the story is real. The final chapter will feature some links to real locations of the story for readers that are interested. As for Kristinehovs Malmgård I have never been there for a masquerade, but it is great place for parties. Considering the young men has stumbled over to ads posted by Mikaela it is a continuation from the previous blackmailing. Cannot having her drooling too much over ordinary cocks when she got a obsession with the ivory dildo. Good that you enjoyed it Having the cosplay trigger for once helping the girls was fun. I had to make sure the cosplay trigger also caused some serious troubles. 😉 Ronja put herself on the pill a few chapters back to avoid accidental pregnancies. Sounds promising, I go digging through your stories when I get time.

I totally get the limitations of the flashfic format (one of the reasons I don’t dabble in those myself) so the comment was more meant as encouragement that maybe you should consider revisit the topic. Considering that dog has a male name I think there is a lot of potential for gags. The best joke is of course in the title of the story that you already used. It is good that we live in the english speaking part of the world so Zell loves hot dogs. Having the title of the story as Bretzel or Flavored Bread would not been as fitting. 🙂

I am sure we can manage.

I have not seen that word before, but googling it shows it is a very accurate description. Good that you enjoyed it. There are meant to be more and more situations when Ronja participates kind of willing, but normally with a different outcome than what Ronja would have preferred. I totally agree about the preference for bestiality. She would have gone there eventually no matter what Mark did to satisfy her. Indeed. As for mutual assured destruction I would say that Maria is finally starting to trying to play it smart, but she is not ruthless enough to really win the game. Mikaela have reasons to think that Maria won’t go through with her threats, but the same does not hold with the landlord. He is probably the most decent, but I think Mark is not too bad. He might take advantage of nude hypnotized girls, but besides that he is rather okay. It is also worth to notice that Ronja has been asking to spend time with him after they had sex at the school so he has good reason to believe she have the hots for him. Maybe working with the story has warped my perspective a bit...taking advantage of hypnotized girl is rather nasty when you view it from a real world perspective. 😉 I will looking forward for another thoughtful review from you. Many thanks for the review!

Chapter 13 of 14 has now been posted. Ronja and Maria are utterly controlled by the supernatural entity that rules their life; the only comfort is how much they are starting to enjoy the sexual depravity. If you review it the likelihood I review some of your story increases a lot… JayDee found that my upload of chapter 13 was corrupted, with lots of spaces and formatting missing. Thanks for the assistance! I have now fixed the matter and apologize for not verifying the upload before promoting the story here.

I have now posted chapter 10 named The Time of the Prophecy: The Assassination This chapter feature the Entaro siblings in a desperate gamble to prevent the upcoming war. The outcome is mostly combat but along the way they stumble into some sex. Story codes for the chapter MF, Oral, MC, Preg, Inc, Rape, Violence, MiCD Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Fenlyw, Duwlon, Enbon, Cymari, Talinda, Larion, Helian and Ezame.

My take is that brilliant non-linear stories you here talk about get their fame from being good despite not being linear. A possible comparison is the Westworld tv-show season 1 that had a big reveal when you realized what you had been watching. In season 2 they wanted to repeat the trick and made things just as non-linear and in the end it was barely watchable. I have avoided the later seasons like plague. My point is that for every successful non-linear storytelling there are many more trainwreck attempts. Doing non-linear storytelling that manage to capture the reader is seriously difficult.

I have now posted chapter 9 named The Time of the Prophecy: The Cult of Three Flames This chapter feature Duwlon doing his favorite thing and Helian being occupied with rebuilding the sex cult of Three Flames. When Duwlon stumble into trouble there are of course plenty of sexual distractions. Story codes for the chapter FF, MF, MC, Inc, Rape Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Duwlon and Helian with additional appearances of some other characters that will matter to the intrigues.

I have now posted chapter 8 named The Time of the Prophecy: The Eternal Guardians This chapter feature Talinda and Cymari on an adventure close to the elven broder. Two of sisters go to find out why the family have lost contact with the elves and run into some really dangerous situations...and lots of nonconsensual sex. Story codes for the chapter 3Plus, MF, FF, Inc, Rape Violence Main heroes featuring in the chapter are Talinda, Cymari with additional appearances of Larion, Helian, Enbon and Trioni

Great news about the story info editing!

Since the Edit Story Information feature does not seem to have been fixed, it seems I need some assistance. Can you please add the story code Rim to https://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109197

Chapter 12 has now been posted. Ronja and Maria are discovering that the sexual abuse they are suffering has been taken to the next level. Can starting to share previous secrets help them to carry on? If you review it the likelihood I review some of your story increases a lot...

An example that don’t have the same number of month and day would be that January 13, 1995 would be 1995-01-13 In case you time to spare and is wondering why this formatting makes sense you might want to check https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ISO_8601

The real-world hymen is not a membrane at all but mucosal folds. Nothing that needs to be penetrated to have sex. Your average three-year-old girl and a woman who has given birth have mucosal folds that look pretty much the same. Puberty introduces hormones that make it easier to handle penetration, but it does not make any membrane disappear. If we speak about even younger girls than three or four years old, the folds are affected by different hormones and look different, but it is still not a membrane. There exists a rare medical condition called Hymen imperforatus, meaning the cells did not die as intended during the development of the body, so there is no opening. It happens between 1/1000 and 1/10000, depending on what ethnically we are talking about. This is a condition that needs to be fixed before the girl has their first bleeding. Some girls also have this condition partially and might need surgery to be able to insert a tampon freely or have penetrating sex. Rumors about these rare conditions have probably contributed to the myth, but a more likely culprit is that, statistically, quite a lot of girls bleed during their first sex. A funny observation is that English Wikipedia lists numbers like ½ girls suffering from bleeding during their first sex, but when we measure the same here in Sweden, only 1/5 of girls bleed during their first sex. I am not expert enough to tell why this difference exists. Still, even a grown woman will bleed after a lack of foreplay and rough penetration, so maybe it is as simple as societies that are too shy to talk about sex and nudity with their kids will increase the risk that the first sex is a bad experience.

I don’t get why you would need lots of experience to be at ease with your sexuality. If you go with the assumption that the first experience of sex must be bad, then you need lots of sex to compensate, but why is it that the first sex must be bad? You can find many stories with the first sex causing hurt for the girl, and she has a hymen to lose before she can enjoy the sex...how about just scrapping that bad plot device since the hymen does not exist in reality? At the end of the day, a strong female raised in a safe environment has a good chance to succeed in life. Sex is not inherently more difficult than anything else. There are, of course, challenges with all the bad porn out there that virtually urge the watcher how to have bad sex but that doesn’t mean sex must connected with angst and bad experiences.

One way to view it that if you can reason with the creature to make a deal about not fucking/raping you then it is not bestiality. The question if the creature is likely to agree to a deal is not so important, but if you in theory could make such a deal. A large part of bestiality is having an animal that want pleasure and won’t be denied since it is acting out of animal instinct. If you can talk to creature then we are speaking of different kinds of horror. With demons it might be sometimes be borderline cases. The demon might act like an animal or threaten they might be close to lose control to inspire fear into the victim. The demon cat that talk would normally not be bestiality, but I can certainly imagine scenes when the bestiality tag i merited because of what the reader will imagine might happen next even if nothing happens.

Replace “good” with “shy”?

Great that you have found the story again. Sexstories had very good reading numbers, but the moderation was abysmal with some bot thing that make bonkers decisions that you could not challenge. I am very glad to be away from there, but I am glad that you found the story while it was posted there. You might be interested to know that story will feature 13 chapters. I am working on 12 and 13 in parallel to be able to go out with a bang.

As a general rule you should include stuff that is important for the story and cut the rest. Deciding what parts that are important to the reader the experience you aim for is the central task of being an author. In this specific example...if the second seduction is the important thing then you should probably start there, but if you feel the second seduction need to start with a internal monologue about the first seduction it sounds like the first seduction is not just some back story but part of the important stuff. At the end of the day you must start somewhere that is well beyond character-was-born. This means your character will have done tons of non important things before the start of the story. Things that impact the future plot is probably important...but it is not given. For instance, a story about a character suffering from a trauma might work better if you keep the trauma hidden from the reader until events of the story make the character recall the event. Telling the reader about all the important events of the character but keeping them hidden from the character is not a way to make the writing easier.