InvidiaRed

Who is the POV/Main Character?

It can work, With the major players no longer on the board so to speak and only lesser factions. Its the perfect time for a changing of the guard and new powers to rise But… Here’s the devil in the details. What kind of setting is it? What happens if the hero is wrong? It’s these intrinsic questions you have to answer to be faithful and consistent to the lore and setting. If it’s a dark fantasy/grim dark vs. more light hearted fantasy. Does she make the most of the admittedly embarrassing situation or does she automatically accuse him of sexual assault? Does he do his best about the situation? Or does he fall apart from the lapse of control and skewed judgement. It’s going to be a big decision for the both of them. He’s going to have to deal with the fact he just potentially undermined his own beliefs and values with this indiscretion one way or another as did she. Not every character has to be romantic some people really do just antiromantically do it/ make the most of the situation and jointly decide they’re a thing now. Even if the beginning situation is embarrassing for both of them. They both have agency and on some level they connected enough to do it even if they don’t remember much of it. The Rubicon has been crossed and the genie is out of the bottle.

A seal would work. short sweet and likely something expensive for them to replace. Where its guaranteed they’ll be ridiculed at best for being careless.

That’s for door to door solicitors And porch snatchers get the blood eagle

Personally, I’m more of a roman opinion on them. Crucified on the side of the road as a warning to others.

From GeorgeGlass on January 03, 2022 Slither, by InvidiaRed There were some bits of language in here that I really liked (eg, the description of bacon as "the forbidden meat candy"). But I found the story hard to follow, mainly for the same reason that I found it hard to follow in "Vampire Gynoids From the Future": the confusing use of punctuation and sentence fragments. Take this paragraph: "As the serpent coiled like a lamb. A danger not just to the sheep but the shepherd as well." The first sentence is an introductory phrase that doesn't introduce anything, leaving the reader not knowing what was happening as the serpent coiled. The second sentence presumably describes the serpent but has no subject or verb to make that clear. Being an editor makes me hypersensitive to these things, so maybe others are better to interpret this story than I am. Feedback is always welcome! Part of that makes sense to my brain, and part of that is due to the mad character trying to describe something but not quite finding all the words. Or would it be ‘As the serpent coiled like the shape of a lamb. A danger not just the to the sheep but the shepherd as well.” that sounds better.

See you get it! If you must go, go all out if a female nobles does it spay her. Bam! no more problem.

If you’re going to do it go all out. His entire schlong with the family jewels turned to stone. jerkass noble walks in and comes out a eunuch (which is both fitting and underrepresented in fiction.) Nothing says plays nice more than a petrified reminder of the last noble who was under some mistaken belief he was a man.

Go with something gold and expensive and or an artifact , like an artificial beating heart that he was slapped so hard it popped out of its socket. Shiny and or magical would fit perfectly. any bling would do. Since most nobility in fantasy almost always carry an nauseating amount of gold and or jewels on their person out of some inflated sense of self importance. And it would fit the bill for a noble to entertain notions that they’re above the laws of the common rabble.

I do go more indepth on my personal review thread.

Slither Okay...I sort of read it to the end but honestly I didn't get it at all. It just seemed like random fights between gods about something that is not explained while namedropping the names of other gods again and again. I suppose there is a story buried in there, but I cannot make sense of why anything happened. The story doesn’t make sense unless you read all the holiday canon.

Slither Okay...I sort of read it to the end but honestly I didn't get it at all. It just seemed like random fights between gods about something that is not explained while namedropping the names of other gods again and again. I suppose there is a story burried in there, but I cannot make sense of why anything happened. Holiday canon,, is probably another one that should be compiled.

From Thundercloud on January 02, 2022 Vampire Gynoids From The Future I think this is one of your stories that I enjoyed most with its very cool scenery...except it does not feel like a complete story but more like a promotional extract from the real story. The bad bit is that it feels to me like you watching a tv-show and just before the last commercial break the thing happen with the Gynoid happen...but after the break there is nothing and I am left with the feeling that I read a build up for something that never came. I don't feel confused but rather like the story ended prematurely. The bottom line is that I think your material would work much better as a single larger story where you include the full story arc to its conclusion rather than giving us a string of stories where we are given puzzle pieces but never get to see things resolved. Thanks anyway for giving us this holiday story. This particular blend of Scifi and High Fantasy is pretty big Gods, Time Travel, Divine Schemes involving multiple timelines, Angelic Servant race that must have a master to function. Slumbering antediluvian horrors sleeping on dead worlds... Vampire Gynoids From the Future,, Dystopian AI, An nearly Inescapable infinite Mall with Murder Mannequins, A mind rapey star that wants you to be happy and is quite willing to sear a smiley face on your soul to do it and a distant planetoid that is so lonely it won’t let your ship ever leave A cloning facility where the facility and clones are all creepily obsessed with the poor hapless original, Eldritch abominations both attempting to help and or actively destroy the world without really understanding sapient beings on said world. A replicator swarm,, An insectile hive minded species who assimilated people mid-coitus and got addicted to sexual high, A slumbering living planet whose nightmares manifest as nightmare creatures, A yandere asteroid mining station and a Rogue Servitor robot faction that will forcefully cater to organics every whim with mandatory pampering hi-jacking a colony. Its a massive setting. I mean if you want to dive in by all means. Starfi and Sorcery is what I call this setting.

From Thundercloud on January 02, 2022 Vampire Gynoids From The Future I think this is one of your stories that I enjoyed most with its very cool scenery...except it does not feel like a complete story but more like a promotional extract from the real story. The bad bit is that it feels to me like you watching a tv-show and just before the last commercial break the thing happen with the Gynoid happen...but after the break there is nothing and I am left with the feeling that I read a build up for something that never came. I don't feel confused but rather like the story ended prematurely. The bottom line is that I think your material would work much better as a single larger story where you include the full story arc to its conclusion rather than giving us a string of stories where we are given puzzle pieces but never get to see things resolved. Thanks anyway for giving us this holiday story. Fair Point, I might gather all this particular holiday canon together, after my major projects are done.

From GeorgeGlass on December 29, 2021 Vampire Gynoids From The Future, by InvidiaRed I don't claim to understand the plot of this story, but there's certainly some vivid imagery. Thank you

From GeorgeGlass on December 29, 2021 Vampire Gynoids From The Future, by InvidiaRed I don't claim to understand the plot of this story, but there's certainly some vivid imagery. That’s A-okay 100%. The mixture of high fantasy and scifi can get weird. <3

I like to think of it like history itself. scenes should rhyme rather than repeat.

You’re good to go <3 take your time.

Take your time. Post whenever It’ll count Promise Its not going anywhere. Take care of yourself <3

Slither Direct Continuation of the holiday canon and sequel to Offering Sorrow In the shadow of the cataclysmic eruption of Yellowstone and the sinking of Cascadia Logan, Glykon and Pals find a little breathing room in the calm before the storm as more of Duncan’s children at long last come home. No Sex, Bigotry, Violence

Woo! I’ll take a look for before I post Slither <3