Kurahieiritr

I made revisions to chapters 14 and 15 which I did replace today. Chapter 16 is also freshly posted to the story. I also have 3 pages of chapter 17 roughed out as I update here.

Chapter 15 is up for Driven Heart. Same warnings as normal such as spoiler heavy for Stage 2 anime. Hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter. I decided to add a Takumi P.O.V. chapter for a change. Anyone who has not seen the series should watch stage 2 to see Keisuke go mildly psychotic when Takumi shows up at Akagi, Keisuke's home course to battle Sudo the night before Keisuke battles the Emperors himself. Man those scenes really spark my plot bunnies of yaoi yumminess. Chapter 16 is almost complete also. I have a few more things to add, and the the revision to do. Should be up before the end of the week. Crossing my fingers that it will be ready in a day or two to share.

Chapter 15 is up for Driven Heart. Same warnings as normal such as spoiler heavy for Stage 2 anime. Hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter. I decided to add a Takumi P.O.V. chapter for a change.

I agree, Pittwitch. However, it is difficult to weed out those who wish real concrit from those who want ego strokes, or simply desire attention for all the wrong reasons. I see please read and review and I take those writers seriously. I review. I am not all love it vagueness oriented reviewer. I am a to the point and bunt reviewer if there is a very big writing problem, such as run on sentences. I tell the writer what strengths I see, the good points of plot, and other things also. Some stories have very little good to point out also, another problem I run into while reading. I have to refrain from reviewing the really bad fics, because at best I have an abrasive personality and know this well enough. ROFl. When I write, it is to entertain any who choose to read the things I post. If I do a decent job, both the positive, and negative feedback equally feeds my muse. Both help me to expand as a writer, and revise so that my stories get better with each weakness discovered. I know that I get too close to my own writing, so the feedback with concrit allows me to see things that I miss even after 4 read thorough combs, and corrections done. Like Bronx elegantly put it, I make infantile mistakes in my own writing. It is a normal glitch for any writer to commit. I do edit for a couple of people, yet, I make the dumbest goofs in my own writing. I find most of them once I get through pounding the rough out, but not always. I get very confused when I see people delete their reviews if anything less than glowing was mentioned. You simply can't improve the stories and the pleasure gained in the work process when that happens. As DemonGoddess said, it is the younger generation doing the review deletes as a matter of course. The same younger generation can not handle any form of input that is less than pedestal placement worthy of them I begin the think. Makes reviewing a real nuisance at times, but I will persevere because a few people do like real reviews.

I just reviewed Almost home. I added both of my email addy's if you wish to contact me. Chuckles. I liked your writing style since you did not bog me down with insane bore-fest setup. It was a pleasure to read your short story original. I am not a gamer fan, so I would likely be lost in that sector. Chuckles@myself. Hope that my review helps you to further improve as you continue you writing journey. Who knows, I might even put up a couple sample chapters of some of my original work at some point. Then again, I used to be at Urbis and was horrified to realize how few people understood real grammar that were giving me feedback at the time. ROFL. It may only be fan fiction I have posted for now, with its own share of dyslexia moments, but I am slowly clearing up problems with my series. But. . . my work tends to psychology heavy. I also write a lot of angst/darker themes so my writing is sometimes abrasive feeling. I do that on purpose though. If you don't mind tat writing style, feel free to check out a page or two of my initial d some day. I would love to know how many glitches others have missed. I'm sure I have a few. Chuckles@ myself. I am way too close to my own writing some days.

Actually I pulled up your page today cause DemonGoddess said you like real reviews. She gave me a list of writers who are fine with getting reviews that point out passive voice and similar problems along with the strengths list.

Got it. I'll keep that in mind for future reference as to whom I do leave reviews for in the future. I truly appreciate the information from you Demon. I was thinking it was a bad case of people can't handle an ex editor for a magazine giving them feedback despite my attempts to tone down the critical analysis. I'm also prone to think it is the word "revision" included within the reviews that are getting my reviews deleted the most. ROFL. Chalk it up to laziness is one of my stronger opinions at this time.

Thanks for the heads up. I was wondering if I was losing my mind when I double checked a couple unfinished stories I decided to read, and have reviewed which were very light on reviews given. Seeing that the reviews were deleted shocked me with the number of people crying for reviews in their A/N sections. A person in shoutbox this morning was complaining about getting lots of positive reviews instead of trolls. When I asked why, they said they were purposefully writing as badly as possible. I do not get the ideology at all. Shaking my head. They got mad at me for telling them, along with others in shoutbox, that they should be grateful that they are getting reviews as feedback at all. Overall, it makes me wonder about whether leaving reviews is worth the hassle of fighting to get the captcha correctly typed in the box some days.

Agreed. I did research before touching the slash realm. I've read a few yaoi mangas and to be honest, they are always pairing a man with the equivalent of a dick girl. In real sexual encounters, male and female sexuality includes several levels of foreplay, communication, and other attributes often ignored within hetero, yuri, and slash writing. It is not a case of purely poor slash authors being lazy about telling the story. The problem actually goes across the spectrum I have discovered. Men also are prone to write horrible sex scenes based upon their mind set, the same as the fluffy female perspective of guy with girl in disguise tales. Fortunately, I know a number of gay men who were willing to discuss things with me when I asked them questions. They all had a similar view: have a deep amount of emotions when they love their partners. Be a bit cavalier when they are in a one night stand, or convenience style relationship. Men have very distinctive perspectives and expectations in sexual encounters. So to do women in most cases. Women seek acceptance/ closeness/attention/ concessions and, or pleasure. Society has a hand in the female and male sexuality roles. To write well is not a gender specific issue. Writing well requires dedication, research, and discipline. Remaining true to a characterization that is realistic and believable is another facet to creating beautiful sex scenes. Human flaws can spice a scene so that you are drawn deeper into the connection between characters if well portrayed. The character emotions and motivations shift with every specific encounter. I do not believe it is a lack of ability to write the opposite gender's perspectives that causes writing problems. As other posts have said, research is a key factor in producing a well written sex scene. Likewise, a strong understanding of different points of view, and staying grounded in a single character's experience can make a better reading sexual encounter. Different people have diverse emotional depths which need to be considered to design a well written scene. Syntax, character motivation, and other elements need to be considered to create a realistic, and delicious story. Most authors who write poor male/female perspective sexuality are too lazy to do research, or write in passive voice prose is my experience with reading fan fiction, or original fiction. Action can convey many subtleties of emotion, yet the bulk of poorly written sex is hackle raising telling me what I am supposed to notice about the scene, instead of allowing me to use my intelligence while reading. Such prose becomes insulting, or empty of all emotional content which distances the reader from the characters. Having character points of view switching rapid fire between characters, especially mid paragraph, is another off putting difficulty for myself as a reader. Sorry if this came off as a rant. Bad writing drives me up the proverbial cliched wall.

I am noticing a very strange phenomena among those who ask for reviews. If you give them concrits with real thought, they seem inclined to delete the review. Not sure what to make of this strange conundrum. Then again, even if you point out the strengths, and the good stuff, simply by saying this would read better if you put it in active voice and avoid tense/character P.O.V. shifts every few paragraphs, you get the review deleted. I begin to think people actually only want fanpoodles as reviews. Stranger yet, I was in shout box and a writer was complaining about getting positive feedback in reviews. I totally am confused by this whole nonsense concerning the whole realm of reviewing now.

SkyaraSnow, I posted your review. I was an actual editor for a few years in the real world, so I hope my thoughts do not come off as being hurtful. I tend to say things directly, since I used to get paid to be blunt to the writers I worked with; back in the day. Good luck in your writing endeavor. I know you can make a great reading tale with a bit of polishing for the main bulk readers of the fandom. You have an interesting idea and I hope you do very well with the suggestions I gave you in the review so you can increase reviews you receive. Over all, I do see a lot of potential in your story, if you can accept good intentions of the review I gave you for your story. I write Initial D Yaoi stories. I clearly mark all chapters with sexual content so those who do not like Yaoi as a whole can skip those troublesome moments. My work is geared toward psychological issues with this story. I am putting up the prequel for review since it is hinted at, but not actual sex outside of a few wet dreams. Nothing too graphic is involved since this is not a thread for the mega graphic pornographic gay romance stuff I am prone to write. I know there are mistakes I have still missed. I deeply appreciate having those brought to my attention. I have a touch of dyslexia, so if you see a mixed up, yet correct word, like form instead of From, please let me know. I do not always see that specific typo no matter how often I revise. Thanks so very much for any concrit reviews in advance. Author: kurahieiritrJio Title: Driven Heart; Prequel to A Rivalry Revealed Series Summary: Determined to put his gangster past behind him, Keisuke joined the Red Suns with a dream of becoming a professional race car driver. Yet everything Keisuke has planned for his future starts collapsing when Ryosuke sets his sites on conquering the Akina Speed Stars where Keisuke faces an unforgettable opponent. Feedback: I adore receiving concrete feedback that lets me know specific repairable story problems. I interact with reviewers in my review reply thread for all my series posted in the Initial D archive, or in PM when reviewers prefer to contact me in that way. I am doing revisions on the rest of the series and replacing chapters because of previous reviews I have received. I have put the URL to the review replies and chapter updates at the bottom. Fandom: Anime- Initial D Pairing: Keisuke Takahashi x Takumi Fujiwara Warnings: Angst, Bi , solo, M/M W/D & WIP Chaptered story: 14 chapters posted as of 7/4/2013. More coming soon. URL: http://anime.adultfa...hp?no=600054011 My main Stories list: The below link has the full series, three of which are complete, and one that is also near completion. For those who are not into plots, Romp For Perverts is a "PLot What PLot" -sex only- trimmed highlights- and deleted scenes from the opposite character's point of view taken out of the complete Rivalry Revealed Series to date. It remains a WIP until such time as I stop writing Takumi x Keisuke romances in honor of my bisexual son. I started this series because of his struggles in coping with his own life. I hope that the stories are well received, and enjoyed by all. http://members.adult-fanfiction.org/profile.php?no=1296925546&view=story&zone=anime Review thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/48277-initial-d-yaoi-keisuke-x-takumi-rivalry-revealed-series/

Yeah, finally a fandom I know so I can do a read and review. I am not into vampires and similar topics, so the vast majority of the threads I have seen for review exchange totally do not work for me as a reader. However, I do know Yu Yu Hakusho, and will be happy to read this piece. I'll read and review ASAP.

I am classic car fanatic and the barracuda is my number one fave of all time. I love the AAR style cuda, and I write fanfiction for Initial D street racing anime. Because of my auto mechanic knowledge, and my love of classic muscle cars, I gave an OC character the wet dream car I lost when I got divorced in the 90's. My self inserts in the series truly is the car I lost which was a primer coated AAR Cuda. If I had been able to keep my beloved muscle car, I would have painted it green just like my pic.

Pregnancy food cravings: To be honest even I do not understand the twisted foods I was eating, or why I could not do the reasonable swap outs over the course of the day. I was driven batty until I ate these really revolting combinations. My now ex hubby would be the one running most often to the bathroom with the fits of nausea over the bizarre foods I was chowing down on incessantly. I've been told by other moms that I craved really strange food combinations, and I am not talking the often mentioned pickles and ice cream status quot. I did have the morning sickness, usually after the sun went down which tapered off around 3 am most nights. I was strangely obsessed with BBQ potato chips, licorice candy, and spaghetti sauce on ice cream. (yes at the same exact time as toppings for Butter pecan ice cream no less-Revolted yet?) I ate garlic pickles with berry flavored yogurt and peperchinis and funions brand chips (SP?) when not cramming the other down my throat as if my life depended upon it. The two biggest and weirdest food combo's never coincided for which I remain very grateful to this day. Another strange food combo I ate often was kippered snacks with mustard and orange marmalade on rye bread. Just typing that out is making me shudder. To this day, after my second son was born, I can not stomach BBQ flavored Potato Chips, and rarely can handle more than a coupe bites of BBQ smothered meat before I gag. Same goes with Butter pecan ice cream. Even spaghetti sauce is a very rare edible because I ate so much of it when I was pregnant both times. I had to switch out ice cream favorites and a lot of other items after my second son. ROFL. Both of my living children were discovered before I had any clue I was pregnant. I went in for regular medical check ups because I was on birth control. I have had seven miscarriages because of not having a medical check up. My second was discovered at 5 weeks, so I had to have medications changed. Luckily I was on a drug that required blood tests to make sure levels were fine. Like everyone else that has ever given birth is saying, each birth is a unique process. Some of us have nightmare labors, yet we do it all over again because we love our children so much that the temporary downsides can't possibly overcome the joys of watching our little ones grow, learn and change into remarkable human beings. The pregnancy & birth ordeal: I was completely bed ridden for seven months with my second child. He was mercifully smaller than the first. My first was 10 pounds 11 and 1/2 oz and a C section because my right hip was pinned together a year before, after a riding accident where the 1900 pound horse fell on top of me. The horse went down so fast I could not escape the saddle so his weight falling on top of me crushed a big chunk of my body. Both times I gave birth, I was over 4 weeks late for delivery, and had aged placenta break away before the actual births happened. One son was 10 and 1/2 months, the other a week shy of 11 months. My water never broke because the embryonic fluid bag was way too thick also. It was miserable being in active labor so long and the water not breaking to allow for the birthing process to progress. My second son was 6 pounds and 12 oz, so he was reasonable for natural birth once they managed to get my water bag busted and the birth progressed over many hours. Both labors wiped me out because I was in active for an insane number of hours. My first was 3 days of harder level labor pains without result, the second was 39 hours which ended with a baby in my arms. I had an epidural because they assumed I would need a second c section, but the hip had healed enough that it unlocked so I could have natural birth the second time around. I was one of those who showed nothing at all, not even a missed period until the 5th month with either pregnancy. I carried against my spine though. Having the babies against the spine can be difficult when they start kicking. If they are in the wrong position, you find yourself on the ground cause the spine gets hit and that can make a mess of your stride as I found out the hard way. Both my sons were football and soccer stars before birth. They kept me from sleeping for 4 months. I would sit in a rocking chair to get relief since the motion soothed them enough that they would sleep, even if I could not. I hear folks say that I am lucky to have survived either birth, and they are probably correct. However, I would not change anything I went through when I look at both my grown sons. Despite their flaws, they remain my greatest pride, joy, and heart break because they are both my precious babies. They grew up to be strong men. It was all worth it even if I do still have moments where I wonder how nuts I was to go through it twice. Chukles@myself.