GeorgeGlass

I suppose a corollary of what y’all have been saying about hooking the target audience is that different types of stories call for different types of summaries. The summary for a funny story ought to be at least a little bit funny itself, whereas the summary for a mystery ought to be mysterious.

Not that I can think of. So I guess you’re right about the rarity of hung shota stories.

You're not wrong about that. I was inspired to write this story after reading “Hung Shota” by Slutwriter over at Hentai Foundry. I think she discontinued it without finishing, but I enjoyed the six chapters she wrote. http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/SlutWriter/9856/Hung-Shota/24289/Chapter-0/Patient-Zero/page/all

Re: “Mommy’s Home” Depending on which fetish you mean (eg, mother/son incest, straight shota), I could point you to some more stories in the same vein. Thank you! I could see you continuing this story. Are you going to write more chapters? The bad news: No, I’m not planning to write more chapters. The good news: Instead, I’m planning a sequel story titled “Auntie’s Home,” in which Ellie’s gorgeous sister Mara moves in with her and Eric. (Mara gets to stay rent-free, on the condition that she provide certain...services...for her sister and nephew.)

This is something I struggle with, too, because I don’t want every character in my stories to be white and suburban. So I research what I can and try not to wander too far into stereotypes.

Glad you liked the shifting perspectives: I wrote about two thirds of the chapter before I realized that it really needed more sensory detail, and it couldn’t have that without different POVs, so I went back and rewrote it to make that happen. As for the stopping point, I can never resist a cliffhanger.

From all_possible_worlds on March 18, 2017 Thank you! I can't resist a cliffhanger. It's like heroin. You called it. Pretty much all of that will be addressed in chapter 12. Thank you! I've always believed that any kind of story can have depth -- even a porny cartoon fanfic. All shall be revealed... Wow. That's awfully high praise! I wanted Janna not to end up the odd girl out after doing the right thing by Star. Then I thought about Ruby, and how much the two of them have in common, and there it was. Not in this story, because we're down to the last chapter, but who knows -- I might be inspired to write a spin-off story at some point. Like most villains, Tom (or my version of him, anyway) doesn't see himself as a villain. He is so self-centered that he sees everything he is doing as necessary and justified. That's what makes him irredeemably evil. Never! Your wish is my strongly worded suggestion.

Chapter 10 To start, it was fun to imagine Darkstar beating up the skin demons, even if she had a much more violent approach and actually enjoyed it a bit too much. I imagined that scene as a bit comedic, with Tom trying to have a phone conversation in the foreground while skin demons go flying by in the background. Then again, I'm a big fan of "nice people" cutting loose once in a while to show that they can be hardcore. (Superman: Doomsday was the perfect example, IMO. :)) Agreed. Also his fight with Darkseid in JLU. I'm glad Boner was competent for once and notified Tom when the elevator had been called. We hadn't seen Boner for a few chapters, so I wanted to put him back in the reader's mind before his moment comes at the end of chapter 11. Too bad the surprise attack didn't work out so well; and I had a lot of hope for Janna when she suddenly turned on Tom, but it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't be able to use the wand well at first no matter how much she'd studied. (It would have been a bit like finding an alien spaceship and just knowing how to fly it somehow.) That was just as much a consequence of the wand being a little wonky. Calling in the liberated Princesses was a great touch and made for a perfectly wild scene. Thanks! Finally, the key to Star's freedom was brilliant, and the way she discovered it had some nice feeling to it too. Nothing like a little self-discovery and growth to move the plot along. That it happens to be perfectly in-character for her is the cream cheese icing on this wonderful carrot cake of a story. I have come to believe that hating someone -- like loving someone -- changes you. It's easy to be dragged down into the other person's negativity. For Star, that's the antithesis of who she is, and so hating Darkstar was slowly destroying her own personality. Remembering and embracing the positive person that she is gave her back her strength. Then it was a nice to end on a "good news" cliffhanger, even if there was still a lot of stuff to deal with. I can't end them all with deadly peril. I try, but I can't. Chapter 11 There was some terrific action, all described beautifully yet succinct enough that reading it didn't take longer than the movements themselves. I tend to favor keeping the action moving forward over heavy descriptive detail, which is sometimes a weakness in my writing but which works well for fight scenes. Jackie's break to get the wand back to Star was great. Throwing in some exposition was great too, especially the bit about Tom's self-awareness. The swordfight was terrifically exciting and flowed perfectly. Ending with Star's reaffirmation of her lesson was a sweet little touch, though I also loved that Ruby got her revenge by lopping off Tom's other testi… er, horn. I never intended for Tom's horns to be a testicle metaphor -- just a symbol of his excessive pride and self-absorption. Giving Boner a better name was very sweet of Star too. (I love that skeleton. ) Thanks for the idea! And I love Boner, too. The subtlety with which Jackie's aloofness came into the picture worked nicely with the timeline. Not too sudden and not overplayed, and it was nice that Marco was his sensitive self enough to at least detect a hint of it when Jackie and Oskar left his house. When Jackie called Marco and Star to come over I knew that it was bittersweet o'clock. Marco's initial confusion about why she got out the pink-heart potion made perfect sense yet made for a nice little bombshell to end on. Thanks! My original plan was to end the chapter with Star’s defeat (and sparing) of Tom, but you know me: I can't resist a cliffhanger. Some people would say that it's possible to be soul mates even without romantic attraction, but even then it would get in the way of any romantic relationships anyway. My only hope is that Jackie isn't basing her decision entirely on what Tom told them about the Blood Moon. We will get into all of that in the next (and final) chapter. It's a great sign of your superior storytelling that throughout these chapters I didn't miss the erotic stuff one lick. Thanks! It misses you, though, so it'll be back in chapter 12. Thanks again for more doses of pure awesomeness. Thanks again for another satisfying review! Or rather, for two of them. #melius tarde, quam nunquam Gratias.

From all_possible_worlds on March 10, 2017 Wow! I'm flattered. I appreciate the thought, nonetheless. As I mention in the disclaimer, I began writing this story before season 2 aired. And once season 2 started, I realized very quickly that it wasn't going to be possible to make the plot of “Star’s Crossed Lovers” jibe with season 2 canon. So consider this story an alternate version of season 2. Thank you! Accurate characterization is a top priority for me, so I'm always happy when readers comment on it. Once the story is finished, I'm planning on posting to this thread some author notes, which will include a short list of ways in which the events of season 2 contradict what happens in this story. The narwhal blast thing is one of them. Thanks! I've been a little bothered (more than I should be, I'm sure) by the fact that Ludo's scissors were never mentioned again. Surely, Star wouldn't just throw away a perfectly good pair of dimensional scissors. So I decided to fill that plot hole myself. Oh, yeah, there's gonna be fallout. There's a good way? Thanks for the review!

Thank you right back! Your comments were valuable. It occurred to me that I ought to provide some kind of explanation for why they’re called “skin demons.” “Blood Moon Ball” was obviously a very important episode, but its potential significance wasn’t addressed at all in the rest of season 1, so I decided to get after it in this story. Thanks! You put the idea in my head with your comment. So thank you again for the beta, and thanks for the review!

Re: “Rough Night” Writing it was a guilty pleasure, too. Thanks! I don’t have plans to write more about this characters (although that can always change), but I’ve got other stories in a similar vein. Thanks for the comments!

That’s awful! I hope DA heals quickly.

Um, okay.

Thanks! And if there’s a class like what this one is going to turn into, sign me up.

As I always say, there’s no higher praise than an involuntary physiological response. Oh, I wouldn’t worry; Melanie’s going to be rather busy... Thanks for the comment!

This is where I will post responses to any reviews of my Phineas and Ferb story “Hot Yoga.”

The word “octopussior” comes to mind.

From Fairy-Slayer on February 11, 2017 Chapter 9 had some pretty powerful and critical story advancement, to say the least. SPOILERS! Yes, this is the, "Hey, what's that brown lump speeding toward the fan?" chapter. Easing into it with everything seeming fine (or better than fine) then switching to Star's nice dream… then discovering her minor mistake were subtle enough not to raise the alarm. Only when Star's agitated thoughts leaked out and then she caught herself was it clear the ooze was starting to affect her. The bit about the sheen the next morning was a nice bit of symbolism too as it represent encasing and trapping the real start. (Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it.) Nope, you're not. Her insensitivity and hostility the next morning hit pretty hard. The slime had had several hours to take effect by then. BTW, I'm really surprised you didn't get my reference about her dissing the nachos, but perhaps I wasn't grasping the context of the story as well as I thought. No, I got it, but I didn't think the situation was quite the same. Kirk doesn't seem to be aware that he's saying something hurtful, whereas Darkstar is being deliberately mean. As for the emergence of the shadow personality, I found it very creepy and disturbing on a few levels. The bit about her image in the mirror flashing that mocking smile once Star realized what was happening – what had just become complete – was brilliant. The thought of being locked-in is pretty horrifying on its own, but I could feel (even relate) to her suffering as "she" started hurting those she loved, coolly and even dismissively. The cut-aways to her screams packed more punch than I think you even realize, especially as each verbal or emotional blow Darkstar landed on Marco made real Star weaker, less… (That's why I had to make such a terribly lame joke in the commentary to keep myself from being too affected, but I didn't want to be so cruel as to inflict it upon you. You don't deserve that.) Yeah, it's pretty rough stuff, I guess. The point, really, is to show the depth of Tom's depravity: that he's willing to do something that terrible to Star to have the girlfriend he wants. As for the lame joke, now I'm curious. Thank goodness for Rogelio – or as I like to call him, The Absolute Mostest Bestest OC EVER! His keen observations skills, no doubt fueled by his affection for his grandson and the cheerful princess, plus is eccentric similes make him awesome. His advice really got Marco to think – and more importantly, to act without hesitation. I'm so glad you like Rogelio. That line about the pig was the seed of the idea for his character; everything else grew from that. Aggressive Marco was fantastic, especially in his conviction as he confronted Darkstar a bit violently. However the switching to spankings was pretty funny, especially with real Star cheering him on. (Darkstar's comment was weird for such a bad girl, but perhaps she really prefers to give the spankings.) Remember that Darkstar is brand new. She only knows what Star knows; she has no life experience of her own. The fact that Tom didn't mind revealing his scheme and even gloating was a bad sign. Yes, it is. (As a side note, the fact that Marco could recognize Star's scent and, maybe to a lesser degree, his chosen method of attack, "intrigues" me a bit too. ) More on that later. However, even with all that conflict, pain, and even fighting, you still managed to add just the right bits of show-style humor, even in some dire moments, all seamlessly. That made it really feel like the show and much more enjoyable. Thank you! Heck, Oskar's unintentional bad-ass comment was a total win. Thanks for such gripping chapter. Thanks for another gripping review. Although I swear I didn't grip myself too much while reading it.

My bad—I misunderstood. The up side to writing erotica about characters who are never portrayed in sexual situations is that you have a lot of latitude. Bossy characters might also be bossy in bed—or the bedroom might be the one place where they’d rather relax and let their partner take control. The dark, gloomy character might secretly be a romantic. You just have to find a rationale for the character to behave the way you think they should.

Re: “Excuses” Unlike most of my stories (which take months to write, even the single-chapter ones), this one was mostly written in the space of a single day. It just took hold of me and made me keep going until it was done. I think that’s why it came out as you describe it. Thanks so much for the comments!