Joe Long

Rhona teases Jack, making him uncomfortable, but he gallantly keeps his boner down. Kayla sees that Jack is uncomfortable with the subject of Rhona, and being insecure and a little paranoid since the threesome, starts to distrust Jack even though he's done nothing. PS I have a roller skating scene coming up in my outline, Joe will probably beat me to it. Showing off her college boyfriend doesn't go as well for Hannah as she had hoped.

not by itself, or in normal times. I pictured it more as Jack getting annoyed that because of things Thona did, he started getting naughty thoughts, and just doesn't want to go there. Like showing him scantily clad pics of her. And I think we can agree that Kayla is devoted to Jack and won't me looking for a MMF, but I think she was scared by the FFM because she didn't have Jack all to herself, and there was the nagging thought "what if he finds someone else he likes better?" Just then Jack starts getting distracted by Rhona sharing TMI. Or even if it doesn't affect Jack (that much) he mentions it to Kayla, who gets a nasty attitude towards Rhona (away from my man!)

I think Jeff showing up is an excellent place to go, as has been demostrated here. Unfortunately, it's been done SO WELL as fan fiction that it wuld probably keep Joe from repeating it in canon. Rhona could also start some teasing/flirting with Jack. I've made some private suggestions to Joe. Rhona doesn't have to come right out and make it obvious, something like discussing some other guy with Jack that gets him TMI on her sex life. And I'd like to find out what's going on between Kayla's parents.

Fuck, you made me cry. That's good shit. and there's more...

DAMN, that was good. Got the emotion going in me, and is true to the original story. I bet it was muscle man Alan to the rescue. Now I'll read part two

We were all expecting Kara having problems with Jack & Tara, once it actually went down. Although expected, Joe wrote the emotions brilliantly. It's still possible to have the girls get together, flipping it so that Jack would be worried about Tara, and now even more so, coming on the heels of the biggest spat so far of their relationship. Just when Jack worries, for the first time, if he might lose Kayla, he finds her with her face between Tara legs. Instead of "what would you think if you saw me with another guy?" it would be "another girl" and his cousin to boot. I also see a visit from Jeff as something that could be a good story. I was a little bit too clingy and didn't take well to being dumped in the few relationships I had as a teenager. With one girl, it went both ways. I was in college and met a girl a year younger than me, who lived nearby but was going to another school in the same county. We never went all the way but it was the first time I got into a regular of kissing and fondling. But she had this old boyfriend, that she was with off and on from when she was 13 until then (age 19). He had a bad temper, she'd kick him out, but then go back. This time it was for good and she was dating me. One day we went to a movie and afterwards were making out in the front seat of my car, parked in front of her house. We heard someone gunning their engine, and she recognized his car up the street. Then he floored it and raced past us, amazing me that he was able to stop at the T intersection at the end of the block. Maybe two months later she dumped me and went back to him. (about two years later she married a third guy, a friend of mine from school, and they are still together 30+ years later.) It was the best relationship I had ever had, so I kept showing up at her house occasionally for small talk, and I thought I might get her back. Then she got a job in my town, but wouldn't tell me where she was staying, and I got a little weird trying to find out. I also let the air out of her boyfriend's tires while he was at work. Shit like that. But yeah, Jeff shows up, pulls a knife and slices Jack. Kayla has to cry over him "Please forgive me" in his hospital bed.

That's something Joe would write. The first part I thought was well done, very realistic and true to the story so far. The second part, I don't think Joe would have a knife, but I wouldn't say Jeff doesn't.

I had never been to Five Guys yet. Today on my way home from work I decided to give it a try, and went to the one closest to Brow Ridge, so I'm fairly certain it's the same one where Jack, Joe, Alan and Craig fictionally congregated. I got a cheesburger with lettuce, tomato, onions, mustard and mayo, for a total of $7.55. That was an expensive burger. I then watched the cook fry on the grill what look like some good sized patties. Another employee prepared the buns, allowing me to see which one was mine. I was still worried about the price. Once they started to come off the grill, I saw that each burger was getting two patties, with the cheese in-between. 70 cents for cheese was a bit steep as well, but at least I was getting two slabs of meat. Back to the car, I headed into traffic and proceeded to unwrap the sandwich on my lap. I took a bite, then another, slowly savoring the beefy taste. That was one freaking GOOD BURGER! It's still a little expensive, but DAMN it was good.

roughly 15 to 20 days between releases, and it's been 5 or 6 since chapter 33. I'd start checking next weekend

It's one thing to imagine what it would be like, and another to experience it.

Joe's been real good at keeping things fairly realistic, I don't think he'll go there, but I'm sure (in the name of realism) but it will take a while for Kayla to stop blaming Jack for her decision

Has that stopped a woman before? And she's only 17, still has some growing up to do. Just because it was her idea doesn't mean she isn't now sick to the stomach about being a cuckold, watching the man of her dreams fuck another woman, and one he cares for deeply. Every time Kayla looks at Jack or Tara she is going to be reminded of it. What about the next time she and Jack make love, is Tara going to be thinking about where his dick was the last time?

shhhhiiiitttt

because, of course, what we want is MOAR DRAMA! (seriously, sounded good!)

This gave me a good laugh. Not going that far... but what if she's late?

Yeah, I was the 20 year old virgin. Not just about arguing. I remember a couple times going to these presentations where they're selling you some timeshare in the mountains (hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hanigan) and I absolutely did not want to do it, just get my free suitcase and get the hell out, but I had no idea what the wife wanted and was too afraid to ask, so I blubbered for 30 or 40 minutes. I hate conflict, did not want to start a fight, and felt like I was in a no-win situation.

Answer to both points: even if you know exactly how you feel, you don't know how the other person is going to react to your saying it. I give Joe tons of points for writing detail into his scenes, perhaps he missed this. Many times over the years I've disagreed with my wife over something. I exactly know my position, and why I think I'm write, but it's a very delicate process to decide what to say, because the reaction might worsen things (even if I'm convinced I'm right). Jack already totally stepped in it with "Can I look at Kayla (while I fuck you)" and I believe later did express a frustration in not knowing what to say. As I just described, that doesn't have to be the same thing as not knowing what's right. Talking to human women is a very delicate process.

It looks like Jack has realized that Tara doesn't know what she's looking for (sex vs relationships). Tara hasn't figured that out yet, she's still a confused teenage girl. jashley or whoever - I don't feel like reading back, but did Tara used to live near Joe's family when they were little? They just moved from Florida or where ever, but Jack makes a comment about the free ice cream at Splash Down, which is in Jack's area. Tara's last name is Moreno, and a lot of Salvadorans live near Splash Down. Mapquest says I am 7.3 miles/15 minutes from Brow Ridge HS

I was going "No! No!" I've never been in a position to try to please two women at a time, believe me sometimes one is way more than enough. What the sex with Tara reminded me of was some times with my wife when instead of being a spontaneous bout of love making, it was something she expected of me, which becamse a performance with the goal of pleasing her. Instead of being lost in the moment, while I was in the act my mind was focused on my perfomance, that I get it 'just right' lest she be disappointed (and I reckon a lot of that goes back to my "fear of failure" issues.) That's stressful, and it can be very deflating. Then I'm jamming away with a tool that I'm try hard to keep inflated, forced to think of things even more stimulating than making love to my wife, such as banging her sister (or whatever my current hot fantasy was at the time). Then feeling guilty about that. Then (a handful of times) having to explain, when I couldn't finish the deed, that it was me and not her. Which puts even more pressure on for the next time.

So far we've covered about ten months of Jack's life. Yes there's been lots of shit. First there was shit happening to him from the outside, primarily Craig and then Brad, and later the coach's suicide. There was drama inside the family, primaly centered around Alan and Amanda. Except for the kiss at Christmas (which was involved Tara) this is the first time anything has happened BETWEEN Jack and Kayla. Through all the other shit Kayla was by Jack's side, but now he has to wonder how much damage has been caused to their relationship. But yeah, teenagers go through a lot of drama. My story is all about my hangups and NOT getting any back then. Then I had to live through my children's teen years, as a parent.

On your day off could you check back a page or two, I had asked a question about the sagas and also one other. I'd appreciate it you could spare a moment for those.

Without delving too deep into retconning, it might be that Kayla's grandparents passed ownership on to be shared by all their children. One of the things I've learned about writing over the past few months is that it's a good practice to separately list all these kinds of details aboutn the characters and settings in a story, so that they can be referred to while writing and, among other things, avoid inconsistencies.

six and a half...I think that's fairly average

Joe - could you list each 'saga' and which chapters they contain? I thought you'd mentioned it before but couldn't find it here, other than 'Twins' ended with Ch 28, and now it's 'Summer' Also, would I be correct in thinking that you can't say "fuck" on Law & Order? But it's OK, you will survive!

But I do! 28, followed by 32 (thousands of words) 1 10.7 2 14.9 3 14.6 4 11.8 5 12.1 6 17.0 7 17.2 8 19.3 9 17.0 10 16.4 11 17.4 12 20.2 13 19.7 14 17.8 15 22.9 16 17.7 17 18.2 18 23.8 19 18.1 20 21.1 21 19.3 22 18.9 23 16.4 24 21.6 25 28.6 26 19.9 27 24.8 28 37.8 29 22.8 30 27.5 31 25.3 32 33.5 total 644.3