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Congrats on the review, that’s pretty fast, actually. (I find reviews to be few and far between with my stories.)

It took a while, but I received my first review, which I will respond to in the next message. Author: Wilde_Guess Title: Riding the Lincoln Way Summary: Danny Dvorak is a 14 year old Harley fanboy and honors student getting ready to start Lincoln Way Central High School in New Lenox, Illinois, in the summer of 1982. He has silver eyes, a silver tongue, and his issues have issues. His almost 14 year old brother and classmate has turned from closest friend to something else entirely. His new girlfriend has more issues than he does, and her younger sister is dating his younger brother. Will Danny make it through adolescence and High School without getting bad grades, a haircut, or the spanking of a lifetime? The story is currently ‘slow-paced’ because a lot of things are happening around Danny. The pace will pick up. Feedback: Feedback and constructive criticism much appreciated. Fandom: Original Pairing: N/A Warnings: Abuse Anal Bi HJ HC Inc MF MiCD Minor1 Minor2 MM Oral Rim Solo Spank Solo story or chaptered story: Chaptered story, 12 of ?? URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600108829 Thanks.

No problem. It's my honest opinion opinion, and I believe that's the best kind of input. If someone's just talking shit without saying anything on what they thought of what could be done to improve things, then that's not something that needs to be there as "criticism". Practice makes close enough to perfect. Keep at it and I'm positive you'll have each character sounding as you imagine them sounding. It's good that you're trying. Some out there would just give up and trash something just because it's not good enough in their mind. This may be of good use to you and help you with showing your characters' voices through your writing. That site is absolutely amazing and has more articles aside from that one that have all helped me in my writing in both writing in general and RP.

Thanks again for your kind words. When I was growing up, I actually knew a pair of brothers involved in such a relationship, though not well. As for the facial expression and voice tone, that is part of what I need to work on, for all of the characters. I have started to do this, but I do need o work much harder on that for this story.

He was lucky enough to come across me and I was lucky enough to come across that story. Next up, chapter two! I normally wait until I've caught up with a story to review, though, so that was a bit new for me. Thinking on it now, I suppose quasi-demisexual would be slightly more accurate as a description of the sexuality. This is the first good inclusion of incest I'd read in a long while, which is surprisingly hard to find with all the talk I hear about it. I'm excited to read on to see more characters come into play throughout the story. I'll keep those comparisons in mind. A good way to add on just a little to his tone of voice would be to describe his facial expression when it changes around when he's about to start talking as well as right after before moving onto what subsequently happens. Don't slather too much into it or it'll come off awkwardly, but just giving a little bit on little changes in his expression can bring out a little bit, however slight. Visual cues are good with showing how a character is feeling and to show little bits of facial expression can help to liven what you're telling he's feeling. A blank slate on facial expressions make it easier to hear monotonous speech. Particular adjectives help much more for that. An example would be "He spoke decisively." having one imagine a stern tone and a characterisation that he is the type to have his mind made up, whereas "She spoke hesitantly." gives the impression of a girl who is either very shy or is worried about the reaction of the person she is speaking to. Adjectives are amazing tools in the world of writing to add a little expression into how a person speaks. There are so many adjectives to choose from, so choosing careful!y determines how the character ends up sounding.

Arian-Sinclair wrote a review to Chapter 1. Arian-Sinclair, I had not seen the term “demisexual” before I read your review. Yet, at least as far as homosexual attraction goes, it fits both of the Dvorak boys, particularly Danny. Out of the ten school-age protagonists, only ONE is actually a “full bisexual.” However, out of those same ten, only two will have exclusively heterosexual encounters. Those two will only have one partner each, and they are NOT partnered with each other. I will need to “improve” the descriptions of Danny’s tone of voice and inflections. While he is not quite as expressive of emotions as Michael, he does express as well as feel the full range of emotions, whether in private conversation or otherwise. The comparison that keeps coming to mind for me would be to compare Danny to Robert De Niro and Michael with Joe Pesci Thanks.

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that’s not where the dice goes...and use a needle nose pliers next time

I filled this out for my most popular Fanfiction info stuff. Discovered you have to omit commas for numbers to make the numbering sectors work right to proceed with the survey. So if you have a 1000 plus mark on any number sector you have to make certain you do not use number correct commas. Overall an interesting survey to take though.

Finally decided to get healthy and start to drink more water… two litres of water and around 10 hours later, the news announces, the cold water is contaminated with soil bacteria, and we shouldn’t drink it… FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!

I received this in a PM today: Good afternoon, CL Mustafic. I was intrigued by your story "The Glory Hole to Hell". My name is Oleksandr Demchenko. I am an agent of Sowo d. My job is to look for interesting stories . So I would like to offer you cooperation. We will publish your story (in the long run more than one) into our platform and provide you with an account which will give you access to see the story reviews and also gain credit points which will allow you to claim prizes. We will be releasing our app in both ios and android so you may gain a wider audience and fan base. Please let me know if you are interested. Respectfully yours, Oleksandr Demchenko I looked into it a bit and it seems that once you submit a story to them they get the copy write on it and it's no longer your property. It is most likely a scam so if you get this message, send it to the trash. CL