Desiderius Price
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Everything posted by Desiderius Price
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That moment, after you crawl in bed, that you think of the perfect line of dialogue! Time to forget sleeping.
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That’s why I like having Google Docs on my phone. I can just dictate that line into the phone and go to sleep. (What the phone does after that is its own business.)
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Think the sunburns are on the mend, weren’t terribly bad to sleep on last night and was able to get a pair of good four hour dozes. (Yeah, the sunburns were to the shoulders, and I sleep on my side….)
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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39821
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When it rains, it pours, and wished it really did! My pickup truck breaks down on the way into work
Had to walk over an hour home, with the existing sunburns from Friday, not pleasant.
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That’s the nice thing with the pickup, only a two-seater cab with not much space to accumulate clutter.
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He has a gangbox in the trunk, and the back seat holds the overflow of things he needs, or once needed, or might possibly need, or forgot he has. I refuse to look for anything in his car. The last time I tried, something bit me.
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Well, fumigation might work for this!
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This is where we’re suggesting showing, not telling. A full barroom brawl might be a tad much for a start, but having an obnoxious customer and watching how Janina handles them could convey much of what you’re simply “info-dumping” with the original material. Janina has big tits? – Make the obnoxious customer comment about them. Janina can stand her ground? – Show the customer getting rattled by her, and the MC wondering how big the blood stain in the carpet will be. Janina can do magic? – Part of her response, blue fireballs or something. MC as a protector? – Have his hands on a sword, wondering if he needs to get involved. Supposed to be laying low? – Have the MC fret if this’ll blow their cover. Hope you get the idea, put in action, dialogue, showing the points you want to convey. It’ll be way more engaging, and you can sprinkle in details throughout, like having her rip her green pants.
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Sunburns are good things, happy things, ought to make you feel good.
So, no, positive thinking can’t overcome everything.
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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… What cream if I may ask? I’m not allergic to aloe but I’d rather have a backup option.
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Vaseline’s “Advance Repair” for skin, sort of helps, for a couple of hours. (It’s what I had in the cabinet w/o having to go anywhere.)
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- BronxWench and InvidiaRed
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Yeah, that summer I went windsurfing, every day afterwards I had sunburn in places I didn’t know the sun could even fall. Once I got home I’d just cover myself in whatever aloe vera or skin-care remedies were to hand and then flop down onto my bed for an hour or so until I stopped feeling like I’d been in the oven for too long.
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Oh, MC and them are coworkers? And, he’s ogling them? That’s a HR nightmare waiting to happen. So, is this annual-review-time and he needs to write something flattering about his coworkers? Is he a pervert and makes a habit of gawking at them (& their reactions)? An idea is to have a customer make that out-of-line remark (see previous posts), and MC remarking how restrained Janina is being this time? As to verb tense, I recommend past tense. I’ve tried present tense and it’s… a beast all to itself.
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I started writing with fanfiction myself, wanting to explore how another story could go, and *poof* a story appeared, which I decided to post, warts and all. And never fear, your writing will get better with time. Welcome to the club of fanfic writers!
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Pro tip: Do not french kiss the cobra.
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Here’s the reason for this post: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/15592645/filipino-snake-man-dies-cobra-bit-tongue/
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oof, sounds like the cobra manged to get the lingual artery.
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Lemme add to the NSA bait and research cyanide….
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(whistles you away from my potter fanfic...948k and nowhere near done...) BW is trying to lead you down the path of better character building, less “smut-only” story, which is definitely one I try to pursue myself. Obviously, the shorter the story, the less of that character buildup will be in the actual prose, however, it’s useful for guiding how the character responds to situations, especially when it’s out-of-ordinary responses (ie, I had a grown man breakdown & cry when he saw my teenage MC naked because it reminded him of discovering his own son dead from carbon monoxide poisoning – same MC who loved oysters but had the allergic effect of giving him a bad case of the runs). As to introducing those characters, I’ll typically give a distinguishing physical feature or two (ie. hair color) though sometimes it’ll simply be “the waiter” even if I know they’ve got magical birthmarks on their tosh. Having a warstory or three in their bio-sheet is good too, but don’t forget to actually write the story you intended to write!
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“Hi, I’m Janina,” the busty lady said, “Don’t even think it, because the last man who dared, she’s working in the cellar. Now, what can I get you?”
