Keith Inc.

Oh, no, i've MADE yogurt. Sometimes even on purpose! G/NG: has stopped eating at least one food item or dish because of something learned in a class

Whoa, neither CAN i.... I have never held the fate of the world in my hands

the dentist welded a coin slot into my chin. Unfortunately, it interferes with____________

I have occassionally preferred losing to what was offered as a prize. I have never kissed a prom queen

^ underestimates my laziness < owns washer and dryer, and taught kids to do the laundry at age 11 ("So, uh, you'll know how to do it when you move out on your own, of course!") V likes to hang out at laundromats

I recall about a dozen people telling me not to see 'Last Temptation of Christ,' because of one or another thing the movie showed. Not a one of them had actually seen the movie, nor were they entirely correct, i found upon seeing it. I'm never all that impressed with the reports of critics who actually saw a show, much less those that have 'heard' what there is to see. Okay, okay, your concerns are duly noted. Next?

I cannot tell a lie....it certainly LOOKS like something i'd do...

Holy Crap, I have. In ever month of the year, at one time or another. I have never completely read Moby Dick

I was keeping a list of everyone i whipped a Magic Marker on, all in fun, so i could eventually send Nametags for them to reset the MM attack. But i seem to have used the paper to note a plot bunny that seemed to have a lot of potential, but died horribly when i tried to write it and in frustration i crumpled it, flattened it, fed it through the shredder, took the bag out back and burned the pile of paper strips and scared the neighbor who came over to put the fire out with a garden hose, but the spigot was frozen solid so he ended up rupturing his water line and as i was partially at fault (for the fire, not for his inability to handle temperature-based physics) i helped mop out his basement while the plumber made comments about people who were about as smart as a bag of hammers and ugly as a can of crushed assholes which made me wonder where the hell he came from because Massachusetts natives aren't quite like southerners, with the ready-for-use imagery of a quick, brutal simile, which gave me the story idea of a guy from the south, traveling around doing 'good deeds' with pithy similes and chewing tobacco, a sort of a Redneck Touched By An Angel and i started to write it and my son asked what i was doing and i asked what the hell he was doing home and it turns out that it's mid-terms at high school so he got the day off so he could look over my shoulder and cry, with delight, 'Redneck Touched By An Angel? You're doing a My Name Is Earl Fanfic?' to which i said 'no, this is a completely new work of fiction that wholly christ it is, isn't it? Get the hell out of here,' so to make a long story short, i lost the list. Now i can't send tags to people i messed with for them to fix their tags. At least, not automatically. If anyone has been horribly oppressed by the new title i gave them, let me know in this thread, or send me a message, and i'll gladly post you a nametag to fix y'self with. And, of course, i have no list, so no way of knowing if i did or didn't mess with your tag, and i was doing a few of them about 1 in the morning so i can't even say 'THAT doesn't sound like something i'd write?' because even as i was typing them i had that thought but it was, at the time, too funny to pause. So, i suppose, i could just say 'I'll give a nametag to anyone that asks,' but where's the fun in that?

Not guilty. Homeowner, and as much in charge of the household as The Admiral lefts me be. G/NG: Has whored for reviews Note: (MST3K is the abbreviation of the title of the show Masterpeice Science Theater 3000.) I thought that it was MYSTERY science theater 3000? For the edification of the virgins, an excellent spoof/satire/homage is located: http://www.fecundity.com/darkdung/setup.html

^ Pfffft! < Enlisted in the Navy well before graduation, was out the door like a shot V has problems deciding between shooting out the door and shooting the door out

Only if they don't properly wax their skis. Can you use sex lubricant on snowy slopes?

Several of my stories have been inspired by the lyrics and/or melody of a song. They take me away somewhere, and i bring it back and type. The sources vary. Thomas Dolby, Wang Chung, Steely Dan, The Bangles, Rhiannon, Jethro Tull. Lamia was inspired by Billy Joel's "always a woman" If i'm not interpreting word lyrics to fit the vision of my kink, though, i tend towards movie soundtracks. They usually are written to highlight a scene, so there's a definite narrative element to the music. The rise, the tension, the fight, the surprise, the escape, the relief, the sudden shocking death...usually it helps me graph out a scene in what i'm writing.

Guilty. But he was four. Actually, he wasn't reading as much as reciting a memorized storybook. G/NG: Has crossed the international dateline.

nope. Agaib?

Not guilty. If there's fighting to be done, i'm in there. G/NG: has fired a weapon in anger

Delivering the orbiting garden produce to the clones and robots of New Atlantis. If it takes a screwdriver to dismantle a bookcase, what tool mantles it?

Guilty...ask me about my Frightening Jesus Death Haiku later G/NG: Has written a letter to a company in outrage.

^ We'll find out...well, YOU will. <completely innocent, here V doesn't buy my innocent act

Guilty. But we're an interracial marriage. So when the race riot broke out, we didn't know what side to take. So we looted a candy store and went home. G/NG: has made a horrible, horrible mistake on an announcing circuit (all-call, warehouse intercom, 1MC, whatever).

Strange, i am no longer allowed to ACCEPT advice on work avoidance. Stupid lawsuit...

My psychic powers tell me it will be "Answer cloudy--ask again later." Why do float-through-walls ghosts never float through the floors?

^ is right. Even the divorce was very congenial. More of a denoument than a crisis. < Has rembered a hidden stash of magic markers tonight, and suddenly the evening has purpose V Knows a great new title for a forum member

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......I, uh, uh...what was the question? I have never used a treasure map to find treasure.

I can also see it as a way to avoid nasty surprises. If someone writes children's stories, and becomes a kid's favorite author, you don't want a doting aunt ordering his gay smut novels off Amazon for them. That's extreme, but still, i've gotten some feedback from giantess fans who were disappointed in my shrunken woman stories. Despite the warnings offered, they blazed in expecting more of what they expected. Donald Westlake writes crime humor stories, but also wrote as Richard Stark for more...gritty crime stories. Bodies on the floor stuff. People expecting another 'Hot Rock' or 'Bank Shot' may not have been as happy with the body count in 'Payback.'