Desiderius Price

Well, if it’s fanfiction w/o a beta reader, one could get away with mixing up the two terms “blonde” and “blond” every several sentences A quick check of the thesaurus gives “fair”, “light”, “bleached”, “flaxen”, “sandy-haired”, or “yellow-haired” as synonyms as possible alternatives. But, yeah, that’d be my approach, check the thesaurus for non-gender synonyms to substitute during the descriptions. (I’m writing a fic where I’ve got a similar issue, though not in gender.)

Review Reply for Fiends I’ve enjoyed longer stories back when I was a more avid reader, makes sense it carries over into my stories. Thank you for the review!

Episode #20 is posted, enjoy.

Circumcise that habit! Or not.

Yep, I’ve made Father Jordan into a real monster, a creepy priest with a god-like power complex. (See Adam the Altar Boy, Dale’s Game, and Bones for other appearances). Hope’s a good character I do like, he/she’s pretty insightful at times (has an interest in psychology); also appears in Jefferey, Adam the Altar Boy, and Dale’s Game. This story is backstory for a scene that was supposed to make it into Dale’s Game, the one where Jarred finds out about it, except the story decided to end itself several chapters too early Anyways, thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it.

Another thought…. next year’s story, with some magic Christmas dust, could be the successor, ie, offspring from this year’s “gift”

I’ll frequently do backstory as these holiday/halloween oneshots.

Hey, that’s good. Better late than never.

Halloween writing is enjoyable too simply because villains tend to get away with it too, and readers don’t know if the protagonist is going to win or lose.

I thought I was weaned, but then, this one particular fanfic of mine started to protest, and I succumbed, rewriting it now with the aim of completing/finishing it off. It’s one with a good, strong plot – and I had always had clean/smut editions in mind, so it’s worthy of my time.

A quick skim was all that was needed to get it, so not too bad.

Thanks for the review. It’s nice to have some stories that you can read. (Well, I suppose you could relocate/travel to a different country….) I’ve definitely have made this world rich in context, with the USofA sliding into a theocracy (it’s not fully there in most of these stories). So, it’s an era where priests have more authority than they currently do today. So, I like Father Jordan as a character, simply because I’ve made him a bit richer in the personality. A hypocritical and naughty priest, with a thirst for power and control. Traits that flourish quite nicely in the world I’ve created (and scary in that we’ve got those traits with people in political office today). Hope (the santa’s preferred nickname) is another interesting character, and he/she shows up in other stories too, usually as a trucker with a colorful backstory. In a bind, I’d definitely trust Hope over Father Jordan any day. Fitz will continue to feel the guilt over this, it’ll still haunt him, his actions, but it’s slightly easier now. He’ll still try to “make up” for it, as in he’ll be sending Jarred to the elite private school of the area. Also, as a result of this incident, Hope and Rube are able to “recruit” Fitz to help with in the opposing cell-style resistance, despite his persisting homophobia, which Jarred will start to become aware of as he gets older. Anyways, glad you enjoyed the story! @CloverReef was disappointed on the lack of deaths in this one … but that would’ve messed up some of my stories.

Thank you for the review. I very likely went too fast with some of this… it gets tougher and tougher to avoid with how interconnected my stories have become. So, this is T-day, basically, Black Friday opening early, so think crowds, big crowds, and everybody else focused on getting that big “deal” on crap they don’t really need. So, yeah, very uncommon occurrence, but I needed him to stand out on a security camera, he’s (at least one of) the bombers. And she held the door open for him – enough to be “guilty by association” in this world. And Megan, she could be psycho or not It's retail, so it’s not a glamorous job, and she’s been flirting with the boss for promotions, so apart from a coworker or two, she’d not be too concerned. Baris, Baris, my favorite agent to use from the US. Dept of Homeland Morality, the federal agency in charge of spiritual welfare, who rather enjoys getting his hands dirty and has more of a scorched earth policy. I envision Agent Smith, from the matrix, including the tone, every time I write him. And I enjoyed the irony of Baris using the same method as the family did (though it was in the leftover turkey instead).

@Anesor You can always read/review my stories for inspiration, or even try the holiday anthology at http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109191

I’m crossing my fingers, hoping that nobody uses my stories as a blueprint for a religious society.

My story universe isn’t to be used as a blueprint! Heaven’s, NO, NO, NO!

Thanks @Sinfulwolf … that’s pretty much what I aim for. As I write more and more stories in this universe, the growing danger is that a new reader can’t understand it w/o reading the others. I truly want it to be meaningful for a reader if its their first or their tenth story. And for those that have read many, the extra insight is a bit rewarding too (ie, the cheerleader idea not being appropriate for the kids’ ride). And yes, I love my universe being uneven, idiosyncratic, and hypocritical; as this gives me a rather large set of interesting stories

Thanks for the review. Unlike Jello, nearly every character in this story was recurring, so they already had some characterizations behind them, this includes the Santa Fitz confided in. Like Sister Iris’ reaction to the knowledge of who Dale’s father was (a point that gets explored in Dale’s Game). Whereas Megan, Dustin, and her family were all new characters (Baris, though, is a recurring character, and I’ve mentioned Melvin in Jefferey). As I’m portraying the religiousness of the society through snapshots across the stories, it’s not fully explained, which gives me plenty of wiggleroom for future stories The general picture I’m portraying is a society that’s gone conservative, and is heading for a full theocracy in the coming decades (it’s defacto there in a lot of its elements); but still with its idiosyncrasies (such as cheerleaders). Baris is simply my favorite agent (ie, refered to as “pengus” by a certain group of people) to write in from the US Department of Homeland Morality, charged with overseeing and promoting the general spiritual welfare of society. For a priest abusing his authority, Father Jordan’s a strong character to use. But Albuquerque isn’t the only place experiencing this in my universe, which I show in a number of the other stories. As a result of Father Jordan’s proclamation, Fitz will struggle, and keep struggling, in his acceptance/relationship with Jarred. As a whole, Fitz will be a net positive here, but he’s got his flaws, as all characters should have.

Thanks for the review. Sounds like I really made Fitz realistic with a distinct personality (that can be difficult when writing). Fitz is a functioning alcoholic here, so yeah, he’ll resort to drinking to self-medication, which is a fairly common trait in today’s society, just like blaming others for their own frailties. That Father Jordan played up on Fitz’s homophobia to the point that Fitz nearly murders his son, well...it’s a low point in Fitz's life that I had intended to get to in Dale’s Game, before I accidentally ended the story a chapter or two early. I’m tempted to add those chapters in (guess who learns about this secret?)

Thanks, I do strive for it to be realistic (with my couple of tweaks). And thanks for the critique; I’m always trying different things with these oneshots, and it’s tough balancing pace with detail given the size constraint. Now, if you want longer, my potter story will most likely break a million words with plenty of time to introduce everybody!

It could still be our universe … I mean, it’s possible. It’s mildly futuristic, so I’ve assumed a “genetics in a box” here, tuned for those markers of sexual orientation – there are spots in the chaptered stories where I refer to the “Great President (censored)”. (Does that fuel your nightmares?) I do like to bring the characters back, just like Mr. Baris in the previous story (he’s recurring too). It gives continuity to the the universe and familiarity. For this story, it’s backstory to something that gets alluded to in Dale’s Game, and would’ve been the subject of the final chapter if I didn’t accidentally end the story early (in fact, I kinda need to address that). It was a fast/fun write, and not every story has death in it (things would get really stale if they did). As I’m trying to make this a plausible/semi-realistic universe, deaths ought to be fairly rare things. BTW, thanks for the review.

btw, I haven’t vanished. I needed a break from originals, and have been working on my Harry Potter story, which I plan to work on until I need a break from it. (btw, my main Potter story is on AO3 [adult] and FFN [clean], under the pen name “Dragon Voldemort”) I did submit Halloween and two Holiday stories this year, so there is new material, in this universe.

Like an impatient kid, I went ahead and posted it.