AFF's Tales from the Shoutbox Review Thread 2015

[ChrissyQuinn]

Welcome back Ghouls and Ghosts!

Here is a place to discuss the stories within AFF's Tales from the Shoutbox 2015! Later once all of the stories are in there will be a poll here for you to vote for the scariest, and sexiest stories within the compilation! Please remember to be kind, authors are human's too... kind of.

[Joe Long]

Got to Chrissy's & BW's so far. Both very well written. I found the druid's "Feeding the Land" to be scary, even if I found it a little hard to keep track of some of the characters, but that's likely because of unfamiliar names.

[BronxWench]

I was debating putting a pronunciation sort of guide at the end, but the Gaelic sort of works even if you don't pronounce it right.

Honestly, I've loved all the stories thus far! So many different takes on the idea of Halloween, and lots of edge of the seat reading!

Edited October 25, 2015 by BronxWench

[JayDee]

I've manager to read the first stories! I'll follow Joe's example and put my reviews in here

Ghosts Aren't Real, says the Vampire to the Werewolf by ChrissyQuinn

I laughed loudly at the line about dressing up as Four and getting Ron comments after losing the wig. The rest of the HP gags and the Doctor Who one were good too! Definitely a spooky vibe, especially with a Vampire running scared. Nice ghost story to start the collection, though, very appropriate, especially as I wasn’t sure at the end if there really had been a ghost, or he was just jumpy/imagining things.

Possible typo if it helps - Should “just sharing off for your” be showing?

Feed the Land by BronxWench

...Holy fuck. There’s like, a total sense of foreboding all the way through and then Bam! Genuinely chilling. Teagan’s a badass, to watch all that and then go through it rather than live without Daithi. If you heard this one around a camp fire you wouldn’t want to sleep alone! I would have ruined it all by making some vulgar jokes around the Black Sword theme.

Becky's Grave by JoeLong

I'm afraid I have to give this one a miss, for the Minor1 tag. I hope you're ok with that, each to their own and all and you've as much right on AFF to do Minor1 as I do write stories with MCD/Viol. I totally understand why people avoid many of my stories with different kinds of extreme content. I thought I should say why I hadn't reviewed though, rather than just skip on. (Of course, if you've just got that on there because there are kids in the story but no sexual content actually featuring them, let me know and I'll read it!) Good luck with your future writing and all.

I will read more stories tomorrow! If there was an award for best title so far, I'd have to vote The Glory Hole To Hell

[Joe Long]

Becky's Grave by JoeLong

I'm afraid I have to give this one a miss, for the Minor1 tag. (Of course, if you've just got that on there because there are kids in the story but no sexual content actually featuring them, let me know and I'll read it!) Good luck with your future writing and all.

Ah, miss meaning you didn't read it (skipped) rather than the story missed.

This Halloween chapter fits in with the overall story, and will be included as a future chapter when the timeline gets to late October. No sex takes place in the Halloween chapter, but the characters make reference to sex that has happened in earlier chapters (yet to be published)

[Tahn]

Alrighty, I'm gonna post my review stuffs here.

Ghosts Aren't Real, says the Vampire to the Werewolf - ChrissyQuinn

I laughed so hard at this. The Harry Potter and Doctor Who jokes just made this all the better

Feed the Land - BronxWench

A sad ending, and I wanna know more about the world and characters, but well done. Is this part of another series by you, or straight up original?

Becky's Grave - JoeLong

I was hoping for more interaction with the ghosty. I do, however, get that this is part of another story, so you probably can't do that and it still fit in.

Girls Who Wear Glasses - Magusfang

Dang man. Well done. You overachiever you. I like the concept, and how it all plays out. Can't wait to read the chapters that you are making about these characters.

The Phone - Desiderius_Price

I did skip reading this one cuz I don't want spoilers. Gonna hafta come back to it later.

The Glory Hole to Hell - C.L.Mustafic

The bigotry in this makes me wince, but the fact that it is a crucial part of the story makes it all better. Through it we begin to hate those characters, and feel a sense of justice when they die. Good job. I also find it sad that they only have one night to spend together, and most of it is spent getting victims, covering up the deaths, and reliving their own deaths. So sad.

Fucking Halloween Party - JayDee

This was funnier than the summary let on. It does leave me wanting to know more about her though. We get snippets of her past, but I wanna know more. I think I'm gonna hafta look up those other stories.

From the Ashes - Tahn

Yeah...moving on...

Snap - GeorgeGlass

Holy crap dude! That was freaky, good job!

Nightmare's Dream - Perverted_Pages

Wow, gruesome. Also, ouch!

Death has an Ugly Face - Tahn

...I really hope everyone knows who Vincent Price is.

[JayDee]

Joe Long - Thanks for advising, I did see the NoSex tag, but also the others and wasn't sure what content might be. I know I always make sure to tag anything even tangentially triggering myself.

Tahn - Thank you for the review! Shannon's really only in a couple of parts of The Slumber Party of Evil Doom, but I thought it had some fun bits!

I got more to read and review later

[Joe Long]

"I am seriously disturbed by the mind that came up with this shit." Taking the Sky from Kaylee"

I read that story. I have a thing for Kaylee, she draws my attention from everything else when I watch that show. I could have handled her being raped, even dying...but c'mon man!

[JayDee]

The time to have stopped reading would probably have been about the line "Declan slid a nail gun from a bench, and walked over" If I wanted to avoid violence after an MCD tag, that's when I'd do it!

I avoid reading Minor1, many more people avoid the gory stories I've put out. That's what I mean by "Each to their own!"

[CL Mustafic]

I will read more stories tomorrow! If there was an award for best title so far, I'd have to vote The Glory Hole To Hell

Aww, thanks JayDee, so glad you like it. I thought about going with "READ THIS STORY OR I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL" but thought I'd go with something more subtle. Plus I still may need to use that one on my other still untitled story...

[JayDee]

Yeah, you've got a great title there - sounds like something Joe-Bob Briggs is reviewing for Drive In horror

Next review:

Becky's Grave by Joe Long

The dialogue crackled along pretty well, Burl’s Bigfoot concerns made me laugh! The ghost was pretty spooky in brief appearance, very much a feel of people going up and scaring each other until they’re seeing things, or not. Very Halloweenish, glad I read it!

As for the Long haired freaky people need not apply reference I went and listened to Signs, much better song than that Fatboy Slim sampled track, but I guess with Fatboy Slim's tracks it isn't really about a good song as something to pop a pill to...

[Joe Long]

The dialogue crackled along pretty well, Burl’s Bigfoot concerns made me laugh! The ghost was pretty spooky in brief appearance, very much a feel of people going up and scaring each other until they’re seeing things, or not. Very Halloweenish, glad I read it!

Becky's Grave - JoeLong

I was hoping for more interaction with the ghosty. I do, however, get that this is part of another story, so you probably can't do that and it still fit in.

That's what I was aiming for. I didn't want anything definitive. I've heard stories about Becky for almost 50 years, many of them different (and most involving alcohol), so I tried to convey that confusion. I had at least one character witness something that they'd swear was supernatural, but that they'd still have a hard time convincing anyone of later "You had to be there..." so that a day, a year, even 20 years later, my characters would be telling the same kind of stories that I grew up hearing.

My brother-in-law had some to drink, went to the cemetery by the mall and was scared shitless. He won't go back. A writing friend from town read the first draft of this and asked, "Have I told you my story?" Seems her brother and a friend also went to the cemetery by the mall and said they took a flag off of Becky's grave. When they got to the friend's house, his mother said, "Becky called, and said you have something of hers!"

I was also trying to add humor, and with things like the sign, stuff just pops into my head and I go with it.

Edited October 26, 2015 by Joe Long

[JayDee]

Next review:

Girls Who Wear Glasses by Magusfang
This one is huge! (That’s what she said etc) My kind’ve story codes though Worth it all for the pun in the last line! I thought the section with buying the costume came across well, it seemed very natural. Victor’s violent badassery was good too, but the ending was the coolest bit!

Edit: And rather than triple post:

The Phone by Desiderius Price

I'm using the spoiler tags for this review in case I spoil anything for the folks going for the big story.

Speaking as someone who goes for the pr0ns, that was a great use of the exhib theme. I don’t think I ever saw anything like that! Yahoo for sexy naked wedding sex. Also, getting it on with the phone messages coming through was amusing. Wasn’t sure if ghost or not for much of it! Blake clearly the sensible one.

The Glory Hole to Hell by CL.Mustafic
Really lives up to its title! The redneck dialogue was pretty hysterical! I’d have ruined it by tossing in the old joke about gay ghosts giving each other the willies. Of course the Devi’s progressive – with God supposedly sending all the homosexuals to Hell, he’s got the best decorated domain to go with all the good music. The ending was pretty chilling; I think it was the forced-witness element as much as anything. A very fun little story with the obvious bittersweetness of the ending.

Fucking Halloween Party by JayDee

Terrible typos, probably. If I do the third part of You! that will show Werewolf Kate going to talk to You, which was referenced in this'n. I have to write the story about how she got brought back sometime after Blood on the Hay. I also should have done some gags around the phrase "Demon Taint", but didn't think about the puerile alternative meaning until later. Could have used longer, more detailed sex scenes, and more terrible party music choices. Seriously, what was Theresa thinking? Blame Todd.

Edited October 26, 2015 by JayDee

[BronxWench]

Joe, thank you! I'm glad it achieved scary, since neither the Sidhe nor the drui are terribly pleasant. And of course, blood had a great deal of power...

JayDee, you always make me laugh with your reviews, and you probably don't want to know the Black Sword jokes riffing through mt mind as I wrote. Well, maybe you do... But yes, Teagan managed to pull out some serious badassery at the end. Best place for it, really. And thank you!

Tahn, thank you! This one was a straight up original, but I may have to return to it at some point, if only because I think Dubhlainn wants some more time on this side of the Veil. And we might want to see where Teagan and Daithi wound up.

[ChrissyQuinn]

I want to thank everyone who read and appreciated the humor in my story... I'm not a very funny person so I wasn't sure others would get it so this is a pleasant surprise And Jaydee thanks for catching that typo... I don't know what was wrong with me but I glanced over a whole bunch of them that I didn't catch until I saw that>.<

[JayDee]

Glad to help! I haven't been going through nitpicking or anything, but that one stuck out so I thought you'd like to know! I always find new typos in my work if I don't read it for a while and then re-read, sadly.

BronxWench
Fucking Halloween Party
Okay, once again I'm smitten with the fallen angel, and the pirate? That was a touch of sheer genius, since I hadn't seen that coming (or cumming, as it were). Now I really can't wait for more Sarsa! : :

Thank you for your review! Frankly, given the eagerness which Shannon took to the skills of a Succubus, someone needs to check just how her time in the torture pits of Hell was spent . I suspect she made the damned scream and groan a lot and nobody looked too closely as to what she was doing. I'll have to come up with a real demon name for Sarsa (Her full made up name is, uh, Sarsa Parilla.) Sadly, google says Eusyram is already taken. Might have to be Eusnialliv.

'k, I got more to read tonight

[JayDee]

From the Ashes by Tahn
This was another story with a good bit of emotional impact. I don’t mind admitting I hear tears in my eyes at a couple points. The idea around the ending was pretty cool, it certainly got around the lack of touching otherwise.

Snap by George Glass
I did get an idea what was coming there, which goes to show how well you did the foreshadowing! Definitely spooky. It’s funny, I like violent stories normally, but I’m pretty glad it wasn’t detailed here.

Nightmare’s Dream by Peverted Pages
I thought that was pretty damn sexy! Yup, time to remember that vampires are monsters, not glitter salesmen. One odd thing, where it says “grabbed her hair**” with the ** I scrolled down for a ** footnote!
What is the meaning of ** in this context?

Death has an Ugly Face by Tahn's 2nd story. The fiend!
It also works read in the voice of Bonny from Family Guy. Not the first character to face death with a knob in the hand. See, this is how you do 2nd person seriously and give it good atmosphere. ‘nother campfire classic in the making!

All Hallow’s Eve by ThinLizzie
Is it bad that I’d rather have ghouls knocking on the door than kids trick or treating? I mean, come on! Even the guard marmots hide when they tromp up the path. I read this aloud too! The old ways aren’t so bad. Well... some of them. Poem shows the counterpoints skilfully.

--

Having a story in in this collection has brought more hits than my last two original fic uploads, but I suspect rather less for some of you with the big original fanbases. I hopes I am not dragging you down!

--

I still have Signs going around in my head. The rest of you can suffer too. Go on. Listen to it.

[Daye]

Fucking Halloween Party

I really enjoyed this fic, JayDee. The characters are fun and well described and the sex is awesome. I really liked how each time Shannon's expectations about the killer were proved wrong. 'oh its the nerdy guy! oh its an angry jock!' Turns out not to be either. And she saves the day through understanding and seduction. Not say pulling off limbs or sexing people to death. The redemption and helping people arc on all parts was great.

All in all, a very enjoyable well written fic.

[Joe Long]

I still have Signs going around in my head. The rest of you can suffer too. Go on. Listen to it.

I won a karaoke a couple years ago with that song.

My dad had a sticker with that "Beware the owner" message on his back door, so I thought of that being on a sign at the end of the driveway. Then I had the character ask, "What's the sign say?" and as soon as I wrote it down, "Long haired freaky people..." just popped into my head, so I had to include it. I'd forgotten that the song also had "trespassers will be shot on sight!"

Edited October 27, 2015 by Joe Long

[DirtyAngel]

men, Magus has a sign at the end of the driveway that says "You are now in range."

[GeorgeGlass]

Ghosts Aren't Real, says the Vampire to the Werewolf - ChrissyQuinn

I could so relate to this--not because I'm a gay British vampire (okay, I am, but I'm totally in the closet about the British thing), but because I remember well times in my youth when I was the more sensible friend who lets the not-at-all-sensible friend talk him into doing something stupid. This story captures that feeling perfectly. And the ginger joke was hilarious.

Feed the Land - BronxWench

This story is so atmospheric that I felt less like I was reading it than like it was being told to me by someone (maybe by a campfire, or in front of a fireplace in some remote cottage). Love the sumptuously worded descriptions of the scene and the characters. And I found the ending grimly satisfying.

Snap - GeorgeGlass

Holy crap dude! That was freaky, good job!

Thank you!

Snap by George Glass
I did get an idea what was coming there, which goes to show how well you did the foreshadowing! Definitely spooky. It’s funny, I like violent stories normally, but I’m pretty glad it wasn’t detailed here.

I've always found it challenging to achieve the happy medium between "Yeah, totally saw that coming" and "That came out of nowhere and makes no sense." (And I'll admit it's not the most original idea in the world.) In any case, I'm glad you found it spooky.

BronxWench wrote:
This one gave me gooseflesh, and I'm fairly sure I have a good nightmare of two waiting. Honestly, this was one of the creepiest stories submitted, and I say that with no small amount of admiration and envy. Superb, sir!

The admiration and envy of BronxWench are treasures beyond value. Thank you!

Edit: My wife just read "Snap" and, being a social worker who works with a lot of people who have been in jail or prison, she pointed out that there's no way that someone who was arrested only a month ago would already be in prison--he'd still be in jail awaiting trial. She found this timeline issue so confusing that it ruined the story for her. So I guess I'll have to figure out a way to fix that.

Edited October 28, 2015 by GeorgeGlass

[JayDee]

"Oh, snap!"

Fucking Halloween Party
I really enjoyed this fic, JayDee. The characters are fun and well described and the sex is awesome. I really liked how each time Shannon's expectations about the killer were proved wrong. 'oh its the nerdy guy! oh its an angry jock!' Turns out not to be either. And she saves the day through understanding and seduction. Not say pulling off limbs or sexing people to death. The redemption and helping people arc on all parts was great.

All in all, a very enjoyable well written fic.

Thank you! I am really glad that you liked it. Sex being good is always what I like to hear with my fuckfics.

She's lucky it wasn't a Pirates of the Caribbean year. "How many Captain Jack's do I have to suck? 37? Whoohoo!" Alright, maybe unlucky...

I think an alternative interpretation is that she saves the day through an incredible series of co-incidences! Which I'm blaming on Sarsa's hacky influence after she came in contact with the spell.

[DirtyAngel]

Ok, somehow I got tasked with writing our combined reviews so this is from me, Magusfang, and of course ThinLizzie:

Ghosts aren't real, says the vampire to the werewolf: Loved it, who says you aren't funny? Werewolf as a cat LOL Love Garret's playfulness and Evan's long suffering love of his energetic lover. Great story and even had a good scary part.

Feed The Land: Wow, Magus is right BW, you're good. Loved the story and I need to read more of your work. Yep, made me cry, but more importantly it made Lizzie sniffle.

Becky's grave: Good story Joe, little predictable but well written still. Loved the dialogue.

Girls Who Wear Glasses: Magus recuses himself, obviously but being the good little girls we are - this is by far the best! Just kidding...I did like it though but I may be biased...

The Phone: Great story, loved the tension of the return texts but we are split. Lizzie says they were actually dead and splitting their time between the graveyard and the moon, hence wanting the one guy's grave moved, I say they faked their deaths and are hiding out on the moon and the whole move the grave thing was just a joke, and Magus thinks they are ghosts living(?) on the moon. Loved it though, but I think to really get everything out of it the reader needs to read Star Rebels...which we have

Glory hole to hell: LOL, so a shoe-in for best title LOL. Still LOL...made me sniffle a little that he had to watch his lover die and then die slow but they seam pretty happy as ghosts...considering...oops, almost a spoiler

Fucking Halloween party: I so love Shannon and I have more stories on my reading list, so love your irreverent style, sorry no sniffles but we laughed a lot

From the ashes: Already told Tahn what I thought and Tahn, it made me cry all over again. Beautiful story, It's Lizzie's favorite by the way, she a big ole romantic!

SNAP: So made me cry when I thought about the kids...you meanie. Very scary and I loved the hints you gave without actually giving it all away, great job, was so mad at whatever it was at the end!

Nightmare's Dream: So sad, poor girl. Wished it was longer, hated to see it end...yep you get a pregnant woman snively too

Death has an ugly Face: Great little vignette but the Vincent Price thing put the song Thriller in my head...so thanks for that

All Hallow's Eve: My Baby can write huh? Too bad she only does poems, I think I did say something about her being a hopeless romantic...

Thank you all for the great stories, we really enjoyed them and some were even safe to read to the kids...so not your's George, or your's CL, didn't even read the title to them

[JayDee]

Ok, somehow I got tasked with writing our combined reviews so this is from me, Magusfang, and of course ThinLizzie:

Fucking Halloween party: I so love Shannon and I have more stories on my reading list, so love your irreverent style, sorry no sniffles but we laughed a lot

Thanks to all three of you! Another vote for laughs in it, so I must've got it pretty much right

CL.Mustafic

Fucking Halloween Party by JayDee,

I wrote a huge review before the darn thing told me I could only review 5 times in one day Anyway I loved this story usually having three sex scenes in such a sort story would have made me skip over the last two and hate it but you did three very different takes and I loved them all! But really Sarsa is my favorite character and as you know, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter of You! so I loved her little part in this story.

Thank you for your review also! Three little sex scenes isn't usually my style, I tend to go for one huge sex scene with no plot, so it's good it worked. It's just an old fashioned love story, really, Girl sucks boy, girl fucks other boy up the ass, girl meets girl. How many times have we heard that one?

I went through a phase with the AFF review system where I kept somehow losing my reviews. Since then I write 'em in word and paste them across. I'm sure it's fixed but I'm not taking chances!

[PervertedPages]

Didn't mean to get you snivly!! Meant to get you scared!! Vampires! Evil! Sorry!