Definitely not removing it, nor do I think I’ve got the best writing. Heck, english/lit was my most hated subject back in school, and I sucked at it, just scraping by enough to pass. Nor is writing like this common among my peers in my line of work, so I’m definitely of the opinion that it can always get better. And better I’ve generally gotten, you can even see it *in* that first story; even some of the reviews commented on this. That first story started off with present tense, script like, and wordy; but I’ve learned to focus the dialogue a bit more, add in detail, and even put in the occasional “mental peek” inside a character’s head. In that story’s sequel (which I’m now revising, again), I had thought was to mix in some first person POVs, but unless it’s just one character, that plain is hard to follow.
Another improvement that I thought was good was long chapters, to try to make it “less” intimidating, so I clumped the chapters together into mega-chapters… until I realized I had 11 chapters for 500k…. one of them was 107k, so I had the Prisoner of Azkaban in a single chapter, with really lousy formatting so it was all together. Strangely enough, people still read and reviewed it. My current revision effort is undoing *that* change, undoing some of the edits that I had made along the way.
So, yeah, it’s definitely been a learning process, even bought some how-to-books on improving my writing (only partially read). Having @CL Mustafic do a bit of reading/feedback on my original material helped a bit too. Biggest tip I’d make is to avoid write+post, to set the draft aside for a some time, after a bit of the next chapter has been written, before going back to proofread; as I find that waiting makes it easier to spot typos/grammar/etc – sure, not perfect, but it cuts out most of the bad stuff, and it’s a nice balance for posting serially for fanfiction/amateur writing.