Halloween Party Reviews and Replies

[InvidiaRed]

From tcr on October 31, 2018

This was definitely unique.  I liked the mechanical nature of the writing for the Synth and the fact that it turned into a more benevolent true AI as opposed to the regularly used “Kill all humans” that seem to come up a lot.  And the blend of fantasy and sci fi, both well done and certainly worked with the style you have here.

Thank you <3

I agree on the trope of kill all organic life/humans/creators. It's very overdone. It's also in my view an act of hubris. We’re a messed up species and somehow we created a perfect sapient intelligence bent on our destruction. Okay then. What you are really saying is humanity is inherently bad at parenting. (Which overall, As a species is factually untrue. To the point of malicious slander) Anything humanity makes will be just as messed up. If, not more so than us. There’s a chance that AI might become truly porn obsessed solely because the internet is for porn. As in so thoroughly inundated with it. In a darkly humorous train of thought. Its possible that the only reason we haven’t been wiped out by our AI overlords is that they’re too busy looking at porn.

True AI, If it is possible. Could very well be in its infancy somewhere in the world wide web. It's going to be directionless and we really don’t want over saturate Evil AI to the point where it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t want an impressionable mind to only see things that declare it to be inherently evil like all those freaking loony Luddites out there. I definitely don’t want an intelligence to get into the mindset of well all I see are things that state I am evil. Therefore, I have do evil because this is all they see anyway.

Humanity has this possible unique chance to be a not just a creator but intellectually a big sibling to any artificial sapience. At heart, I truly believe in a obnoxiously optimist fashion. Humanity will make the right choices that make Skynet an impossibility.  Perhaps, I am wrong. But ponder for a moment the possibility that I am right.

As for the watchers. They’re beings of knowledge and the errors in their coding are nonexistent. They live in a point in time where they are the only intellectual masters of Oceania. Humanity is slowly weeding out their genetic cousins. While surviving predators both magical and mundane. The elves are currently an expansionistic,  warmongering bronze age level species engaged in a species-wide civil war over which course their history will take them. The only other sapients either won’t talk to them (dragons), actively malicious(primal evils) Or outright divine( gods and godlings)

Or to put it better. Intelligence isn’t valued over raw power at this point in time. So starved for conversation, They made synth to be their companion and spotter. They put all the essential time and effort to nurture and grow synth to where it could make its own decisions.

As for why Do No Harm was hard-coded into synth. War, brings out the worst in the watchers. They have only done so once and with grave certainty. They know full well about their achilles heel. They are thorough and ensure their opposition never gets a second chance.

 

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on November 01, 2018

I didn't quite know what to make of this one, but I am not the brightest to be fair. The first bit I followed easily, and then it got quite trippy in places although with careful reading I could see the same things from different points of view in some of them.  The synths are pretty hardcore!

Some really good turns of phrase and imagery throughout. I especially liked the Dragon and the Interation POVs.  This bit -  “Scales, wings and broken flesh. Her children fell. With every flash, a moment of indescribable fear. As rent bodies. Limbs separating messily. Timeless moments of murder. Several moments of brutal precision.” Really good!

Thank you

that bit is actually personally my most hated passage.

I aimed for a strobe light effect.

Ur Dragon looking up from the ocean sees with every contact with Synth’s Hypervelocity rod barrage. Her children exploding from the impact. To say she’s traumatized is a bit of an understatement. She’s an apex predator of immense magical and physical might. To see her children each mighty in of themselves. Physically shredded without a chance to counter act. There are things in Oceania that can prey on dragons successfully. Yet, this was not a predator, prey interaction.

This was an act where dragons weren’t even given the pretense of dignity in self-defense. Falling to a bigger predator she could at least respect. Yet, these fleshy puny things could just delete her children. It's not something she can process.

Its irrelevant to her that the watchers were barely involved. They enabled this to happen. She won’t challenge the watchers nor synth after this.  Not after, this display.

She makes it the southern continent on the other side of the world. It doesn’t take her long to piece together enough information to hold the elves culpable. She only understands blood for blood and she fully intends to rectify.

Edited November 2, 2018 by InvidiaRed

[JayDee]

Flame Grilled Elves: Crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside.

Edit – Just BW’s to read now! I am going to re-read Feed the Land first (forum posted review here :p!) and then read The Price of the Land which I seem to have missed from being a bit busy last year, and then read the new part.

Looking back at 2015 and even 2017 it’s interesting to remember users that come and step back. I do it myself regularly.

Edited November 2, 2018 by JayDee

[Desiderius Price]

On 10/29/2018 at 12:36 AM, Sinfulwolf said:

I don’t like how common it is for one side to completely demonize the other while completely elevating their own. I wanted to aim for some kind of balance here. Glad it wasn’t seen coming though. 

There’s my take on the religious in my stories too….

[Desiderius Price]

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

Looking back at 2015 and even 2017 it’s interesting to remember users that come and step back. I do it myself regularly.

I’ve made it a habit to contribute to them, ever since my first 2015 one.  I even submitted two for the Holiday 2015.

[InvidiaRed]

From SinfulWolf on October 25, 2018

Synth: An interesting style indeed. But the opening relies very heavily on repetition. This almost feels too big a world, with too many wildly varying viewpoints for a short story such as this. I couldn’t get connected to any of the characters, and barely had time to register who was who before we switched PoV again. I think this is something that could be great if expanded upon in a full story.

Somehow I missed this one X.x

It is a big world, I’ve got diagrams, times lines, data tables, and spreadsheets. Haha, Oceania is probably going to be a major life endeavor. I did want to show just a glimpse

I think I’ve succeeded somewhat. I’d try to focus on one POV next time. (Not a bad idea but right now Lichlove and other projects first. When I get a chance. I'll let ya'll know.

From Desiderius_Price on November 02, 2018

Synth - InvidiaRed

Have to admit the multiple POVs made it bit tougher to understand the entire context.  I loved "Iteration 3.14", though a few more digits would've been even better!   There was definitely vivid imagery in your descriptions.  Overall, a good read!

A transcendent number needs no other digits. Haha. Pi simply is.

 

[Desiderius Price]

2 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

I think I’ve succeeded somewhat. I’d try to focus on one POV next time. (Not a bad idea but right now Lichlove and other projects first. When I get a chance. I'll let ya'll know.

I learned my lesson during my Potter fanfic, where I had tried jumping first-person POVs, which earns an extra level of confusion because the “I” is no longer clear.  Any more, I try to keep it third person, with an occasional peek into the head of whomever is the ‘focus” … and very limited number of POVs at that.  With Adam the Altar Boy, I kept it very restrictive, only changing it in the end to show the outcome, otherwise you’d understand the rationale of the Reverend’s actions.

28 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

It is a big world, I’ve got diagrams, times lines, data tables, and spreadsheets. Haha, Oceania is probably going to be a major life endeavor. I did want to show just a glimpse

Jealous of my database for my original universe?  Unfortunately, its nowhere near ready for any sort of beta...otherwise, I’d consider it.  However, I can track events, characters, family trees, etc – this helped with my story this year.  As I was working on one of the (now scuttled) chapters to Dale’s Game, Oliver came into it, so in a sense, Adam the Altar Boy fills in a bit of Oliver’s backstory.

[InvidiaRed]

8 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:

 

Jealous of my database for my original universe?  Unfortunately, its nowhere near ready for any sort of beta...otherwise, I’d consider it.  However, I can track events, characters, family trees, etc – this helped with my story this year.  As I was working on one of the (now scuttled) chapters to Dale’s Game, Oliver came into it, so in a sense, Adam the Altar Boy fills in a bit of Oliver’s backstory.

 

 

Haha. Folders within folders contain it matryoshka doll style. Beastiary, WestMostLine,WailingFog,FoodchainNCooking,Deities,UnderDaC,TechnologyLvl,Timeline,Culture,Civilization,PrimeEvils,Dragons,Interactionsbtwnspecies,Magic,SoulEconomyNafterlife.Blackwater and last but not least ???

 

[GeorgeGlass]

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From tcr on October 31, 2018

Apprentice

Intriguing.  I liked the blending of mythological elements, fairy tale, and originality.  

 

Thanks! 

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And it was definitely a twisted, but seemingly a little bit deserved, fate for the two sisters and Sofi's apprenticeship makes me want to see more of them.  

What's Halloween if you can't visit horrific death on the deserving?

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Good job.

Thanks again!  

[Guest Star Wars player 1]

Hi it’s me, I just wanted to say hi and happy Halloween. I have been a little busy this week, but I am still excited to celebrate the Halloween season, anyway, how are you doing? And how are you doing with your stories including ‘The More, the Merrier’, and ‘Little Rose ? Oh, and I have a Halloween question for you, during the Halloween season, which kind of horror movies do you like to watch ? Anyway, let me know when you have the time, hope you’re doing well, good luck with your stories, bye and have a good night.

[Sinfulwolf]

On 11/2/2018 at 4:44 PM, InvidiaRed said:

Somehow I missed this one X.x

It is a big world, I’ve got diagrams, times lines, data tables, and spreadsheets. Haha, Oceania is probably going to be a major life endeavor. I did want to show just a glimpse

I think I’ve succeeded somewhat. I’d try to focus on one POV next time. (Not a bad idea but right now Lichlove and other projects first. When I get a chance. I'll let ya'll know.

Heh, it’s all good. 

But that doesn’t surprise me. Like I said, it seemed like such a big world.

And damn those multiple projects eh? I feel that pain.

On 11/2/2018 at 4:29 PM, Desiderius Price said:

There’s my take on the religious in my stories too….

Ha. There is, I think it might be a slight different take… but honestly only slightly.

 

But, more reviews have been put up.

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From JayDee on November 02, 2018
 

Eve of Hollow Souls –

Wow. That just got darker and darker and darker and still had a nice little kiss in there. But zombies and ravens and demons oh my. Genuinely creepy horror. It’s a very interesting setting, fantastical but with a good bit of familiarity from old history. I liked Lydia. Seems like she’ll survive at least, even if everyone else snuffs it.

Thank you! I did want to go for dark and bloody. Think I hit it. Lydia I really liked, and she’ll likely return some day. Though as a protagonist of her own.

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From Desiderius_Price on November 02, 2018

Good, vivid detail, I liked it, despite that pesky "NoSex" tag  
BTW, Spellcheck, first paragraph, "temples were hedonistic" should that be "where" instead of 'were"?   

Heh. I had pondered the “NoSex” thing for a bit, but I felt it worked better for what I was going for. There was a semblance of an idea to have the grove scene a sex scene as well, but it wouldn’t have felt crowbarred in. Asides, my other work has plenty of sex.

And damnit! 

[BronxWench]

More reviews! I’m like a kid at, well, Hallowe’en!

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From PlagueClover on November 03, 2018
 

Redeem the Land by BronxWench

Man, I wish I wasn't so preoccupied on Halloween because that would have been the perfect tale to finish off the night. It was deeply and expertly atmospheric. You are easily my favourite sculptor of words, and as a testament to that, I have to point out my favourite half line (Because including the whole line would be a bit of a spoiler). 

"The pulse in her throat fluttering like a wren’s wings."

I fucking looooved that. Just the right rhythm and unique use of words just tickles me sometimes, you know? Beautiful story, BW. You're awesome. 

 

Thank you, so much! The idea of wrens as Samhain sacrifices is pretty obscure—they’re more often associated with Boxing Day, and collecting pence for the wren. But I like my obscure details, and I am really glad it worked!

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From JayDee on November 03, 2018
 

Redeem the Land (and The Price of the Land and Feed the Land) - First thing to say is that folks can really get a benefit from sitting and reading all three together. I'd got some memories of the first part, but re-reading it filled 'em in, and the second part really helps with the background to the third. Mind, they all stand strongly as solo stories too. The third'n has enough subtle recaps for that! Despite the horror at the end of the first part, when ol' Gran tellin' the bed time story says "They had wee knives," it still sounds way cute

I think I felt the worst for the kids in Price, just messing around and walking into that hot mess. Good for Liam taking a shot, even if it didn't work out. Also, Aoibheann  and "I'd rather live in a barrow than look at you another moment longer." was pretty awesome.

And so up to date, well, there's an ending I guess. The bloodline connections really tied it together, although ya got to feel for her, just trying to do her job. Connor was just so cool before he realised what was happening to her though, I really liked "He lit a cigarette, ignoring the hiss from the nearest Sídhe." That's the sort of scene that old films got people smoking with! Heh. He's got the whole get drunk, smoke, and awaiting death thing right now. Shame it didn't go as he planned, I guess.

This is just some brilliant writing here, and there, and back at the start of it all.

 

You are completely awesome to have gone back and read the older stories, but it’s good to know they hung together well. I mean, I went years between them, so… Thank you!  

I felt pretty bad for Connor in the last one. He’s really not had a whole lot of luck in his life—losing his dad, and then his Gran, and the whole teenage rebellion thing at the fairy fort leading to ten years of servitude to the Sídhe. And when he figures out his grand exit, Murphy’s Law strikes again. On the bright side, I guess he won’t die a virgin after all…maybe. We’ll have to see if @Desiderius Price  get his wish and there’s another episode of “Aw, fuck me, it’s the Sídhe!” in our future. 

 

 

[JayDee]

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Thank you, so much! The idea of wrens as Samhain sacrifices is pretty obscure—they’re more often associated with Boxing Day, and collecting pence for the wren. But I like my obscure details, and I am really glad it worked!

“It was Samhain 1942. There was a… misunderstanding. “

“Did you know you can kill a fairy with a machine gun?”

Edited November 6, 2018 by JayDee