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Blurbs are turning out to be my kryptonite Dx

I am so tired of looking for an editor who understands editing is not idea tossing! As if Wes and I don’t have a plethora of ideas already? We need someone who can tell the difference between showing and telling content, or lecturing paragraphs, not someone to take over the 100 plus chapters we need to get fixed and posted for fuck’s sake!

I missed that post, so, Lissa, I’m leaving your response up Willow Darkling, forum moderator.

He does have a twisted sense of humor so there’s a fair chance it was built out of the bones of employees of a popular Ready-to-assemble furniture vendor. He may have enjoyed the meatballs.

guest yaw613, as its been over 4 years, since the original post went up, and well over 3 years since anyone commented on it, I’d lay money on it, nobody is writing it. Here's a suggestion, you write it for us! oh yeah and we’ll ‘read and review it’ p.s. sorry to the mods if I just offended y’all or broke some rules!

catharsis takes many forms. I enjoy the story too much to stop now. That’d be a thousand times worse than taking a bookmark out and promptly reading the last page of a book and declaring you’ve finished the story. tsuj hctaw ruoy knird rof ehs yam ton be eb a dneirf

It’s a character flaw of his. He’s not completely off base; he trapped, raped, mutilated and tortured an archangel, and he got away with it...for a while. And then, after being bound, he was eventually released by humans. Where he goes wrong is in assuming this is something he can keep getting away with, leading to the other thing you pointed out. While Eparlegna was strong enough to destroy armies 75 years earlier, what you’re saying is exactly the point Hobbs is trying to make. I also love the sarcasm, by the way. Oh, and “subtlety is overrated” is basically Eparlegna summing up his own character. When you’ve built yourself a throne made of human bones, subtlety has officially gone out the window. Or the nutshot, at any rate (Part Six). Yeah, we’ve seen how durable Luzurial is, both here and in the last story, but this is the first example (not related to bite force, anyway) that we really get of how strong she is. And this isn’t even her at full power. This is one of the things I’ve always admired about the character. No matter what happens to her, Luzurial remains dedicated to the protection of human life. Even though she’s nowhere near ready to face Eparlegna again, she’s still going in, because she can’t let Kevin and Abdul take the risk alone; that’s just the person she is. ...Assuming that sentence means what I think it means, I just want you to know that you do not have to keep reading this story if the subject matter is dragging up painful memories. I appreciate the reviews, but it’s not worth upsetting you.

You know, it’s a shame my dad can’t know about this, because he would have appreciated that Hurricane of Puns. That was something I was really trying for when writing Kevin and Luzurial’s developing relationship. Given what she’s been through, I wanted it to remain as clear as possible that he doesn’t expect anything in return for his help; he really does just want to see her get better. I know that was a joke, but aspects of my personality will inevitably make it into characters I write. I tend to write male characters who are somewhat insecure because I’ve always kind of felt that way; I always feel like I should know more about the world than I do. I try to give characters some kind of distinguishing traits, in this case Kevin’s temper (and the fact that my parents are still alive), but they’re all going to kind of resemble me in some aspects. And yes, bringing it back to the remark that started this, I am a fan of breasts. Next chapter: Enter the Charnel Spider. The bit where MacBride gets cut in half, specifically how Eparlegna just does this nonchalant flick of the wrist, was kind of a way of showing both his demonic strength and how insanely sharp the sword is. I actually added that bit after I sent you the rough draft. Originally she was just being reassuring (she said something like “you will not harm me”), but then I realized how silly the idea of him stepping on her foot was after guns didn’t hurt her, so I had her make a joke. Luzurial doesn’t joke often, but it does happen (see her annoyed “Ow” when Chloe shoots her in the head). That’s about it. I wanted an opportunity to see Luzurial go full Wrath of God on someone, and at this power level, this was about the best she could do. Yeah, I kind of have a thing for female action heroes. Much like my somewhat insecure male leads, that’s probably going to pop up in other stories I write.

I think this could easily be worked around with Alex saying it’s fine to not enter, but then each girl who would sign up reads that they may get partnered up with a random girl and have each girl think about it before finally accepting. For a prize he could do something like give them no weigh ins or chores for a week or even maybe a “get out of the punishment room” free card for a one time slip up. They couldn’t do anything on purpose for it to be used but an “oopsie” situation could be worth it. You can always have it so if Emma is not in the game and keeps her top status. Alex could make it so they have level 5 freedoms but are still their level they’re at before the contest started, so the two winners still have to obey Emma by the end if you decide to do the level 5 reward. This can also help Alex develop stronger bonds with girls that have just arrived like dove or have had a bad history in the harem like Bella and help build/rebuild a stronger relationship to Alex. For the recent chapter, I love that dove got an entire chapter to herself mostly and how she had sorta of a split personality thing going on as she said we and us. Like the darker side of someone seen as pretty innocent isn’t as innocent as we believe. She needed some character development like this. Great Chapter.

@Romavictrix I think there’d have to be a major timeskip cause Emma Watson’s birthday is in April. Would be interesting if there is a timeskip sometime in the story, like the last women come after they seemed to finally settle in with Ari’s introduction.

Nothing like having to factory restore your laptop, only to find out at 2 AM that you’ve now lost six years of writing and renders due to things never having actually backed up to the external drive.