Sorry if that came across as harsh. The cut-offs really were the only thing I would call a criticism, and that is a delicate balancing act, figuring out when and where to employ it. Like I said, there were times it worked exactly as intended and made the dialogue feel more real.
As you no doubt noticed from there being no review today, I won’t be able to do one of these daily. I have several other things I’m reading and writing. Amusingly, one of the stories taking shape in my head (I have the plot, but haven’t worked out the main character’s arc yet) is almost like Fiends’ mirror image. Anyway, I will try and steadily work my way through Chapter 2 soonish.
You mention that this is an early work and maybe a little rough compared to your later stuff, but while I don’t have anything later to compare it to, I think it’s a hell of a good start!