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I admit I do want to stick with that. Daimonopoiosis would be more accurate (and a cool use of Greek), but it’s a syllable longer than apotheosis, which makes it a bit more awkward to say, and like I said before, it just doesn’t sound as cool. That’s actually a really interesting idea. I don’t want to use “Damned”, because that would apply to basically any soul condemned to Hell, instead of just the empowered humans. “Fallen” sounds a bit too much like a description of an actual demon (since they’re fallen angels), but there is something appealing about “Descended.” I think it’s going to be either apotheosis or descended.

*Shin Megami Tensei Digital Devil Saga Flashbacks* Demi-Fiend oh god... Well why don’t you use Fall/ Decension or even Damned to describe them? Apotheosis Or Ascendance is a state of becoming more. Wouldn't it make more sense for the augmented human to have Fallen? Sure said human is more powerful but in doing so said human is much less than what they were. They are Damned. (Made more poignant if they willfully chose power over any chance of salvation.)

Made 2500 words of progress on a prequel chapter for “The Slumber Party of Evil Doom.” Decided I should give the characters surnames for while they’re at school. Came up with Shannon MacDuff, Kate Wilde, Lupa Lopez and Kizzy Dieudonné. Look, some of us are shit at names ok? I had Kizzy’s first hello include the phrase “Fellow Humans,” and keep giggling at it. Dunno if it works though. Oh well, hopefully I can get it finished and posted, because it has been quite fun to write.

Listen to what your heart tells you! InBrightestDay’s Heart: “What are you asking me for? I just pump blood. I don’t know this stuff. Try that know-it-all spleen.” Eh, could use descended as a slang term and maybe have Chloe toss in a comment during that terminology explanation to Hobbs that people started using Apotheosis wrongly 75 years ago maybe thanks to journalists mis-reporting or the belief that the hybrids were becoming more than human – the scientific explanations would have seen transhuman abilities as a plus presumably! - but it stuck!

My two cents would be to stick with apotheosis – I hope you do!. It’s got the benefit that a highly technical term being used wrongly by the general population after a major event (or due to some TV show. Fuckin’ data used as singular instead of datum.) is incredibly human and happens all the time to the point that outside of their original technical usage the general meaning of the word evolves. Sure, some theologians probably complained about the mis-use while a corrupted Shondra-alike was fisting them, but everyone else would have gone with it. There’s no doubt going to be slang terms too, because these fuckers would be showing up in the fictional media of the day way more than in the real world! “That bitch Murial Jenkins has become one of those Hellspunks.” “No, Mom, we call them ‘Hell’s Punks.’ “ “Well I bet it wasn’t a taste of blood she had.”

Actually, considering a statement made in Part Three about how nobody’s putting any money on enchanted bullets actually killing an extradimensional creature, it really doesn’t make sense that they’re trying to kill her. I tweaked Chloe’s dialogue somewhat to make it clear that they’re merely attempting to disable her. Hopefully you’re okay with me making that change; I don’t want you to feel like I’m invalidating your reviews. Oh, she definitely takes a lot of injury, to say the least, during the torture scene, but everything that hurts her is magical/demonic in nature. Her wings are cut off with her own sword, which Eparlegna then turns into a whip to shred her back with. This implied to me that she was highly resistant to damage from mundane weapons. In addition, the chains driven through her palms seemed able to do that because of Eparlegna having pulled/cut two of his own claws off and attached them. In other places, her physical toughness is highlighted, for instance with the stone tentacles in Part One. And in Part Three. Given all of this, I figured it wasn’t so much a conscious magical shield-raising as it was the innate resilience of her angelic flesh, and the equal toughness of demonic flesh or some form of magic (like the power of Luzurial’s own weapon) was required to overcome it. However, you did remind me of something. Luzurial’s power appears tied to her will, which is the whole point of torturing and humiliating her in the original story (aside from the fact that Eparlegna just enjoys it): she becomes physically weaker as her mental and emotional state worsens. I followed through on that for Part One of my story (she’s in a very bad state when Kevin finds her, which is why the surgeons are able to suture her wound, as her state allows a metal needle to be pushed through her otherwise way-too-tough skin, and why she regenerates more slowly). I had kind of used that in this part. She’s feeling better (she’s had a good night’s sleep and is receiving emotional support), so she’s tougher now and should be healing faster, though she’s not at full strength yet, which is the reason the bullet stings a little and the anti-tank round bruises her, but I think I’ll go back and add a little more damage. Maybe the Gungnir round will fracture her collarbone in addition to the bruise. This takes place in 2082, so some technology is different, and the new tech is in popular culture courtesy of in-universe movies, TV shows, documentaries, etc. Coilguns/gauss rifles are not terribly well-known now (aside from science nerds), but I thought in 63 years they may be more well-known as the technology becomes more widespread. I don’t really want to use the word “demon” for anything that isn’t really a demon (especially since, as the summary indicated, we’re going to have an actual demon in the story soon). I’d like to keep the term something that indicates that these are enhanced humans; people who have been changed into something more. Do you think “augment” would work? I know that’s a verb, but it’s also used as a noun in Star Trek to describe genetically augmented humans (like Khan). Of course, if I use that, I start to feel like I’m ripping off Trek. “Demi-fiend” also might work. Actually, one last option could use the same wordplay as apotheosis. Check this out: the word apotheosis comes from the Greek “apo” (from) and “theos” (god), which became “apotheoun” (to make a god of) and then apotheosis. Well, “demon” comes from the Greek “daimon” and the Greek way of saying “demonize” would be “daimonopoioun” (similar to apotheoun), so maybe the demonic equivalent would be something like “daimonopoiosis”. Granted, this doesn’t sound as cool as apotheosis...

This will end well. Actually, it does end well, which kind of adds to the joke. This was also really funny to me: "Sorry, I should have paid more attention," Thundercloud screamed towards the com unit as he tried to figure out in which direction he was falling. There's something so very superhero about saying "Oops! My bad!" as you're punched through the air that I can't help but laugh. We don't get to see much of the actual G.S.P. in this chapter, but the section with them is really just the prologue anyway, so presumably they'll pop up more in later chapters. I did notice that the one we see the most of here is named Thundercloud. Any relation to your pen name? One thing I might criticize is that we don't really know much about what the monsters look like. We know they have claws and an exoskeleton, but are they humanoid, insectoid or something else entirely? I kind of assumed they were roughly human-shaped for this chapter, but I was curious. Something I really like is the technique you used to introduce Jennifer. We have this action scene with the monster smashing into a car, and it looks like this woman is just collateral damage...and then we are informed that she's the main character. That's pretty cool. The stuff at the hospital is simultaneously erotic and rather scary. I actually thought at first that Jennifer was telepathic in addition to her healing ability, and that the whole Master/Slave thing was just her telepathy picking up on the creepy doctor and nurse, but it became clear over the course of the chapter that something else is going on. I also like the mystery of who this woman really is, and that scene of her fighting her way out of the hospital was really fun. All in all, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter! There is an obvious connection between the pen name and character, but unfortunately it is not more exciting than me needing a pen name when I started writing and the superheros code name fit my personality quite well so I just decided to use that. The comment about the appearance of the monster is very on spot. It is intended to be armored being where you cannot tell what is inside the armor but I never really provided any visuals in the prologue. The monsters that appear later in the story have better descriptions, but the one in the prologue could use some improvement. As for the scene when Thundercloud is sent flying you are not the first one to react in exactly this way. The superhero that is so invulnerable that he lets himself be distracted by thoughts of sex while he is looking for super powered alien is meant to be funny and I think I succeeded. Upcoming chapters will give more details about the super heroes, but first they need to catch up with Jennifer that need to figure out who she is before she consider becoming a super heroine.

Actually I think there is plenty of reason for the readers to worry that somebody will get hurt even if they expect Luzurial to be immune to their weapons. The reason much of that worry was lessened for me was the scene with PDD that told about the upcoming attack that lets you know they will comes with guns blazing and is aiming to kill Luzurial. Having her dead at in this point of reason does not make sense so I cannot help discount the possibility they will kill her. Possibly I might have been more on the edge if the PPD intended to injure her and capture her. PPD agents talking about the risk that the entity might be using mind control on innocent bystanders to make them act as human shields and they must be ready for making the hard choices would also work wonder to make the reader more nervous about the PPD making a mistake even if they are unable to hurt Luzurial. Another possibility would have been to have kept it hidden from the readers that the attackers are PPD and letthe readers imagination run wild. It could also be worth to mention that as I recall Whore of Heaven Luzurial takes quite many injuries as she is tortured and I had no expectation of her being immune to the Gungnir. What if Luzirial does not have active invulnerability but need to raise her magical defenses to hold off the attack. A scene where she senses something is wrong, tries to raise her magic protection but the Gungnir is so powerful that she is sent tumbling despite her magic protection would IMHO work great. The players doesn’t know PPD are not the antagonists when reading this and that it all was a misunderstanding sound like a good chapter climax. I think the rub is that I don’t understand why Keving would now this. Not aa big problem but something I would probably have gone with “demon of Class A” is or something similar. Apothesis sounds very holy to me.