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So, in the recent weeks, while not negativity strictly speaking, I have been given some pretty harsh advice and a questionable PM elsewhere. This has led to a pretty downward spiral, admittedly. Yet, this has got me thinking… Everyone has dealt with harsh criticism from people. What advice would you give others, especially newcomers, in regards to this? How have you dealt with things like that in the past? In my case, I am glad to have such good supportive friends to turn to and I'm glad to have this circle of writers. Good friends who often slap me upside the head (metal baseball bats included); being able to talk to them is definitely a plus. Being able to come here helps, too. Many times, it's good, old fashioned mayhem; death, destruction, blowing things up, beating the bloody hell out of people... That helps, too. Hopefully this tread can help others...

Honestly, I get angry when friends of mine are subjected to cyber-abuse. I’m much more likely to pursue options to see them blocked or banned entirely in that circumstance. For myself, I’m much more prone to snubbing the trivial wretches.

When I get harsh criticism, I get angry. What I consider a healthy anger. I vent to people I trust, I write angry letters I will never send, and I don’t allow myself to direct that anger at myself. After a healthy dose of venting, I find it easier to move on. By move on, I mean I can focus on other things, not that I forgive and/or forget, because I definitely don’t do that lol. I hold grudges… lol. I like to think I’m confident in my writing. I have very specific standards for myself that might get me frustrated and upset at times, but I’m confident of what those standards produce. But criticism does get to me. Of course, the silence gets to me. I question myself and tear myself apart when I produce something that is received with silence. And my healthy anger can quickly turn unhealthy when harsh criticism starts coming from all directions and the people I try to vent to, as you’ve been experiencing. I think it’s natural to spiral. It’s natural to want to pull everything and hide from the anonymous and not-so-anonymous assholes and friends that made you look at the work you used to love with panic and discomfort. Some writers allow it to crush them, and I think it’s so heartbreaking when that happens. I think sometimes it helps to analyze the opposition to death. To slather it in a thick layer of logic until you see it all as rudimentary shapes and you can pick and choose what advice will help you grow and what advice is only meant to sabotage you, and what advice was just someone else projecting their own insecurities. Or, if you can’t fathom creating that emotional distance, you could physically distance yourself from the things and/or people who are hurting you the most. Block them, take a week break from the story you’re feeling icky about until the ickiness fades a little: make changes that make you feel better about the situation. Whatever you decide to do, I got your back. Edit: Oh and “Invective” is now my word of the week.

At times, it’s easier said than done. I’ve been getting negative as of late myself when I see that hit counter trapped in quicksand and a dearth of reviews...

I think we’ve all been on the end of advice which makes us feel uncertain about our work, and often ourselves. As writers, we invest a great deal of ourselves in what we write, and while most of us understand we’re not perfect, we’d rather not be berated or scoffed at in the guise of helpful advice. I keep in mind the relative anonymity of the Internet, and the way it can bring out the baser sides of people who are otherwise probably quite decent. It’s astonishingly easy to level invective at someone you will never meet face to face, someone whose reality is still abstract at best. I reverse that for myself, and remind myself that this person doesn’t know me, or my life, and if they are projecting something from their own life onto me, it’s not something I need to own. I am responsible at the end of the day for the people around me, who I love, and who make my life worth living. The words leveled at me or at my work across the ether of the electronic universe are only as valid as I allow them to be. If they contain sincere and constructive criticism, I’ll embrace them. I might not incorporate all of the critique, but I will welcome it in the spirit of wanting to grow as a writer. If they are mean-spirited, and designed to make me doubt myself, I’m sufficiently thick-skinned enough to let them slide past. That’s not always a helpful bit of advice, since words have a great deal of power to wound. We’re writers, after all, and we understand that. But words leveled at me which are designed to hurt my confidence rarely have that effect if they come from a relative stranger. I just write that person off as trivial, and move on.

Character picks nose and eats off his finger. Can’t use the “It’s good for immune system” excuse. Otherwise decent person, just a disgusting habit they’re semi-oblivious too. Other character wants to break them of it. It works then… they start chewing their toenails. Because flaws are interesting.

LOL No you are correct that there are some writers of the other gender that do a GREAT!!!! job writing characters of the other gender. Now that book you mentions about the pirates, the way you described them just calls out to me, woman wrote it in that typical, obvious feminine gay characterization. Just watch this episode of Johnny Test. I think its harder, because there is that different mind set, that yes some characters will fit that bill perfectly, but others will never fit it, but many people write it that way.