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JayDee's (Originals) review reply, story discussion and additional notes thread


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I'm not a big one for original writing, so it's even more appropriate to just have one reply thread for this section! Sure, the first story is slash but that's only 25% of my original stories (and in pure length quite a lot less because the Angel story is thousands of words (and earned me a brilliant email asking if I was against God, and if not could the seminary-attending-yet-porn-story-reading emailer do a follow up where the angel was saved by twu luv. I said go for it...

That's not a joke by the way. His email domain was a religious college. I swear by Eris t'was so.)

Anyway, review replies...

Harvest Mouse was my third plot idea for the prompt, and possibly my first ever cons m/m scene. Not a banjo player in hearing.

Asexual Biped - Thank you! I like my anthros with a good streak of the animal in them, not just a human with a snout, as it were.

pittwitch - Thank you, but honestly I thought that line was sort of corny. Ahem. I guess once harvested you can't sell it at market.

Fairy Slayer - ...Corny, I say, corny. Thank you for your review also, I am glad the background stuff worked. I don't know why I couldn't just start it with something like "On this Earth there are furries. Deal with it." but the story wanted people to know why. Given the length of the story, I was seriously considering leaving out the sex, adding in more character introspection and then maybe finish with Gerald going into the barn... but I'm a pornographer dammit. Hey, Harry's fucking his boss's willing son; if he wasn't happy it's a great way to be a disgruntled employee :D

Apollo - Thank you also for your review. I get what you mean with the pacing, I find the 'several hours later' jump somewhat jarring myself. I'd put up it being probably my first consensual m/m scene in defence, but I doubt my second'd be much better. Can't believe I have done four flashfics in four weeks... Thank you for the inspiration!

Edited by JayDee
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I'm going to apologize in advance, I reread it before I submitted and it's a very concrit review, so please don't take offense! :D

Oh, sorry that I was unclear in the review. In my defense, I was slightly tired at the time. When I said the middle, I was talking more about the area where Gerald entered the barn and that section. I understand what you were going for the eagerness, etc, but as pittwitch mentioned it was slightly corny and I think that is what threw me for a loop. The story set out with a very unique plot, descriptive and well thought out with just the right amount of tension and then they sorta just fell into each others arms.

You mentioned that it was your first consensual m/m scene, so that may have played a role into it. What might have helped it a bit would be to follow through with the worry from earlier about Gerald's father discovering them, or play up the tension. Maybe even make Gerald work for it a bit since I got the sense that Harry wasn't as much emotionally involved earlier in the fic.

As for the hours later? That worked for me. Detailed sex scenes are always nice, but sometimes leaving just hints and making the reader fill in the blanks works just as well. It allows us to imagine it how we want to! Plus, it's a flashfic. You expect some detail, but not a full play by play.

All in all, I liked the story though. As I said, the multiple uses of the prompt was cool :D

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I *think* its my first consensual m/m scene (hence possibly :)), I have been writing for years now and don't always recall what I did until I re-read it :) Like when I re-read my movie crossover I had totally forgotten including a couple minor characters... I can remember at least two m/m nc scenes I wrote though.

You've got good points though. I guess the problems mostly stem from the compressed format of a flashfic, where drawing it out more would have meant leaving out later or earlier parts. If I find myself with time again for a long story I might have to try and do a proper length story, "Of Mouse Fucking Man" or something. With appropriate credit for parodied title.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Shadow Knight gave me a couple of reviews for the older prompts Harvest Mouse and Haunting Horsecock, so firstly, thank you!

I think there's even less people like the guro content than the beast or furry stuff. With that in mind I'd strongly warn you against reading 90% of my other stories. They got guro out the ass. Literally, in a couple cases. In Haunting Horsecock it was more of a change of form into the haunting of the woods than a regular fanfic nasty, so I am happy that it wasn't too guro for you!

AL-YIFFEDA! They're hardcore followers of Doug Bin Winger... Thank you for the reccommendation - most people recommending my work seem to do so because "JD writes a nice evisceration" so its a nice change for something a little more romantic/loving :). I really have little experiance of writing the cons male slash so hard to judge if people'd like it. I kinda like the idea of an eloping follow up, if only to write the farmer's reactions if Harry sent him a few choicce photos of Gerald with a mouth full of cock. It's finding time for me though, that's why I've enjoyed the prompts so much because I can devote a short bit of time each week, get a finished story, and not feel like I have short changed folks.

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LOL. We need a guro tag! Death doesn't cover stuff well. It's too much of an umbrella. I like important, dramatic, almost cinematic deaths, like the one at the end of Haunting Horsecock. It's the rampant needless gurofests I dislike.

Hahahahah! You crack me up! No problem, I think we should all be appreciated for all the sides we have. B)

Don't sweat it, you did really well, especially within a tight word limit (...poor choice of words there?). If you do an eloping, you'll be the best. Especially because embarrassing pictures of mouthfuls of cocks are awesome. May I suggest some of Gerald bent over in compromising positions, too? :P

And yeah, I definitely get what you mean, I'm really enjoying the prompts as well, for that exact reason.

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  • 2 months later...

Hmmm, so, Week 19 prompt slumber led to me scraping the bottom of the idea barrel with The Slumber Party of Evil Doom, because I didn't want to do another sleeping sex story so soon and, well, my imagination must be kinda narrow when it comes to that shit :D

Apollo - Thanks for the review - She could always redeem them, but I think that might be Angelic euphemism for kill anyway... "There are sinners in Sodom!" "Redeem them! Use lots of fire!"

pittwitch - Thank you for the review - I guess my evil theme is evilly continuing in an evil manner :D Yeah, it's kinda like that other old scary story if you ended it like "The suddenly cut-off threatening phone call came from within the house... but the babysitter wasn't worried as that phone was in the same room she kept a pet Nightgaunt while babysitting" Different approach to killer in the house stories :D

Fairy Slayer - Thanks also! - Yeah, I guess the title hints the evil is doomed from the start? Thanks loads for pointing out the typo. I read this one even closer than usual to get the word count trimmed, and still missed that! D'oh. By "fish" it's also probably "fish shaped souls" in hell - what happens to the whalers after death :D "There's another demon standing over the barrel!" "Don't worry Ahab, she's a crap shot."

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I currently have my three nosex tagged stoies as AFFO, but I dunno, maybe I should re-post 'em to ... unless I'm still banned. Ahem.

Anyway, another review on the Slumber story for which, BronxWench I am very grateul. You may do as you wish, for my part I will be bashfully embarressed and self-depreciating :P I'm glad you liked the ending!

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Wow, a story from the past... my story Mike Rapes A Dyke has had a 13th review:

Could you do a sequel? Where Lily gets revenge on Mike. Honestly' date=' rapefics only sit well on me when there's a happy ending. So can we see Lily fuck Mike retarded and have a tender, happy ever after lesbian honeymoon?[/quote']

Cal - Thanks for reading this story and asking these questions - I get where you're coming from. I quite like endings where the bad guys don't get away scott free - and instead, for example, get an Orc's axe to the head. Lily ends this story completely mentally broken, though. She's not getting better. Now I did leave in a line that Mike's luck eventually ran out - so you can take it that at some point, he's fucking boned, but poor Lily's not a part of that. There's another review I got back in 2007 which really kind of sums up how this story works as it is:

While this story disgusts me, it also earns my respect for portraying rape as it is- a horrifying act that leaves people broken, performed by horrifying people.

That is all.

It's many years later, but thanks anonymous reviewer for that one.

I have a very roughly planned sequal, Mike Rapes A Skinhead, which is intended to play with the whole hollywood concept that you can do what you want to Nazis because they're evil fucks.

...Oh, what the heck thanks to all the past reviewers for your reviews! Positive and negative I appreciated them all. One other one to specifically comment on

If mike doesnt like being called Mike its better not to use it in the title.

You got the point across. It was disturbing and uncomfortable and if you set out to make people squirm, you did a good job.

Yes, Mike hates being called Mike. I used it in the title for two reasons 1) I don't much care for Mike, he's a professional amoral asshole, so fuck what he likes 2) I liked how it rhymed. Reason 2 is sadly the main one. on earth did I have time to write 10K of mostly coherant prose?

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  • 4 weeks later...

Another review for The Slumber Party of Evil Doom


what really?

The speaker stank of sweat and shit and bloody death.

best line in this story

Thanks for your review! I'd answer your question but I am not 100% sure what it applies too (I suspect the other reviews, in which case I wouldn't be in a position to answer anyway :) )- I appreciate your compliment on the line, he's obviously the latest to discover the true nature of the Axe Effect...

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Ahh, Hay, the prompt so unexpected I ended up first writing a story about a widdle ponsy elf screwing a big tough orc in a surprise-butt-sex situation as a continuation of a previous prompt, then, feeling a request wasn't a good thing for me to enter on a prompt (no comment on anyone else who wants too!) I wrote Blood on the Hay as another continuation of a prompt. I nearly did another TF2 story set up in the 2Fort hay loft, with Engie and Demo somewhat bored on defence and entertaining themselves there but, eh, that's an idea for another time... I half wanted to call the story "What Kate Did Next" as a reference to the old kids book title, but felt it wasn't suitably overblown. Got a review:


Once again, your signature twist at the end, and another brilliant interpretation of the prompt. I could see Jeb's spittle flying, right up until the end. (Is it bad that I cheered?) Superb! :D

Thanks for your review! It is not bad at all, the miserable asshole pretty had it coming. I probably could have made him only less likable by having him kick his dogs. Sensible dogs, them, can almost imagine a conversation like "Is that shouting... gunshot... chewing?"

I applaud you getting through reading as many prompt entries as you do! I try my best but I cannot match you :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

adduced... um... did a second chapter to The Slumber Party of Evil Doom which BronxWench kindly reviewed,

Congratulations on winning out over the prompt! I was glad to see this story continued, and here's one for friendship over evil any day. And another brilliant line: So... an atheistic vampire, a werewolf, succubus and an angel are best of friends and nobody has a fucking clue. What are the chances?

I hope you don't give up on the prompts. Come on, we're tougher than these words! Or more twisted... or both

Thanks kindly, as ever, for your review. I fear I must respectfully disagree though - I think the prompt won over me. I was thrashed. Smashed. Thoroughly smacked about. I even ended up bring back Eparlegna, a character with no redeeming characteristics, who isn't terribly interesting to write, but who has somehow now appeared in three of my stories. Frankly, I think he exploited my fear of the word! If the next one makes me whimper... eh, I did 26 of 26, all flashfic (admittedly because writing twitfics and drabbles intimidate me, though I did do a snuff haiku once) and that's not a bad run. Let these smarter folks than smutty PWPing old me step up to the bat and write the stories for Leiotrichous, Asseveration and Periphrasis or whatnot.

I thought Lupa being an athiest made sense - just because you have vampires doesn't mean you got to believe in the Devil. Give her a little while and she'll have a non-supernatural explaination for Kizzy too, "So... some sort of religiously delusional alien, then?"

Edited by JayDee
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  • 1 month later...

Ahh, Invidious, a word that still gets some use in the weightier newspapers. Unlike Frittle.

So, Joy-Filled Chad, the lastest dickgirl adventure to feature somewhat less than loving consensual sex. One review:


poor Chad.

He, uh, he wasn't meant to be sympathetic really... Poor charactisation on my part, I fear. Thank you kindly for the comment though!

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Joy-Filled Chad got another review, for which I am grateful:


I thought the story was hot but needed to me longer.

Thanks! I totally agree with you on the length. I could write dickgirls plowing people for hours, but as it was for the prompt I was limited to flashfic length. Still, I might one day either write more chapters or an extended re-write of the original.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So, all this time later, my least favorite character Eparlegna gets his come-uppance. That'll teach him to have a silly backwards name. Nearly posted The Punishment of Eparlegna chapter seperately to the Slumber Party thread as I did with then Hay story, but since it follows on even more directly than the Hay story, so directly I decided to leave it in. PuAnyway, puns. Punishing puns. I did my best is all I can argue.

Hopebringer Jem

The delicious irony of it all indeed.I do love how you handled that JD. XD Still, I'm looking forward to the next challenge from you and I will say this. The risen demon is a rare beast indeed. Fall-From-Grace anyone? >XD

Eparlegna-as-Luzurial's fall from grace already happened, at the hands of a younger Eparlegna, thanks to her all consuming pride (and, well, a request to see a story with an Angel suffering certain blasphemous torments). Lily simply sent him back to unknowingly torment himself(herself as she is there) in another older story :D Thanks for your review, I am glad you enjoyed this!

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  • 1 month later...

Harvest Mouse - My first ever prompt story got another review!


Very good.You managed to convey so much information in such a short piece.

Wow, you must've been delving deep into the story pages to find that one by now :) (...actually, it is only on page 2 of its section... less Erotica > Slash - Male/Male > than I thought!) Thanks for your review, I see advantages and disadvantages in all the info - coulda cut some of it for more sex!

And Gamma, the last prompt - I spent most of the time thinking up She-Hulk stuff, then went with Dickgirls. There's a younger version of Joy from the invidious story a few prompts back, and I figure the setting might appear again (with this 'introducing' becoming the first chapter of a series of oneshots)


I'm shocked... FANN isn't a public service? Things have certainly changed since I was in college. A great use of the prompt with your trademark humor and delicious characters!

The members all think of it as a public service, so do the nerds - it's just you can't have good stereotyped college fiction without some ultra conservative force opposing the easy going partiers :D Thanks also for your review, too kind for this one!

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  • 2 months later...

In the above post I incorrectly identified my first prompt story. A quick check back at the week one thread actually shows it was Haunting Horsecock, which originally lacked a title. What with a whole year of the fucking things inspirational prompts done I decided to finish off with a return to that first story. 'cos it took less effort and imagination and effort, hence part 2, the Wandering Witch. Assholish alliteration abuse, anyone? Anyway, much to my surprise I got a couple more reviews,


Oh my Martel. How does this piece have so many damn hits and so few views? Ridiculous because you have an amazing talent. The title is an amazing tongue-twister by the way, say it out loud really quickly. It's amusing.

The fact that this is an original work makes it all the more worth reading. Writing with original characters takes a bit more creativity, in my opinion. This isn't something I'd normally read, but you've made it bearable for me. I enjoyed this in some odd fashion, you've turned my curiosity a notch in the opposite direction.I loved the realism and imagery in this piece.

You didn't receive enough credit for this. Congratulations on finishing a prompt, that seems to be a big deal to me.

Thank you for your review. Always happy to hear I've piqued a little curiousity or appealed to someone where it normally wouldn't! As for lack of reviews with my stuff, I tend to assume that readers drawn in by the description don't necessarily want to have their romantic fiction writing username on a review for, say, horsecock. I allow anonymous reviewing, but all the logging out, reviewing, logging back in is probably too much effort :) I can vouch for a small part of the realism: A friend of mine did claim to see a ghost horse after drinking a few litres of home fermented rough cider. The rest? eh, imagination!

Before these prompts here on AFF I never managed a creative writing deadline, so it was a big deal for me :)


while i wanted to say this story sucks...pardon the was an ok beginning but it almost cant be classified as Beast...there was no acutal sex and when i think of beast i think of penetration...the oral was ok at best but i saw the title and got excited thinking that this story was gonna combine 2 of my fav things. ghosts and beast. i am sadly disapointed and give this story a 2 out of 5

Thank you for your review. I never pardon puns, I love 'em too much :). Maybe a third of my prompt stories revolved around them :D I can understand your frustration with wanting a particular type of story and getting another. For what it's worth Molly's tongue almost certainly penetrated the horse's External urethral orifice :D But I think if I had a story like this without the Beast tag on this site there would be a sizable number of users who would be irritated simply because they'd view orally pleasuring a horse falls in the wider definition of beast content and demand a warning should exist. Because there really are users who would see a title with Horsecock in it, and be offended to then encounter horsecock.

You might better enjoy my story Unleash the Beast in the Harry Potter section which does feature full penetration with a girl and a dog, is considerably more detailed at around 2700 words, and doesn't require any fandom of the series being PWP. I hate to leave a reader disappointed, however, and so I will try to find the time to write a longer story featuring ghosts, beasts and penetration!

...I wonder how Discworld fans would react to Binky taking Ysabel's spirit for one last ride?

Edited by JayDee
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  • 2 weeks later...

A Whore's Gallimaufry Written some time back for the prompt: Gallimaufry, has been stumbled upon and reviewed a second time. Shockinly I can't see anywhere I thanked BronxWench for the first review, so, um... sorry! Maybe I sent a PM? Maybe I was just damnably rude in failing to say thanks :( Sorry again, thanks for that 1st review!

Second review:


ahaha, that is so foul. :P great story, reminds me of sweeney todd a la prostitution haha

Thank you for your review. I see what you mean, with the story's stew suggestion at the end in place of pie! Didn't have Mrs Lovett in mind when I wrote it, but in a musical sense, maybe people would say the mercenary went for her ass because she had the "worst pie in" the village? :P

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  • 1 year later...

Review for Jenny From The Pond , a story with no sex, no in-story death, and possibly, a too-cute tourist. I kinda want to do a sequel where agricultural hormones washed into the pond by mistake make Jenny horny and some poor bastard gets seduced....

Story has over 450 hits, which I find mildly impressive given the whole nosex thing.


heh, I missed this when you first posted it. I like the imagery.

Thank you for your review! It was fun tryna paint worthwhile pictures with the word prompt limits. Tried to get back into a few've 'em but nothing came of it. Thanks again!

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  • 1 month later...

The Slumber Party of Evil Doom : A story which I think had a good first part and then tailed off very abruptly in terms of quality in the second chapter, and as such is a good example of my writing in general without much* that's triggering. Unless you had a bad experience with a werewolf. Like that time I was in the black forest wearing a nice red coat. Anyway, moving swiftly on to a review:

*Well, there's always something triggering. I am fucked in the head, after all.

Okay, compared to 'Taking the Sky from Kaylee' , being the first story I read of yours, this is pretty tame. On the reaction continuum, Kaylee's ruination gets a "I just may vomit", while 'Slumber Party of Evil Doom', the second story I've read, is "ooh, that tickles!". However, both stories will stick in my brain as unique and memorable. It suggests to me that you not only have an ability to be creative, which of course, is desirable and expected in a good story, but also to leave an indelible impression on the reader. Can I assume that I would have the same memorable experience with most of your stories?

I thought it was delightful that each girl had some "special" quality. When the first one is revealed, I think, "uh-oh, there's gonna be trouble." But after the second one, I caught on that we would see each have a secret. I think they weren't aware of each other because their 'power' was not exposed when in human form, but they may have kept their friendship going due to an unexplainable attraction to the paranormal. I really enjoyed the first two chapters, you kept the plot of the story going even though you were writing in response to a word prompt. The third chapter deviated from the slumber party and I was more interested in the fallout of the events on the remaining girls than on Eparlegna's punishment. He is an antagonist and having an entire chapter devoted to him left me disappointed. I don't know if you'll ever come back to this story as you said you'd continued Kate's in another story, but if you do, I'd like to see more of the slumber party aftermath.

Thank you for your review!

I feel I must apologise. When I've rec'd it, I'd forgotten the pun-filled chapter was part of this one, I thought I'd done it as a seperate post like Kate in Blood on the Hay (Which is just a 'What katie did next' bit without actually finishing. Ran out of effort I guess). The third chapter is certainly the weakest part, mostly due to a prompt that made my eyes bleed. I swear, I looked like one of those statues of the Virgin Mary that get hay fever. On the bright side, flicking back through it I could eat a piece of emmental cheese.

I'm glad you liked the first two bits though, I thought it hung together well just as a series of introductions, and I like your theory about the attraction to the paranormal, because it adds more to the whole 'started together' thing which was mostly all I had. If I did more I'd totally work that in!

While it's kind of you to say so, I think most of my writing is pretty much leaving delible impressions really. There's a lotta better stuff on the site - as a dedicated reader you've presumably seen most of it! I would say that you would be best to avoid most of the rest of my stories. I wish there was more like the first part of the slumber party, but sadly most all of it is more like the kaylee story, without any of the redeeming features.

Thanks again for this review. Edited by JayDee
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While it's kind of you to say so, I think most of my writing is pretty much leaving delible impressions really. There's a lotta better stuff on the site - as a dedicated reader you've presumably seen most of it! I would say that you would be best to avoid most of the rest of my stories. I wish there was more like the first part of the slumber party, but sadly most all of it is more like the kaylee story, without any of the redeeming features.


:rofl: I don't know anyone who doesn't want people to read their stuff. No matter how bad some of the stuff is that I read, the author really wants me (anybody) to read it. Well, if you think all your other stories are like Kaylee's story, I'll take your advice. If, however, you think of one or two that might have redeeming qualities, let me know. What qualities? The hero/heroine metes out justice, perhaps even surviving.

Edited by Raymy
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I do want people to read my stuff! Just, not all people. It's aimed at a niche audience of people who have un-normal fantasies/like specific... I don't want to say kinks because it's beyond kinky... extreme perversions? Hence my warning about paying attention to the codes at the start of each one, and by inferance title and summary :)

So, to take an example from one of my original stories:

Title: Whore of Heaven

Summary: The beautiful Archangel Luzurial is all that stands between humanity and the demon Eparlegna. Earth is screwed, and so is she.

Codes: Anal,Angst,Bond,COMPLETE,Contro,Dom,F/F,Humil,Language,MCD,MiCD,M/F,OC,Other,Preg,PWP,Rapefic,SoloM,Tent,Tort,Violence,Xeno

Firstly I'd hope a reader would consider the title.

"Hmmm... Whore. Sounds degrading. I will avoid this story"


"Hmmm... Whore. It's a job title. I'll give it a try."

or even

"Yum! Whore! Heaven!"

So Reader one would hopefully go no further.

Then with the summary,

"...Sounds like stereotypical angel/demon pr0ns. Meh." or "yeah!"

Then the codes, and now I will put myself into the mind of a perceived average user rather than both sides

Anal,Angst,Bond,COMPLETE,Contro,Dom,F/F,Humil,Language,MCD, MiCD,M/F,OC,Other,Preg,PWP,Rapefic,SoloM,Tent,Tort,Violence,Xeno


"Well, gawsh, I'm on AFF. You better damn well believe I like anal. It's not in the Harry/Draco cat, but it's probably much the same. Anuses self lubricate, right?"


"YES! I love angst! You can't have a relationship without it!"


"I liked that one where that guy tied that other guy up!"


"....oh well. Maybe I can review and ask for an update?"


"I like a little bit of controversy, but not too much. Like, Dumbles could be partly redeemable while still maniupulative and evil?"


"Still my kind of thing! Every story I have ever read displays the characters immediately in a sub/dom relationship."


"Yuri? Ewww. I can skip those bits."


"As long as it isn't the yuri bit!"


"Swearing? In my sex? Oh no."

At this point, most would move onto a different story. This is why the Language code is very important. Those who continue,


"Death? of a main character? I only really approve of that if it's to give the angst that gets the guys together... What does this have to do with angel/demon sex anyway?"


"Who cares about minor characters? It's original fic, they're all minor!"


" sick fuck. But I'm slightly curious."


"There's no M/M tag? Goddamn it, this is AFF! Does it need an OC tag in the original section? Seems kind of anal. Mmmm anal..."


"Is that an old code? Is there still an Other code? What other?"


"That's gross! Unless it's a typo and supposed to be mpreg... but, no, there's no m/m tag. I'm not too sure about this story."


"You got me back."


A very important tag (as was the NC tag it replaced). Most people understandably don't like this kind of content and it's better for them and me if they don't read it. In this case our imaginary reader would hopefully realise that the angel/demon screwing going on is M/F rapefic and stop reading if they don't enjoy that sort of thing. Rather more do seem to enjoy m/m rapefic, but in quite a lot of those cases it seems to lead immediately to true love. Huh.


"I wonder if I can just get an extract of that scene?"


"They go camping?" *checks codes "in Japan?"


"I don't mind it in the right context but based on the codes I have already seen I do not want to see this."


"...or this."


"Although paradoxically I do like bearded Greek men who... what? it's non-human crittera/alien fucking? M/F at that?"

"No, on balance this is not my kind of thing at all. I will find a story I want to read with codes/summary/title I like."

So that's kind of my perfect ideal, with people who'd like it reading it, and people who don't, not. Instead I get people seeing the codes, title, and summary and responding with this stuff.

But I also recognised that it is published on the internet, where despite the warnings and codes anybody can see it. If I really wanted to make sure other people didn't read it, I could probably make the effort to set up some subscription only mailing group of diehard weirdos, but I didn't. I posted to AFF and hoped people would only have time to read stories that hit their fetish :)

I have published and I am damned.

Does this make sense?

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