From DoctorYnot on October 23, 2020
I don't mind at all. I love your detailed reviews.
I had so much fun writing Lori in this story. She's such a mercurial character that you can write her doing just about anything and make it believable as long as you make her mood match her actions.
Thanks! Part of why I like writing Loud House fics is the fun of finding ways to capture the show's consistent levity. Having the other sisters available as background characters helps a lot with that, as do the peculiarities of the Royal Woods setting (like the inordinate amount of fusion cuisine).
Thank you. Yeah, there's a certain "claustrophobia" to this story, because even though Lincoln is surrounded by people at all times, there's really no one he feels he can talk to about what's happening -- Clyde chief among them. And I think he would fear that going to his mom with this would open a bigger can of worms than he wants.
BTW, I've come to realize that I keep shunting Clyde to the side in these stories, because he's always a potential source of interference in my evil schemes. Therefore, I'm planning a Clyde-centric story titled "Clydeborg: The Six Million Dollar Ladies' Man."
again.
Spell check says no, but my eyes say yes.
That line had a second purpose: to show Ronnie Anne as clever and the type to plan ahead, because I needed her scheming in chapter 5 to seem plausible.
Thanks.
I remembered Bobby shouting "BABE!" through the window when Lori reluctantly locked him out in "Undie Pressure" (one of my favorite episodes), and then I imagined him shouting that in a very different context.
Yup. That’s part of why I wanted to feature her in this story, weird teeth and all.
IMO, gradual escalation is a really valuable tool in writing sexy fanfics. The challenge, I find, is making the early stages interesting enough that readers will want to keep reading. So in chapter 1, I used a lot of comedy, familiar Loud House images and tropes, and the promise of more action at the end to keep folks interested.
I'm not a fan, either. But in this fic, I felt that I had already stretched readers' suspension of disbelief to the limit; the kids' not practicing safe sex, I thought, would be going too far. Also, Lori giving Lincoln the condom was important to the story because it showed that she was totally committed to her plan and that there would be no talking her out of it.
I find that I can only make sex scenes so long without feeling like they drag, unless there's some kind of change-up that keeps them interesting (eg, like people switching partners and activities in the nonstop orgy that is my Phineas and Ferb story "Hot Yoga").
Ooooh, that's a good image.
Having used a whole bunch of excuses to keep Lincoln and Ronnie Anne from talking privately in chapters 1-4, I had to finally give them a break here. I also wanted them to have more "vanilla" sex before they started talking about going to "fifth base." And, of course, they needed an opportunity to scheme against Lori.
Yeah, fair point.
I think every kid has something they're insecure about, however tough their exterior may be.
Something I'll keep in mind, though.
My biggest weakness as a writer is pace. I worry about getting bogged down in details (I'm not a fan of novels that describe everything in agonizing detail while you wait for something to actually happen), and sometimes I overcompensate and speed through things as a result.
My original plan was to make this story 4 chapters long -- one per base. But that would have just made it a series of sex scenes rather than a story per se. And then this idea hit me when I imagined Ronnie Anne saying to Lincoln, "So, you ever heard of 'fifth base'?" and then imagined Lori crying "Oh, God, my ass!" So this was definitely a case of plot flowing from character.
Putting the shoe on the other foot opened up a lot of possibilities in terms of Lincoln's and especially Lori's behavior. I tried to milk that for all it was worth.
That she is.
Thanks! This was the most complicated chapter to write, so I'm glad you think it worked.
Yeah, I wanted Lincoln to be totally committed to the action this time.
Thank you! I'm gratified that you liked this scene even if the action was not to your taste.
I didn't think this story could end satisfactorily without some kind of resolution between Lincoln and Lori. And I felt like, having said goodbye to Bobby, Lori was now in a place where she could start reflecting on everything that happened on those five crazy weekends, and looking at her own behavior a bit more objectively.
Thanks! That was partly inspired by Lori's behavior in "Heavy Meddle" (another favorite episode of mine) when she and the other Loud girls were clearly very excited by the prospect of Lincoln having a girlfriend, and by other episodes in which Lori is anxious to give Lincoln dating advice. Not to mention “Save the Date,” which was the main inspiration for this whole story.
Thanks. I'm not sure the epilogue was absolutely necessary, but I thought it would be nice to end with some indication as to where Lincoln and Ronnie Anne stood with each other after their wild month together.
Thank you so very much.
Wow. Thank you!
Thank you for such a thorough and enjoyable review!