shinigamiinochi

hey, I love disturbed people, for I am one myself. And one day, my people shall rise and take over this world *evil laughter* *cough cough* yeah. Thanks for reading ^^ I like the light with the dark, mostly the dark, though. I think that goes with my love of psychology and horror movies. Also, glad to see another Stephen King fan! As an aspiring writer, he's my role model. I really don't think that liking horror and darkness makes you clinically 'disturbed', while I think people who only read fluffy, happy fics must be either in a realm of denial or have a very small spectrum. I think you need to emerse yourself in both.

"Anything done out of love is beyond good and evil."

I've been masturbating since I was a kid as well. As others have said, I didn't know what I was doing, all I knew was that it made me feel good, so I did it. My mom would make me watch 'harmless' cartoons that had no violence in them, but when I saw a character get trapped or tied up, I'd get really excited and fantasize about it. At the time, I couldn't understand why that excited me. I also had a lot of violent instincts as a child and so did my cousins. I mean, they threw their youngest brother into a barbed wire fence and laughed about it. Despite the bullshit a lot of people will try to use to defend their actions, they knew that he could have died and that he was in a ton of pain, which was why they were laughing. People who commit crimes aren't inhuman, in fact, one could argue that their humanity is why they committed those crimes. I used to be a psych major and my main focus was criminology and let me tell you, just because a rapist's psychology and sexual drive is different than what is considered 'normal' doesn't make them monsters. I'm not saying that rape is a good thing, it's violent and abusive and socially destructive, but calling a rapist a monster puts them into a black and white area. This tells me that society does not want to fix the problem, they want to put it away where they can't see it anymore. "That person did something bad, that means that they are not human anymore. If they are not human, I don't have to fix them and killing them is fine, cause they're monsters." This view is very irresponsible. This is probably off topic, but I recently had a fight with a classmate about the death sentence. She said that it's wrong because killing people just for being 'bad' isn't right. All murder is wrong. What struck me was that I knew this girl was for the Iraq War. I asked her why it should be wrong for our civil justice systems to kill someone 'bad', when our military is doing the same thing overseas. I'm just saying, if you make general statements like that, it has to apply for everything. If killing bad people is wrong, it can't be right to do it just because our military says it is. Either it is or it isn't. Saying that all people who like violence are evil, but that playing violent video games is not is hypocritical. If you like violence, that's fine, there's a little thing called self control, but don't say that other people liking violence but not indulging in it is evil, because reality just doesn't work that way. There's a huge difference between my love of shooting zombies in the head in Resident Evil and my going to my old high school and shooting at people. There is a difference between thought and action. If you are paralyzed and thinking about moving your arm, that doesn't mean that you're actually doing it. I could think about shutting my computer down without typing out this post, but I'm not going to. That is control, thought vs action. I like violence. When I watch hentai where a girl gets raped, I get off on it, but when I watch the news and here that some girl was raped, it sickens me. Why? I can get off of hentai because it isn't real, it's fantasy. If I had the opportunity to rape someone in real life, I wouldn't because there is a huge difference between my desires and my actions. People are animals. We have base desires, all of us, especially children. So, why aren't there more child criminals, you ask? Punishment. A dog might think of biting someone, but it will remember that it's actions have consequences and children are the same way. Our base desires are never really beaten out of us, just repressed. My love of bondage didn't just start when I turned fifteen, it's been there my whole life and it's not going to leave. I also used to squash ants as a kid. I don't think that you could have called me innocent and I would have been pissed to hear anyone call me that.

Romance is not necessarily red roses and chocolates. I wrote a gundam wing story where Heero gives Duo his gun and I got a ton of reviews that said that that was the most romantic thing my readers had read in awhile. I mean, if I found someone who would be willing to make popcorn for me and actually sit down and watch horror movies with me, that would be my idea of romantic. Poetry, chocolate, roses... these do nothing for me, but shove a bag of popcorn at me and let me show you 'Dawn of the Dead', and I will turn into a puddle of sappy goo. About the blood thing, it is very unsafe!!! My mom's a nurse and my cousin has had every non-fatal illness known to man (including stuff like gangrene and lung cancer), so I'm not kidding when I say that. Even in fantasy fanfiction, I can't get around the whole blood thing because it is such a basic element and while I can see that other people might find it romantic, I do not, I see it as a good way to get hepititus, AIDs, and hundreds of other things. Not to mention blood poisoning and other such lovely infections. So no, do not do the whole 'blood brother'/'blood play' thing unless you're a hundred percent safe, by which I mean gloves, plastic, ect. Unless you're a vampire or something...

I think my aversion to using food to describe genitalia comes from a fic I read a very long time ago. It was slash and the two boys were grilling hot dogs, which some how ended with them having sex. So, when the author wrote, 'he licked his long hot dog like he was dying of hunger' I actually thought that she/he meant 'hot dog' literally

ok, that makes sense ^^

belly is fine, and so is stomach. I don't like it when body parts are named after other objects, like calling a woman's vagina a flower or a guy's penis a salami. Calling any body part after a piece of food is just wrong, especially when oral sex is involved *shudder* Or maybe my sick imagination is the problem.

I updated The Definition of Love today. It's a story about incest and on other sites I've gotten a ton of nasty flames about it, yet on this site, there seem to be a few people that really like it. It's very young (I wrote it in high school five years ago, but just uploaded it to this site less than two months ago) and because of the content matter and people's aversion to the subject, I figured that it probably had very little hits, like around a hundred. The actual number of hits is 927... this confuses me. I put this fic on a personal site five years ago and got so many horrible flames, I took it off, so why are so many people reading it? Is it the car crash syndrome where it's so horrible, you have to look at it? Or do people just complain about the content because it's what they're expected to do but they really don't mind it. I have a theory that the more controversial, dark, or disturbing a story is, the more people that read it. They might not even like it, they just keep on reading it. So, I did a little experiment with my own fics. I specialize in the disturbing, the weird sex acts, the violence, rape, ect, but I also have quite a few fluff fics to even things out. Gundam Wing Hentai is an anthology that deals with the concepts of Japanese hentai; violence, rape, sex in weird places, sex with people you probably shouldn't have sex with, ect. The hit for that fic along is 5,463. I am just a little fanfic writer and compared to the huge gundam wing fanfic writers like Shenlong and Sunhawk, I feel damn insignificant, so when I see that something weird and strangely written is getting more than one of theirs, I have a mix of fucked up pride and a WTF reaction. Is it merely because I write a ton of smut and sex seems to overdominate good writing in the American culture? So, I looked at my other fics. I have sweet, WAFF fics like 'Prologue' that only average about a hundred hits. I have poetry that averages fifty hits (why do we hate poetry so much?). Then I have incredibly disturbing fics like Gundam Wing Fairy Tales that are averaging 700-1000 hits. I don't understand stuff like this. Or maybe I do and just don't havet he data to back it up. I mean, is it usual with other authors that your more extreme fics have more hits than your romantic/cute ones? If the information and my theory is correct, then I'm actually proud to say that an old friend of mine was wrong, the world is not made of bunnies and fluffy clouds and Stephen king was right when he wrote in the Mist: human are fundamentally insane. That's not a bad thing, in fact, I'm sort of proud that humans are so fucked up, but I'm the sort of person that loves studying this stuff and knowing things are. Or maybe its not the violence, it's the sex, either way I think that this is an interesting way to prove that people are really just animals deep down capable of expressing themselves in ways that animals can't.

why is there a 5 in the adult-fanfiction.org logo? Really, am I just stupid, cause I can't figure it out... hell I didn't even notice there was a five there until today and now it's been bugging me.

When you write a fic about incest and then write "incest" in bold, all caps, five times in the warnings, then recieve a flame telling you that they were shocked and disturbed about the incest, you start to question reality, or at least the intelligence of certain readers.

I don't know, I have a very nihilistic view of the world, but I'm not so depressed about it. Humans are volatile creatures to which 'everyone is basically good' does not apply, but I like that about people. It's when people go around in an unpopable bubble of happiness that I start to worry. Those are the people that think that rape and stalking don't exist, the homeless are there because of their own incompetance, and that God will make everything better. I have no faith in humanity, so I rely on myself to make things better. Sure, the news depresses me sometimes, I know that by tomorrow, there will be something even worse on... I feel more comfortable with living in reality than creating a pretty lie, but that's just me, which is probably why The Mist is one of my favorite movies. It's not a happy movie, but it's the truth, people are fundamentally insane. The world hasn't changed in the last hundred years and it's not going to anytime soon, but I'd rather deal with that reality, then the dream that every one gets what they deserve and that we should leave things up to God to sort out, that's kind of like taking drugs to not deal with your problems. You may be high now, but your problems have never gone away. I know, I'm ranting, but I really did just finish watching the Mist... I guess lying to yourself could be less stressful, but I'm one of those people that likes the darkness just as much as the light.

Recently, my friend told me that I couldn't say I was concerned about animal cruelty since I eat meat. WTF? Just because I enjoy a hamburger every now and then doesn't mean I'm going to start swinging my cousin's cat around by the tail. Two totally different things, buddy. >.> I view vegetarians the same way I view people with religion. I respect your beliefs, just don't go throwing my lifestyle at me to suit your beliefs. End note: animal cruelty is wrong It's like kicking a baby just because it can't tell on you.

surrealism is reading an incredibly hot slash sex scene and suddenly 'if you were gay' comes on your itunes.

I can absolutely not get off on live action porn, it has to be hentai or nothing doing.

i have never been so bored that i've done something like that, but my two friends have. It was really late and they had eleven bucks, so they got their hair chopped off, just for the sake of boredom.

I'm a lesbian writing slash, but I live with a bunch of gay guys, so if I get stuck, I just ask them. The only reason why my yuri stuff isn't on this site is because the series I write for isn't here.

on AFF, I have less reviews than on Gundam Wing universe, but I have less negative reviews on AFF. Gundam Wing Hentai (Gundam Wing, on AFF): Diane Rainwater I can't believe I didn't review this earlier. I can't believe there's only one other review. Shame on you lazy readers! I got so excited when I saw that you updated. I love these little tidbits of smut. They're so much fun to read. I liked the slaves ones, heart breaking as they were. I vote for some Duo in dress action. I loved the part in the detective series where Duo finds out about the transmitter. That was a riot. I also liked the brothers "incest one." That was also incredibly funny. I love your humor. Can't wait for the next update. Definition of Love (Gundam Wing, on Gundam wing universe) YAY!!!You updated!!! I have been waiting for an update on this story. I'm glad you never lost faith with all those nasty reviews you get. Some people just don't know what a good story is. There are still plenty of people that are so prejudiced that they can't tell Temprary Trend from their asses. I must commend you for your determination in not only wanting to complete this story but for writing it in the first place. Don't follow the Hype. Don't follow the norms. Be drastic and write things that no one would ever write. It is good to see an author with such a diverse Repertoire of stories. It is also good to see that someone is strong enough to talk about taboos and things that most of the "normal society" would never do. It is Refreshing to see an author not fall to the pressures of Society's norms. So When's he next update? How will Duo take Heero Loving him and Lusting him? Will there be explicit Sexual scenes between Heero and Duo? I mean It's Heero and Duo who wouldn't want to see them do some Hip dancing between the sheets? LOL lol!!1 I'm perv yeah. Though I do not i guess condone Incest would be the word there are some cultures that will marry a younger sibling to an older one. Society as a whole need to realize that they need to quit being so prejudiced and get there heads out of their asses. Love is Love no matter if it be betwwen Two men, Two Women, or a man and a woman. Love is Beautiful in ALL forms. I hope you update soon. Sakura Maxwell-Minamino just for my gundam Wing fiction, I've got 42 reviews on AFF and on gundam wing universe I have 107. As an ex-psych major, I want to research why that is... Of course, I'm glad to just get one review, so every time i see that I have a review, I squee no matter what it says, and if it says they like it, I squee a little more and if the person put together an actual good review, the noise I make probably can't be defined in words. I mean, has anyone wrote a fic that they thought very few people would like, but it is now one of the highest rated/reviewed and fics that you really like but no one reviews? Solstice (original and only posted on aff) tenpenny Wow.. am I really the ONLY one reading this story? It's positively DIVINE! You have an amazing talent. Absolutely freaking amazing. You should pursue this story to the fullest.

Thank you so much, I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working ^^ I'm technologically disabled.

No one can see my avatar for some reason I haven't been able to fix... but it's Kanu and Chouhi from Ikkitousen. Kanu is my battle goddess and since I don't like Ryubi all that much and it's really hard to find pics with Kanu and Cho-un together, I liked this one best.

it's a horror novel and right now it's a the very, very raw stage. Once I'm done with the raw version, I'm going to write the real and true thing and not put that on the web, but my friend is an editor and we talked yesterday and she says that she'll publish me as long as I actually finish the damn thing.

According to that link, any work over 110,000 words long is considered an epic. Solstice is going to have 5 chapters, but they're are only three so far and I'm already at 96,000 words. This could be problematic... dammit, it's gonna be a bitch selling this thing...

i go to an all girl's college and 9/10 of the girls here don't understand what 'stalking' means. They think that following someone everywhere and leaving them 200 messages on their answering machine after they've broken up is so very romantic. I think that attitude scares me more than the stalking itself. I don't get the whole blood play thing, either.

I was reading a fic with my friend about a couple that goes through a terrible break up then comes back together and they promise that they will never break up again through a blood pact. When my friend got to that part, she sighed and said 'that's so romantic' but when I read the part where they cut their palms and clasped their hands, I went 'that is so unsanitary!' She called me unromantic, but after years of health ed, the threat of disease kind of destroyed what romance was supposed to be there for me, even though the scene was wonderfully written and very beautiful. Has anyone else ever experienced this where the author writes a romantic scene, but you're actually freaked out about it?

I was writing for my original story, Solstice, when I checked to see what page I was on and noticed that I had exceeded 300 pages (about 95,000 words). I immediately felt proud of myself, but I realize now that in the fiction world, that's probably not a huge accomplishment. Should I feel proud or should I just shut up about it? What's the average length for a novel, anyway? I have a Stephen King novel at 2,000 pages, a Reiko Momochi at 8,000 and a Kate Chopin at only 80. Does that mean I can finally start calling it a novel instead of a novel in progress or is it all just wishful thinking?

I hate using the word 'come' as come is a verb, cum is a noun. I guess I'm a grammar nazi that way. I got a review today in which the person hated my formal language. In fact, the sentence was 'if there such thing as the benality of evil, then he had clearly found it.' Her complaint was that she had to look up 'benality' and that I could have easily used 'boring'. Well, I got kind of annoyed at that since the term is benality of evil and I didn't think that it was that much of an unknown word. I also don't like dumbing down language because it makes me think that I'm writing to fifth graders. I don't mean to offend anyone that doesn't know the words, but it's like changing the plot to suit a certain type of people. Now, if I used a word like gnathodynamometer (not that I would since I don't think I could ever use that in one of my stories) or eidetic constantly, I could understand a reader's ire.