Thundercloud

What is your username on Hentai Foundary?

Your reaction when you recalled Avalanche’s real name was pretty much priceless. I think one of the things that worked in my favor is that the you read the other story pretty recently and there is nothing that in that story that really show that it takes place in 1999. The G.S.P. story is bound to happens before 9/11 since else that event would been a natural comparison to the challenges of New York in the G.S.P. story. This makes the 20 year time jump to this story very subtle. I suspect Anya might have reason to be a bit upset when she realize how easily professor Stevens could have helped her after the first encounter. Like professor Stevens said she has quit being a superhero. Considering how muchthe heroes sleep around it won’t be an issue...he will probably want to join when he learns about Anya. On the other hand the possible G.S.P. sequel that I consider writing might include the professor needing to find her husband that gone missing for longer than usual. Now when she has a baby sitter it might be time to design a new costume so to stay. Thanks for reviewing this and additional thanks for the proofreading effort.

I think it is kind of logical that settings with lots of mindcontrol will have the practitioners that start policing rough users that draw too much attention. Combine this with how often superheroes in the comics are mindcontroled and I think those heroes who not have mindcontrol powers have good reasons to make sure the public knows about the dangers of mindcontrol. The step to making heroes who deal with mindcontrol government funded is not very long. My G.S.P. story that is set in the same setting explores the implications of evil and good (read shady) mindcontrol to quite some detail. Yep, he deserved what he got...especially after doing so bad research before picking his intended victim. To be fair, she had crush on the professor even before she ran into this mess.

Thank you! The proper response in Swedish here would be “God fortsättning” when you want wish the Christmas and New Year mood to continue. If I had you worried I am glad...I had to do a number of rewrites before I got foreshadowing working but still subtle enough. I think that it is part of the job description when dealing with mind control in porn stories. Originally I thought it would end with Greg coming in a disturbing things when they were spooning, but when I tried to write it I could find to good reason why the professor would unleash hell on him when he disturbed them like this. The new ending also had the great benefit of allowing me to include the second sex scene to give better context on what kind of creep Greg was. I had a friend who complained that in my stories you could tell who the superheroes was because they were hung like horses...it felt a bit unfair until I checked the record. There must a super power to avoid such...as for true pain...lego pieces is nothing compared to stepping on a D4 dice. Yep she could...but unfortunately for her, it is a different setting.

Review by GeorgeGlass Thank you for the review. It seems like story worked like I had hoped it.

Hope you will manage to get story done when the muses align for you. Maybe there is plot piece missing that you need to add to make it work. The stories with the gang IMHO works best when you combine their personalities and anxieties with them doing important stuff. The detail with the magically warded windows sound like a perfect reason for Lupa to make an extra effort for it to work. Quite some time until The Woman in the Statue will happen….or are the timelines not synchronized? That is the thing with smut...you can almost always find ways to improve the scene later. I think the level you chose for this story was just about right considering their Ocarina plans. Your You! story is already on my planned reading list after halloween...but now I have even more reason to read it. Thanks for heads up about how the story connect. Sounds like a good idea for a story.

For the record the ikea-style sex thing I wrote was meant as a joke...maybe we should give InvidiaRed the forum thread back and go and do our sex scene comparison stuff somewhere else…

Is this some kind of reverse psychology when you are teasing the swede about having written ikea-style sex? I think you would be more than able to crack good jokes about vampiric gynoids and similar. I am pretty sure that we in JayDee’s catalog of stories will find much similar things than what can be found Thunderclouds. As for doing collaborations...I am generally open for such, but right at the moment I have pretty much going on so I might need to think twice if need to happen in soon-ish.

Seems there is lot more to the fog in your other stories than what was presented in the Holiday fic. I assumed it was something like that but could not really know. Thanks for explanation. Quite possible...I think there is a potential there for it to turn out rather funny without but you version worked good also. I can totally understand going for the no sex variant given limited time. It is not like you have been idle besides writing story. If you change your mind in the future you can always revisit the concept if you feel like it.

Lots of time left until the New Year...maybe a parody flashfic based on things/bugs happening in Cyberpunk 2077?

Great that you could remove it. I posted my own chapter as a new entry when I did not find any mechanism to reuse the one you had posted.

I have now posted my story The Danger of Dicpics.

Yay...I send you a PM

I also thought that it was not that confusing. Just some minor edits and I would been totally stand alone...but JayDee wrote in those dark times when he didn’t know you could edit contributions to collections of stories. Speaking about something else...I do have an entry in progress for this year that will finish on time. If somebody would be around for exchange of beta services it might turn into an even better. Anyone that feel up for it?

I have two scenes left to write for my entry...sounds possible to finish unless other life stuff intervene.

I am quite close to the “still standing”-state before Christmas...but I do have a idea for a story that happens on the last before Christmas that might qualify. Not sure how realistic it is to get it done on time.

I am glad you enjoyed it. Your input will make wonders for the work morale when I work with revising the chapter named The Great Council. The answer is perhaps depressing...but all Helian’s victims suffer a change of perception to make it easier to keep them spellbound. Or turned into a frog herself… Evil conquest by mindless slaves is so totally overrated….the danger of Azbezil coming from people like Radjini doing his evil deeds is much more fun. As for the monsters they will return in a later chapter that is currently not revised. I would not surprise me if the dirty bastard has done the dirty with elves too, but no he does thus not realize they are half elven but is busy thinking about fairies. Actually it is not big sword but a more obscured weapon called a War Mattock….but I realize I sometime during the way managed to kill the final character of the weapon name. Anyway it is two handed axe often used in as a dwarven weapon in many settings, like a pickaxe but with heavier weight to chop things off. Far to heavy to be used as weapon in the real world, but useful here to show off her potential...at least if the reader recognize the weapon (and I don’t misspell the name): I suspect you are right about InBrightestDay...if he reads the story I think he will finding quite a lot to like about Kapri and her future plot lines. Quite understandable why his siblings thinks he is not their favorite brother. I suspect there is quite a story there between Nanac and Harper...but I never got around to write down the details. Basically they are both speedcasting but Helian have longer lasting spells. Also showing Larion’s spell having quite a big potential is good to build up for the ending of the chapter. Quite some time...can’t say more without spoiling things. Thanks forthe input, I will look into it when I get time. I had loads of fun to writing this sequence….they should indeed have listened to Kapri. He is maybe suffering a bit of Worf-syndrome in this part of the story. One more fight when he did not get to employ his magic, but in a about two chapters he will appear in a situation when he get chance to use his magic. Remember that in a previous chapter had a certain person on the Inn boosting about having fought a number of Paladins and priests. This is parallel scene I thought about in my previous forum post. Being able to view the fate of Azbezil and keep working for him require a special kind of devotion, but as for villains in this story I suppose he is not the most evil one.

I look forward to hearing you input, so please you time and chose an occasion when you are feeling up for fantasy. The vampires in Blade use sunscrean...not sure that what I am trying to prove by that observation. Trying to avoid to make a Twilight reference maybe. I was actually thinking more about tricks like when she summons mist...but the hot shots scene is also a funny solution. I am sure that is why Azbezil went for the Hydra solution instead of putting chickens there.

Sorry to hear that, hopefully you will back on track soon. Fun thought...but no the dwarves are very rare. The common knowledge is that dwarves are extinct except very small clusters of survivors that is dwindling in numbers due to low numbers. Eventually the main group of dwarves are set to return...but that is another story than the current one. It is mostly Cymari being very cocky about her bow ability. Outperforming elven rangers can do such things to people...the Hydra was placed by Azbezil to prevent people finding out about the prophecy. Yep, there is some serious ground to cover before all parts of the prophecy had been completed. In this revised version I actually added a few details to the prophecy hat was not included in the original version of the story. Hindsight make it much more easy to fitthe prophecy with the upcoming chapters. The best kind of jump scare when you don’t expect it coming. You can imagine my grin when you made the comment on the forum... I thought it nice to have this scene so that the readers get a reference when they see Madel using his sword later in the chapter. I was looking forward to hear your thoughts about it, it is clearly a JayDee compatible scene. The king’s seer will not make a appearance until the next chapter. As for the question I can see where you are coming from with your guess about her as vampire, but she is in fact a minor demon. You know vampires being nocturnal and so on. His spells protect him, but not his gear since his magic is mentalism based. I am actually quite fond of the Helian...not her fault that ended up like the she did with far too much of the-end-justify-the-means for her own good. My favorite part is when they scream for shields instead of doing another suicide charge and she just observe they have put the whole camp within range of her longbow and she continues to slaughter them. Eventually she would have had to become creative when she ran out of arrows, but is what you have siblings for.

It is a very good joke...I have actually seen it reused on a LARP when a character died and report read suicide by six crossbow bolts. I think it might be all the looking-for-foreshadowing that is the reason...

Not that it matters much...in case I sound confused about the chapter numbers….after I expanded the prologue to be a full chapter-length it gets kind of confusing. The Secrets of the City would logically be chapter 3 of the main story. With AFF numbering the parts I ended with “4. Chapter 3 The Secrets of the City” and that sounded kind of iffy so I changed it to “4. The Hidden Danger – The Secrets of the City” since it belong to that story arc (that would be a stand alone book if I ever got around to self publish the story). I am totally fine with you calling it chapter 4 since it is obviously chapter 4 on AFF in practice but mentally it is still chapter 3 for me so I might confuse myself a bit when I talk about the chapters. Thank you for the encouragement. I like how you call it preparations…it is kind of telling that after 4 parts Cymari Entaro had still not been given any real scenes…she is up in the next chapter. There are also some important characters introduced in part 6 but after that all major characters will have been added. The benefit of being the favorite son, you don’t need to play fair while debating. I also thought that it might be good to show the reader that his illusions cover all five senses since this kind of potent Illusion magic is not quite standard in most fantasy settings. You will have to wait and see...that particular conflict plays out mostly in the story arc named “The War of Sorrow” so it will be quite some time until you get to read it. Little bastard...try to tell that to a dwarf and survive. As for Ezame starting to like the experience her previous sex partners are kind of lowest of the lowest and making sure the Glarin stays around is her only shield from further abuse from her uncle and a certain demon so she has plenty of motivation to look for good things in the current setup. Probably not the brightest thing...but Talinda’s hands is also kind of tied by her needing to get into the circle of thieves. Killing high ranking members of the thief’s guild when you are newbee in the guild that stole and spent his money is obviously not the way to get in good graces of the leader of the guild. Talinda returning the money would probably been the more wise choice. I doubt that Enbon or Fenlyw would have allowed the kick to connect so we will never know….or perhaps not in a very long time. The intention here is Tarben Agril offfically means that it play into the meaning “grass”...but I also meant it to show to reader a bit about who Tarben Agril is when he has given the boy a short name that is not very nice. Probably more than she could handle. I wanted the scene to show that Myan is quite perspective about her big sister. Actually that is a bit of foreshawowing here...not Duwlon’s smartest moment if you ask me. I had loads of fun coming up with that scene. Getting both to show how quick Talinda is think when in trouble but also that she makes plenty of beginners mistakes. Yep it is demons...in a previous versions of the story the name of the general was given so the reader could match it to the prologue...but when I revised it I realized that Talinda herself should have learnt the names from Pyrmaria and that made it kind of hard to explain how she could dare going there if she knew it was demons so I cut the names. The story about the paladins might be worth to remember until a certain scene in part 6 of the story...

Actually that does sound like a kind of funny story idea. A demon that hunts good people to make sure they are not around to do good deeds. If he kill them they will reborn so better to keep them alive and semi happy away from people they could save… *smiles* Checking the number of times somebody decide to lock away good magic behind death traps might be a good start...but the Simpson style decision is also have merits if you want lots of sex.

Sorry for this. I have considered making the scene even less sexualised so I can certainly see where you are coming from. If I could figure out a way to remove the event without losing the punch of how much that has changed by the end at the chapters by the lake I would not mind losing the scene...but the plot depend on some kind of sex magic happening here. Following your feedback I think I will add an extra disclaimer at the start of the chapter that describe the situation and suggest how much text reader should jump ahead if they want to avoid the scene. There are no such scenes in rest of the chapters...except maybe if we are talking about things that happens off screen. In chapter 10 a under-16 year old will be kidnapped by a demon and never be seen again. The scene exist due to plot reasons but you don’t need much imagination to realize that the kids fate was horrible even it the bad stuff never is described. Good to hear that you managed to enjoy the rest of the chapter. Assuming the bad guys don’t have even more powerful gear in store... Obviously he is a very trusted subject of the Lord to have been given the duty to hide Trioni. I can think of smarter things to do than getting a bastard when you are hiding from the prince of the realm…. The path he took was really about not getting seduced and be unfaithful to his prospect girlfriend. The maze presents him with fights is so he get somebody to save as pretext for the seduction attempt. He should have done better background checking before he tried to raid the maze. Quite important plot wise also...having six loyal children has not the same ring as seven children. If you ask me privately I have no real interest in shaved pussy since I find the natural look much more sexy...but the idea to use the magic effect to show off Helian’s magic was just too good to not use. Kodol is not the only one that should have done more background checking. No problem at all. A honest review is way better than anything too polished.

Take the time you need. With awesome feedback like yours it is a sure delight to read.

Actually it is just 1 prologue and 15 full length chapters. The final part is an epilogue that wrap up the meta story at the Inn and explain some story aspects to the regulars at the Inn, but it is rather short. Well...it was written for it to be kind of subtle while it happened to keep the tension up. The good thing with the story structure is that I get plenty of chances of review the readers of what has happened before (and to drop some very subtle clues in dialogue at the Inn). It is indeed quite some characters with plenty left to enter the fray. When I does the forum updates of me having finished yet another chapter I actually include a list of characters that will feature in the chapter. Not sure if any forum users cares enough to pay attention, but just maybe there might be somebody that likes to know if their favorite hero and bad guy might be up for a rematch in the new chapter. *Laughing*...if I ever get around to doing a parody of the story I will keep that imagine in mind. Part of the reason for me smiling is that your line made me start thinking about Terry Brooks that in every book/part-of-series introduce the kids of the previous generation and to a large degree they are pretty much the same characters over and over again. *smiles* Trickster indeed. Also a great way to show the reader the powers of his magic. Very much so, each of the Entaro siblings getting one of skills-set needed to combat the danger of Azbezil. A certain trickster might have bragged some about it before... It is intended that somebody with Duwlon’s aptitude is quite good at reading the situation and finding way to get people to talk. Him also being one of the best actors of the siblings also helps of course. They are very much Azbezil’s children, important prophecy stuff to fulfill and stuff like that...but there are a couple of chapters left until the heroes finds the prophecy itself. As for the nature of the story I think I have given the game away to so when I said that InBrightestWay might enjoy the story. The bad guys will have plenty of success overthe course of the story and the heroes will be subject to quite a bit of brutal experiences but at the end of the day it is a story about how heroes combat evil and grow from the experience. The fact that the story teller can tell the story on the Inn is also kind of giveaway that the worst possible outcomes for the story will not come true. That is clever interpretation...but no...the intention was more here that Tarben Agril is used to be on first name basis with his customers but have realized that if shall be able to pass his business to his children he need to use the Agril name for the business. *smiles* Trust that Zelak is very pissed about the development of the fight and wishing for a rematch. If you liked this fight I think you really will enjoy some of the later combats (mostly in parts I have sadly not manage to revise yet) Maybe fate did intervene here and made things happening... Elves fooling a dwarf is very hard in this setting. Without going too much into the mythology here each of the elemental races have an knack of spotting the magic of the other elemental races. Him being quiet here also helps them pinpoint him but it is mostly about their dwarven nature and him having elven blood. Revenge is dish best served cold...especially considering the timespan needed for me being able to revise chapter 6-15.