GeorgeGlass

I’m currently working on the third chapter of my latest Phineas and Ferb story, “Hot Yoga.” I’ve also got a Miraculous story in the works (to be titled “Miss Match”), as well as another The Loud House story (“The Loud House After Dark”). I’m definitely open to writing a Milo Murphy’s Law story, but I’m waiting for the right idea to hit me.

Thanks! My ego is now fully inflated. Whoa. Time dilation… Thank you! Although Oskar is a canonical character, he has been used so little on the show that writing him is almost like writing an OC. That has given me a lot of freedom to develop him. When I first thought of writing this scene, the awkward start -- especially the hysterical laughter when they try to kiss -- was the first thing that came to mind. I love words and wordplay, so I like coming up with ways to use it in Star’s dialogue. Being from another dimension means that she isn't necessarily familiar with all of our idioms (nor are we familiar with all of hers, like “riding the unicorn”), so there’s lots of room for language fun. Thank you! It took me quite a while to figure out how that scene was going to work. Eventually, I realized that the action needed to flow from the two characters’ personalities, and that meant their letting loose and having fun. My bad: My original plan was to end with the 12th chapter. But as I wrote it, I realized that there was too much material to fit into one chapter, so I split it into two. Now the last chapter will be 13 -- which will be posted soon, because it's already written and just needs a little cleaning up. *blushes* Actually, the omission of the quotation mark there was intentional. When a piece of dialogue continues into the next paragraph, you leave off the end quote in the first paragraph as a clue to the reader that the same character is still speaking. Thanks so much for the review! Final chapter coming soon.

Thank you! I generally only write fanfics about shows with which I’m very familiar (because I want to get the characterization right), and Star Vs. is one of those. It’s my guess that the writers of the show coined the term “warnicorn” while they were writing “Mewnipendance Day,” and they liked the word so well that they kept using it whenever the opportunity arose.

Star has used the word "unicorn" on at least two occasions that I can think of: In “Star Comes to Earth”: “Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because I fight monsters, and tame wild unicorns!” In “Blood Moon Ball”: “My best friend is a unicorn...I'm not gonna bathe in unicorn blood, Tom.” And, of course, she loves Marco's ringtone song, "Space Unicorn." To the extent that there is any logical consistency in the world of Star Vs., I would guess that a warnicorn is a particular type of unicorn that has been specially bred and trained for battle. But there are other types of unicorns, too. Thanks for the comment!

I suppose a corollary of what y’all have been saying about hooking the target audience is that different types of stories call for different types of summaries. The summary for a funny story ought to be at least a little bit funny itself, whereas the summary for a mystery ought to be mysterious.

Not that I can think of. So I guess you’re right about the rarity of hung shota stories.

You're not wrong about that. I was inspired to write this story after reading “Hung Shota” by Slutwriter over at Hentai Foundry. I think she discontinued it without finishing, but I enjoyed the six chapters she wrote. http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/SlutWriter/9856/Hung-Shota/24289/Chapter-0/Patient-Zero/page/all

Re: “Mommy’s Home” Depending on which fetish you mean (eg, mother/son incest, straight shota), I could point you to some more stories in the same vein. Thank you! I could see you continuing this story. Are you going to write more chapters? The bad news: No, I’m not planning to write more chapters. The good news: Instead, I’m planning a sequel story titled “Auntie’s Home,” in which Ellie’s gorgeous sister Mara moves in with her and Eric. (Mara gets to stay rent-free, on the condition that she provide certain...services...for her sister and nephew.)

This is something I struggle with, too, because I don’t want every character in my stories to be white and suburban. So I research what I can and try not to wander too far into stereotypes.

Glad you liked the shifting perspectives: I wrote about two thirds of the chapter before I realized that it really needed more sensory detail, and it couldn’t have that without different POVs, so I went back and rewrote it to make that happen. As for the stopping point, I can never resist a cliffhanger.

From all_possible_worlds on March 18, 2017 Thank you! I can't resist a cliffhanger. It's like heroin. You called it. Pretty much all of that will be addressed in chapter 12. Thank you! I've always believed that any kind of story can have depth -- even a porny cartoon fanfic. All shall be revealed... Wow. That's awfully high praise! I wanted Janna not to end up the odd girl out after doing the right thing by Star. Then I thought about Ruby, and how much the two of them have in common, and there it was. Not in this story, because we're down to the last chapter, but who knows -- I might be inspired to write a spin-off story at some point. Like most villains, Tom (or my version of him, anyway) doesn't see himself as a villain. He is so self-centered that he sees everything he is doing as necessary and justified. That's what makes him irredeemably evil. Never! Your wish is my strongly worded suggestion.

Chapter 10 To start, it was fun to imagine Darkstar beating up the skin demons, even if she had a much more violent approach and actually enjoyed it a bit too much. I imagined that scene as a bit comedic, with Tom trying to have a phone conversation in the foreground while skin demons go flying by in the background. Then again, I'm a big fan of "nice people" cutting loose once in a while to show that they can be hardcore. (Superman: Doomsday was the perfect example, IMO. :)) Agreed. Also his fight with Darkseid in JLU. I'm glad Boner was competent for once and notified Tom when the elevator had been called. We hadn't seen Boner for a few chapters, so I wanted to put him back in the reader's mind before his moment comes at the end of chapter 11. Too bad the surprise attack didn't work out so well; and I had a lot of hope for Janna when she suddenly turned on Tom, but it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't be able to use the wand well at first no matter how much she'd studied. (It would have been a bit like finding an alien spaceship and just knowing how to fly it somehow.) That was just as much a consequence of the wand being a little wonky. Calling in the liberated Princesses was a great touch and made for a perfectly wild scene. Thanks! Finally, the key to Star's freedom was brilliant, and the way she discovered it had some nice feeling to it too. Nothing like a little self-discovery and growth to move the plot along. That it happens to be perfectly in-character for her is the cream cheese icing on this wonderful carrot cake of a story. I have come to believe that hating someone -- like loving someone -- changes you. It's easy to be dragged down into the other person's negativity. For Star, that's the antithesis of who she is, and so hating Darkstar was slowly destroying her own personality. Remembering and embracing the positive person that she is gave her back her strength. Then it was a nice to end on a "good news" cliffhanger, even if there was still a lot of stuff to deal with. I can't end them all with deadly peril. I try, but I can't. Chapter 11 There was some terrific action, all described beautifully yet succinct enough that reading it didn't take longer than the movements themselves. I tend to favor keeping the action moving forward over heavy descriptive detail, which is sometimes a weakness in my writing but which works well for fight scenes. Jackie's break to get the wand back to Star was great. Throwing in some exposition was great too, especially the bit about Tom's self-awareness. The swordfight was terrifically exciting and flowed perfectly. Ending with Star's reaffirmation of her lesson was a sweet little touch, though I also loved that Ruby got her revenge by lopping off Tom's other testi… er, horn. I never intended for Tom's horns to be a testicle metaphor -- just a symbol of his excessive pride and self-absorption. Giving Boner a better name was very sweet of Star too. (I love that skeleton. ) Thanks for the idea! And I love Boner, too. The subtlety with which Jackie's aloofness came into the picture worked nicely with the timeline. Not too sudden and not overplayed, and it was nice that Marco was his sensitive self enough to at least detect a hint of it when Jackie and Oskar left his house. When Jackie called Marco and Star to come over I knew that it was bittersweet o'clock. Marco's initial confusion about why she got out the pink-heart potion made perfect sense yet made for a nice little bombshell to end on. Thanks! My original plan was to end the chapter with Star’s defeat (and sparing) of Tom, but you know me: I can't resist a cliffhanger. Some people would say that it's possible to be soul mates even without romantic attraction, but even then it would get in the way of any romantic relationships anyway. My only hope is that Jackie isn't basing her decision entirely on what Tom told them about the Blood Moon. We will get into all of that in the next (and final) chapter. It's a great sign of your superior storytelling that throughout these chapters I didn't miss the erotic stuff one lick. Thanks! It misses you, though, so it'll be back in chapter 12. Thanks again for more doses of pure awesomeness. Thanks again for another satisfying review! Or rather, for two of them. #melius tarde, quam nunquam Gratias.

From all_possible_worlds on March 10, 2017 Wow! I'm flattered. I appreciate the thought, nonetheless. As I mention in the disclaimer, I began writing this story before season 2 aired. And once season 2 started, I realized very quickly that it wasn't going to be possible to make the plot of “Star’s Crossed Lovers” jibe with season 2 canon. So consider this story an alternate version of season 2. Thank you! Accurate characterization is a top priority for me, so I'm always happy when readers comment on it. Once the story is finished, I'm planning on posting to this thread some author notes, which will include a short list of ways in which the events of season 2 contradict what happens in this story. The narwhal blast thing is one of them. Thanks! I've been a little bothered (more than I should be, I'm sure) by the fact that Ludo's scissors were never mentioned again. Surely, Star wouldn't just throw away a perfectly good pair of dimensional scissors. So I decided to fill that plot hole myself. Oh, yeah, there's gonna be fallout. There's a good way? Thanks for the review!

Thank you right back! Your comments were valuable. It occurred to me that I ought to provide some kind of explanation for why they’re called “skin demons.” “Blood Moon Ball” was obviously a very important episode, but its potential significance wasn’t addressed at all in the rest of season 1, so I decided to get after it in this story. Thanks! You put the idea in my head with your comment. So thank you again for the beta, and thanks for the review!

Re: “Rough Night” Writing it was a guilty pleasure, too. Thanks! I don’t have plans to write more about this characters (although that can always change), but I’ve got other stories in a similar vein. Thanks for the comments!

That’s awful! I hope DA heals quickly.

Um, okay.

Thanks! And if there’s a class like what this one is going to turn into, sign me up.

As I always say, there’s no higher praise than an involuntary physiological response. Oh, I wouldn’t worry; Melanie’s going to be rather busy... Thanks for the comment!

This is where I will post responses to any reviews of my Phineas and Ferb story “Hot Yoga.”