InvidiaRed's review responses

[Thundercloud]

5 hours ago, JayDee said:

I’m no Thundercloud – anyway, most reviewers said my sex scenes “Were like whacking off over an ikea instruction booklet” while Steve the Ikea instruction booklet fetishist said “Needs more Å”

Is this some kind of reverse psychology when you are teasing the swede about having written ikea-style sex?

I think you would be more than able to crack good jokes about vampiric gynoids and similar. I am pretty sure that we in JayDee’s catalog of stories will find much similar things than what can be found Thunderclouds.

As for doing collaborations...I am generally open for such, but right at the moment I have pretty much going on so I might need to think twice if need to happen in soon-ish.

[JayDee]

2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:

Is this some kind of reverse psychology when you are teasing the swede about having written ikea-style sex?

 

Not at all! I enjoy your sex scenes, I’ve pointed out the ones I especially liked in reviews!

It’s mine – got that whole flatpack catalogue feel of “insert tab A into slot B” or “rub tab B against other tab B” as with that one bookcase. Vast majority of positive thoughts on my sex scenes were because the readers enjoyed the particular kink or fetish and were so happy to have it they put aside the mechanical writing. That’s what folks like to avoid tho – they want some emotional connection, some description and detail and a certain amount of mess. Generally. Some don’t like mess. I forget where I was going.

[Thundercloud]

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

It’s mine – got that whole flatpack catalogue feel of “insert tab A into slot B” or “rub tab B against other tab B” as with that one bookcase. Vast majority of positive thoughts on my sex scenes were because the readers enjoyed the particular kink or fetish and were so happy to have it they put aside the mechanical writing. That’s what folks like to avoid tho – they want some emotional connection, some description and detail and a certain amount of mess. Generally. Some don’t like mess. I forget where I was going.

For the record the ikea-style sex thing I wrote was meant as a joke...maybe we should give InvidiaRed the forum thread back and go and do our sex scene comparison stuff somewhere else…

[Desiderius Price]

4 hours ago, JayDee said:

Not at all! I enjoy your sex scenes, I’ve pointed out the ones I especially liked in reviews!

It’s mine – got that whole flatpack catalogue feel of “insert tab A into slot B” or “rub tab B against other tab B” as with that one bookcase. Vast majority of positive thoughts on my sex scenes were because the readers enjoyed the particular kink or fetish and were so happy to have it they put aside the mechanical writing. That’s what folks like to avoid tho – they want some emotional connection, some description and detail and a certain amount of mess. Generally. Some don’t like mess. I forget where I was going.

It’s a messy subject. 

[InvidiaRed]

21 hours ago, JayDee said:

The best advice I ever got was “Keep track of the hands,” If someone’s got one hand up to the elbow in their buddy’s fudge factory, you can’t have them also gripping both hips at the same time. Unless they’re a shokan or something.

<3 See? I didn’t know that.

[InvidiaRed]

From GeorgeGlass on January 03, 2021
 

Master Override, by InvidiaRed

Another imaginative piece from InvidiaRed, in which technology meets mythology. A few comments:

• The Harbinger seems like a cross between Jesus and a herald of Galactus -- an appropriate look for the representative of a vengeful god. Thank you <3 Harbinger’s first appearance was towards the very end of Ghoulneedle. The warden loses his first herald in a rather traumatic way so he’s overprotective of his new one. They’re intimately connected in a way. A herald will always know the will of his lord. And in exchange the lord knows the heralds heart,mind and soul there is no deception possible between them.
• "Gestalt" is a great name for a being that speaks with millions of voices. Thanks
• "A fatal case of non-functionality." I like that. Best way I thought of for an AI to describe death. Non-functionality.
• In general, I like the whole comparison and contrast between the modern and the ancient, like how you describe the late CEO's residence as "on par with the Pharaohs and other kings of old. It was still just a tomb overabundant with silence and the dead." In a way history rhymed, in the beginning there were kings and at the end of this dead timeline. It ended the same way with despots deciding if they weren’t going to win this cataclysmic dystopian war then no one was going to.
• Also, I don't remember the last time I read a story that made such creative use of typefaces. (For me, just using two different fonts is a step outside the box.) Some fonts I feel just give that extra oomph that makes the scene really pop.

Thank you.
 

[InvidiaRed]

On 1/1/2021 at 1:52 PM, Thundercloud said:

For the record the ikea-style sex thing I wrote was meant as a joke...maybe we should give InvidiaRed the forum thread back and go and do our sex scene comparison stuff somewhere else…

And leave me bereft of a learning experience? Have you no shame?

[GeorgeGlass]

FYI, I completely support JayDee’s comment, “Keep track of the hands.” My version of that advice is, “Writing a sex scene is like writing a fight scene; it’s all about where the limbs go.”

[JayDee]

15 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

And leave me bereft of a learning experience? Have you no shame?

I have none whatsoever. Except maybe for writing the Spyro story.

12 hours ago, GeorgeGlass said:

FYI, I completely support JayDee’s comment, “Keep track of the hands.” My version of that advice is, “Writing a sex scene is like writing a fight scene; it’s all about where the limbs go.”

This is a great way of putting it!

If you’re writing a fight scene and somebody ends up elbow-deep in the other guy’s fudge factory, it’s what you’d call a really dirty fight.

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on January 10, 2021
 

Sorry for the review delays!

Snake dude’s back! Still loving the snake dude! Is this one of the settings where hospitality is really serious business? Sacred Hospitality is the biggest deal A lot of the old gods took it really seriously, so I’m thinking that oath not to abuse guest right is one that’ll be taken seriously.Which is why Logan makes sure to bind Glykon I kinda support him anyway – I mean, 300 pounds of bacon? Yum! This dude is straight up hilarious. Glykon is also being particular with those exact words. he can’t really help what he is. Have you had cherry smoked bacon? its amazing haha.

So…Duncan was ‘mother’ to Loki’s kids? While Loki in turn was mother to a horse… there’s a lot of fluid-gender gender fluid getting shot about in the past sounds like. Heck of a fight with the wolf – Biological sex is more of a polite suggestion than hard fact for gods in general.If both partners want children then reality itself will find a way to make it happen.I guess he was outmatched in the ol’ transformation game though! Fenrir can switch forms and even grow larger and stronger in his wolf form but its more of a one trick pony. He’ll never match the sheer versatility or mastery of someone like Duncan whose Megafauna combat forms reflect in magnitudes how primal he truly is in comparison to everyone else. Fenrir did slay Duncan and put him out of commission, All that did was wake an elder incarnation.

Itsthe first time Duncan admits to other Incarnations and only because Fenrir calls him out in a rather cruel fashion. Fenrir is well informed he’s inherited Loki’s wit and unfortunately his cruelty. Loki is imprisoned for Baldur’s murder so the only parent left for his aggression is Duncan and we see how that turned out.

 Kinda curious why the housesitter hightailed it out before they got back -was that arranged? I don’t remember a line that he had to bail. Big Z booty call.

…I hope their New Year’s Party went ok! J-man was there to save the day along with Glykon. Duncan will be back by spring time there will be consequences

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on January 10, 2021
 

The End of the World – not the most cheerful and upbeat of part headings, but it does feel appropriate. At least this Harry seems to be faring better in a zombie infested setting than the version in the last zombie story I reviewed! I’m reading Mortuus Orbis too.

I really liked that line “The turbulent skies fought the sun.” it’s super poetic. Then… wow. With just a few lines you really build up the suspense of what Harry’s going to find, and then show the nasty aftermath of a hanging. It’s brief but that’s all that’s needed. Figure Harry did the smart thing getting rid of that body too. Its now undeniable that these Inferi have their own magic. Harry is doing his best revealing the nature of this new enemy.

Is it suicide or is there a killer amongst them? Should we be looking suspiciously at Argus? Despair induced Suicide.

…I probably shouldn’t have laughed at the mental image of Hermione nearly slipping on her own vomit. In my defense, I’m messed up. Wait, no defense… ah well. (Positive Affirmations Jaydee =p)

Looking forward to the next part!

[JayDee]

13 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:

So…Duncan was ‘mother’ to Loki’s kids?

Heh, look, you can’t blame me for sticking the wrong name in there, I mean original canon had a Jotun in the role :p

Quote

Big Z booty call.

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J-man was there to save the day along with Glykon. Duncan will be back by spring time there will be consequences

Spring shall spring!

Quote

Despair induced Suicide.

I mean… that might well be a sensible reaction to zombie apocalypse for most folks. The psychologic pressure can’t be fun.

[InvidiaRed]

From InBrightestDay on January 10, 2021
 

Master Override

Well that was unexpected!  It was pretty damn cool, though!

Gestalt has a very AM vibe to it, though admittedly it doesn't hate organic life so much as it does feel that organics are inherently untrustworthy.  You could also compare it to Skynet in that regard, though killing everyone in the building with nerve gas felt less like a defensive action and more malicious. It was pure malice, Gestalt didn’t have to nonfunctional anyone especially through neurotoxin. That Dystopic last war’s devastation contributed to Gestalt’s mindset but it made that purely malicious choice all on its own. It saw the leaders of that dying world decide to be selfish and ensure no one was going to win.

The mist has me interested.  It obviously connects to the fantasy world you write in a lot of the time, and the gods of Mortane are mentioned (note to self: get back to Rationis), so is this their doing?  Is it perhaps a weird natural phenomenon, and the complex with Gestalt and Delta Five just sort of fell through a hole in the fabric of reality or something? Ironically, It was Gestalt’s Malice that caused the entire facility to fall out of a doomed timeline it called the fog that swallowed it whole.

Harbinger is an interesting character.  We don't know a ton about him, but he does mention having been a liar and disgraced, only to have been rescued from it.  Maybe he has a story of his own out there. He’s introduced late Ghoulneedle and is in Winterfell as well.

Lastly, I love the fact that what fried Gestalt was seeing an angel in its natural form.  Admittedly Harbinger is also the herald of a deity, so it could have been something else that was spotted there by the sensors, but still the idea is really cool. Harbinger chose to mercy kill the rabid AI by revealing his true nature.

Rationis’s sequel is almost ready.

 

[InvidiaRed]

11 hours ago, JayDee said:

Heh, look, you can’t blame me for sticking the wrong name in there, I mean original canon had a Jotun in the role :p You aren’t wrong =p unless Logan was loki all along DUN DUN DUH!. Nah jjust joking he’s stuck getting a venom bath.

Spring shall spring!

I mean… that might well be a sensible reaction to zombie apocalypse for most folks. The psychologic pressure can’t be fun. Well that and having a horde of dead things essentially mind rape you in the dark isn’t healthy.

 

[JayDee]

7 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:

Well that and having a horde of dead things essentially mind rape you in the dark isn’t healthy.

Not with that attitude!

[InvidiaRed]

16 hours ago, JayDee said:

Not with that attitude!

Hypothetically which fetish would that fall under? @JayDee

[JayDee]

Underlit Undead Mindrape?

[InvidiaRed]

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

Underlit Undead Mindrape?

We got a theoretical fetish. Death Dream

or How I Stopped Worrying And Allowed The Restless Dead To Ravage Me In My Dreams.

[JayDee]

“Death Dream” is also a pairing that can get you some angry looks from fans of The Sandman.

[InvidiaRed]

31 minutes ago, JayDee said:

“Death Dream” is also a pairing that can get you some angry looks from fans of The Sandman.

The Endless are a touchy Bunch.  Thankfully Death is one of the best depictions of it, no grim reaper but a happy goth

[JayDee]

I’d definitely rather meet the Endless Death than some of ‘em. The Discworld Death seems like a decent sort though. Cats like him, that’s good enough for me!

[InvidiaRed]

On 1/16/2021 at 9:01 AM, JayDee said:

I’d definitely rather meet the Endless Death than some of ‘em. The Discworld Death seems like a decent sort though. Cats like him, that’s good enough for me!

One of the better deaths for sure. Rather than say the Red Death.

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on January 24, 2021
 

Part 2 (sorry for the delayed review!)

So… is this the actual Jesus? The biblical fellow? Chap that might well be based on a Jewish teacher from around the time of the early Roman Empire? Like hanging around with fishermen? I dunno, I feel like that’s not an originals character there

I like how his power is basically getting everyone to get along tho’ Now that’s an ability coulda come in useful up before that religious court! He brings out the best qualities in people. Frost Giants went straight into party mode. That’s what they’ll remember a great time of drinking and feasting and the whole walked into a gruesome death will become nothing more than afterthought.

Still loving Glykon – just having a demon fight in the background. Squeezing ass, taking names… Fighting underworld demons all by himself.

So, Duncan’s kinda… hibernating? Healing up until the spring story? Close, Ereshkigal felt his death and sent the Gallu demons, The seven spirits of the underworld to come collect his body and since Glykon didn’t have hands they succeeded. He’ll be back she can’t leave the underworld and close friends need time to catch up.

Ya know, that Jesus fella has a history of getting nailed at Easter. Good thing Duncan is a one-at-a-time dude really. Gotta feel a bit for Logan, but he seems ok. Party time with the giants seems fun too! Logan knows Duncan is dead but he’ll remember party time with family and Meeting with Hel.

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on March 14, 2021
 

Always feels a little annoying to see a story with 5000+ views and no reviews/only one person reviewing. Folks’re clearly checking it out, could give some feedback. Ah well.

Valentine’s Employee Only Services.

Hey! You’re saying you can’t write sex scenes but bam! That’s a brief but fun coupling you got there. I especially liked that kiss followed by Argus getting Harry inside. Character development can be tricky. Argus wants to help in his own way.  Sex scenes are hard but I’m getting better?

“Shadows that shouldn’t be there that sort of thing.”

…does Harry suspect Peter Pan is coming for them? :p I kid I kid! Don’t tempt me =p

This one did feel a little choppier – another pass for typos would probably help it some, but otherwise another solid part. And not just Argus’ solid part.

ooof will try to make sure the next one is better.

[InvidiaRed]

From JayDee on April 06, 2021
 

I definitely had a little trouble with threading some of the bits together on this one, but I assume the surrealist side is kind of the point with the various gods/entities and past/future elements mixed in through dream and ending? Glykon did say that Logan would share a dream.

-The ancient/powerful god with the snake, I was worried for a moment there it was gonna turn into a Harry Potter crossover :p I guess that Logan couldn’t intervene because it was more of a vision of the past rather than actual time travel? Duncan repeats the worst moments of his entire existence when he sleeps. The incarnations may be interred in history but they are still him and he is still them.

A reference to a moment of awesome to essentially tell Marduk himself momento mori just after his crowning moment of glory.

It seemed to be covering some of the issues for why they had their falling out with the angels of that world? Or possibly I misunderstood that! Kinda wondered if those feathers later on in the present/future were tied to that somehow. Foreshadowing and also who did he see after that? *nudge* @InBrightestDay will be happy when they eventually catch up.

I definitely couldn’t tell for sure if Logan was in the future as he woke up, or, since neither Hel nor Glykon had spotted anything if it was only a timeskip once he hit the mailbox and found it stuffed full of crap. An entire year worth of ads and other spam and mail. Duncan enchanted his mailbox so it could hold much more than it should. That said

The Year That Never Was- Is essentially that, reality is unstable from the damage and when someone tried to force their will on it snapped almost everyone a year into the future. Mass confusion and chaos even without the pandemic.

Glykon’s whole bit was great – loved the line about a god and a doorknob – but still just loving the heck out of that character in general! Glykon is a treat to write I find it adorable that he’s definitively has this grandson/ granddad dynamic with Logan despite being way older than Logan. Not a child but not a teenager just yet.

One last thing – on the forum you said Southern Wind but the title here is Southwestern Wind – I see that a ‘southern wind’ picked up in the story so was that just a typo/old title used on the actual chapter or is it a shifting wind?

=p

Part two will be Hel’s POV