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Wear a mask. That is all...

After 10 years of writing porn, I have finally learned to spell “ecstasy” without the help of autocorrect.

I will be very happy when July 31st gets here. That’s when the extra $600 a week for unemployment finally expires. That may sound horrible, but I’m on the opposite end of that. I have worked through this entire thing, and the only applicants I’ve gotten for my critically short staffed store, have been applying for the unemployment requirement that they do so. Have only had one day off since November 14th. ONE. Plus, I’m already on schedule for a minimum of 80 hours a week, and if anyone calls off, I get to cover it. Because I don’t have enough staff. So my average work week is more like 90 hours or better. Awful damn tired of people working the system.

The very happiest of birthdays to WillowDarkling, my sweet Neko-baby! I’m wishing for only wonderful things for you this year!

Final grade for the fan fiction terminology final assignment is in, and the assignment earned me an 8,5 (out of 10), which resulted in a final grade for the course, of 8. Not too shitty…

Ten ways you'll explain to your grandkids all those pictures of you in a face mask. 1. "This was right before I fought Goro in the semifinals." 2. "Unfortunately, our Kickstarter campaign for M*A*S*H: The Musical only collected a dollar eighty-nine." 3. “Yeah, your gramma really loved it when I’d put on this mask and- You know what, never mind.” 4. “They used to make all the ugly kids wear these. I hope puberty is kinder to you than it was to me.” 5. "...an' I did it all with nothin' but my horse, my pearl-handled six-shooter, an' that there mask." 6. “I could teach you, but be warned: The way of the shinobi is not an easy one.” 7. “On the up side, I got paid five hundred dollars for being on When Rhinoplasties Go Wrong.” 8. “This was long before you could just buy a kit to make meth.” 9. “Safe sex made one hell of a comeback in the 2020s.” 10. “I tell you, the very last thing you want when you’re fighting zombies is to smash one in the head and get splatter in your mouth.”

This is what I get for Googling myself: "21 Die in Lake George Glass Bottom Boat Accident"

Damn it, phone, I said "erect nipples," not "wrecked nipples." Do you do this stuff just to mess with me?

The upside of being an unpublished SFF novelist is that you have tons of made-up names to use as website passwords.

Just got a desktop computer for the first time, and feel like I’m staring at a giant screen… the forum is HUGE now…

*Steps out of a smoking crater and dusts himself off* Right, that was fun in a horrible, lets never do this again sort of way. What’s next?

Since I can’t eat scallops in peace. i’ve decided ya’ll have to live with this image too.

Ten questions I'd ask various superheroes if they were real: 1. Squirrel Girl: What are you going to call yourself when you're forty? 2. Black Panther and Aquaman: Shouldn't you guys be, like, at home settling trade disputes instead of running around in tight pants? 3. Martian Manhunter: Suspenders with shorts? Is that a Martian thing? 4. America Chavez: If you just gently poked some cookie dough with your finger, would it make star shapes? 5. Iron Man: What do you do if you have an itch? 6. Beast Boy: So, when you turn into an animal, is it always a boy animal? 7. Wolverine: If you and Vandal Savage got in a fight, which of you do you think would get bored and go home first? 8. The Flash: Do women actually like the speed thing? Because, you know... 9. The Thing: Do you think the right moisturizer would help? 10. Violet Parr: Have you ever searched your own name on a site called Rule34?

Wishing the very happiest of birthdays to my dear Pittwitch. Love you!

Feeling kind of bummed about my legit writing right now. 25 rejections (and counting) from agents regarding my first book. Stuck on my second book. No good ideas for my third book. Why is legit writing so much harder than smut?

Writing Advice from my former professors largely paraphrased If a point can be delivered with a pinprick, avoid substituting a sledgehammer unless the situation really calls for a sledgehammer. In that case, illustrate the fallout from said sledgehammer. There are good writers, and there are popular writers; rarely are the two the same, but overtime, they may become viewed as the same. CoughcoughSHAKESPEAREcough. If your narration has to include “somehow,” you’ve probably got a plothole. Get a shovel and fill the damned thing. Books aren’t gardens – take it easy on the flowery prose or your readers may start sneezing. Hook them in the first sentence or you’ll have to fight to reel them in; land them in the first paragraph, or all you’ll have is a fish story. Know your audience and choose your vocabulary accordingly; learned middle age Brits may know what it means to dandle a baby but teenagers will assume you’re a sex offender. Dickinson never said anyways. Austen never used the word orbs. Orwell didn’t write bugged eyes. If you’re going to emulate someone, pick someone who knows what they’re doing, not a teenager who just discovered twilight and writes in emojis. Mark Twain. You either love him or you hate him, and if you love him, chances are, you also kinda hate him a little bit. Avoid the monologue – your characters need to breathe! They need to process things! They aren’t standing alone on a stage bitching at a bleached human skull, let them be interrupted! Adverbs. Know when they contribute to the story, and slaughter them when they don’t. It’s okay to gate-keep parts of speech. Sheep is already plural, you bloat-brained mindless self-important turnips. Pluralizing plural words will earn you a failing grade and a sound brain-dusting. Keep a hard copy of common references handy while writing, especially a decent dictionary. It takes a minute to flip through pages; checking online leads you to Facebook which leads you to Twitter, then your favorite blog, then five or six click-bait articles, then next thing you know, it’s one and your assignment was due at midnight. English is bullshit. Next question. We’re taught that Paragraphs need to be 4-6 sentences, but guess what? Paragraphs aren’t prescriptions. Sometimes they need to be smaller. Sometimes, larger. Always, they’re prescribed for one speaker at a time except in extenuating circumstances. Start a new one for each new condition and each new patient, or you’ll never break down the text walls. You can’t apply the same rules and fixes to every single situation. Learn what to apply and when, otherwise you’ll just confuse yourself. Vary your fucking sentence structure and length, you filthy rotten philistines. Don’t line the entire page with rows of naked uncut spaghetti noodles and olives and expect the reader to call it delicious! Syntax! Variety! Don’t leave your readers lost and hungry! Do! Your! Fecking! Research! You! Lazy! Impudent! Brats! Don’t write about high wind warnings on planets with no atmosphere or gravity or you’ll look like an out of this world idiot.

Chapter count for The Woman in the Statue is being changed again, this time to 11 chapters. This isn’t because I’ve added a ton more story or anything; it’s just a matter of word count. For instance, even after splitting Chapter 10 into 10 and 11, what I have of the final chapter is still over 11,000 words, and I am not done. Of course, I wouldn’t be posting this just to say that. Ok, so...*deep breath* I will be posting Chapter 10 of 11 of WitS one week from today. That chapter is done (and JayDee’s already seen it) so that won’t be a problem. One week after that, Chapter 11 goes up, and we finally finish this. Full disclosure: I’m terrified. Fingers crossed, everyone!

Well. Five days without Internet thanks to Isaias, and I’m counting myself lucky because I still had power throughout. My neighborhood is mostly private houses and was largely in the dark from Tuesday until about 11:15pm last night. And ConEd is getting an increase this year…

Happy Birthday to my dear @pippychick, and may the coming year bring only good things! Love you!

Taking baby steps: wrote one page, now fighting my inner demons NOT to tear it up and burn it. I’ve got to get back in the writing habit, even if it is AWFUL.

It’s been a long while since I’ve had a haircut. I’m starting to look like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking four-dimensionally.

Hey, did you see my title… I’m a Master… lol (runs and hides)

Alrighty then… Terminology final assignment done, created a terminology list for fan fiction… let’s see how that goes

My evolving list of chores: 1. Clean and polish front door 2. Buy caulk for cabinets 3. Laundry 1. Swap out front-door wreath that's been there since Christmas 2. Clean and polish front door 3. Buy caulk for cabinets 4. Laundry 1. Buy poison for wasps' nest on front door frame 2. Swap out front-door wreath that's been there since Christmas 3. Clean and polish front door 4. Buy caulk for cabinets 5. Laundry I’m never gonna get to that laundry.

I’m about to start writing the final battle between Luzurial and Eparlegna, which comes in roughly two phases. Let me remind you, that hasn’t been written yet. Combined word count of chapter and epilogue as of now: 13,115 I will in no way be surprised if I hit 20,000 by the time I’m done. I would just like to apologize to everyone in advance. For the curious, the previous longest chapter of the story was Chapter 7, at 13,043 words.