Desiderius Price
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Everything posted by Desiderius Price
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39815
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This is where we’re suggesting showing, not telling. A full barroom brawl might be a tad much for a start, but having an obnoxious customer and watching how Janina handles them could convey much of what you’re simply “info-dumping” with the original material. Janina has big tits? – Make the obnoxious customer comment about them. Janina can stand her ground? – Show the customer getting rattled by her, and the MC wondering how big the blood stain in the carpet will be. Janina can do magic? – Part of her response, blue fireballs or something. MC as a protector? – Have his hands on a sword, wondering if he needs to get involved. Supposed to be laying low? – Have the MC fret if this’ll blow their cover. Hope you get the idea, put in action, dialogue, showing the points you want to convey. It’ll be way more engaging, and you can sprinkle in details throughout, like having her rip her green pants.
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Sunburns are good things, happy things, ought to make you feel good.
So, no, positive thinking can’t overcome everything.
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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… What cream if I may ask? I’m not allergic to aloe but I’d rather have a backup option.
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Vaseline’s “Advance Repair” for skin, sort of helps, for a couple of hours. (It’s what I had in the cabinet w/o having to go anywhere.)
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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Yeah, that summer I went windsurfing, every day afterwards I had sunburn in places I didn’t know the sun could even fall. Once I got home I’d just cover myself in whatever aloe vera or skin-care remedies were to hand and then flop down onto my bed for an hour or so until I stopped feeling like I’d been in the oven for too long.
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Oh, MC and them are coworkers? And, he’s ogling them? That’s a HR nightmare waiting to happen. So, is this annual-review-time and he needs to write something flattering about his coworkers? Is he a pervert and makes a habit of gawking at them (& their reactions)? An idea is to have a customer make that out-of-line remark (see previous posts), and MC remarking how restrained Janina is being this time? As to verb tense, I recommend past tense. I’ve tried present tense and it’s… a beast all to itself.
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I started writing with fanfiction myself, wanting to explore how another story could go, and *poof* a story appeared, which I decided to post, warts and all. And never fear, your writing will get better with time. Welcome to the club of fanfic writers!
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Pro tip: Do not french kiss the cobra.
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Here’s the reason for this post: https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/15592645/filipino-snake-man-dies-cobra-bit-tongue/
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oof, sounds like the cobra manged to get the lingual artery.
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Lemme add to the NSA bait and research cyanide….
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(whistles you away from my potter fanfic...948k and nowhere near done...) BW is trying to lead you down the path of better character building, less “smut-only” story, which is definitely one I try to pursue myself. Obviously, the shorter the story, the less of that character buildup will be in the actual prose, however, it’s useful for guiding how the character responds to situations, especially when it’s out-of-ordinary responses (ie, I had a grown man breakdown & cry when he saw my teenage MC naked because it reminded him of discovering his own son dead from carbon monoxide poisoning – same MC who loved oysters but had the allergic effect of giving him a bad case of the runs). As to introducing those characters, I’ll typically give a distinguishing physical feature or two (ie. hair color) though sometimes it’ll simply be “the waiter” even if I know they’ve got magical birthmarks on their tosh. Having a warstory or three in their bio-sheet is good too, but don’t forget to actually write the story you intended to write!
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“Hi, I’m Janina,” the busty lady said, “Don’t even think it, because the last man who dared, she’s working in the cellar. Now, what can I get you?”
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Breasts so large they’ve crushed fifty men?
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39807
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That moment you’re rewriting a death scene and realize you should remove all sugar bowls from the house, just in case the perp drops by for a visit…..
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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Sometimes when I write a death scene I start with a preface of dear future fbi agent I can tell the difference between IRL and fiction =p
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Not sure if that’d matter, if a FBI agent would read it how you’d want it read. In this case, no google search is needed as it’s a rewrite, I already know the method & effects.
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- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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This summarizes up today, though it omits the gaming distraction….
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It’s bad when you don’t remember why you’re in jail. Parking violation, perhaps?
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First word, first sentence, first paragraph, first page, first scene, and first chapter are definitely important and worthy of focus as a writer. Obviously, there’s some leeway at the start of the story, but I’ve been turned off by walls of info-dumping/text before, so that’s why I try to avoid writing large blobs of them. So that’s why you’ll typically see my stories starting off with some level of action, be it dialog, a sound, a movement – don’t want it to be a super-involved action scene, but something to get the story moving. Now, an epigraph might be a consideration. An epigraph is a short quote/conversation, etc, that’s relevant to the whole story. In one of mine, I quoted a bit of (fictitious) legal code that applied to the situation. Other examples are quotes that are from a future historian’s POV (Andromeda, the TV series, did this), or a bit of the adults’ conversation about Ender Wiggum in Ender’s Game. Another trick is a scene from near the climax, where everything appears to be going horrid/tense, with a “some time earlier….”
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If you’re after fun, turn it into a bucket list, challenge yourself to writing stories featuring tags you don’t normally explore.
