JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Games)

[JayDee]

edit - Eep. That topic description should read 'games' subdomain. s'what I get for a self-copy/paste job.

As with the comics thread I have started, I just don't write enough stories to need multiple reply threads so I have created a single thread to reply to all of my games subdomain story reviews, and I will make sure to identify which story and review I am replying too so there's no confusion.

I wrote The Witch's Lust for the weekly AFF Prompt Witch and I have two reviews to reply too:

pittwitch - Thank you for your review! I don't think anybody knows where the Witch goes when she runs off crying, but it's certainly a nice change for it to be after sex rather than the in-game violence

Apollo - Thank you also! I'm glad my style here appealed to you, now my writing time is limited I am working against both word count and clock with the prompts so its good to hear it's coming across okay. I certainly am trying to go for a much lighter tone for my story prompt stories, to a lot of the requests I have done, so it may have been a mistake to focus on an extremely bloody game...

[ApolloImperium]

I've read some of your other stuff, and while not my normal cup o' tea, one can't deny that you write well!

It's funny, DG and I were just talking the other day and were joking around, wondering what would happen if we challenged you to write a fluff piece

[JayDee]

I can write fluff, when I have the time! I actually have an idea for a very fluffy Harry Potter fandom Luna / Millicent story to write some time - and not just to confuse people who click it expecting arterial spray.

[ApolloImperium]

*grins* While I'm not normally a fem slash fan, I'll have to keep an eye out for it, if only to see you write fluff!

Since I know what it is, I do have to say that I'm interested to see what you do for the next prompt if you decide to do it!

[JayDee]

I think I may have guessed the theme of the prompts already.... I am hoping to try and do at least something for all of the prompts, so I hope whatever I do next doesn't prove disappointing.

In reply to the next review of The Witch's Lust:

daveb - Can't say fairer than that! Glad you liked it.

[JayDee]

Another prompt complete, and I am very grateful to have more reviews to reply too! I don't like to read other entries until I've finished mine (or, y'know, failed to finish one and the contest has ended) because I'd worry my idea seemed too similar. Got a few to read today/next few days though, which is cool. Seems to be either a popular prompt, or the idea is taking off more?

My original idea for the Cornucopia story was an Indiana Jones/Stereotypical Nazi spy story, which became ideas for a comedia 'Indy and a sheep' for the "Eww!" value (or ewe value...), then turned into a Lara/Horse story for reasons I don't quite understand. Possibly I need a new avatar of Garth Ennis' comic character from Crossed, Horsecock (NWS link)... Beast stories aren't for everyone, just as there are story codes I avoid (along with any summary that says "Just read I suck at summaries"). Anyway. The title is a call back to my old "Alien Mother" and "Zombie Mother" stories.

After author-note esque commentary which I think is allowed in these review reply threads, I has some review replies for reviews on my story Centaur Mother:

Jaing - Thanks for your comment! Happy to have awed. I don't think I will do any more for this one, but I might do a sequel set a decade or so in the future with the Centaur son...

djackgirl - Thank you for your review, I am glad you enjoyed this story. Kinda hard to hold the interest with pure smut sometimes, so glad I managed it!

Apollo - Thanks for your review - another successful prompt! Heh, it's a weird kinda fantasy I guess. The level I normally aim for is the sewer! Total filth

Shadow Knight - Thanks also for your comments. Yeah, sore in the morning is actually a pretty positive outcome with the Cornucopia, I think in real life it would be painfully fatal (...google Mr Hands for one news-making example) but with Divine magic it just becomes blissfully unrealistic smut!

pittwitch - Thanks for this review! I think the original centaur myth was guy on horse, probably inspired by a storyteller seeing a guy, well, fuck a horse. So with with the genetic possibilities being stretched for Lara to have a centaur that world could certainly see more, but I can't see them taking over so much as appearing in Beer adverts A Clydesdale quietly minding its own business is quite intimidating. They are absolutely huge but magnificent beasts.

Fairy Slayer - Bwa ha ha! Nice pun. Yeah, she was so horny she screamed herself hoarse! Thanks for your review. I was actually aiming to imply that it was just the stored build-up that was all used at once. I figured that having been dissipated, the Cornucopia would go back to bringing more normal fertility to the land. To recharge it, it could be kept sealed away for a bit of build up! 'rough and wrong and dirty' ought to be the tag line for most of my writing

[Shadowknight12]

Seems to be either a popular prompt, or the idea is taking off more?

My original idea for the Cornucopia story was an Indiana Jones/Stereotypical Nazi spy story, which became ideas for a comedia 'Indy and a sheep' for the "Eww!" value (or ewe value...), then turned into a Lara/Horse story for reasons I don't quite understand. Possibly I need a new avatar of Garth Ennis' comic character from Crossed, Horsecock (NWS link)... Beast stories aren't for everyone, just as there are story codes I avoid (along with any summary that says "Just read I suck at summaries"). Anyway. The title is a call back to my old "Alien Mother" and "Zombie Mother" stories.

Shadow Knight - Thanks also for your comments. Yeah, sore in the morning is actually a pretty positive outcome with the Cornucopia, I think in real life it would be painfully fatal (...google Mr Hands for one news-making example) but with Divine magic it just becomes blissfully unrealistic smut!

I'd go with both. Cornucopias are just, well, fertility horns of ideas.

LMAO ewe value. And hahahaha, you MUST get yourself an avatar of the guy slapping people with a horsecock. It'd make me snicker every time I'd read one of your posts.

Painfully fatal indeed! I wonder if that guy's tombstone reads "Killed by impalement on an equine phallus. He shan't be mourned, he shan't be missed, but he shall be forever remembered."

[JayDee]

Heh, when places have to make new laws because of something you did, you always get a place in history

"He didn't want to leave, but in the end he had to split."

Another review for Centaur Mother

kisakimiko - Thanks for your review! I totally get the bestial stuff isn't for everyone so I'm happy you were able to look past that for bits you did like.

[JayDee]

Centaur Mother has attracted another review, possibly indirectly as a result of the recent publicity for the new Tomb Raider game making readers wonder if there's any new Lara action in the archive

SailorAF: Thank you for your review! It's certainly short, for there's an absolutely top limit of 1000 words on the Prompt stories - it could have been worse, if I'd done a Twitfic, It would have barely covered the horsecock. As for cool, I am pleased it appealed to you.

[JayDee]

Well, bashed out in possibly a new record time for me was a story for the prompt Gifts set in The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. I don't even have a proper title even though I spent a week thinking of how I had to do a TES prompt story, mostly because about five minutes before I saw the prompt I saw the announcement of the release date for Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (the alternative title presumably being Nord by Nordwest), and, well, Ahnassi's old quest path was pretty much entirely gift based, except maybe for the bit about having words with her Skooma addicted ex-lover. I think I mostly just abused the Sujamma...

Anyway, reviews for which I am grateful:

pittwitch: Thank you for your review. Yeah, ended up kinda warm and friendshippy - It would have been more in character if I'd used a ring of paralysis, groping and an enforced vampirism storyline probably. Hey, Eternal Life is a gift!

BronxWench: Thank you for your review. Possibly the warmest and fluffiest review I ever had. I guess the grief adds texture to the happiness... unless that's too wangsty for words!

Fairy Slayer: Thank you for your review. It sounds sorta like it had more emotion than I realised? I put in the skooma addict reference more as a shout back to her ex from the game, a quest that unfortunately didn't have a "smack over the head to solve" option. Having my mind permenantly in the gutter I went for a big cock reason, but equally a really passionate hug would probably break her spine and that can put a dampener on any relationship. I hadn't thought about his fear over losing the friendship, but you know it really makes sense too.

Melrick: Thank you for your review, I am glad you enjoyed this. The games are pretty awesome, though I confess to only having played Morrowind and Oblivion. I managed to read one good Oblivion sex story here on the archive, but I'd bet there's more good stuff, porno and not, just because it's such a rich world to work with. Less than a year 'til the next game if it's on time. Might have to upgrade my old PC...

[FairySlayer]

Fairy Slayer: ... I hadn't thought about his fear over losing the friendship, but you know it really makes sense too.

The thought struck me at the last moment, but maybe I just think too much like a man (or think too much about what a man feels, besides boobies. ) Most of "my job" on the art side is, as I say, "reading way too much into it." At least I'm always tickled when other people find meanings in my stories that never crossed my mind but made sense. Perhaps our gut feelings slip little ideas into our brains when we're not paying attention.

[JayDee]

I probably ought to be less scrupulous and just claim I had the idea all along when that sort of thing happens.

Further reviews on the Gifts story:

Shadow Knight: Thank you for your review. I Gotta love the accurate description of 'melodramatic excess', all it needed was an evil twin and pregnancy and it would have been my first soap opera! I suspect a heftier amount of my regular readers certainly would only want a changed-mind sequal if it involved the splitting open option - and then half of them would take the standard gurochan "eww! damn furries!" attitude. I'm just a self entitled pornographer, going off the Miller test a sizable proportion of my work is pornography. Just occasionally an accidently poetic turn of phrase may satisfy the literary requirement to cease being pornography but otherwise, it's pretty much all porno! Then I do something wangsty like this.

Apollo: Thank you for your review. Stunning? Well, I guess I have experiance of describing cocks by... Oh! the imagary of the feelings, right. ahem. Mind in the gutter again. I like putting silly jokes in things, even if it might be argued it isn't always appropriate - I think a lot of folks writing a scene like that would have left out the hairball gag, but I dunno, I'm glad you smiled at it.

[JayDee]

Ending the Fan, written for week 12's prompt ending, was 36 minutes of "fuck, I hope this makes sense" keyboard bashing after thinking of and discarding several other even weaker - if you can imagine such a thing - ideas... I guess I just wanted to write some Orc sex, not real happy with the title but until I think of something better it stays . The Adoring Fan seems to be considered deeply annoying by many players, it used to be that you'd go to a games board with Oblivion discussions and see more than a few "best ways to kill the fan" discussions, when simply taking him up high and nudging him off lost appeal.

BronxWench: Thank you for your review - I figured the guy's basically a nerdy obsessive so get him laid and see if it cures that nonsense. Sex beats violence-fandom!

Fairy Slayer: Thanks for your review - He certainly can attract attention, then run away and leave it angry... but, yeah, she enjoys the skirmishes because there can be quite good re-sale value on armour, and things like ogre teeth are useful if the fan has been noticed and drawn em over. Ending the fans' fandom isn't really sad - I'd bet that anybody, anybody at all associated with the arena in-game would be happy to hear it. How he didn't get a boot up his ass from some of the surly types there is surely a bit of a mystery...

[JayDee]

anesor : Thanks for your review on the Ending the fan story - Exactly! Hell, you can even tell him to "beat it" in game and it doesn't dull his fannish enthusiasm.

[JayDee]

Shadow Knight: Thank you for your review on the Ending story - Glad the sex and humor worked for you... at least if he became obsessed with sex he could move out into the wilderness and raise sheep. Those Bosmer sure do love nature...

[JayDee]

Apollo - Thank you for your review on the Ending story. I put in all the references so it was actually Ending prompted rather than just "and they fuck", not that it's much more than that really. PWP works for me!

[JayDee]

The Morpheus prompt was a toughie (I happened to have more free time earlier in the week than usual or it would have been another last minute job). I don't know why I did a second Oblivion story, but fitting the non-Oblivion term of Morpheus in via the "mad Khajiit" isn't quite as weak as it sounds, because that would be the character of M'aiq the Liar who exists in Morrowind and Oblivion to take digs at calls/complaints for game features or forum discussions. Sinderion mis-understood slightly getting sleep. Still, maybe I'd have been closer doing someting with the quest set inside someone's dream.

Sinderion, Dar-Ma and her mother are all NPCs, while the rescuing Orc was the PC in a quest that also effectively involved rescuing Dar-Ma's horse, Blossom....

So The Morpheus Potion reviews:

BronxWench: Thank you for your review - I found the ending quite hard to write, to fit in what I wanted without going over the word count or with what felt like too much or too little exposition, but it sure seemed like the only way to finish! Fairly fast acting Karma there...

Apollo: Thank you for your review - I'm glad you found the concept interesting, I fear there's nothing worse than boring folks with my scrawlings!

[JayDee]

The Morpheus Potion has had another review, yay!

Fairy Slayer: As ever, I thank you for your review! You got me thinking of the bedroom cleanup, my first thought was it'd be a shame if only the master alchemist was capable of mixing the right solution to get the stains out I fear poor Dar-Ma is at risk of at least one more truama, given that Orcs have a reputation for eating horses:

"I'm sorry... Blossom was, uh, killed by bandits..."

"Oh no! Was it quick?"

"About 5 minutes a pound..."

[BronxWench]

The Morpheus Potion has had another review, yay!

Fairy Slayer: As ever, I thank you for your review! You got me thinking of the bedroom cleanup, my first thought was it'd be a shame if only the master alchemist was capable of mixing the right solution to get the stains out I fear poor Dar-Ma is at risk of at least one more truama, given that Orcs have a reputation for eating horses:

"I'm sorry... Blossom was, uh, killed by bandits..."

"Oh no! Was it quick?"

"About 5 minutes a pound..."

[JayDee]

pittwitch - Thank you for your review of The Morpheus Potion. Glad you enjoyed the ending, I personally think an Orc swinging an axe at a head enhances the ending of most things, which is why I'm not allowed to work as a wedding planner anymore.

[JayDee]

Morrigayne - Thank you for your review on The Morpheus Potion - Seems to have been quite a popular ending, I have to wonder if readers who've been trying to find all the Nirnroot find it that much more satisfying...

[JayDee]

bloodravyn - Thanks for your review on The Witch's Lust - Hey now, it's a scary game, feels like need to have a little of that in a fan story Glad you found it kinda sexy too!

Edited February 14, 2011 by JayDee

[JayDee]

And so, the prompt Nightfall. Hilariously enough a map of the same name was added to Team Fortress 2 in the community map pack update last thursday, but I hadn't had a go by the time I wrote the story on Friday so set it in Harvest which is a nice place to hang out... and kill people. So, I wrote The Scout's Dream for nightfall, and the very next prompt is? Dream! Heh, maybe for the new prompt I should do "The Heavy's Dream" - Something with a lot of moist and delicious Sandvich action.

Heh...

I'm not entirely happy with my characterisation of the Soldier. I don't think I really pushed how absolutely insane he is. Ahh well.

Thanks to you both for the reviews on The Scout's Dream

Oh, excellent! I always have a warm, sniffly-happy moment when a young man's dreams come true... especially dreams like that!

Favorite line, which had me laughing like mad... "He thought of the Soldier’s lunchbox more often than the Heavy thought of Sandvich." Killed me utterly! Nice sly humor throughout, and lots of sex, and one happy reader!

BronxWench - What can I say.... Heavy likes his Sandvich I hope sometimes I don't put in jokey lines that distract too much from the sex!

Excellent read. I enjoyed the, "Tighter than a Scottish foxhole" line.

IndigoHaze - Heh, I originally wrote it as "Scottish eyehole" because the Scottish Demoman character only has one eye - but then I decided to go with a more general military reference/crude national stereotyping and avoid squicking folks - glad the foxhole version works!

Edited March 3, 2011 by JayDee

[JayDee]

Fairy Slayer - Thank you for your review of The Scout's Dream

That's quite an intense wet dream, and so good that it attracted some waking fun. The set up went fast but was easy to follow, since dispensing with details about let me ignore that kind of stuff. The terrific detail an full intensity of the Scout's dream were played out fantastically, and you even threw in some nice hints with the wording to avoid that "It was all a dream?" feeling. (Yeah, I didn't even look at the title before reading it — seeing your name on a story is enough. )

It was nice to see it ended with some raised curiosity as well.

Yeah, I totally wanted to make it clear it was all a dream. The title may have been a little blatant in that regard, but at least it led to much merriment for me when I saw this week's Dream prompt I'm pleased the intensity came across, I was hoping for a fast acting came-a-gusher type feel. Related to an old promotional comic/one off war mode, I totally feel there was more to the Soldier/Demoman relationship than a deep love of projectile weapons... well, unless it was a certain fleshy type. So writing the Soldier getting curious about the Scout seemed natural to me

My name is enough? Heh, I blush! You really are too kind, especially as I really don't expect most folks to want to look at some of the hardcore PWP shit I write. I expect you've got hardened to the worst links of the internet on 4chan!

[FairySlayer]

I expect you've got hardened to the worst links of the internet on 4chan!

Ahem, have you seen the horrific stuff that I write? You don't know me at all!

Plot or not, your pieces are good stories in themselves, and even with the game terms or folklore or whatever you always make sure that story is easy to follow anyway.

Oh, I still have to post that hardcore Simpsons story for you. I keep forgetting that with the RTE it'll take only minutes now. Another light horror story is on the horizon too. (Actually, it's been waiting for over a month, but I finally found a substitute proofreader.)

BTW, my recent reluctant return to 4chan has ended, thankfully!