GeorgeGlass

From Fairy-Slayer on July 31, 2016 DISCLAIMER: I'm the proofreader. Also, I intentionally am ignoring all of my story notes in hopes of not simply repeating myself to the author. Chapter 2 – SPOILERS! First and foremost, Lisa's line "I can do a lot of things," still haunts me. My feeling about Lisa is that being four years old and the only genius in the family, she’s probably sensitive about people underestimating her. So that line seemed like something she might say. It's clear that the chemical is affecting her, she knows it, and she's even willingly giving into the urges. Maybe she really can attenuate the horniness effect by giving in to them a little, but it true that highly intelligent people are better at rationalizing their emotional & primal feelings and actions. Even her keeping Lincoln trapped in the house, instead of sending him out the emergency slide before activating the blast shields, is suspect to me. (BTW, also hilarious work on having blast shields, especially since you hadn't heard of Rick and Morty when writing that.) Cutting off all communications did seem like Lisa was concerned for her sisters' safety and reputations more than anything, but it just so happens that now Lincoln has no options for help other than her now, no matter what. “Very sneaky, sis.” That's a good point, and one that I hadn't fully thought through. I think I can use that insight to strengthen the next chapter, so thank you! And I believe it's "Pretty sneaky, sis." As for Lily, I thought she was going to get a complete pass (to the chagrin of people who wanted to see her involved), and I think you handled the delicate balance there with great elegance and fair satisfaction for everyone's tastes. Thanks! I actually like babycon, but it didn't seem appropriate for this story. That said, I didn't want Lily to go unmentioned, either, so I figured the cutaway scene with the pacifier would be a decent compromise. Lola's call was awesome, especially describing "a dash of menace" for her usual tone. Her dialogue had me expecting something good to begin with, but then Lincoln's priceless reaction and broken-up description gave me a perfect mental image of how the little beauty queen had prettied herself up for her dear brother; then the part about focusing on her wiggling bottom just to get more of a rise out of him made it even more delicious. (Also, talking with her butt is very much Jim Carrey approved.) Being a literal beauty queen, Lola probably works (out) hard to look her best. And, no doubt, she has an exhibitionist streak. So I figured that exposure to the pheromone would make her want to show herself off. The other girls' comments from outside the door were quite nice, with Lucy's being especially cute for her personality and Luna's boldness. Lana offering to use her handy skills to solve the problem efficiently was a nice twist, so I guess the girls don't want to get in trouble for breaking the house even if they end up breaking Lincoln. (His back, his sexual organs, his psyche, his will to live...) Gotta take character moments where you can find them. I never thought I'd be doing so much with Lana in this story, but being the resident slob and fix-it gal, there's plenty for her to do. And thinking back to her caninesque behavior in “Undie Pressure,” I thought it would be fun to include a bit of that. Nice soliloquy for this chapter, especially about it not being his sisters' fault except Lisa, though her trick to distract the other sisters and get him to her lab was priceless. Psychology is a science, too. That also seems to solidify the fact that the pheromone induces actual heterosexual mating, not just a desire for sex or orgasms. The girls could easily give themselves or one-another all of that if pure horniness was the only effect. Man, I'm again impressed with Lisa's abilities, considering how much specificity there is to the chemical's effect. Girl can formulate, yo. The whole "Lana the bloodhound" bit was played out beautifully, in perfect cartoon style to the biscuit at the very end. Good thing she can't bark out the phrase that Lisa's got her hand on Lincoln's butt or that door wouldn't last an instant. It may not last long in any case... So much for my big thought about how Lisa would try to counteract the chemical: After Luan's embarrassment when she licked the pie off of Lincoln, I wondered if perhaps the lemon (or something else in the pie) was interfering with the pheromone a little and that it would turn out to be a clue of how to make a suppressant that would last until the pheromone wore off. Now, judging by Lisa's exposition, it does seem that the girls do have moments of semi-lucidity about their actions after the fact and be capable of a little shame. (But what's incest without shame? ) Yes, good thought about the lemon, but a lemon gag and a lemon-based antidote in a lemon fic would be more citrus than I could handle. But yes, the girls are not completely out of their minds. This actually makes them a bit scarier; mindless sex-zombies can't, for example, grab an electric screwdriver to take a door off its hinges. So I guess for now the part about "a Loud pounding" won't just apply to Lisa & Lily's bedroom door. Yee-hah! Thanks for another awesome chapter and making me crave more. You are more than welcome!

Thank you! We shall see... *rubs hands together* Thank you, and it will!

It's in beta right now, so yes, soon. And thanks!

Well, that's about the highest praise one can get--especially given how many excellent writers there are here. Thank you! I've got plenty more incest stories in the works. Stay tuned!

Re: "Comfort and Joy" You will. I make no guarantees about time frame, but this story WILL be finished.

Yeah, I want to live in my world, too. But I'm stuck in this one.

Wow--this was very helpful. I had considered the aphrodisiac idea before but dismissed it because it didn't fit with the whole misreading-body-temperature glitch idea. But now you've got me thinking about other ways to make it work--and about the fallout from the whole beach orgy. Thanks, all!

I'm in need of some input from your creative minds. More than a year ago, I started to write a dark sex comedy called “Dil-Drones.” The premise is that in the not-so-distant future, the computer system at a large mail-order company becomes self-aware. DelNet is programmed to maximize customer satisfaction, but the only sources of information it has on which to act are customer feedback and behavior, which frequently conflict, and the Internet, which is loaded with porn. The story begins with a woman who is reading a romance novel on a relatively deserted part of the beach when she realizes that she is out of sunblock. Rather than hiking back to her car and then schlepping to a store to get more, she uses her phone to order it. Long story short, a delivery drone arrives with her sunblock, detects the cutaneous temperature changes associated with sexual arousal, and uses the new attachments given it by DelNet to maximize the customer's satisfaction. So that part of the story is already written. The problem arises in the next part: In my original conception of the story, the drone begins its flight back to the distribution center when some kid throws a rock at it. The hit jostles a loose wire and causes a momentary short that erases part of the drone’s temperature-reading program. As a result, when the drone looks at the people on the beach with its infrared camera, it fails to factor out the ambient temperature and informs DelNet that the dozens of beachgoers are all in a state of sexual arousal. DelNet recognizes many of these people as its customers and dispatches a squadron of sex-toy-equipped drones to satisfy them. This is where the problem arises, because that scenario just seems too rapey to fit with the light tone of the story up to that point. But I want to do something that involves multiple drones and multiple humans having public sex on the beach (resulting in a scandal for the company that DelNet serves). Any thoughts?

Thanks! One of the great ironies of being a teenager is that you want to be treated like an adult, but you really don't want to turn into your parents. I'm really quite fond of Boner. I envision him as having complete job security, because even though he's only moderately competent, he's probably the only person in the Underworld who has the temperament (and immunity to death) to last more than a week.as Tom's servant. If Tom were any more of a dick, he'd wear a condom as a hat. I think Star and the Diazes get along in part because they are weird in similar ways, so it made sense to me that Star would be able to predict how the Diazes would react. Particularly because Star was out of earshot at the time. He didn't just say it for her benefit; he said it because he believes it. Why, thank you. You know I can never resist a good cliffhanger. Thanks for the beta and review!

I only like to write fanfic about shows with which I am extremely familiar, because for me, part of the challenge and the fun of fanfic writing is in capturing the essence of the show that inspired it while finding ways to tell new kinds of stories (read: pornography) with the characters. So thanks! Thank you! You will definitely see more of this one.

Even though Lincoln has been exposed to such things for a long time, I imagine that age 11 -- when a boy may be starting to make the transition from “girls have cooties” to “girls make my insides feel funny” -- is probably a particularly awkward time to be dealing with “girl stuff.” Age is a little bit of a factor, but it's mainly just that Luan strikes me as having less experience with boy-girl stuff than Luna does. (After all, Luna tried to fix Lincoln up with a girl at his first concert, much to the boy's embarrassment.) You aren't the first reviewer to take note of the pheromone's effects on the prepubescent Lucy. This subject will be addressed in the next chapter. Lisa has a classic case of Mad Scientist Syndrome: She gets so caught up in finding out whether something CAN be done that she forgets to consider whether it SHOULD be done. We shall see! It might be for the best. Just being anywhere near Lori is enough to overload Clyde's brain; her throwing herself at him would probably necessitate a factory reset. I toyed with the idea of Lisa confessing to having a crush on Clyde. (“I realize that the substantial difference in our ages makes such a relationship socially unacceptable, but there are very few boys my own age who both are physically attractive and know their way around a quadratic equation.”) I decided against it, though -- chiefly because Clyde doesn't appear in the story, so there wouldn't be much point in introducing the subject. Maybe in the next one. As always, thanks for betaing and reviewing!

If Lisa were great at thinking ahead, the roof of the Loud House would probably have a lot more of its original tiles (although somehow that Frisbee and boomerang stick to it like glue.). Glad you’re liking the story so far!

Here's where I'll post responses to reviews of my The Loud House story "Whoops." You’re correct about Lucy: She is only 8 years old, yet she clearly has been affected by the pheromone. This subject will be addressed (briefly) in the next chapter. Thanks for the review!

Wow. Usually, people who do that kind of thing do it because they're fanatics about some fandom in which you have written a story that doesn't jibe with their deeply held view of which character is the perfect romantic partner for which. But you only write original stuff, which trolls generally ignore, so you were seriously unlucky. In any case, glad you're troll-free these days.

Great ideas, all! I think I will use the block quote/indented format plus a different font, which will free up italics for other uses. Thanks!

I recently began writing a fanfic for The Loud House, a show on which the main character periodically breaks the fourth wall and speaks directly to the viewer. I would like my story to include this element, too, interspersed with the standard third-person narrative that will make up the bulk of the story. But I'm having trouble thinking up a quick and obvious way to signal readers that Lincoln is talking to them, rather than to the other characters. One thought I had was to start the story with one of these talk-to-the-reader moments and put the text in italics or something, so that when readers next see text in italics, they will get the idea that Lincoln is talking to them. But maybe that's too subtle, too awkward, or too generic (given that italics can be interpreted in several ways). Any other ideas?

Thank you! I love these characters, so writing in their voices is fun.

Heh heh, I'm a dedicated second-baseman. I ain't sayin' nuthin. Oh, yes indeed. Or maybe just a lot more lame. Thanks for another fun review!

Thank you! My interest is piqued. Any idea when we might expect your next chapter? (Feel free to say that you have no idea; I usually don't. ) IMO, part of the fun -- and the challenge -- of writing fanfic is coming up with original characters that will work well with the canonical ones. Glad you like this one. Yeah, things went pretty far for a first date, but...yeah. Definitely some fallout coming.

The thing I liked about the ratings system was that it gave you some idea as to whether people were actually reading a story, rather than just clicking on it and then clicking away after reading the first paragraph. I have several stories that have thousands of hits but no reviews; the ratings provided the only clue as to whether anybody actually read those stories from beginning to end. So I am looking forward to having some kind of ratings system again.

Re: "A Very Special Thank You" Thanks! Um, probably not. :0

Working Title: No Future but Itself Fandom: CSI (original series) Plot: A white man in his early twenties is found dead in the apartment that he shares with his mother. Doc Robbins’ medical examination and tox screen reveal that the victim died of an overdose of codeine—a medication prescribed for his mother, not for him—which he had taken on top of his own prescription medication. The pills had been crushed and mixed into a vanilla milkshake, and the CSIs suspect that the mother might have done it. The young man had been injured in a motorcycle accident a year earlier and was dealing with chronic neuropathic pain from an avulsion injury at the nerve root. The detectives interview doctors at various walk-in clinics, who describe the young man as a drug addict. But we eventually learn that this was a case of “pseudoaddition,” in which a patient goes from doctor to doctor in a way that mimics drug-seeking behavior but that is really an effort to find effective treatment for the patient’s intractable chronic pain. Greg (who is still the DNA analyst at the time of this story), acting on a hunch, tests the victim’s DNA and discovers that the victim had a gene (found in about 1 in 11 white Americans) that prevents him from benefitting from the pain-relieving properties of codeine. We eventually learn that the young man had crushed the pills himself in an attempt to make them act faster and had drunk them in the milkshake to cover the bitterness of the codeine. They were ineffective at first, and he had no more of his own meds, so he kept taking more and more codeine until he overdosed. The story ends with Grissom reciting an Emily Dickinson poem: Pain–Has an Element of Blank– It cannot recollect When it begun–or if it were A day when it was not– It has no Future–but itself– Its Infinite contain Its Past–enlightened to perceive New Periods–of Pain. Fatal Flaws: I had the idea for this story many years ago, sometime in the middle of CSI’s run. I liked the way that slow-motion visuals were used on the show to depict the events that led to the CSIs’ findings, so I had the idea of including still pictures in the story to the same effect—for example, a series of drawings of how a nerve avulsion injury occurs during a motorcycle crash. But finding such images and then somehow inserting them into the text (which most story sites won’t allow) seemed too daunting a task. Plus, the story seemed both too gloomy and too preachy for me to enjoy writing it, so I ended up leaving the idea alone. Keeping or Abandoning? Abandoning

Thank you so much! If she does, I'll be quite flattered. Frankly, I'll be pretty happy if she simply doesn't call the cops on me. Thanks for the nice review!