thismy Posted June 12, 2015 Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 So, as Joe has been writing chapter by chapter, and lot going back after to re-edit(as far as I'm aware), I've noticed a few discrepancies. Not that they're a big deal, but I thought it was interesting. The first one I noticed was Tara's age. Or, at least, I thought I did. Reading early on, for some reason I have the distinct impression that Tara was something like two years older than Jack. I went back to look for evidence on this, but couldn't find any. So my question is, does anyone else have any memory of this? Second is the cabin. From the first mention of it, when Kayla talks about ownership, she says it's leased from her dad,a boss. Later in the story. (Chapter 32, I've almost finished my rereading of it) Kayla mentions that her parents own it, and that they inherited it from their grandparents. I think there are a few others, but I can't remember any. Also, Jack, mentions, when talking about dick size, that he had never measured because, "his ego wasn't that big." Now, at least in my personal experience, this is no where near true. I will say, and put money on, the notion that nearly every guy, at least once in their life, will probably measure their dick. They may not freely admit it, but probably have. I don't know why this sticks out in my mind, but it does. If you measure your dick, that doesn't mean you have a big ego. Now, correct me if im wrong, but It probably means that you have normal curiosities. Chester57 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted June 12, 2015 Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 Second is the cabin. From the first mention of it, when Kayla talks about ownership, she says it's leased from her dad,a boss. Later in the story. (Chapter 32, I've almost finished my rereading of it) Kayla mentions that her parents own it, and that they inherited it from their grandparents. I noticed that discrepancy also. I think the first time the cabin was mentioned was Chapter 8 (the Homecoming fight) when Jack's dad told him that Mrs. Hannigan had a "time-share" up in the mountains that they were going to visit for the weekend. I suppose that could mean that she has to share it with other members of her family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted June 12, 2015 Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 six and a half...I think that's fairly average Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted June 12, 2015 Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 I noticed that discrepancy also. I think the first time the cabin was mentioned was Chapter 8 (the Homecoming fight) when Jack's dad told him that Mrs. Hannigan had a "time-share" up in the mountains that they were going to visit for the weekend. I suppose that could mean that she has to share it with other members of her family. Without delving too deep into retconning, it might be that Kayla's grandparents passed ownership on to be shared by all their children. One of the things I've learned about writing over the past few months is that it's a good practice to separately list all these kinds of details aboutn the characters and settings in a story, so that they can be referred to while writing and, among other things, avoid inconsistencies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jashley13 Posted June 13, 2015 Report Share Posted June 13, 2015 Should be uploaded tomorrow I'll be trying to finish it up tonight so either it'll be up tomorrow or on Monday. Fingers crossed! COJimmyV 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester57 Posted June 13, 2015 Report Share Posted June 13, 2015 Should be uploaded tomorrow I'll be trying to finish it up tonight so either it'll be up tomorrow or on Monday. Fingers crossed! Thanks, Joe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted June 13, 2015 Report Share Posted June 13, 2015 Should be uploaded tomorrow I'll be trying to finish it up tonight so either it'll be up tomorrow or on Monday. Fingers crossed! Hark! The threesome approaches! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 8ball Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 All hail the most awaited threesome in history of sex stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jashley13 Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Chapter 33 is up! Also, this is my 100th posting on this forum! Two milestones at once! Not bad. Again, I apologize that this chapter took a bit longer to come out. You all have been so wonderful and supportive about it, but I still owe it to you to get new chapters out as soon as possible, if only so you aren't left dangling. This was a tough one to write, I'm not gonna lie. It ended up turning out very different than I originally intended but, well...that's how it goes with writing. I just found my original idea wasn't working out and followed this path. It might not be the happiest, but...well, you'll see when you read. No spoilers at this point. I'm gonna take some days off to recover and then I'll be plowing ahead. Hopefully, the next chapter will be back on schedule. Fingers crossed Thank you all so much for your support. It really does mean the world to me. Hope you enjoy reading! -Joe jc1138 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
that-one-guy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Gonna read it now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Long Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Chapter 33 is up! I'm gonna take some days off to recover and then I'll be plowing ahead. Hopefully, the next chapter will be back on schedule. Fingers crossed Thank you all so much for your support. It really does mean the world to me. Hope you enjoy reading! On your day off could you check back a page or two, I had asked a question about the sagas and also one other. I'd appreciate it you could spare a moment for those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
that-one-guy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Well holy ranch on a sandwich (I like the ring of that) that was, emotional? I wouldn't say its the most emotional chapter yet (to read), that will always be held by walburns aftermath, but its up there. Threesome was hot but I personally would have liked a bit mor Tara-Kayla action. The mud scene was a good break from all the emotional stuff and actually had me laughing out loud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jc1138 Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Wow.. that was wrenching to read, but you did a damn good job, and was more than worth the wait. Happy 100th, Joe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Holy Shit That was... Well, that turned out just as well as I thought it would. Great, really fantastic, chapter. Incredible. Emotional roller coaster. Well written, insightful, and it was good to get insight on Kayla's side. SPOILERS BELOW On that point. Kayla reacted almost exactly how I thought she would. I mean, if anyone here thought she would be peachy, they need to rethink their outlook on this all. All three of them are still emotional ticking time bombs. One is bound to explode again, like Jack did, in this upcoming chapter. If any thing, the threesome probably made Tara feel worse than before it. Hindsight is a real bitch. On yet another note, I think Joe wrote the chapter exactly who it needed to be. This will probably have long lasting repercussion. And by probably I mean it will. It'll be interesting to see how they all work it out, if they ever can. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and year in story time, as it was foreshadowed earlier, "If only I had known."Chinese water torture? Pipe bomb? Holy hell this is gonna be intense. In fact, this chapter actually hit me pretty hard. I'm going to have to go mow to think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drake Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Hi Joe I have read all the chapters, almost since you started uploading them and really like your style. The only criticism I'd like to give, is that all the bad and emotional seems to be really piling up. Why can't something just be uncomplicated once? Of course they are all teenagers and therefore by definition complicated, yet I really think the whole arc would improve with some more light-heartedness. The mud-scene was awesome! But it does not belong to the main story. If you asked me what I recalled, it was the bad thing with Brad, the bad thing with Jessica, the bad thing with Coach Walburn, the bad thing with Amanda and Alan, the bad thing with Tara,... Do you see where I am coming from? Still, really like this story and hope you keep doing it for a while! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Hi Joe I have read all the chapters, almost since you started uploading them and really like your style. The only criticism I'd like to give, is that all the bad and emotional seems to be really piling up. Why can't something just be uncomplicated once? Of course they are all teenagers and therefore by definition complicated, yet I really think the whole arc would improve with some more light-heartedness. The mud-scene was awesome! But it does not belong to the main story. If you asked me what I recalled, it was the bad thing with Brad, the bad thing with Jessica, the bad thing with Coach Walburn, the bad thing with Amanda and Alan, the bad thing with Tara,... Do you see where I am coming from? Still, really like this story and hope you keep doing it for a while! I 100% agree with this. In fact, while I was mowing, I was thinking along the same lines. Aside from minor nitpicky details, (because I'm that type of person) this would also be my main critique. It's bad after bad after bad. It keeps coming, almost nonstop. Now I don't expect anything to be changed just for this, and I've really loved the story, but it would be interesting for something less than earth quakingly bad to happen every once in a while. Writing light hearted and upbeat doesn't mean the story will become less intense, less interesting. I'm aware that the story is written with personal experience in mind, and I hope this doesn't seem like I'm saying "ah! Fuck you and your emotions, write this how I want it". Because I'm not. The story has a plan, and its been phenomenal so far, but it's mega heavy emotional wise. I love the bad, the fights, the problems. It's great to see how they deal with them, but many chapters are punches in the stomach of emotion. Also, 50th post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
that-one-guy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Just wait until shit like pregnancies and marriages start happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Just wait until shit like pregnancies and marriages start happening. Happy, right? I think we've got a little ways to go before that. (Assuming that Joe continues this story that far) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
that-one-guy Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 Teen pregnancies are becoming more common, you never know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Another superbly crafted addition to this story. I think the emotional interaction was done exquisitely well and with magnificent intensity. The anguish Jack felt is palpable in his reaction and his constant self-flagellation over making a bad choice as he seems to see it in retrospect. I think the realism of the situation presented makes the story more enjoyable if a bit draining emotionally. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. It's pretty obvious this hasn't completely played out yet and I'm curious to see how all three deal with it. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMan7307 Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Think back on your personal past... has it all been "happy go lucky"? My guess is not, then look at it from a teenager's perspective (which is inherently pessimistic). Life is usually a bunch of sucker punches, hits us when we're not expecting it, maybe not major dilemas, but, they're there. Teen suicide is up, why do you think that may be? Could it actually be lack of interaction with parents? As a parental survivor of a suicide, we kick ourselves over not knowing our kids as well as we'd like, but, we always get "They just dont understand, or know how things are for us"............ chances are, we've been there ourselves, quit saying we won't understand, and try us, you will probably be shocked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jarjarlbinks Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Man I used to love with story but...the last 10 chapters have progressively driven me away from it...Just WAY to much drama every single chapter, and the ranting you have Jack go on every other paragraph is driving me insane...well that is probably because you've turned Jack into someone with some major mental issues that can't function properly whatsoever within his own family. Just reading someone questioning his every decision for an hour at a time has ruined this story... IDK, iv'e tried to force myself to continue to like this story in the previous chapters and was hoping this last two would be decent "relaxing" chapters with major drama for once...but nope, reading about a guy questioning his every decision that he makes 24/7 who is incapable of shutting up or letting people live their lives without his interference in personal matters in maddening. Well fuck i'm actually turning this into a mild flame post... But yea, haven't really even posted on this forum in the last few months but ever since the christmas sega iv'e only been able to force myself to skim the chapters rather then actually read...probably going to take a couple months away from this story and see if it changes any. If it is the same...whoa is me, drama every second...meh can't really see myself continuing to read the story. Side note: Yes, I understand how the threesome can have major consequences, yes it makes perfect sense that it could drive a hole into the threes relationships, no that didn't ruin the story for me necessarily. The chapter wasn't exactly bad, it's just we've read the same chapter essentially in the last 10 chapters, at least that is how it appears to me. Nothing really new comes up from chapter to chapter, yes key points in the story happen, but Jack just repeats the same process on handling the events with the same sequence. Shit is about to happen, Jack goes on a 2-3 page rant on the consequences, shit happens, jack gets depressed, jack tries to fix his or others problems, shit backfires on him, jack goes on another 2-3 page mantra repeat. Really you need a "filler" chapter, that doesn't involve shit hitting the fan, Jack questioning every little thing or simply put more drama. You've made this a drama/relationship fic, which is good, but by god it's 90% drama at this point. Eh now i went on my own little damn rant. But ya, taking a break from your story, felt like telling you about it and why for whatever reason...Loved this story in the beginning, now it just feels repetitive, yes the story is progressing, but it is the same book, just different colors. thismy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jarjarlbinks Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Really should have read over my response or logged onto my account for my previous post so I could edit any mistakes but meh... "IDK, iv'e tried to force myself to continue to like this story in the previous chapters and was hoping this last two would be decent "relaxing" chapters with major drama for once" ---Meant to say without major drama for once But ya what Drake said previously, why can't one thing just not be complicated beyond all reasoning? Hell yes, teenagers lives can and are filled with drama, but seriously, are you trying to make a story about a beyond fucked up teenagers life that literally has nothing normal about him? Seriously the amount of shit you have Jack going through in the span of less then even a year is just insane. You've created a mentally unstable person who questions literally everything he does and can't have one single good major event go by without some major drama and hassle that is likely shortening his life span by the years. Can one big thing happen that doesn't basically scream FUCK YOU JACK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Delta4 Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Ok this was emotion punch to stomach.but this was bound to happen after their three way.absolutely well written. actually for those who were expecting this to be a light chapter, did't think about this side of threeway.or may be those were optimistic like me to expect happy afterwards and many more to come ;p Ofcourse story character Jack has not much good luck and he is kind hearted and tries to help others,but he is developing and learning as the process goes by.,as we saw with twins sage that he understood he could not help every situation. My opinionis that this awesome story deals with events and emotons on molecular level so those emotionally weak may better far away Keep up the nice work Joe,you cant make every one happy,so write the way your heart pleases. Some fault is with we readers and commenters who have set this story bar and our expectations so high that Joe has to torment himself for writing every chapter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thismy Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) Well, this forum is getting heavy. We need to air it out. Here's a joke: A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!" Edited June 15, 2015 by thismy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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