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Anyone else find themselves enjoying describing clothing in their stuff? I have to admit, it’s pretty hard sometimes, especially with more intricate or unconventional items, like ones with lots of straps or gaps in them (looking at you, Ivy from SolCal!). Or where I simply don’t know how to describe something, can think of a few that have been like that. And yet I find it really good fun. I’ve even been trying to come up with wholly new designs for characters to wear, or that I might commission someone to do art of if I enjoy what I’ve come up with enough. Any of the rest of you have any similar thoughts or experiences? Anyone have any advice on how to better describe more unusual outfits, or how to come up with new ones?

Hi, all. For what it’s worth, here’s what I’ve noticed, and what I try for. “Background” people, the prose equivalent of extras in a movie or TV show, dress according to their station in life and the time in which you find them. The degree to which you describe them goes up in their importance, whether as background scenery, or as they emerge to actually become characters. So, “a teenager working the cash register at McDonalds” is background. “The order taker at McDonalds seemed sad as he was working. His company polo, while clean, was starting to fray around the edges of the sleeves, as was his composure. But he still took my order without delay, or getting it wrong.” is starting to become a character. “I picked Joe up at McDonalds as soon as his manager let him clock out. He had a fresh company polo in his hands when he got into the car. The company polo he was wearing was just as worn-out as he looked. The disposable paper hat, which he normally threw away the second he clocked out, was still on his head. His normally pale complexion was just that much whiter, and even his dark black pants were starting to gray. His work sneakers were also starting to blow out. Getting both outed and dumped by the boyfriend I told him he shouldn’t try dating was wearing on him far more than he was willing to admit.” has become a lead character, and is likely one you already introduced earlier. The way a person chooses and wears clothes can tell you about the character’s personality, or at least the personality you are having the character portray at the moment. In real life, people do deliberately dress differently from how they usually would. If your viewer understands this, then their normally jeans-and-tee shirt character showing up in a tuxedo. or the normally dapper and nearly overdressed all the time character showing up in worn out jeans also tells you about the character’s current mood. Likewise, the choice and condition of their clothing directly describes their wealth and social standing. “The twelve year old boy was wearing an untucked tee shirt that had been white, but was still clean He had what appeared to be a pack of cigarettes rolled into his left sleeve and onto the top of his shoulder. His jeans were faded and frayed, and about three inches shorter than what most boys his age wore. He wore a black belt, but its color was more a memory than a fact. His feet were bare as he walked briskly down the front steps of his house, grabbing a pair of work boots as he passed them. I noticed that there were no socks in the boots, either. He carried the boots by the laces and slung over his right shoulder as he walked past me, having some place he planned on getting to quickly yet without running in the early morning warmth.” The character’s choice of clothing, and how they wear it, can also help build the scene. “She was wearing a gauzy peach-silk and lace mid-thigh length chemise, over red lace see-through panties. The shoelace thickness shoulder straps stood out almost seductively against the skin of her shoulders. Her finger and toe nails also sparkled with peach nail polish. Her lipstick was a seductive dark red, and she wore only elegant traces of eyeliner. Her thong type sandals were also light peach, with darker peach gauzy straps. Her garments almost screamed passion and seduction. However, there are some things a fifty-six year old woman with graying alopecia riddled stringy hair, general hygiene issues, and who weighed over five hundred pounds should never wear, particularly not to their mother’s funeral at the Baptist Church in a small Southern town. And Chloe managed to easily check all the boxes.” Thanks.

Hello again, @Desiderius Price An alternate title for this thread, could be: “Why you should never write a story without an outline.” A “super-short” summary of the story itself would be “six boys and four girls from semi-dysfunctional homes get together and form a band.” The first flashback sequence is two and a half chapters, and a total of 28,261 words. By length alone, it could be a free-standing story. However, it “fleshes out” the third brother, and tells you a lot about him, including why the boy now has three middle names. It also tells the other characters about the boy, The boy telling the story when he does is both an act of giving trust, and an attempt to talk through his emotions and help himself accept and “move on” from that day. Less obviously, that trust is returned by the house literally coming to a stand-still to listen, including gathering all the other main protagonists to listen. The boy had been living in an abusive home that was getting worse. Despite not knowing any of the real reasons, the boy is aware enough of his state that he actually created a “normal” alter-ego as a tool in his mind to try to isolate the actual abuse from simply being in a non-affluent home with poorly educated parents and little social standing. The youngest of the six boys describes his perspectives and feelings while reliving the 28 hours of his life that preceded his becoming the youngest of the three Dvorak brothers who are the center of the story. The almost twelve year old boy starts his day with a beating, being raped (again,) and having to convince his almost nine year old brother to appear to willingly participate with his father in raping him to avoid becoming a tied down and beaten victim. The youngest future Dvorak wanders off into a nearby forest preserve and thinks about suicide (again.) He concludes that as worthless and unlivable as his life is, he can not die by his own hand or allow himself to be killed because the people he really loves would be harmed exponentially more than any relief he might gain by dying. He leaves the forest preserve feeling well and truly trapped by life. He returns home to be brought along with his mother and “father,” who we eventually learn is no relation of his at all, to a wedding reception for the younger son of their landlord. This is not being done as a treat, though. Part of the abuse his parents inflict on him is saying to anyone who will listen that the boy is too poorly behaved and “slow” to be left with caretakers, and they have to take him along to “keep him in line.” At the wedding reception, he comments on the people he sees and encounters. His future oldest brother is the “girl-haired boy,” and the middle brother, the “red-haired boy” is the target of his envy. At the moment he’s describing, he’s forced to wear prescription contact lenses to change his eye color, he is forced to dye his red hair brown, and he is forced to shave all the hair on his body below his head since it can’t really be dyed. He drinks what he thinks is a generous quantity of “adult punch” so he can get drunk and “forget” things for a while. The punch he drank, if it wasn’t removed from his body when it was, was enough to kill him outright from alcohol poisoning. That is also not counting that he would have been locked in the trunk of his parent’s car after the “spanking” he ultimately gets. As the early evening rolls on, the boy finds more and more to get jealous about with the “red-haired boy,” yet while also viewing his own life he actually allows his jealousy to die. The middle brother is the last one to catch him drinking his “Nectar of Lethe,” and that’s the actual phrase the kid uses. The middle brother overhears his father being asked by the current parents of the youngest one for the use of their basement to “spank” the youngest one. The middle brother corners the father into giving him the exact same punishment at the exact same time without the young kid being aware that the older one was only being punished in solidarity to “reach” the youngest boy, since he thinks the youngest kid is definitely self-destructive and probably suicidal. The younger kid hears this, and it’s the younger kid’s awareness of what the older kid is trying to do that actually “reaches” him. The older and middle brother were trained by their father as Emergency Medical Technicians. The middle brother is the one to get the younger one to vomit up the very potent punch before the kid absorbs a lethal amount, and does it without using syrup of Ipecac, which would leave the youngest kid unable to keep down any quantity of food or other nourishment for the rest of the night. The youngest kid also goes into an actual flashback based on an incident the kid witnessed the year before, where the two older brothers and the father were stabilizing a heart attack victim in the parking lot of a grocery store, including CPR, IVs, defibrillator use, shouted instructions back and forth, and everything. The boy’s stress, fear, and slight to moderate alcohol buzz fueled imagination conflated his own lifeless body into the mix even while he is receiving different help in reality. With the alcohol purged from the young kid’s body, before he actually had enough time to really absorb that much, the spanking is set up. And the middle kid throws enough extra bizarre shit into the mix that any sane real-life parents would have said, “Fuck it, just put the brats in a corner for an hour and call it job-done.” The youngest kid’s parents insist on the spanking itself to happen, which lasts for about fifteen minutes. The mother’s husband is an oxygen thief who receives sexual gratification. The mother herself realizes that she has become a monster. The mother decides to cooperate with the Dvorak father in getting her husband arrested, and removing her oldest boy from her custody She also tells the boy that he was the product of a rape that her husband cooperated in, as in selling her, holding her down for the rapist, and beating her. The youngest boy and middle boy independently get together and ask the father to adopt the youngest one. The youngest one spends one last night in the apartment, is given a fifteen minute beating the next morning, which is videotaped by the police, and is “kicked out” of the apartment wearing only a “onsie” pajama bottom that had belonged to his three year old sister and fit about as well as you’d imagine. The father picks him up, along with the police. Pictures are taken, evidence is collected, and the father has the kid dress in underwear and normal pajamas and leave there with him, ultimately to show up several chapters previously. The second “flashback” is still in progress, at 45,972 words and growing. It reveals the beginning of the relationship between the father of the three boys, and the “former off-screen villain,” “Father and villain” are actually full siblings, and the only full sibling each other had. The flashback describes their meeting at the ages of 14 for the “villain” and 12 for the father, and spending the summer at the father’s barely better than a shack house in a small town in rural northern Illinois. That flashback could also be a free-standing story. However, it has to be in the main story to explain why a former bootlegger gangster kingpin, who is first introduced in handcuffs and manacles, is unlocked, given fresh clothes, and basically the run of the house after the teen protagonists haven’t even known the man for an hour. The flashbacks themselves aren’t a problem so much. My bigger problem is portraying a group of real yet also incredibly intelligent, talented, and creative people without having a flock of Mary-Sues and Gary-Stu's. They face challenges equal to their talents, and have to struggle to overcome those challenges. They can also screw up, make mistakes, sometimes be unreasonable, and argue over what ultimately turn out to be pointless issues. They also try to learn from their mistakes, grow and individuals, become better family members and where the relationships exist lovers, and advance their professional lives. For a story that started off as a “one-shot” parody and bird-flipping to “erotic spanking stories,” it has indeed become a monster.

I feel like I have finally hit my stride with "Depravity Falls": After writing a lot of random text for various chapters, I have finally outlined the thing and run the outline by Eh Steve, who is my alpha and beta reader for this story. I should be ready to start posting chapters in 2 months or so. Meanwhile, "Smooshed" continues apace. I've finished chapter 5; I just need to give it a read-through before it goes off to beta. That said, it's been pointed out to me that there are continuity errors in the sex scenes of one or more of the existing chapters, so I'll need to go back and look for those. Chapter 2 of “Third Dimension” continues to drag on (15k words and counting). I was hoping to post it by the end of the month, but that seems unlikely now. On the other hand, chapter 3 of "The Red Day" should be posted tomorrow.

@GrayNeko From GrayNeko on March 25, 2022 Yeah, a couple of people on AO3 didn’t like her makeover, either. (One was particularly disappointed by the electrolysis.) My feeling is that if Arms had just had the pointy nose, or the buck teeth, or the flat chest, or the hairy pits, I might have left it alone. But since she has all four of those issues, and since she clearly didn't like having hairy pits, I thought it would be fun -- and funny -- to have her completely make herself over once she discovers Earth's many beauty-related resources. In a way, you’ve already found out, but all will be made clear by the end. You’ll find out soon. Aw, crud, I hate when I do that, but thanks for mentioning it. I’ll have to read through those chapters again. Are there any specific instances you can think of?

Trust me, if I was able to write code, I’d be working on a few projects for AFF, based on the number of people who are asking for the same thing: recognition that their stories are being read. Part of the problem with reviews, and I’m opening a can of worms here, I know, is the ever-popular cancel culture mentality. It’s unfortunately the case that some writers do NOT respond well to anything other than a complete squee. If you aren’t gushing about their cleverness, or the adorableness of their characters, or the genius of the pairing they chose from their fandom, the reaction to the review will be either a deletion of the review, a huffy author’s note mention of people who can’t accept artistic quality without complaining, or a combination of both. Even the mildest of questions can provoke a fit of pique from these writers, and after a time, most reviewers will quietly move on to another story. For myself, I adore constructive criticism. Tell me what didn’t work for you, because that’s how I can continue to hone my own writing. Squeeing about my work tells me bugger-all. On the other hand, we have reviewers who, quite simply, can’t write a review. A personal attack on the writer is not a review; it is a personal attack on the writer and deserves deletion of the review and quite possibly the reviewer’s account as well. A review berating the inclusion of something that was quite clearly covered in the story tags, tags which the reviewer managed to overlook in their entirety, is not at all helpful to the writer, and only serves to highlight the reviewer’s own lack of mental acuity. As an example, I detest scat. If a story is tagged for that particular content, and I read it anyway, I have NO right whatsoever to berate the author for having scat in the story. I’m the idiot who ignored the tags, so shame on me for being feckless. The biggest issue for me is always going to be the motivation for me to write. Do I write to collect dragon prints, or hit points, or kudos? Or do I write because the stories in my head won’t go away otherwise?

Guess “appreciated” the effort I put in, is closer to the mark than “rave/love” it, and the gist is how to tease this out from the information at hand. A review/comment is definitely the gold star here, presumably they’ve read the material (aside from the flaming trolls). AO3’s kudos are an easy “like it” for the readers. Subscriptions/alerts hint they’re interested in the next installment. A public bookmark/favorite is an endorsement IMO. Even a private bookmark means they’re wanting to find it again (only AO3 seems to count those). Tallying dragon prints & hits is a last resort hint, because my stories don’t attract reviews.

I might be the odd man out here, but I actually just want to know if people have reacted to my story at all. I don’t care if they don’t love it, and I’m generally not surprised if people hate it, but I’d love a reaction. Back when I had more time, I tried to read more and I’d make a point of reviewing when I read. (Thanks to a hiccup, my account was inadvertently deleted, which left all my old reviews anonned, but hopefully that won’t matter to the authors I reviewed.) Sometimes when I was sweeping in the archive, I’d come across a new story in a fandom I might not normally have pursued for leisure reading, and I’d make a point to go back, read properly, and review. I’m fairly specific about fandoms, however, and I have my personal squicks which I will avoid diligently for leisure reading, so I might not get around to reading everything. I’m hoping I’ll be able to find more time to just read again, and when I read, I review!

Take their aesthetic and go from there. For example, Bob Bob is a necromancer. Fantasy- The man before you clutches a staff made of a spinal column, His robes are black and his jewelry all have bones or skulls he attended by two skeletons one of whom is carrying a silver platter and the other is infront of him protectively Urban Fantasy- This man is unaware of your arrival. His boots are covered in dirt as he toils adding components best left unmentioned as he repairs his skeletal motorcycle from the excavated coffins around him. A despondent moan issues from the coffins as one by one they all uprose. His focus is entirely on his task of repairing his damaged cycle. His chaps and thick black leather jackets makes you think he’s a biker or some sort. He stands up ramrod straight suddenly as his ruby necklace flashes and then he turns. The ruby holding within it a fiery baleful eye. “ You’’ll do nicely.” Cyberpunk- There was crashing on the door as broken servos whirled in futility. “I know you are in there!” You turned frightened as the dead monitors one by flicker on despite being cannibalized for parts. “Do not attempt to adjust your television” The man’s voice snarked. Dead pale hands plunge through the old monitor and clasp the edges of the screen and then something. No! someone came through. A seamless transition of digital to physical. Brilliant white tattoos thrummed with vigor as the man pulled himself free. His skeletal markings pulsing in-time with with your heartbeat. Old jeans ripped and torn expose more of those garishly white bone tattoos. His t-shirt barely showcasing some ancient vintage band “Don’t worry Corpo scum. I’m sure, I’ll find a use for you… One way or another.” Space Fantasy- “Oh thank god.” Came a tired but relieved voice. You stir softly as the cyrogel disperses and is absorbed back into the capsule. You take a moment to look around. This was not the world promised in the brochure. Your capsule slowly opens and the faint stench death assault your lungs. There is a nervous employee with a holographic badge proudly displaying ‘BOB’ With a smiling emoji. “Holy shit, you’re dead!” You gasp in astonishment. “Mostly dead, Also means slightly alive and with the forbidden art the difference in degrees is staunchly important!” You shiver at the corpse, because that’s exactly what he was. Half his face was torn completely off revealing smooth bone and a rictus grin. “Mom always was worried that the cyrogenics capsule wouldn’t work so she fret until I was competent enough to master death. That’s neither here nor there.Right now I need you to vacate to level three if you please!” You look around the generational ship that was deathly quiet. “Where is everyone?” The employee looked agitated. “Okay, brief version and you really need to get to level three. Something hit the ship, everyone on this level is dead except for you… and we’re not alone.” A corpse smashes into your capsule wetly. Midwest/ Antebellum Fantasy- At first you were hesitant about the hired help. Yet, there they were skeletons dutifully holding out your corset, petticoats and even your hoopskirt. The moment you got out of bed and relieved yourself. They diligently helped you into your day clothes with nary a complaint. The dead maybe could be more useful than merely rotting inthe ground. There was a knock at the door and there was your favorite yank. Bob in his dark blues saber and revolver on his hip. You could feel death pulsing off the immaculately groomed pistol. “Time to go Miss!” WW2 – From the constant bombardment, the omnipresence of the artillery and the cries of the wounded and the dying. Winter had come and with it hell itself. They’d understand they all would. You just wanted to visit a random-city in Europe. You look at yourself in the mirror and try to ignore the haggard and haunted look upon your face. Your clothes shredded yet still somehow providing relief from the bitter chill. They all look at you with vacant eyes. You refused to die here… And they were all dead anyway. Just a few more days… Right? Then you could get rations again and then you could stop… You try to rub off the dead blood staining your lips, your cheeks. Tears streamed silently down your reflection and like scavenging wolves they scrambled to hug you. Your emerald ring throbbed and part of you wants to take it off. Death would be quick as you are torn apart yet you don’t. “Just a few more days. Bob!” The dead are not warm and there is no comfort. I look at fashion throughout the ages and try to mix and match. Sometimes it doesn’t work but when it does *chef kiss*

A bit of extra description can definitely be fun, and certainly draw the line where you’re still having fun writing! Now, if you need to delve into a two chapter description on the manufacturing of that top button securing that blouse, I’d likely skip reading that bit, unless it was super-important (like smithed in the mines of Moria and has a minature family tree spanning back a thousand generations or something like that, power to smite your enemies, or maybe even cursed to fail in front of your true love). One trick I read about years ago, and still use today, is to get very specific to one detail of an item, and let it carry the reader’s imagination. Such as the ornate carving on the switch to the green lamp sitting on the sofa’s end-table, the one the flying black hockey puck smashed while the boys were using a baseball bat. A blood soaked athletic sock left footprints in the shag carpet as the culprits tried to evade their mother’s wrath. Of course, other times, a bit of repetition is useful too. ie. Describing Jarred’s bedroom’s walls as the dirt brown and grass green of the Albuquerque Outlaws, with matching sheets lining his twin sized bed, emphasizing that he’s a fan of that team.

Yeah, true. There’s always a point when if you add anymore it’s just useless faff that’s slowing the scene down. Should probably qualify my statement from earlier by saying I do like there to be an actual point to it, not just having it there for the sake of it (mostly). Most obvious one is for characterisation purposes, though now I think about it I’m struggling to recall any stand-out examples of having done it this way in my work so far, lol. Don’t I feel silly. Anyone got some tips to pass along in that regard?

Suppose the best question is how much detail do you want? Need to know it’s 60% cotton / 40% polyester? A chapter, a paragraph, a sentence, or a few words? Gender (identity) matters too. For boys, “green T-shirt” is likely sufficient to get an image. For girls, lace, frills, buttons, beads, zippers? I tend to view it from the perspective of another character, what’s the first couple of things that are noticed? Outer garments, shirts & jeans being the biggest targets. For younger characters, the shirts might often be promotional, so an orange Safari World T-shirt, for instance. Underwear matters for lesser dressed characters. Of course, if the character is wearing their “LUCKY” socks/underwear, describe that! Or, simply dress a 4-year old in a Batman T-shirt and they’ll be unafraid! Another source of ideas, catalogs, if you can find them.

Legit. See, yeah, that’s the kind of detail I like to go into. Not just describing what something is, but what it actually looks like. I feel like that’s what really gives a description life instead of just being a list. Have heard from some that it can make my writing somewhat dense as a result, but eh. I like it that way. Same principle applies, thinking about it, with characters’ whole appearances. Not just clothing, but I like trying to dig into their whole look, how their face looks, their body, the whole thing. Especially if there’s something about them that means they’d stand out from the norm. Films or games or whatever might make a go of it, but you can go so much deeper into these things with prose. Kicking myself now for never getting around for figuring out any particular ways that Miranda could’ve stood out, appearance-wise, from normal humans in the story I mentioned the other day. Anyone have any ideas, just out of curiosity? Or indeed any thoughts on describing characters’ whole appearances. Faces are definitely the one thing I struggle the most on myself, if that helps.

I didn’t actually try to describe it in that case, but I probably should. I might use a phrase like “...demi-bras, which left everything above the nipple uncovered.”

Yep, that’s been what I’ve come across as well. Either it’s really complicated or quite plain. Your description of the Mass Effect one is pretty good though, quite a bit better than what I think I ended up coming up with in the end. I’m very glad you specified they’re anthropomorphic, I was getting the screwdriver ready to dig that mental image out before it could put down roots. But that’s a good example, and probably about as far as I’d go with something like that in my own work. Out of curiosity, though, how would you describe a demi-bra there? I had to look it up to be sure what it was, and I feel like, if I were doing it, I’d try and specify how it’s different from a regular one.

I often talk about color, material, and cut. For example, in my upcoming Christmas story, Santa’s (anthropomorphic) reindeer are doing a photoshoot to make a sexy calendar for charity. For the shoot, Dancer and Prancer wear matching demi-bras and panties (Dancer’s in red, Prancer’s in green), and the panties are high cut to show off their shapely legs.

Still good advice for anybody who doesn’t want the two tied together. (Especially if they’re on a work screen-share zoom call.)

I guess for me it really does depend on how necessary the detail is for the story. I tend to like to leave a good bit to the reader’s imagination, so if I’m talking about a male character in an everyday setting, I might mention that he wore a blue linen shirt, open at the throat and with the sleeves folded back, over a pair of tan chinos. (Yes, business casual, sorry...) It’s a pretty generic description, and the reader can imagine the shade of blue they like best, whether or not it’s a buttondown collar, if the tails are tucked in or hanging out, or if the chinos are pleated or flat-front. Now, if I was describing a bondage collar, I might say it had a black leather gorget, lined with silk, with a gleaming d-ring for a leash on the front, and so on. That sort of kit really does need more detail, in my opinion, if you have a certain position or image of the bound character that is crucial to the story. Or you can just go for the wrists tied to the headboard with an old school tie, or the belt from a bathrobe, if you want fast and dirty, and get teh characters naked as fast as possible to avoid having to describe clothing. Women’s clothing, unfortunately, tends to be ridiculously fussy when it comes to suggestive/revealing/sexy wear. The dress you linked above? It could be described as a clinging, highnecked sheath with cutouts down the front, or perhaps with strips of fabric criss-crossing her taut abdomen to reveal tawny skin. Google fashion sites, like Des suggested, and try to find ones with descriptions of the clothing to get an idea of ways to get it across to a reader.

Yeah, that’s usually my main recourse. Something I’ve been finding useful lately are various tumblrs that people have set up for exact this purpose. This one in particular I found the other day, already found a couple of outfits that could be of use in future. I know what you mean, a friend of mine once told me that the most common mistake he sees in fanfic, and he included my work in this, was that people seldom bother to really describe what characters look like in stuff. Since then I’ve been trying to do my best to get better at it. How much detail do you tend to go into where lingerie is concerned? Like, how far can you go with it, beyond just naming what the items are? For sure, like I said earlier that tends to be my usual MO. That being said, sometimes even having it to hand can’t really help. I definitely remember once when I was doing a Mass Effect story, trying to describe one of the space-dresses the character’s wearing (this one, I do believe it was) I had absolutely no idea how to describe the criss-crossy bits at the front in any way other than, well, that. Thinking about it, I do wonder if just sticking it into the story would’ve been the best option. God knows I have enough pics already for stuff like that. Furthermore, sometimes I want to come up with outfits of my own devising, that’s usually the hardest part cause I don’t know a screaming thing about clothing design. Best I’ve done so far, for references when commissioning art or whatever, tends to be just putting together bits and pieces of other outfits that I’ve seen.

Have you considered that this is George’s phone? Trust me, its web-browsing history is legendary. Rather like its spell check and predictive typing.

If you’re googling that, might I suggest a separate PROFILE in your favorite browser? Keep those results out of your normal web-browsing ads?

Using an image found online as the basis for the description helps – in some cases the image can be included with the story.

My friend and frequent beta Jomahawk has been helpful to me in pointing out when I’ve failed to describe clothing (and especially lingerie) in sufficient detail and in making suggestions about what characters should wear. I’ve also done a certain amount of googling to learn more about the varieties that bras, panties, bikinis, etc come in. And just googling “unusual sexy outfit” or something like that can give you ideas.

While I tend to opt for nudists in my stories (thus, clothes aren’t an issue), might suggest browsing around fashion sites/shows or the like?

Well. It’s October. I got nothing worth a damn. Hardly have any ideas. Forgot how to write. Even reading is proving tough to maintain concentration. But, here: ** A vampire suffers from low self esteem because the others are all Counts while he is just a local squire. ** An exhibitionist finds themselves trapped amongst the deaf, mute, and blind. ** After a particularly heavy session on Arthur Guinness’s finest, The Dullahan wakes up to find his head has married one sister and his body has married the other, and they hate the sight of each other. His hungover horse says “I did say nay.” ** A user splits Microsoft’s One Note into two notes and the resulting energy release scours the surface of the Earth clean of life, except for a group of deep miners who emerge into the smoking ruins of the world. ** A supervillain launches a diabolical scheme to turn all the world’s porn furry. ** As the heat death of the universe finally winds down to stillness at the end of all things, a stillness that cannot even truly be called eternal for eternity requires the passage of time and even time will end, Valve releases Half-Life 3 ** The abandoned Mars Rovers return…. and they are HORNY.

Lord of the Rings meets Harvey. Early in the march out of Rivendell, Merry goes behind a tree to take a leak, meets a 7 foot tall rabbit who warns him to be wary of the creature in the waters outside Moria. Every so often thru the adventure Merry just seems to know shit, shit he could not know, SHOULD not know. No one ever sees the giant rabbit, and keep scoffing, but the warnings keep coming true... and SOMEONE is certainly stealing the pipe weed....