InvidiaRed

From GeorgeGlass on October 31, 2019 Immunda Your style of just one or two sentences per paragraph is unusual, but it didn't really bother me. Although some of the sentence fragments did (eg, "A disturbing warbling laugh"). I like the expression "Gods pass me by." Lots of Halloween-appropriate imagery. I think the most vivid was the burnt baby crawling out of the hole, "gurgling happily as its blackened flesh crackled." The Mortane Pantheon runs on appeasement. Each requires specific sacrifices for the privilege of being… Unmolested. A privilege they can(and do) revoke at whim. Or to be even bigger jerks “Give” Their favored to another member. So even if you do appease one for the moment. Well, you didn’t appease another and the cycle continues. Being favored is largely seen as a fate much worse than death. “Gods pass me by” Is the closest to prayer all the inhabitants know. They’re pleading for the gods to ignore them. The lucky few who manage to flee Mortane are struck by a hardline cultural differences. Highly superstitious, Largely illiterate and dangerously xenophobic. Meeting the larger world and surviving is a challenge. But those who survive all share one thing in common they dare not return. Otok- child sacrifice by immolation, The burning of knowledge and places of learning. Zuqvi- Her appeasement requires the ritual murder of adults by children. Xiljh- The child must slay the parent they love most while it watches and then let it drink from their youthful heart-blood. Vzfeb- The willful spread of sexual disease and the brutal execution of healers. Etc…

its midrange fast food. Kinda harsh to say hell on earth.

From PlagueClover on October 29, 2019 Immunda by InvidiaRed Okay, so your style always takes me a moment to get used to. All the quick paragraphs and snaps from one action to the next. The pacing is lightning quick, but man... Okay, I shuddered. Quite a bit at the end there. Though, I kinda have to note that the moment you used 'Justicar' it suddenly became Mass Effect in my brain lol. Anyway, this was violent and horrific and dark, and so very fucking twisted. Which is nice, you know, to get an expresso shot of some super messed up horror right before Halloween, so this does an excellent job of that. Well done! Justicar was the best way i could to paint what I wanted as quickly as possible but its accurate. Haha. Didn’t want to use paladin. Overused.

From JayDee on October 28, 2019 Immunda by InvidiaRed …thought I might have some missionary position jokes but, holy fuck, another one making me Holy Fuck at he end. That is one crapsack shithole of a nation you’ve got there, but an interesting one as well. The kind of wham moment here after she thinks she’s cleansed the altar… that’s some fucking good horror that is. I feel bad for the baby like. The ending was really grim. So good job on that, too! I sure as fuck didn’t see it coming. Y’all are taking the horror seriously this year! Mortane is a hell on earth for a reason. Yeah. Nothing like cleansing an evil god out of an alter just for another to be ready and waiting.

Have to say. Got to respect Asesemana

No, It does make sense. Cockroaches offend the whole swarm principal in our brain. When you see an adult cockroach it means there are more nearby the you don't see. And that uncertainty opens straight to fear of the unknown.

I’ve learned alot from this about myself. Walking biological syringes are just a straight no for me. In addition to Weevils, Kissing Bugs, Lice, Bed bugs and probably anything else in that Class.

You Are Correct. The Gods Of Mortane can’t torture anyone else if they’re fixated on her like they are. She now completely understands the Demon Emperor but unlike him she has strength of character. They cannot corrupt someone who has fought evil all her life. She knows all the tricks and most importantly she has a goddess who she knows for a fact has never let her down. Not once. There’s no doubt or uncertainty to play off of. She may not be able to hold them off forever but then she doesn’t have to. While she can’t face them. She can distract them. Since she knows her goddess isn’t impulsive. The Hammerstrike may take sometime but its coming and Trias is fully committed to giving her goddess all the time she needs. Trias has been permanently rendered barren as a result of the unbirthing.

Reality like to reminds us that nightmares walk among us every day. That pic is horrifying.

Besides, It is a slice of amber. A moment that is profoundly yours. So you can see yourself improve as a wordsmith.

But Darling. Like making chocolate ganache Or a rich chocolate cake (An extra yolk is the secret) It requires sugar. Horror requires a helping of light-hearted brevity. You can't have horror all the time or it gets stale, quaint. inexcusably tired. Especially towards the cynical among us.

From InBrightestDay on October 21, 2019 Immunda Okay, time to be really pedantic: horseflies don't have mandibles (well, to be even more pedantic, they do, but the mandibles are part of the proboscis) Moving on... Well, it was inevitable, I suppose, that at least one of these stories was going to upset me, and this one did! I think you did a really good job describing how the horror of the place works, how the citizens are all terrified pretty much all the time and it drives them into a sort of feral madness. The un-birthing scene at the end is pretty damn upsetting to read, and it was kind of stomach-churning imagining what is going to happen to Trias afterward and how gory that's going to get. Guess it's a common idea to have a female paladin or cleric of some good deity or something like that be defeated and raped by dark forces, and this certainly plays out that basic plot well. It's also always just...really upsetting for me to read, I suppose. Sorry I keep using that word. Thanks for the review. It seems I overshot a bit. I was aiming for uncomfortable. Definitely not upsetting. To be utmost correct. Horseflies do have “Stabbing mouthparts, two pairs of blades and a sponge.” Mandibles was the best way I figured to shorthand it. Proboscis tends to bring up images of mosquitoes and an itch. Having been bitten by a horsefly while hiking was painful and I have never hiked without insect repellant again. Mortane is easily the darkest nation I’ve created. A literal hell on earth. The inhabitants commit sins and do evil to protect themselves. In a roundabout way doing evil keeps them safe. It damns them in the process but damnation is a better state than what they currently have to endure. It makes them unappealing background noise to their vile gods. They will sell their souls for cheap because demons will at somepoint grow bored. Being favored will make even the nicest citizen go on a murderous rampage because being cut down is vastly preferred to receiving the gods undivided attention. The Demon Emperor himself was the first unfortunate soul to gain all the favor of the gods of Mortane. He was Unpersoned. No one would go near him, no one would talk to him, there are no records of his existence and he endured this for a decade. When he snapped he had become little more than a reflection of the gods who made him suffer. His soul mangled beyond recognition and twisted. The instant death spell that blasted his soul into the afterlife was the first act of mercy he had ever received. It was the moment the civilized gods aghast realized something was incredibly wrong with Mortane. In a manner much like cityfolk that are introduced via the most unfortunate circumstances to their feral rural cousins. Deliverance+The Hills have eyes+Silent Hill= Mortane. Trias never called out to her goddess. Because she was terrified of what the gods would do to a being she loves. She wasn’t willing to put her goddess in danger. It was at this moment her goddess realized that the bonds of faith work both ways. Trias ignores the pleas of her goddess to leave Mortane. Trias never leaves Mortane. She gets back up and heads deeper into the heart of Mortane. Interesting fact of the day. Sodomy is not the reason Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. It was the fact the inhabitants were stupid enough to break sacred hospitality. It was this intolerable trespass that brought about the destruction of the cities. To intend to violate divine messengers is the very definition “They had it coming.” This isn't the end of the story. The goddess demands justice from her fellow shepherds of civilization. An Accord is reached and the gods assemble a divine host. The goddess herself will go to war. She will not allow this ignoble suffering upon her justicar. She can’t A line in the sand has been drawn, The world will tremble as the full horrors of war are unleashed. To do anything else is an admission of weakness. There will be no diplomacy, No quarter given or taken. Either, This vile tribe will be put down like the rabid monstrosities they are... Or the civilized gods will be massacred to the last.

posted

Immunda A Missionary finds out in an accursed backwater country. That the gods there aren’t worshipped. They are appeased and the inhabitants are willing to do anything to avoid becoming “favored”.

Its tradition at this point to post after you <3

From done on October 11, 2019 Nooooooo *cries* my poor Levi! WTF Troy?! yay Harbingers happy teaching his....dare i say kids? about shapes lol. Wolf without Damien- I'm here for it. To be fair. He’s a fledgling who got a direct order from the founder of the bloodline Vileblood himself. Part of the reason the Vileblood clan is one of the most powerful vampire clans is that Vileblood himself is the only one who has sire right. Which is to say. All vampires of this bloodline are his children. To be direct fledglings of a clan founder makes them incredibly powerful in comparison to say a common clanless rabble vampire. That direct order from the clan founder supersedes all other orders. Like a direct order of a king to his subject or a central tenant from the highest religious authority.Except, at the same time. The problem mostly stems from the arrogance of Vileblood himself. They both really did think Levi would come quietly… Who’d be crazy enough to challenge a clan founder? But he didn’t. So his purpose was invalidated and then suddenly out of the blue Weeks later. That purpose just casually reveals himself, runs off And Troy immediately gets ambushed. Troy survives just time to see this desperate flailing and the next thing he knows. A lash of fire grabs hold of Levi and drags him under. Troy has somehow managed to fail this purpose three times within a couple of months so he’s definitely not thinking clearly. Yes, Harbinger truly thinks of the ghouls he creates as his children. He's not wrong. So you got an angel surrounded by flesh-eating undead and he’s using colorful flashcards and wooden shapes trying to teach said undead. Wolf this time around gets the spotlight for sure.

Completed? say whaaaaaaat? I've got way more questions than resolution. Does Levi ever meet his mom? When/how did Levi meet up with Wolf and Troy? Who is this wizard and why is Levi on the way to meet him? Where's Damien been this entire time? I find it hard to believe that soft hearted Wolf has managed to supress him this long on his own. Where on earth is Paladin? Are Leviathin not capable of being in the same space at the same time? In which case.....how is Paladin with Leviathin? Why is Levi with Troy? He trysts the vampires now? What about the dude who just got his wings back and animates the dead? is he still in undermountain or is he living his best life causing chaos somewhere? It was nice to know Paladin is a little man-whore though lol. And it was lovely for a character to FINALLY acknowledge that Levi maybe dark, but is in no way evil. The Direct Sequel is almost finished Chapter One. Winter Fell . Hahaha.

From TheFlamingDictator on October 07, 2019 I truly love the general vibe of the story. I like the fact that you slowly but surely manage to twist Harry into something more darker. I also really like that ti's a slow decent. Slowly but surely he comes into his more darker and baser urges. I like it. All in all it's a very cool concept. I can't wait to read more. Regardless of what happens, know this, you are a great writer. With kind regards, TheFlamingDictator Thanks for the kind words. Harry has never been a saint straight from JK’s Own mouth. I merely chose the perfect opportunity where the series grew darker with the return of Voldermort. These natural nexus points make perfect springboards to launch off of. Change the story a wee bit. This is also a point where Dumbledore chose to isolate himself from Harry for the entire year. While Voldermort without a doubt will miss Barty Jr.’s competance and resolute loyalty. He’s still disposable. Since Voldermort has never wanted a friend. Voldermort knows for a fact that Barty Jr is exactly where he needs to be. His most favored disciple. Harry brought Voldermort back. So now Harry himself is Barty’s objective to the exclusion of all else. Harry’ is vulnerable more than ever now. His second murder is a complete accident. People tend to forget that Barty Jr. Is a zealot second if not tied with Bellatrix herself. And this Death Eater has direct access to Harry at a time where his vulnerability is at its peak.

Well most of my list works. Personally, my favorite is. Rank: Yes, I will Notify Your Next Of Kin