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Was getting coffee at the office when I suddenly had the unbidden thought, “I oughta smurf you right up the smurfhole, you smurfing smurfer!” Thankfully, I don’t think anyone heard me laughing for no apparent reason.

Just finished a first draft at 5008 words, which is the most I’ve done on a oneshot in a very long time. Now I need to roll it in glitter.

Barely home at all, and already I’m taking off tomorrow morning. At least the internet situation should be better, and I hope to get some writing done at least. Good luck all, see ye on the other side.

Well, been a while since I was able to get on here. Life is an inn for the imp of perverse meets Murphey’s law. Think I need a vacation from life these days.

Say it with me: This WILL be a better week!

I finally took the plunge. I am now one of those people… I joined reddit.

First draft of “Pregnant in Alabama” clocks in at 3700 words. Billy Bob’s gettin’ bred y’all.

I’m home, finally home! For… about 2 days. Bloody fuckin ‘Ell.

Next prompt on the list is ‘scary’ so how’s this for a title: “Pregnant in Alabama”

So someone read and reviewed every chapter of a 7 year old fic, individually and then complained it was finished, despite it clearly being very old and plainly marked as abandoned. Brilliant!

I do think Rey is a Mary Sue (she just seems to know everything instinctively about being a Jedi), but I still think the current trilogy is pretty good. I’m glad Lando will be back. (Billy Dee Williams has aged rather well, it seems.) My moniker aside, “They called me Mr. Glass” is my favorite last line from a movie.

I know they’re doing it. Fuck ‘em. The Last Jedi was a good film too. My neice fuckin’ loved it. My favorite of the new films was Rogue One though. That was a hell of a good film. Heh, I hope he comes back with “Please, call me George. Mr. Glass was the bad guy in Unbreakable.” I kid I kid…

Made lots of progress on chapter 4 of The More, the Merrier this week. I decided to move a couple of scenes into the next chapter, because the this chapter is getting pretty long as it is. I hope to be finished with it pretty soon. SWP1, I agree with you about Endgame. I already bought tickets to see it this weekend. (The theater lets you choose your seats in advance, which is nice because that way you don’t have to show up really early just to get a good seat.) Looking forward to Godzilla: King of the Monsters, too. I had low expectations when I watched Kong: Skull Island, but I ended up liking it a lot, and I liked the Godzilla movie, too. (I loved that the arthouse theater where I saw it put “Gojira” on the marquee.) And the trailer for SW ep 9 looks pretty sweet, what with Rey charging a TIE fighter on foot. Hope everyone’s weekend is off to a good start.

Could you use your tiny hammer of yours, or did you need to use another tool? On a more serious note...JayDee...you really need to not let bad thoughts about your writing skills drag you down. Looking at what I have read from you there is clearly a difference in improved quality over time. Not everything you write these days might be brilliant, but it very far ahead of most fanfic writers out there and most importantly far better than your fics around here that you seem embarrassed about. Just a random idea...if writing longer pieces is hard you maybe could try to use the flashfic format to get a draft out, but not be bound by length when you make adjustments after feedback from betas. If you need more beta readers I am sure we can work something out...

I get to put creamcheese maker on my resume before my book. Life is truly weird.

I caught that and it was pretty cool written, only downside is that it kind of strongly hinted the whole team would be coming. Very true, but the downside is out of character behavior or alternate reality versions. Going the original route saves you from having to explain weird behavior from the fanfic character or annoy readers when characters does weird stuff. I think what is fitting depends very much on the story. Like you should not fight your muses, but to follow them...if staying with the flashfic format makes you more productive then do that.

That would have been my second guess. What? No! New vocabulary words are gold, at least ones that I could see myself using the next time I talk to my English-major sister.

Oh, well, in that case my tolerance does have a limit. Don’t expect to get reviews from me on any of your snuff fics, for instance. Abdul: “I’m surprised Luzurial let you smash that woman’s box.” Kevin: “Hey, she approved of me smashing...” *facepalm* “...oh, son of a-” Abdul: “Tell me, was it difficult with that tiny hammer of yours?” Kevin: “The hammer was not tiny! It was a perfectly average, normal-size hammer! Luzurial can back me up on this.” Luzurial: “I will not be drawn into these shenanigans.” Calista: “Listening to this conversation is so much more entertaining than the New Years’ celebration.” I know exactly what that’s like. I can get images in my head, but the problem is that they usually arrive in visual form, like a movie, so I have to try to translate them into words.

Well, I had to look that up, but tragically no. It actually looked like a small apartment in Florida with lights that never seemed bright enough, and a dog who had a creeping sense of separation anxiety. Ain’t nobody debating the hotness of Mizore! Though I will say there’s something kind of funny about calling a spirit associated with snow “hot.” As for the yuki-onna themselves, I’ve done a bit of research into them, along with other yokai, for a story I’m writing (no idea if I’ll pull it off, but I’m shooting for “creepy romance”), and there are a lot of different depictions depending, it seems, on what region of Japan you’re in. Sometimes yuki-onna are terrifying (some stories have them stealing children or eating children’s livers), sometimes they’re just kind of sad, and sometimes they’re both (the aforementioned Snow Bride story), so authors have a lot of leeway in terms of how to portray them. Sorry! That was my fault; I should have just said “reapers” or “guides to the afterlife” or something.

Re: “Snow” From InBrightestDay on April 24, 2019 Wow, what’s it like there? I’m picturing damp stone walls, bare bulbs dangling from the ceiling...basically Drusselstein. I learned about yuki-onna from watching Rosario + Vampire. (I don’t watch a lot of anime, but now and then one sucks me in.) I thought the young yuki-onna Mizore was hot, and I liked the concept – sort of sirens of the snow. Thanks! Sticking to the limit definitely took some doing. (Full disclosure: I had to look up “psychopomp” at Dictionary.com.) I have the idea that members of Hisashi’s family have been doing this for a few generations at least. (They’re prone to cancer, but it doesn’t tend to strike until they are in their 40s or 50s, after they’ve had kids.) They know where to go to find a yuki-onna; then she gets a meal, and the terminally ill man gets a pleasant death. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

You’re not wrong about some other forums out there. There’s some real toxic places that just seem to attract dick heads galore, and they feed off each others negativity like some arsehole mosquito.

Well, that depends… what exactly do you expect to get from being redeemed? Absolution? I don’t have any kind of faith, so I’m afraid that’s out for me personally. *g* If a character has done bad stuff, there’s not much they can do about it but resolve to do better the next time that situation presents itself, but it’ll always be something they did. In terms of story, it’ll always be part of their background. It’ll be on their sheet, so to speak. And that’s not dissimilar to life. A blank slate is impossible. Forgiveness might be feasible, but then again in my eyes even that might not save a character. Say at some point in the past a character has committed a murder, or even some stupid petty crime like a theft. They might spend the rest of their lives (in the story) doing the right thing. They might do more good than all the other characters put together, but that initial crime is still impacting upon everything they do, not just altering them, but altering the whole storyline around them in its turn. And because of that, it’ll always come back to get them. Everything in a story is significant, even a dropped handkerchief. Going on from that, every action a character takes is significant, and redemption is a cheat. It’s an attempt to delete the handkerchief. It’s already written. It’s already done. There’s no changing it. There’s no escaping it. There’s only dealing with it and writing the consequences of it right up to the very end, whatever those consequences turn out to be. To redeem a character in those terms… impossible. It’s like Astinus says to Raistlin. You may as well throw a pebble into a fast flowing river. It changes nothing. History continues.

We all know that our beloved AFF is host to an ugly amount of, erm, less-than-quality fic. Here are a few tips on making sure that what you've written isn't adding to the rubbish. (There are a lot of references to the Harry Potter and Firefly fandoms. Hopefully readers less familiar with those areas won't be too confused by their presence.) The Curi Guide To Responsible Authorship, or Good!Fic, Bad!Fic, Smut!Fic, Crack!Fic The Conscientious Author Shall: 1. Suppress the urge to place the Author's notes in the text. If the Author absolutely must justify Harry's sexual relationships with Dobby and Winky to the audience, notes are acceptable before or after the story text.* 2. Never hold updates hostage to reviews. Authors who need validation should adopt puppies, kittens or ferrets. Or rats. Voldemort had a rat-man. And a snake-soul. Even Dark Lords need validation.** 3. Ensure correct word choice whenever possible. "Conspicuous" and "inconspicuous" are antonyms, not synonyms. "Definitely" and "defiantly" are adverbs and share both prefix and suffix, but not meaning. "Congenial" and "congenital" rarely belong in the same thought, let alone the same sentence. Homonyms are very rarely synonyms, and as such should be approached with caution and respect.*** 4. Utilize spell-check without expecting it to fix each of the Author's mistakes. Proper names, especially in fandom, are rarely part of spell-check's repertoire; the same goes for foreign words. It is wise to double-check spell-check's changes so that "Hermione" doesn't become "Hormone." On the other hand, Shepherd Book is a fucking Shepherd. Like Jesus. From The Holy Bible.**** Not a Sheperd, Shepard, Sheppard, or, you know, Shepurd. Additionally, savvy Authors know that Lucius looks luscious, but refrain from addressing him as such, given that Lucius' distant cousin, Luscious Malfoy, was disinherited for his fascination with Muggle queendom.***** 5. Never attempt to excuse the Author's own laziness. The Author will not draw attention to the Author's failure to research or invent a proper locking charm—or ignorance of the Pinyin for a given Mandarin phrase (nor instruct the reader to imagine that the phrase which appears in English has been presented in Mandarin). To do so reveals to the audience the Author's lack of commitment to follow through.****** 6. Never write, "Sorry for mistakes, English isn't my first language," as to do so holds the Author's work up to inspection by everyone for whom English is a first (or second or otherwise intimately familiar) language. The audience will immediately note the comma splice, and every time a character's dialogue is awkward the readers will think, "Well, here you can see that the Author doesn't know English very well." Language is a tool for communication and should not stand in the way of a good story. For this reason, when writing in a language other than the Author's own, it is best practice to have the work assessed by someone who knows the language very well, ideally a native speaker.******* 7. Remember that British English is markedly different from American English. Having a piece Brit-picked (or Ameri-picked) where appropriate is a brilliant idea. There are very few situations in which Kid Rock!Harry is appropriate. Such instances usually reference the term "crack!fic." Bonus points for Draco's performance of "Bawitdaba." 8. Abstain from requesting that reviewers correct the Author's grammar, punctuation and spelling. People who read fic are interested in the ideas and the entertainment, not extra work. Reviewers who do highlight the odd typo or comma splice are trying to be helpful, not offensive. The person who takes the time to politely point out that "vile" is not the same as "vial" and that "pubic" and "public" are generally mutually exclusive sees the potential in the piece and wants to see it presented at its best. The Author shall endeavor to understand and appreciate concrit, unless the Author has explicitly requested that reviewers not share criticisms. 9. Find and form a meaningful dialogue with the magical creature known as the Beta. The Author shall accept and utilize the special skills the Beta has been known to share in a relationship with a chosen Author.******** The Author shall determine in which areas the Author desires and requires assistance (regarding ideas, issues of canon and characterization; grammar, spelling and punctuation; or any combination of the aforementioned) and locate an appropriate partner (or partners). Even the best work can benefit from the attention of a second critical opinion—and usually has. Many Authors are good friends with their Betas. An unproductive Author/Beta relationship is best acknowledged and discontinued in favor of forging a more harmonious partnership elsewhere. 10. Present to the audience a finished piece. The Author will take steps to ensure that completed writing is presented to its best advantage and adheres to posting guidelines where applicable. The Author will post confidently rather than timidly and will never use the following phrase or any variations thereof in a summary: "This is my first fic and I think it's crap." Very few people willingly take the time to read something they have been told is poo. The Author will not beg reviewers to be kind nor warn against flames; flamers are rude people and do not merit attention. +++ * The Author is in no way required to defend the Author's choice of ship or plot outside the confines of the story. Fiction is fictional and writing non-con and other potentially controversial content does not make the Author misogynistic, sadistic, chauvinistic, or a threat to society. Or to House-Elf Well-being. ** Curi does not endorse the use of coercion or Crucio to secure affection or reviews. It's just bad form. *** Though JKR seems to have had trouble with this concept, an "apparition" is a ghost or other visual thingum. Has nothing to do with magical beings in transit. Promise. **** The Holy Bible (Spirit of God, A Bunch of Drugged Israelite Prophets, Saul Called Paul, John the Revelator, et al.) is sponsored by The Gideons and can be found at a hotel or motel near you. The thoughts and opinions shared therein are those of the Authors and Scribes contracted (or possessed) by God The Father, Christ His Son, And/Or The Holy Spirit, Three In One, Three In One, and do not represent Curi, Curiosity Kitten or Curi's Livejournal. Curi does not condone attacks on any of the following: homosexuals, sexually active teens, or doctors who perform abortions. Curi reserves the right to flee citing the Bill of Rights should anyone attempt to make her pray at a public school. She did quite enough praying, voluntarily, at private Christian school. ***** Curi does not endorse Malfoy bigotry. She does endorse Malfoy bigamy, provided Severus and Hermione are present. ****** Additionally, excessive specificity can damage a story's flow. If that locking charm isn't a crucial plot point, it's enough to say that "Hermione waved her wand at the door, locking it with a charm." ******* Really. Imagine if Simon tried out his Russian phrase to stop River's crazy in The Maidenhead only to discover that he'd really said, "Please tickle my horse's balls." Mal would be dead and the message would have been lost in translation. And not in a Japanese hotel room. Plus there'd be a confused horse. Not convincing? Imagine that Neville is creating a volatile potion (far, far away from Severus) that needs a special spell. He confuses Latin conjugation with Greek sentence structure during the incantation. Result: Neville with elephant ears and the reproductive organs of a female mouse. ******** The Beta/Author relationship is unique to each agreement. While some Betas and Authors exhibit Veela-like tendencies at the thought of sharing their partners, not all relationships are monogamous. +++ Curi On Curi I've suffered through violations of each of the above guidelines, which are meant to be helpful, somewhat humorous, and not fascist, though I like rules, so there's that. There are exceptions to each of my ten rules, and I know that. I also know that a lot of people aren't as fond of structure as I am. That's cool. I'm aware that AFF is neither the best nor the worst archive in fandom and that bad!fic can be found anywhere. Or almost anywhere. Not only that, but these guidelines aren't Torah. They're not even as comprehensive as the Ten Commandos Commandments (without Charlton Heston, please). But for newbies and youngsters, the unspoken niceties aren't always clear. So I spoke them. Feel free to spoke your own niceties and to pimp!cane o'Lucius de Malfoi the list if you want.

Rectum... hell! I'd Killed'em!