Descriptive writing

[SirGeneralSir]

Question, when you are writing something descriptive, how do you decide what terminology to use? 

Ex: “The space commando looked like a fusion of Ironman and Optimus Prime from hell.”

or would you not use such examples and instead try to use your own words to depict the character?

Ex: “The space commando had sleek red and silver armor with a menacing and slightly bulky helmet, his oversized pulse gun increasing the intimidation factor”

( I have no such character in mind this was all made on the spot)

 

[BronxWench]

For me, it very much depends on what I’m writing. If it’s set in a world of my own creation, there wouldn’t be anyone who knew who Ironman or Optimus Prime were, so that sort of description would be meaningless. 

If I were writing something set on future-day Earth, however, then those references would be applicable, and if I was going for a touch of humor, I might even use them. It would really depend on whether or not I was going for a grim mood or something more sardonic, I suppose.

Edited July 31, 2022 by BronxWench
Urgh, typos...

[GeorgeGlass]

I would only use the Iron Man/Optimus Prime description if you are describing the armored character from the POV of another character who would be familiar with those franchises. In that instance, the description would actually serve double duty, telling you what the armored character looks like while also telling you something about the observer (eg, that they’re from Earth in the 1980s or later, and that they’re into scifi and such).

[SirGeneralSir]

So using a fantasy world like LOTR or any universe really, would you say its more about keeping the aesthetics than trying to communicate to the reader as being part of our world?

having read many fanfics where the writer is more telling the reader that the OC villain in his OC world had a cape that was more like spawns or and open mouth mask like batman even though said things don't exist in their world.

[BronxWench]

I know a lot of fanfics break with their ‘verse to reference things in other ‘verses, but speaking only for myself, I think it’s lazy writing. I mean, it’s just as easy to say that a mask covered only the eyes and nose of a character, leaving their mouth uncovered as it is to say they wore a mask like Batman when Batman isn’t part of their ‘verse at all. 

It’s really the writer’s choice, when you come down to it. When I do write fanfic, I try to stick to my ‘verse and not drag in references that wouldn’t fit. Same thing with dialogue. I try not to use expressions or slang that doesn’t fit my ‘verse. Can you imagine a character from LotR making a reference to something out of Harry Potter? It takes the reader right out of the story. I mean, would Glorfindel order butterbeer? Of course not. He’d rather have miruvor, or a good Dorwinion wine. 

[Desiderius Price]

44 minutes ago, BronxWench said:

Can you imagine a character from LotR making a reference to something out of Harry Potter? It takes the reader right out of the story. I mean, would Glorfindel order butterbeer? Of course not. He’d rather have miruvor, or a good Dorwinion wine. 

Isn’t Glorfindel using the force to serve himself up a pan-dimensional gargle blaster at Quark’s bar, in orbit of Rylos?

[SirGeneralSir]

1 hour ago, BronxWench said:

I know a lot of fanfics break with their ‘verse to reference things in other ‘verses, but speaking only for myself, I think it’s lazy writing. I mean, it’s just as easy to say that a mask covered only the eyes and nose of a character, leaving their mouth uncovered as it is to say they wore a mask like Batman when Batman isn’t part of their ‘verse at all. 

It’s really the writer’s choice, when you come down to it. When I do write fanfic, I try to stick to my ‘verse and not drag in references that wouldn’t fit. Same thing with dialogue. I try not to use expressions or slang that doesn’t fit my ‘verse. Can you imagine a character from LotR making a reference to something out of Harry Potter? It takes the reader right out of the story. I mean, would Glorfindel order butterbeer? Of course not. He’d rather have miruvor, or a good Dorwinion wine. 

Ok valid point, so then how would you describe a Roman/Greek style temple in a Original world, because what I have I do not think fits it at all.

(After a short trek in the ankle high water, Loric found what looked to be some kind of old temple ruins. A tall cube like building with blue crystals that reached at least two floors high supporting the building that were creating the light.) 

[BronxWench]

53 minutes ago, SirGeneralSir said:

Ok valid point, so then how would you describe a Roman/Greek style temple in a Original world, because what I have I do not think fits it at all.

(After a short trek in the ankle high water, Loric found what looked to be some kind of old temple ruins. A tall cube like building with blue crystals that reached at least two floors high supporting the building that were creating the light.) 

Hm. That’s a rather awkward visual. I’m also not sure if the building is two stories high, if the crystals are two stories high, if the crystals are supporting the building off the ground, or if it’s the crystals or building creating the light.

Now, Greco-Roman architecture is not all that hard to describe. In general, the buildings would have columns in front, stairs leading up to the doorway, which could be wide and open or with a stout wooden door, depending on the usage, and a peaked roof. I’d drag out all the proper terms for each component, but anyone can Google that. The point is that it’s not hard to describe a structure if you approach it logically:

“After a short trek in the ankle high water, Loric found what looked to be some kind of temple ruins. Blue crystalline columns supported the structure, rising at least three meters out of the water, and their radiance illuminated the pale stone of the temple. The remnants of a broad stair, flanked by tall columns capped with intricate carvings, led up to an intimidatingly dark opening beneath the crumbling pediment.”

Or something to that effect…  

 

[InvidiaRed]

14 hours ago, SirGeneralSir said:

Question, when you are writing something descriptive, how do you decide what terminology to use? 

Ex: “The space commando looked like a fusion of Ironman and Optimus Prime from hell.”

or would you not use such examples and instead try to use your own words to depict the character?

Ex: “The space commando had sleek red and silver armor with a menacing and slightly bulky helmet, his oversized pulse gun increasing the intimidation factor”

( I have no such character in mind this was all made on the spot)

 

Definitely stick to the overall aesthetics. If its modern/urban fantasy sure it works. Scifi/futuristic could also work if only in a vintage nostalgic sense.

If its more a fantastical world that may or may not ever reach the industrial revolution… Not so much.

Greco-roman = Columns… They certainly had a fetish for arches and columns also open areas.

Egyptian= Loved obelisks and almost always tag every significant structure with hieroglyphs.

Aztec/Maya the other pyramid builders with serpent motifs… They symbol spammed their calendar all over the place.

Hindu- Gods and goddesses with multiple limbs dancing. Elegant mathematical principals on full display and highly detailed.

 

 

[SirGeneralSir]

I think my issue in this case, is that I dont know what some of these objects are called and so I am stuck trying to figure out a term to call them while explaining what they are etc.

A communication issue on my part.

[BronxWench]

31 minutes ago, SirGeneralSir said:

I think my issue in this case, is that I dont know what some of these objects are called and so I am stuck trying to figure out a term to call them while explaining what they are etc.

A communication issue on my part.

It’s fine to use standard architectural terms, like column or obelisk or façade (rather than pediment). The idea is to use a common enough term that your readers will recognize, so they can see in their mind’s eye what it is you want them to see.