InvidiaRed

I could kiss you I would like an angel who isn’t a zealot or currently insane with impotent rage. Duncan deserves that chance of someone attempting genuine help without thought of boons or personal gain. I’ll look her up Thank You <3

Thank you for the constructive criticism <3

Thank you for the summary <3 @InBrightestDay Luzurial is a cosmic entity who predates the universe I’d put her in the same weight class as Hera and other queens of pantheons able to fight their spouses to a standstill. Based on how she’s written she most likely would have sided with the gods. Gods are intimately connected to existence. They’re supposed to be there. They’re part of the grand design of the universe. They are exactly as they say they are. No more, no less. If she does have a counterpart my setting, She’s probably deep undercover and or desperately trying to fix the damage to the workings of the universe trying to get things back on track. If they ever did meet. Luzurial would burst into tears at the sight of him because the damage done to Duncan is too extensive, too deep.one side effect is the irrational insane rage that angels inspire in him and the other is when he sleeps he relives the worst moments of all his incarnations. My Lucifer, Is a bit of a loser but ironically by being cast out long before everything went FUBAR. He inadvertently may have saved the angelic race all things considered. He’s also a bit of a hypocrite pretending to be more evil then he actually is. All things considered he’s nowhere near the worst among the divine beings. More of a jerkass than anything else. In a way, My setting’s angels have propagated more destruction and disruption of any grand design than anything Lucifer(In WiTS setting) could dream of. And they did it solely because their ideology told them to. This damage has far reaching effects and consequences. People and gods who died or were never born were meant to do great things, prophecy unraveled, things that were never meant to happen happened. Things that should have happened didn't. A major example is that Joutunheim made a trade deal with the US seven days before the Asgardian envoy even arrived for preliminary talks. Angrboða- Is the name Duncan gave Logan in Temporary. Angrboda is also presumed to be the witch of the ironwood who spawned a race of wolf giants who will grow stronger until one day Mánagarmr is born among them and he will grow to devour the dead and in the end the moon. Just as Skoll/ Fenrir will devour the sun. Its not much a spoiler but those wolves in Tricked? They weren’t normal wolves. They came to midgard because they heard their mother’s call. I almost had the change happen when Duncan returned home early but… She would have slaughtered Logan. A runt among the Jotun even with marine training would have stood no chance against the sheer might of a proper giantess in her prime. That’s not even factoring in the magical prowess Angrboda likely possessed. So I had to re-write. Because, having Duncan wake up and return to a destroyed home and ruined life again seemed to be just too mean spirited.

From Thundercloud on November 01, 2020 Tricked by InvidiaRed This is the kind of story when you start reading and more once have to pause when you realize that there is yet another cross reference to another story you have assumed is unrelated...and then you start to smile and move on. Thank you, You are far too kind. Maybe it would have worked better if I had the other stories in more recent memory, but even though I found most events understandable there was a couple references that left me scratching my head in confusion. When there was talk about Hel in the context of a wife and the references to Hel's mother I did not get it at all. Melinoe is a a two fold goddess much like Hel is. She is a goddess of nightmares, madness, The restless dead of whom did not receive proper rites. It was important to hightlight the bickering of poker buddies even if Mic was being cruel. Ooof. I’ll try to clear it up as I consider Holiday canon to be Powdered Sugar first, Then Temporary and finally Tricked. As for the parts that I understood I liked the interplay at the ranch. One of the thoughts I had while reading Death Always wins was that some of the tension was lost when not much was at stake for the participants. This story surely delivered something quite different. The missing associate for the devil, the bitchering between the gods and the combat meant this was a good read. The ending with Uber driver was very funny...and then afterward there is an extra scene with somebody named Duncan that the others were talking about earlier (and I think you had the character in a story last christmas). Duncan seem to have been in battle...or something that he does not remember...is the battle at ranch house???...and he shall do a quest that seem totally unrelated to everything so far. Incarnation shenanigans, Simply put for the day of Halloween Angrboda a past incarnation had free reign after Duncan was infested by a underworld parasite. I suppose there is series of stories you are supposed to read to understand what is happening, but for me it just left me wondering and confused. Had it ended with the Uber drive and no resolution on what happened at the ranch house it would have made sense from narrative point of view but now we got something that feel like the beginning of new (and promising) story.

Ironically, My Home-brew setting has pollution too. https://www.worldanvil.com/w/tfom-invred/a/horsemen-article

Nice. I should probably watch that. Thanks

From JayDee on October 29, 2020 Tricked by InvidiaRed (Also spoilery review warning. I never learned to review properly.) So, I’ll start with a bit of a gripe, I know, I know I’m a dumbass – I just figure if you’re writing a sequel to TCR’s Death Always Wins and using an extended reference to InBrightestDay’s lady who was also a spider and then a spider lady (…and if that’s a reference to the Van Dijk he used in The Woman in the Statue, it’s technically my horrible rapist lawyer character…) the cool thing to credit the sources so any readers can go see further adventures. Especially with it being a sequel for any readers wanted to go back and see what happened last year with the Casino! Chips! Corpses! Craziness! Clocks! C-Words! Anyway, gripe done… ( I could put a link to the stories in the afterward.) …This line here, “The televised elder abuse of a senile geriatric as his political party, was dead set on throwing his corpse over the finish line if need be.” Made me laugh right out loud, partly because it’s funny anyway, but coming right after the genocide reference it was a hell of a mood swing. Perfect comic timing there! …I heard Gabriel last got the horn with Mary. Ok, sorry, bad joke. Nice use of the affable yet threatening phone call there. There’s some really nice descriptions here. Just about anything about the effects of oblivion really comes across well. Gotta love an unmaking void. The corpse puppetting description too was nicely grim. I’m really not sure how Lucifer got out of there… alive is possibly the wrong term. Existing? I guess it really is a Halloween miracle, especially If that cabbie really was a part time carpenter. ( Halloween miracle, He’s alive partly due to a combination of factors Hel destroying her own mother, The stroke of midnight returning the usual rules of life and death and literal divine aid from his friends.) The epilogue felt a little bit un-related (in defence I may have misunderstood an obvious connection! I ain't the sharpest knife in the bulb socket) but it was fun to catch up with Duncan again! “two poisoned suns would shine over Nippon” is just an awesome mention in a great line. Been 75 years and that shit still hits.( Its also can be considered atleast in Duncan’s setting part of the start of total divergance. For the first time in modern history the heads of the various pantheons established communication with the superpowers of the world. Man had devised a weapon that was on par with what the gods were capable of and had the potential to destroy the world. and with them certain realms opened up and man could potentially visit these other places. For example the uber rich who can afford it. Olympus is open) I shoulda said this to George too, but thanks to both of you for taking part and sharing stories with us. Sorry ‘bout the gripe at the start. Feel free to tell me to fuck off! (Never dear, I unironically enjoy your writing.

I actually have a copy. After the catastrophic travesty that was “ray” they don’t have a right to criticize that special.

From GeorgeGlass on October 28, 2020 Tricked Ah, a sequel to last year's story -- although I just glanced at InBrightestDay’s review, which points out that the first one was written by tcr. Interesting choice to sequelize that. I still like the idea of the various underworld gods, old and new, hanging out together. The bit about some of them collecting very few souls these days was a good one. And I'm guessing the cabbie was Jesus? Yep, Luci is currently seriously punch drunk from being crushed. It also continues the theme of luci playing the fool. He likesto think he’s so clever but to put it best Lucifer is playing checkers while everyone else is playing 3d 4v4 chess. That’s indeed why the cabbie is smiling. Wouldn’t you? You’ve announced yourself and despite every hint you’ve given the person in question still doesn’t know who you are.

From InBrightestDay on October 27, 2020 Tricked What have you done, Invidia!? You've crossed over that which was never meant to cross over! You've opened the seals and we're all doomed! DOOMED I TELL YOU!!! *Ahem.* Muhahaha!How could I resist? The doorway was clearly unattended and now through the archway they come! Dun Dun DUH!!!! Ok, so I started this review wondering whether or not you'd cleared this with tcr, seeing as this is clearly a direct sequel to Death Always Wins, albeit with some rather noticeable changes, one of which is that you have it in your Powdered Sugar setting (which admittedly was inspired by tcr's story, but wasn't a direct continuation). Then the story went in a direction that raised several questions, leading me to the assumption that this is the setup for a Duncan adventure (Duncan himself appears to have blacked out after the end of Temporary and then woken up here), and then… (OOF!, Its not a direct continuation and events do significantly differ. I did message them so its all good. Gods are public domain. Duncan's on a road trip to find Yua. This is deeply flattering, and it would be very cool to see Duncan and Yua interact, but also might cause some potential problems depending on how it relates to the other stories. I am very interested in seeing where it goes, mind you. (Holiday canon can matter just as much or as little as a holiday episode haha its own separate little timeline). Uh...sorry this wasn't more of an actual review of the story itself! I kind of got distracted when Yua was namedropped. (I did also reference The Woman In The Statue. It impressed me highly) The story itself feels more like the first act of something larger, which works in the sense that it makes people interested, but at the same time has the inevitable side effect of storylines here ending on cliffhangers (like whatever's going on with Lucifer at the end there. (Big J was his Uber driver, Luci played the fool this Halloween tricked so many times and he didn’t even realize it. Hel usurped him as the hero of the story) One of Duncan’s previous incarnations was solidly revealed. Angrboða herself. The Norse Mother of Monsters and Wolf Mother) More importantly their personalities are vastly different. They do however share a hostility to Aesir in general and an irrational hatred of angels) Its also the reason why Lucifer couldn’t reap her. Yes, She is dead but essentially she’s but a single thread in a massive spider’s web. Or a single link in a chain. It shouldn’t have been possible since she’s definitively dead and Duncan is multiple incarnations removed from her the rules however are significantly different on Halloween. Someone actually did guess correctly that his other incarnation was none other than Dagda’s Doom- Cethlann

From Foxkidsboy9 on October 25, 2020 Hey can I be in this story I deleted the duplicates since they were all the same thing. I heartily apologize but I’m afraid not. Thank you for the review however.

Tricked Lucifer thought there would be no consequences for his casino fun. Violence

Its nearly ready but doesn’t quite yet have my mark of approval.

Well it depends on what the magical combinants are. Holy for example should just burn bright no matter what and little to no smoke. Hellfire in contrast should be smokier in contrast due to its unholy nature/ Implications of its reactants. Typically hellfire in fantasy is much redder/(I’ve seen purple) WOD uses balefire , https://whitewolf.fandom.com/wiki/Balefire_(WTA) Several characters of mine have died to the rather nasty stuff. Since aggravated damage is something you can’t just shake off you die in a few rounds and you can’t soak aggravated damage. https://dresdenfiles.fandom.com/wiki/Hellfire Hellfire in fantasy is either bright green, green or more sickly colors to denote the hazard its entails. Sure, its more destructive but you’re also dabbling into things that at the minimum puts your self/ the soul at risk. No matter what color you use. Note that hellfire, is essentially highlighting and magnifying the worst aspects of fire itself without the positive ones to mellow it out. Its description should reflect that at the very least. People panic at the smell of smoke, or the first flickers of fire. Hellfire should be magnified 10x Cause the spirit even subconsciously should be hammering that primal part of the brain screaming GTFO NOW! Undead should use more phantasmal fire. Think corpse lights or willow wisps. ghostly fire may not burn as hot as regular fire but it should be just as nasty if you get hit with it. maybe illuminating the person’s bones/spirit while its affecting the body. Maybe, even making the unfortunate person phantasmal themselves as their essence burns.

From JayDee on October 16, 2020 Part 6! SPOILERS IN REVIEW Harry was going slow and steady as possible. He kept his wand at steady as possible Ooof! I’ll fix it. Lines that are the same in porn scenes as non porn scenes Definitely more of a slow and steady chapter for that, no rampaging flesh hungry monsters here – I liked the take on using magic to open the hole, get the seeds, and then close it again. I laughed out loud at the one line “Granted Harry knew Argus was probably into blokes. At least that was what Harry thought. Argus took him to the root of his dick with a fervent gusto that made him reasonably sure.” Harry isn’t dumb but… If you read the stories he’s well… Unobservant, Oblivious and Occasionally foolish. So it’ll all balances out What you’d want to call more than circumstantial evidence there. But what’s this darkness hanging about? Is Argus hiding something devious? Well, gotta have some conflict for stories. Foreshadowing DUN DUN DUH!!! Nice descriptions around the Patronus too!

From DeathLingers on October 14, 2020 i thought this would be alpha harry guess not. concidering he somehow lost control over voldemort on the first ch ive lost interest, refuse to read a possible uke harry. well i can try again later when im not tired and annoyed Thank you for the review. This particular story will probably not be your cup of tea then. This particular dark lord Harry is Versatile/ Leaning towards Powerbottom. He’s slowly coming into his power and all but he’s definitely the one in charge.