GeorgeGlass

Re: “Firelight” Well, Farmer Andersen is paying for her to be bred, and anal won’t get the job done, so...

I’d suggest using an introductory phrase, rather than trying to do it solely with punctuation and/or onomatopoeia. Maybe like this: “Punctuating every word with another stinging slap to her ass, he shouted, ‘You! Will! Behave!’”

From Fairy-Slayer on July 02, 2017 This was wonderfully sexy, and I thoroughly enjoyed this tale, and on a few levels: First, the narrative style was a pleasure, just imagining Lucy Loud quietly showing us around the hidden places where we could see all of the hidden secrets. You used her voice very well, and it worked well against the rest of the narration, which was a comfortable tone for action and "camera movement." It was like a sexy Twilight Zone thing going on, plus one or two cute little quirks. This story was a really fun experiment. Using the first-person-plural perspective was something I’d never even thought of trying before this, and your feedback really helped me refine it. And having Lucy narrate worked out well because she can say some fairly non-age-appropriate things without their seeming out of character. Those brief openers were pretty much all we needed to get fully up to speed on each rendezvous as they began and slowly unfolded. Each segment was a good dose of story on its own yet still helped build up to the final climax of each tryst. Plus they were all sweet to downright cute (especially Lynn's bad acting, the conscientious tentacle monster, the Luanisms, and the twins being different by minutes and different by inches). Even better, it was in-character the whole way. It didn't feel like we were getting pulled away every time it started to get good – we got to savor every tasty bite from the smorgasbord of underage incestuous lust. I’m very glad to hear that, because I was a little concerned about readers feeling like they might be missing some of the good parts (which wasn’t my intent at all). (Come to think of it, that would be the best Old Country Buffet EVER!) I don’t think we have Old Country Buffet where I live. Underage incestuous lust, on the other hand… The "happiest moments" were all terrifically satisfying, especially with an extra boost from Lucy's breathy whispers to go along with each. Yet even after all the sexy action and learning each character's secret (even about how it's basically in their genes), having Lucy make sure we see the pure love and affection they share was the icing on the cake. You know I love a happy ending. After the, uh, other happy ending. The only other thing I'll throw out there is that Lisa seemed to have a second secret, though perhaps it really just ties into that one best overall secret. Maybe that's foreshadowing… or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it (I'll hold back on saying what it is to see if it's really just me, but I will say that I absolutely loved every second of it.) Are you talking about her affection for Lovecraft? As I wrote her part of the story, I had a half-baked idea that Lisa expresses her fondness for him in their private sessions because she’s not yet ready to express affection to actual human beings in that way. Anyway, thanks for another fantastic and wonderfully erotic tale. And thank you for the beta, and another gratifying review.

Thank you!

Thanks!

It is amazing how uptight many of us are when it comes to anything related to sex. There are plenty of scientists who use the word “gender” in their papers where “sex” would be more accurate, because they simply don’t want to use the word “sex” at all. On a related note, I read that on the Pirates of the Caribbean rides at Disney’s them parks, they are getting rid of the tableau that shows several tied-up women under a sign that reads "Auction -- Take a Wench for a Bride." This I’m okay with, because, you know, forced marriage and sex slavery kind of aren’t cool anymore.

Here, I’ll post replies to any reviews of “The Loud House After Dark.”

Working Title: Twist My Arm Fandom: The Loud House Plot: After their successful double date at Jean Juan’s French-Mex Buffet, Bobby proposes to Lori that they go on more double dates with Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. Lori, glad to do anything that involves spending more time with Bobby, readily agrees, but on their first date (at a retro drive-in movie theater), she finds that having the younger kids along is cramping her style because Bobby won’t make out with her when they’re around. Lori gets Lincoln alone and pressures him to make out with Ronnie Anne, reasoning that Bobby won’t worry about him and Lori making the kids uncomfortable if the kids themselves are making out. This strategy works, so, on subsequent dates, Lori pressures Lincoln to go farther and farther with Ronnie Anne, until things get completely out of hand. Fatal Flaws: (Warning: Spoilers for “Relative Chaos” ahead): Now that Bobby and Ronnie Anne have moved away, this story would be AU, and I don’t like starting a story under those circumstances. Keeping or Abandoning? Abandoning. Luckily, I’ve got another Loud House story in the works (titled “The Loud House After Dark”) that I’m really excited about.

No offense taken; I completely agree. I’m just making the point that shock is not the sole reason why some writers might include a gratuitous rape scene in a story; they might also do it because they know it will be a turn-on for some readers. If it develops the world of the story, then I wouldn’t describe it as gratuitous. It only becomes gratuitous if you linger on that scene for longer than is necessary to paint the picture and are doing it purely as a cheap thrill for the reader.

Because rape is one of my fetishes, I’ve written several purely pornographic rape stories, and by and large, they attract a lot more readers than most of my consensual-sex stories. (The ultimate reader-magnet seems to be father-daughter rape, given that the stories of mine that have the most dragon prints are titled “Daddy’s Rules” and “Darla’s Dad.”) So I think “shock value” only tells part of the story; some authors write rape scenes because they know that such scenes appeal to a decent chunk of their readership—whether the readers will admit it or not. But in non-porn stories, I agree with Tcr that rape is not “lazy writing” if it advances the plot or character development in some important way. (The same goes for murder.)

I want to die in slacks, like a man. Maybe loafers, too, if it's the weekend.

When you get right down to it, an awful lot of scifi and fantasy stories are basically about someone breaking the established rules of the story's universe. In a way, that’s what sets these genres apart from all the others: They have their own rules, and those rules can be broken. Being completely original is overrated. Just as impressive, IMO, is putting a new twist on an old trope, thereby messing with readers’ expectations in a way that they will appreciate and enjoy.

A few author’s notes about “Hot Yoga”: I deliberately wrote it to be different from my previous Phineas and Ferb fanfics in a couple of ways: It is light on plot and very heavy on porn. It features only B-list characters. (Stacy is the only arguable A-lister in the bunch, but I consider her an A-minus-lister at most because she doesn't appear in every episode of P&F.) Even though I wrote about a dozen Phineas and Ferb fics before this one, some of the characters in “Hot Yoga” don't appear in any of my previous stories (Dr. Hirano, Monty Monogram, Balthazar Horowitz, Melanie), and others make only brief appearances (Jenny, Coltrane). This is the first time I've ever written a full-on orgy. Although I've written stories involving threesomes, or multiple couples having sex at the same time, I had never before written about a group of people who all have sex with one another in various ways and combinations. Making this work required a huge amount of outlining -- not only to keep track of who was doing what with whom, but also to time events such that characters would be ready to switch partners at the right moment. Dr. Hirano has no first name in canon. I considered giving her one for the sake of this story, but given how many characters are involved, I didn't want to give readers one more thing to keep track of throughout the story. So the character is simply referred to as “Dr. Hirano” throughout. I kept the ratio of male to female characters low because, given that the incense seems to induce bisexuality along with horniness, I didn't want to have to do a lot of plot-gymnastics to avoid having any guy-on-guy action. Not that I never write that sort of thing, but for whatever reason, I'm generally only comfortable writing it for furry characters. Also, judging from the people who comment on my P&F stories, the readership seems to be entirely male and mostly straight, so I don't think many people were reading “Hot Yoga” in the hope of seeing some Monty-Coltrane action, anyway. That said, there was a time or two when I was writing this story when I wanted a female character to take on two or three guys at once, and I found myself muttering, “Damn it, there's not enough dicks to go around.” Overall, though, I'm pretty happy with the results. I hope y'all were, too.

No, I’ve never used Chekhov’s gun. Phasers won’t be invented for another 200 years. Seriously, I think it’s an important concept, because nobody likes it when (a) a gun appears out of nowhere in Act III or (b) the gun that was described in detail in Act I turns out to have no relevance to the story. That said, relevance takes many forms. Sticking with the gun example, that gun on the table doesn’t necessarily have to be used in Act III; it’s function may be, for example, to tell you something about the person who owns it, like the medieval weapons on the wall in Deathtrap. (IIRC, none of them actually get used, but they tell you something about their owner’s fascination with deadly things.)

Glad you enjoyed “Hot Yoga.” I’ve never watched Johnny Test. It’s not still on the air, is it?

For anyone who is following this story, I just posted the fourth and final chapter this morning.

When cookies go rogue, toss them. What do you mean, that’s not helpful?

First, my apologies for the lateness of this reply. I did write a response, but somehow either I never posted it or I deleted it by accident. In any case, onward! From Jomahawk2694 on May 20, 2017 Okay, I clearly need to watch more of that sort of thing. You know me so well. Given that this was my first Miraculous story, I wanted to stick to the show's formula as much as possible, because that's part of the challenge and the fun. Plus, having a structure to work with gives me direction in writing the plot. Good one! The formula for fights on that show seems to involve lots of leaping around and very little actual violence, so I went with that. You make a good point. I couldn't really think of what to do with Miss Match after she bound the two heroes together, so I just had her standing there watching. Your idea might be better. I'll do my best. Thanks for another motivational review! P.S. I think I’ve just figured out what the problem was with my original reply: The forum software won’t let me post a message that has a “thumbs up” icon in it. I probably didn’t notice the error message when I first tried to post and then logged out without confirming that the reply had posted.

I don’t generally like to age up characters. I feel like, if I wanted to write fanfic about of-age characters, then I would pick some who are already of age in canon. (Come to think of it, Milo’s mom is awfully hot...) That said, there could be some interesting time-travel stuff with the young characters’ future selves. More food for thought.

There are actually three chapters posted already. I estimate that the fourth and final chapter will be ready to post in about two weeks. Glad you’re enjoying it!

The trouble is, the characters are still going to act like themselves in those situations. If Zach or Melissa lose their clothes, they’re just going to hide behind the nearest curtain, trash can, or pistachio cart until somebody gives them something to wear—probably Milo, who will have a spare change of clothes, rain poncho, and/or radiation suit in his backpack. As for heroic rescue, are you talking about the “You saved me, how about some thank-you sex?” scenario? If so, same basic problem: I can’t really see these characters getting it on without some really far-out reason. Now there’s always the “strange foreign substance that makes you horny and/or uninhibited” device, which could easily come about if Milo’s bad luck causes the wrong two trucks full of chemicals to crash. But I feel like I’ve kind of been there and done that with “Whoops” and “Hot Yoga.” One thought occurs, though: The one other potential source of plot devices on MML besides Murphy’s Law itself is all the time travel that goes on. I will think on this.

An addendum to my reply to Nautiscaraider's comments: One of the chief reasons why I haven't taken a crack at writing a Milo Murphy's Law fic is that MML doesn't have a handy plot-driving (or smut-driving, if I'm honest) mechanism like Phineas and Ferb, Miraculous, or The Loud House have. I'm not sure how to make anything sexy come out of Milo's disaster-magnetism. Plus, the kids on MML actually act like kids; they show little of the precocity that characterizes a lot of the young characters on the other shows, which makes it more difficult to believably portray them doing anything sexual. I might have an idea for a short, non-lemony MML story, though.