Things Fanfiction Has Taught Me

[Guest Nympho]

1. There are far more kinky ways to have sex than I ever imagined

2. Homoerotic sex is not an offense against nature, it's actually pretty hot no matter what gender.

3. Doesn't matter what character it is, someone will thing of him/her/it in a sexual light.

4. Sarcasm can make for some humorous stories.

5. Sexuality is not something to be suppressed, and masterbation will not make you go blind.

[NinjaGaijin]

6. A lot of males and females are multiorgasmic.

7. MPREG???

8. Couples do cum together.

9. Rape doesn't have that much emotional impact.

10. Everybody's well-endowed.

[Guest MarauderFaerie]

lmao Nympho's are funny cause they're true, NinjaGaijin's are just hillarious

[Guest Big Samurai]

TRUE

1.) In 'fic, practically nothing is taboo.

2.) If it is edible, it can still be used for sex.

3.) J.R.R. Tolkien is spinning in his grave.

4.) Every fandom has yaoi fangirls in it.

5.) And "Squee!" is the fangirl mating call.

FUNNY

1.) If it pilots mecha, it must be yaoi.

2.) If it goes to Hogwarts, it must be yaoi.

3.) If it can move, it can have sex.

4.) Luigi is a bigger pimp than Mario.

5.) Bowser is a bigger pimp than Luigi.

Don't worry, fangirls, I'm just joshin'. You're a wacky bunch, but you haven't killed me (yet).

[taker]

Everyone's gay to a certain extent

Everyone's straight to a certain extent

Everyone's bisexual

speeling and grammor r 0v3r4t3d

Alternate universes are always exsistant

The more you hate your rival, the more and more you want to nail him/her

Child molestation has suddenly become okay

A lack of characters can still make a yaoi (I.E. Soul Reaver)

Appearently despite known fact, all men are either gay or bisexual. Funny I could have sworn we normally being what and who we are, don't like to be intimate with men unless we're gay or really comfortable with oursexuality despite women being more easily open with their sexuality.

Everyone has alot of vanilla sex. Alot of mercenary/missionary position. Anal is almost staple with oral. Forget facials and the other exciting things.

[Guest MarauderFaerie]

*rolling on the floor laughing because its all so very true* Anyone have any others?

[taker]

WTF does Squee have to do with this thread?!

I'm never worried about any one personally. There's alot of yaoi fangirls like there's alot of yuri fanboys. Hell my ex and I had a deal, if she'd Yuri for me I'd yaoi for her. Keep in mind Yaoi is often used due to lack of characters I.E. Legacy of Kain series is a prime example, or Harry Potter. Yes JR Tolekien is rolling over in his grave God rest his soul.

[Shaduan]

Anything can be used as lubricant.

Anything can be used as a sex toy.

Any two species can mate, regardless of anatomy. [snape/Squid, anyone?]

Any two people trapped together in a confined space [snowed-in cabin, partially collapsed basement, taking shelter in a cave during a thunderstorm, etc] will eventually have sex, regardless of previous conflicts, enmities, or hatreds.

Any character who is caring for another character who is sick, injured, or otherwise traumatized, with eventually have sex with him/her.

Any nonhuman species [usually aliens or other humanoids] will have a heat period, even if the base animal is a lizard or a fish.

[Guest Acita]

Hello. It's been a while.

1) The words "penis" and "vagina" are too funny to be used when writing erotica.

2) "Cock" and "pussy" are acceptable substitutes for issues addressed in #1 because they are not scientifically designated and are, therefor, not as funny.

3) If two characters in a fiction are in a gay relationship, so is the rest of the world.

4) Homophobia, unless it is the topic of the story, is non-existant in fandoms.

5) If a fandom has four or more primary characters every single character can be conveniently paired with another person in the group without fear of personality clash.

6) Rivalries are easily forgotten when another guy is pulling down your pants.

7) Characters can find themselves unsore or unscathed in the morning despite having engaged in BSDM techniques that would leave a real person bed-ridden for days.

8) Lubricant is always nearby. Usually a tube of lube can be located in the drawer of the bedside table. This is also frequently a place where one can find condoms for spur-of-the-moment flings.

9) Even if the acrobatics are fuckin' impossible in real life any sex position can be achieved in fiction.

10) Some gay couples don't need any sort of lubricant for anal penetration, and there is no painful consequence for this.

11) Thinking about how much you hate some one can make you immensely horny.

12) If a very straight man (for some reason) engages in gay sex he will never go back to women again.

13) Pubic hair does not exist. Everyone is cleanly shaven.

14) Nothing ever goes wrong with sex, ever. No one will walk in on you; you will not slip up; God does not allow premature ejaculation. Everyone orgasms at the exact same time and it's perfect.

15) Couples can sometimes be so horny that they will opt to have an excursion with a third partner. Never does the third wheel have any reservations about this, even if it is a straight male sleeping with two other men.

16) You can fuck anyone you want. All you have to do is talk dirty to them and breathe on their neck.

17) No one will ever hear your screaming through great sex, regardless if the walls are paper thin or not.

18) Rape victims sometimes turn out enjoying the experience rather than be emotionally scarred for life.

19) The guy on top always seems to be doing a half-assed job during sex. This is inferred from the fact that the person below often says, "Fuck me harder!", implying that they aren't giving it their all.

20) If you want to be tied up you can always find rope or cord, and every bed has sturdy posts that are spaced so perfectly that you can't even move.

[Guest Acita]

Ack. Sorry. Double post. AFF is going very slow for me.

[taker]

Actually if anyone one of us were stuck in a deatly situation. I garantee any of us would have sex with the other perospn (if any) in that situation. I mean if I was stuck with a guy or girl. I want one last horrah before I die. Sure I rather die in a Propane Truck crashiong into a Gas Station to be Memorably Overrocked. But if it seemed as though me and the other person were dead, I'd try to have one last Horrah with them. I GARANTEE anyone else here would to. The gayest person can be a the person of the opposite sex, and if all hope was lost I'd bet anything they screw on last time. I know I would.

So far everything looks very true. Some if it in real life too.

[Guest FairlightMuse]

Things fan fiction has taught me;

1. You never have to go to the bathroom at an inpportune moment.

2. A woman is already ready for sex ( i.e. Never on her period, always has smoothly shaven legs even if the two characters have been lost in a forest for a month without any supplies, etc.)

3. Only bad guys have body odor.

4. Only bad guys are hairy. ( but not al bad guys, depends on whether they are charming bady guys, or brutish bad guys. )

5. Couples always have a misunderstanding, so that the first sex scene is delayed for three more chapters, and therefore more intense.

6. Heroines always want to be adventuresome, swashbuckling, and rebellious; they never want to just sit at home and chill.

7. Women are physically capable of outfighting three to five men, monsters or dark forces even if they are bigger, stronger and better armed than the woman.

8. Men always think it's cute if a woamn is cranky and curses a lot.

9. People did use the same modern slang in the seventeen hundreds as they do today. . .words such as 'wow', 'awesome', and and various curses, were used excessively in every century. ( not )

10. It is never too inconvenient to just take a bath; even in the middle of a storm, break-up, or battle.

11. Couples always sleep together in the same bed for many nights before they actually consummate their relationship.

12. Couple's always scream out each other's names during sex.

13. No matter what you write, someone will always be thrilled with it and someone will always be revolted.

14. For every fan, there is also a flamer.

15. It's okay for the hero to be older than the heroine, as long as he doesn't look older than thirty.

16. Everyone has experienced rape. . .

17. It is never too unbelievable for any two characters to hook up.

18. And reviews are better are better than chocolate.

[Nanaea]

1. STDs don't exist.

2. No one practices safe sex.

3. No one uses birth control AND they only get pregnant if they A. are male, B. have been raped.

4. Males have amazing sexual stamina. They can last for an hour or more and have repeated encounters over the course of a single day/night.

5. Enemies have the hottest sex.

[taker]

1. STDs don't exist.

2. No one practices safe sex.

3. No one uses birth control AND they only get pregnant if they A. are male, B. have been raped.

4. Males have amazing sexual stamina. They can last for an hour or more and have repeated encounters over the course of a single day/night.

5. Enemies have the hottest sex.

Yeah I've noticed that to (number 4) too. We're guy's and we're supposed to the Sex Machine, thing is we rarely last through one orgasm let alone multiple. Also

[Guest Acita]

3. No one uses birth control AND they only get pregnant if they A. are male, ...

This had me laughing for the better part of ten minutes simply because it's so true.

[WotanAnubis]

1) Getting raped is a good way to figure out your sexual likes and dislikes.

2) Natural submissives only discover this aspect of their personality when some total bitch/bastard starts abusing them.

3) Incest is both natural and frequent. And because nobody ever gets pregnant it's also a no-risk form of relationship.

4) If someone does get pregnant, he or she will become much more sexually active and a great deal kinkier than before.

5) Women are totally helpless and largely braindead.

5a) Especially when they're being blackmailed.

6) When there are no convenient men or women around, curious young virgins will eagerly have sex with dogs or horses.

[polywolly]

6) When there are no convenient men or women around, curious young virgins will eagerly have sex with dogs or horses.

I've never read a fic like that, and I'm sure I don't want to, but that had me laughing until I cried. And not just for the horses either...

1 - It isn't called stalking if it's true love. Breaking and entering isn't a crime if it's a crime of passion.

2 - No one ever has to go to the bathroom, not even after 17 pots of tea.

3 - People can come back from the dead without explanation and no one, not even the characters in the story, will be surprised by this.

4 - There is a fine line between love and hate, and it’s called sex.

[Nanaea]

2 - No one ever has to go to the bathroom, not even after 17 pots of tea.

4 - There is a fine line between love and hate, and it’s called sex.

# 2 - Actually, I make mention of one of my characters using the loo in a story I'm currently working on. But I've only seen it in one of the fanfics I've ever read.

#4 -

Add to the ever growing list:

1. Guys are always well-hung (which, if you think about it, discredits the ever popular saying that size doesn't matter. )

[Guest Melody Fate]

Actually if anyone one of us were stuck in a deatly situation. I garantee any of us would have sex with the other perospn (if any) in that situation. I mean if I was stuck with a guy or girl. I want one last horrah before I die. Sure I rather die in a Propane Truck crashiong into a Gas Station to be Memorably Overrocked. But if it seemed as though me and the other person were dead, I'd try to have one last Horrah with them. I GARANTEE anyone else here would to. The gayest person can be a the person of the opposite sex, and if all hope was lost I'd bet anything they screw on last time. I know I would.

So far everything looks very true. Some if it in real life too.

You lost that bet.

I've been in a situation where I was pretty sure I was going to die along with my S/O. I will not go into detail, but trust me, neither of us wanted to jump the other's bones. Instead, we were both trying to find a way to survive, even though we thought we wouldn't make it through, we still were trying.

If it was a situation like "Bomb has been set off, the world will end in 20 minutes!" I'd call my parents and let them know I love them. Then, if I had the time, I'd call my friends and tell them I loved them. Have sex? Not really the ultimate concern on my mind. I'd rather my loved ones and I died all knowing we loved each other.

As for the subject of this post?

Fanfiction has taught me that if a guy is married and wakes up gay, his wife will be a flaming bitch, even if she used to be the sweetest woman ever.

[Guest Acita]

1) You, too, can be an open homosexual in the United States military.

2) If your buddy isn't feeling too chipper just fuck 'em. Sex always cures angst.

3) If you sleep with a grieving or otherwise emotionally unstable person it's not that you're taking advantage of them: it's that you're helping a friend in need.

4) Suicide is a romantic gesture accepted - sometimes even EXPECTED -by all your friends when your lover dies.

5) A rape often leads to comfort sex as the victim regains their composure.

6) With the number of bed slaves in the world of fiction it only makes sense that everyone has a thin, soft-featured boy tied up in their basement.

7) All homosexuals are physically beautiful. It's required.

[StoryJunkie]

I just had to laugh at everyone's replies. So true.

Well, I found out that I wasn't the only one that had a tentacle fantasy. Let me tell you, I thought that I was just some sort of weird chick when I was young. I should have chilled a little more. (Curse you Robert E Howard! You warped my mind forever!) (Man, that was a good fantasy!)

I also found out that people DO have cerulian eyes (and violet eyes, and sapphire eyes) No one has limpid eyes anymore....

[NinjaGaijin]

#121

Women never have periods.

[Guest Big Samurai]

Addendum: And, if they do have periods, it just makes 'em want sex more.

[NinjaGaijin]

#142 [random number]

Even if the setting is ancient/fantasy cultures, the sexual mores are similar to ours.

#143

Aliens are either humanoids or tentacle monsters.

[Guest Big Samurai]

Addendum: Aliens that are humanoids can very easily become tentacle monsters if the situation requires it (in their opinion).