InBrightestDay
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Posts posted by InBrightestDay
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2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:
No problem at all. I am perfectly fine with writing the review again with adjustment for the changes you did. After all it is you who took the effort to rewrite the chapter based on my input.
I’ll send you a PM with the changes I made. It won’t fix all of the things you didn’t like, but it should address at least some of them.
2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:I think there is a fine line between magical shield that is drained of power and willpower that deteriorate. There is also the interesting bit in the beginning of JayDees story when she spend effort to aid people who are tormented by the black force but afterward worry that this effort might left her weakened. For me this suggests that Luzurial in Whore of Heaven is spending some kind of magical/holy force to do supernatural stuff like resisting damage.
That energy is what she calls her inner light. It’s tied to (or is) her willpower and it allows her to do stuff like create creatures from human virtues, blast enemies and burn things. I figure it affects her physical toughness as well, but that the toughness of her skin and muscles is not something she has to concentrate on; it just happens automatically. The other things, like burning things or crafting the virtue creatures, are conscious actions that she has to think about.
2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:Honestly I don’t think getting these things consistent between your stories matter very much to your story
Well, consistency is something I try for when I can, since this is intended as a sequel. I’d like it to fit with what’s in Whore of Heaven as well as possible. There are some changes, of course, but I try to keep things the same.
2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:from an author perspective I think that making the character too impervious to harm can make it harder to create situations when the reader worry about the character.
I understand completely. Trust me though, even if she had been completely immune to the Gungnir, she’s not immune to the stuff Eparlegna does, and as of the end of Part Three, he’ll be back. She is most definitely in danger.
2 hours ago, Thundercloud said:On the other hand...why do they write holy inscriptions on the weapon and expect them to work if they don’t think they are dealing with enemies of their faith? I think if mysterious being appeared on our earth and we discovered holy symbols hurt them we would pretty soon talk about them as demons or devils.
The reason I didn’t want to use the word demon was because there are actual demons in the setting (and as I just mentioned, one of them is our villain), and I didn’t want to use the same word for the enhanced humans.
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1 hour ago, JayDee said:
Came up with Shannon MacDuff, Kate Wilde, Lupa Lopez and Kizzy Dieudonné.
Well, the English name Shannon is apparently derived from the River Shannon, the longest river in Ireland, so MacSomething-or-other does seem like a good idea. As far as I can tell, MacDuff is derived from Scottish Gaelic, though I can’t be sure of this.
Kate is an English name, so Wilde does fit (as well as kind of feeling like a werewolf joke).
Lupa Lopez is also kind of funny, since (again, from what I can tell) Lopez means “son of Lope” and Lope is apparently a Spanish form of Lupus, the feminine form of which would be...Lupa.
Kizzy’s is brilliant, though, since it translates literally from the French as “given by God.”
So yeah, I’d say you don’t suck at names.
1 hour ago, JayDee said:I had Kizzy’s first hello include the phrase “Fellow Humans,” and keep giggling at it.
I really like that, because it’s either a Star Trek reference, or it’s her doing a terrible job at blending in with mortals.
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23 minutes ago, JayDee said:
My two cents would be to stick with apotheosis – I hope you do!.
It’s got the benefit that a highly technical term being used wrongly by the general population after a major event (or due to some TV show. Fuckin’ data used as singular instead of datum.) is incredibly human and happens all the time to the point that outside of their original technical usage the general meaning of the word evolves.
I admit I do want to stick with that. Daimonopoiosis would be more accurate (and a cool use of Greek), but it’s a syllable longer than apotheosis, which makes it a bit more awkward to say, and like I said before, it just doesn’t sound as cool.
22 minutes ago, InvidiaRed said:Well why don’t you use Fall/ Decension or even Damned to describe them? Apotheosis Or Ascendance is a state of becoming more.
Wouldn't it make more sense for the augmented human to have Fallen? Sure said human is more powerful but in doing so said human is much less than what they were. They are Damned. (Made more poignant if they willfully chose power over any chance of salvation.)
That’s actually a really interesting idea. I don’t want to use “Damned”, because that would apply to basically any soul condemned to Hell, instead of just the empowered humans. “Fallen” sounds a bit too much like a description of an actual demon (since they’re fallen angels), but there is something appealing about “Descended.” I think it’s going to be either apotheosis or descended.
- InvidiaRed and JayDee
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3 hours ago, Thundercloud said:
Possibly I might have been more on the edge if the PPD intended to injure her and capture her.
Actually, considering a statement made in Part Three about how nobody’s putting any money on enchanted bullets actually killing an extradimensional creature, it really doesn’t make sense that they’re trying to kill her. I tweaked Chloe’s dialogue somewhat to make it clear that they’re merely attempting to disable her. Hopefully you’re okay with me making that change; I don’t want you to feel like I’m invalidating your reviews.
3 hours ago, Thundercloud said:It could also be worth to mention that as I recall Whore of Heaven Luzurial takes quite many injuries as she is tortured and I had no expectation of her being immune to the Gungnir. What if Luzirial does not have active invulnerability but need to raise her magical defenses to hold off the attack.
Oh, she definitely takes a lot of injury, to say the least, during the torture scene, but everything that hurts her is magical/demonic in nature. Her wings are cut off with her own sword, which Eparlegna then turns into a whip to shred her back with.
Quotebecause it was formed from Luzurial’s own weapon each blow caused tremendous damage and terrible pain to her.
This implied to me that she was highly resistant to damage from mundane weapons. In addition, the chains driven through her palms seemed able to do that because of Eparlegna having pulled/cut two of his own claws off and attached them.
QuoteEparlegna’s claws gave them the power they needed, and they pressed through inhuman skin and bone with painful ease.
In other places, her physical toughness is highlighted, for instance with the stone tentacles in Part One.
QuoteThe stone grip would have pulped human limbs.
…
Only the divinely created angelic flesh kept Luzurial’s limbs from so much as dislocating, though the strain was intense.
And in Part Three.
QuoteEparlegna waved his arm, and the tentacles retracted, leaving Luzurial bound only by the magic circle. Her wrists were unmarked despite being so tightly gripped, for the Archangel’s physical durability was far above any human’s.
Given all of this, I figured it wasn’t so much a conscious magical shield-raising as it was the innate resilience of her angelic flesh, and the equal toughness of demonic flesh or some form of magic (like the power of Luzurial’s own weapon) was required to overcome it.
However, you did remind me of something. Luzurial’s power appears tied to her will, which is the whole point of torturing and humiliating her in the original story (aside from the fact that Eparlegna just enjoys it): she becomes physically weaker as her mental and emotional state worsens. I followed through on that for Part One of my story (she’s in a very bad state when Kevin finds her, which is why the surgeons are able to suture her wound, as her state allows a metal needle to be pushed through her otherwise way-too-tough skin, and why she regenerates more slowly). I had kind of used that in this part. She’s feeling better (she’s had a good night’s sleep and is receiving emotional support), so she’s tougher now and should be healing faster, though she’s not at full strength yet, which is the reason the bullet stings a little and the anti-tank round bruises her, but I think I’ll go back and add a little more damage. Maybe the Gungnir round will fracture her collarbone in addition to the bruise.
3 hours ago, Thundercloud said:I think the rub is that I don’t understand why Keving would now this.
This takes place in 2082, so some technology is different, and the new tech is in popular culture courtesy of in-universe movies, TV shows, documentaries, etc. Coilguns/gauss rifles are not terribly well-known now (aside from science nerds), but I thought in 63 years they may be more well-known as the technology becomes more widespread.
3 hours ago, Thundercloud said:I would probably have gone with “demon of Class A” is or something similar. Apothesis sounds very holy to me.
I don’t really want to use the word “demon” for anything that isn’t really a demon (especially since, as the summary indicated, we’re going to have an actual demon in the story soon). I’d like to keep the term something that indicates that these are enhanced humans; people who have been changed into something more. Do you think “augment” would work? I know that’s a verb, but it’s also used as a noun in Star Trek to describe genetically augmented humans (like Khan).
Of course, if I use that, I start to feel like I’m ripping off Trek.
“Demi-fiend” also might work.
Actually, one last option could use the same wordplay as apotheosis. Check this out: the word apotheosis comes from the Greek “apo” (from) and “theos” (god), which became “apotheoun” (to make a god of) and then apotheosis. Well, “demon” comes from the Greek “daimon” and the Greek way of saying “demonize” would be “daimonopoioun” (similar to apotheoun), so maybe the demonic equivalent would be something like “daimonopoiosis”.
Granted, this doesn’t sound as cool as apotheosis...
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20 minutes ago, Tcr said:
That is definitely a fault of the author.
I don’t think it’s a fault of the author, but rather something that’s inherent to fiction. Whenever I read something, I have to ask myself whether the thing being discussed is common knowledge in the setting or common knowledge in the modern day. I just mistakenly assumed I was supposed to know that, rather than it being common knowledge several centuries in the future. There’s not really any way I can think of that you could have improved on that.
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Thundercloud
The good thing after reading chapter 2 is that I still love your remake on the WoH story and is looking forward to what kind of story you want to tell.
Sweet! Glad this chapter didn’t drive you off in spite of its flaws.
QuoteWith that covered I must say that I found the second chapter weak on plot. The major event of the chapter is the confrontation with the PPD, but the way you set things up it you put their most heavy weapon in play as first thing and reveal her to be immune to their weapon and this kind of removes the tension from the scene IMHO.
That’s a fair criticism. Originally, this was part of a larger segment, along with what is now Part Three. As a result of breaking it off into its own section, this is now the shortest chapter in the story in terms of word count, and is only two scenes long. I think where tension is concerned, the idea was that this might be tense for people who hadn’t read Whore of Heaven. If you don’t know what Luzurial is, then even knowing about her regeneration from the hospital scene, you might expect the Gungnir to really hurt her (and it would have, had the bullets been inscribed properly), and her only getting bruised would be kind of a surprise.
The PPD aren’t really the antagonists of the story, and this was more of a misunderstanding and a way to show Chloe’s team in action. Having said that, I’m sorry this wasn’t as fulfilling as it should have been. The good news is that Part Three will be up on Monday and you’ll be able to see what this was originally attached to.
QuoteI am also slightly annoyed by Kevin suddenly knowing that she has been hit with an anti tank weapon. Without spotting the sniper he can possibly tell what kind of weapon she was attacked with? How does they know this is the real PPD
Chloe’s dialogue mentioned a gauss rifle (“That gauss rifle cut an apotheosis in half two weeks ago, Gibbs!”), and I figured Kevin knows what that weapon is, but it was definitely somewhat unfair of me to assume that from that, Kevin would have been able to deduce that it was an anti-armor gauss rifle. Sorry about that.
As for knowing that it’s the real PPD, that’s ultimately more of a matter of trust than of actually knowing. Of course, they would have known if I had remembered to have Chloe flash a badge.
Something tells me that emoticon is going to see a lot more use as people point out mistakes I really should have noticed...
QuoteOn a minor notice I thought the word apotheosis means a character or something that is made divine. Seems very strange that they would use this about something they think is a demon. Maybe the English meaning of the word is different, but that use of the word jumped out at me.
Apotheosis means exactly what you described; they’re just not using it to refer to Luzurial. From back in Part One:
Hobbs: “and then, of course, there was that hybrid thing two weeks ago.”
Chloe: “We call it an apotheosis, actually. Serial killer made a pact with a demon, or an extradimensional hostile if you want to be more technical, resulting in enhanced strength and durability.”
So an apotheosis is a human granted preternatural powers by a demon (those two cops in Whore of Heaven, for instance). Granted, they’re infernal powers rather than truly divine powers, but the term was as close as I could get. No one is calling Luzurial an apotheosis, but rather Chloe is saying that if the Gungnir killed an apotheosis, it really should have done something more to her.
QuoteMost important thing, despite the things mentioned in this review I still think this story is very wellwritten compared to most things out there.
Again, thank you for the review, and for sticking with the story. Hopefully the next chapter will be less annoying.
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18 hours ago, Tcr said:
Dare I say it... I think I have... a fan...
. Lol.
You’ve definitely got me invested in the characters here!
There is one thing about the story, but it’s not necessarily a criticism. The thing is, I’m in my early thirties, but sometimes reading this story makes me feel like a really old man. When you brought up that Tirsa was demisexual...I had legitimately never heard that term before. I had to Google it. Based on how the characters were talking about it like it was the most natural thing in the world, I felt like I was supposed to know what that was and that I was a grandpa character going “what’s that lingo the hip young kids are using these days?”
Again, that’s not anything wrong with the story. I just felt kind of stupid.
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11 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:
And I get the form of therapy, I often write to vent and get all the shit out onto the page. Certainly helps.
That’s actually not quite what I meant. I think you might have read my Whore of Heaven reviews, and if you remember my Part Three review, then you’ll recall that when I read the story ten years ago, I got rather emotional and sad and felt incredibly bad for Luzurial. I emailed JayDee and asked, basically, if I could write her a happy ending.
I was aware that asking to do a happy ending to a dark torture/rape story would likely prompt some eye rolling, but I felt like it would make me feel a little better if there was some timeline, some completely non-canon chain of events where things got better for her. That’s more what I meant by therapy.
Now I was not expecting that when I finally got around to writing the story and sent the first four or five chapters to JayDee, that the response would be “This is canon now, by the way.”
12 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:Guess I’m just tired of having these groups always painted as the villain as a whole. It seems, cheap.
I absolutely understand (the Evil Government Agency is kind of annoying to me as well) and the majority of the PPD are good people.
By the way, my phone’s autocomplete now recognizes Luzurial’s name. I didn’t think I was typing that many posts on my phone, but apparently...
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Sinfulwolf
A nice, almost beautiful, continuation of JayDee's story. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes. You took the reigns and ran real good with them, and I really like how the world's been sculpted as a result of what happened in the first tale. There's quite a bit of small little things that make it believable.
Thank you so much! I basically wrote this as a form of therapy, so hearing that other people are enjoying it is always wonderful.
QuoteSome small things that irked me, was more the militaristic side of things. Folks going in guns blazing and all that, just seems a bit tropey,
If by tropey you mean cliched, well, I have been known to write like that from time to time, and I’m sorry about that.
In-universe, the reason for the “shoot first” approach is down to two things.
First, Chloe’s team is basically the PPD’s version of a SWAT team, so she assumes that if Hobbs gave her the assignment, then violence is called for.
Second, in this universe, the last time an extradimensional creature showed up, it had preternatural powers and killed millions of people, so some of the guns blazing approach is due to fear of a repeat performance.
Quoteand I thought for sure the PPD was going to be this stories villains for a bit.
Well, yes and no. On the one hand, Chloe & Co. are genuinely good people, and what happened in this chapter was down to a misunderstanding. On the other hand, the PPD is a law enforcement organization, and no law enforcement organization is free of corruption, especially when you’re dealing with something like demons…
QuoteThe other one was the 200 metre shot. With that mammoth gun. That's... really close. Remember that the longest sniper shot is at 3.5 km now, and 200 m is just so... easy to hit targets at. Don't know why there'd be any questioning of it. But that's pretty nitpicky.
You ready to hear a true but really dumb story? I did research on what a long rifle shot would be, and originally that distance was way more than 200 meters, but then I realized that since all parties involved are on campus when this goes down, Gibbs probably wouldn’t be too far from his target, otherwise buildings and trees are going to get in the way.
Now this is where any reasonable author would cut the line entirely, but I, not thinking this through, just altered the range value and left it like that.
So yeah…
QuoteOverall, very well written, nice cast of characters, and I'm interested in seeing where this goes in the future.
I’m updating weekly, so Part Three will be up on February 4. You’re likely to run into more tropey stuff down the line, I’m afraid, but I do hope that the story continues to be enjoyable for you in spite of that!
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8 hours ago, JayDee said:
Don’t worry I won’t talk about the karaoke night where Luzurial stuns everyone with a pitch perfect rendition of Iron Maiden’s Hallowed be thy name. Or the issues when the IRS turn up to discuss 75 years of back taxes owed for “Being one of those busking statue guys.” Or when Kevin asks her why she keeps killing birds and shouting about “75 years of goddamn crap, you feathery bastards!” Or anything about a dimension hopping succubus.
Darn it, JayDee! Now I’m going to have to completely rewrite Part Three!
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3 hours ago, Sinfulwolf said:
I didn’t have a problem with the outfit per se. I’ve come across a lot of different settings where the angels wear very little. I think it just felt contradictory with the line about avoiding lusts. Whereas had she just been wearing the stuff, it might not have stood out to me so much.
I realize I’m not the original author, but I always saw the outfit as a result of Luzurial’s naivete concerning sexuality. It’s not that she’s clueless about humanity in general (she’s not surprised by cars, guns, modern buildings, etc.) and she knows what sex is, but other stuff surrounding sex is kind of a blind spot for her. Given that, she knows that she shouldn’t be seen naked by mortals, but doesn’t realize that covering up a little of herself, but not enough, just makes her look hotter.
That was my take on it, anyway.
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InvidiaRed
Simply beautiful.
Its not very often when you are confronted with someone older than time and the current universe. Trapped in a statue for 75 years.
Thank you! The age thing is partly my own religious beliefs and partly due to the mixture used in the story mine is a sequel to. In JayDee’s story, there are references to the past that imply a literal reading of Genesis (the Tower of Babel is mentioned, as is the Flood), but there are also references to a scientific cosmology (the heat death of the universe is implied), so I tried to keep that up. This lead to me using the scientific age of the universe (13.8 billion years) and then accounting for the fact that Luzurial (and therefore the rest of the angelic host) is stated to be older than spacetime, so I gave her an extra 200 million years, though as she says, it was difficult to count years back then.
Thanks again for the review!
- JayDee and InvidiaRed
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Well, Part Two is up, and we have new reviews!
QuoteJayDee
One tiny typo in the credit at the start “are own by JayDee”.
Fixed! I swear, that’s what I get for posting the chapter as soon as I rolled out of bed.
To respond to something you said elsewhere, you needn’t worry; your “spoiler” reviews are not too spoilery. If they were spoiling future chapters, then we’d have to talk.
QuoteCalista’s a cool character too – that whole applied theology thing just makes sense in a post WoH world, and the way she explains some of the ‘what happened next’ fits in really well without seeming an exposition dump.
The funny thing is that she was originally supposed to be an English major, and then I realized that I had to introduce this whole new theology/magic hybrid discipline, and it would make things a lot easier to just have her majoring in that. It also gave her a reason to get involved in the stuff that happens later on.
QuoteThe way you handle the humanity’s champion being responsible for the original defeat of Eparlegna, following the lines at the end of Whore of Heaven, I just love that multi-faith solution.
Well, you said a human champion bested him and his followers, but you never said the champion couldn’t have help!
QuoteAlso, she high fives an angel which is fun.
Yeah, I kind of chuckled at the idea of her doing that, since for the moment everyone is still treating Luzurial as just another person. Had she been introduced to her as the Archangel Luzurial, Calista never would have done anything like that.
QuoteAbdul’s guess that Luzurial is a decade or so over proves a little out – that dialogue with the 14... billion exchange is funny, but also kind of cool.
The fourteen billion exchange was one of my favorite things to write, especially Kevin’s “Billion? Like...with a B?” And yeah, I thought it was kind of cool to play up just how old an angel would be in a universe that is as old as science tells us this one is.
QuoteChloe’s so bad ass – as soon as she can she takes another shot right at Luzurial mid-sentence.
In these early chapters, I tried to write Chloe as someone who is both highly skilled and a little nervous, though the longer the story goes on the more she adjusts to the insanity going on here. Her shooting Luzurial mid-sentence, in particular, is a mix of trying to save the world...and nerves. This extradimensional being, which she still thinks may be dangerous, just started moving toward her, after all. I also kind of chuckled when I wrote Luzurial’s reaction. If a .49 caliber hypersonic round didn’t do more than bruise her, then a 9mm handgun round isn’t going to do anything. The “Ow” is more out of a slight annoyance than any actual pain.
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4 hours ago, JayDee said:
So far as fanfic goes – I’ve been really wanting to do a story with Medusa, Stheno and Euryale for years and never even got around to properly planning it. It wouldn’t be incest! But folks would be getting hard. Rimshot.
Rock hard, even.
QuoteAbsolutely some dickish behavior though. Although in a way that’s quite endearing about them too, because the Greeks were happy to have Gods that were basically people, but more so.
Yeah, it is actually rather interesting. Greek art tends toward the ideal (the sculptures aren’t necessarily what the human body is but perhaps what it should be), and yet their deities display all the flaws of humanity. It’s a neat idea.
QuoteYeah, he stuffed those birds!
Not sure if I like that joke. You might have laid an egg there.
QuoteLeda straight up fucked a swan and had two human kids. Ok, the swan was Zeus in disguise but even so…
And of course there’s how he got Danae pregnant with Perseus. Zeus came to her in the form of a shower of gold...and many laughs were had in my high school literature class.
QuoteBasically, the Greeks didn’t have something beautiful in a myth if someone wasn’t gonna stick their junk in it, and have a kid.
Greece: writing adult fanfiction long before the internet.
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39 minutes ago, Thundercloud said:
English is indeed a second language for me, but some of the language mistakes can probably be attributed to lack of sleep.
That very thing happened to me this morning. I typed into the beginning of a chapter that the characters “are own by JayDee.” That should, of course, have been “are owned by JayDee,” and my only defense is that I was just waking up when I typed it. Anyway, I went back and fixed it.
Quoteconsidering what you have written in other reviews there are some of stories you should stay clear of...for instance I really doubt you would like Tales of Deception that is brutal enough that I got actual flame from a reader that did not read the story codes.
Ouch! Sorry about that. I always consider it my fault if I skip the codes and then get upset. I will definitely be sending you a PM about the story I’m interested in, though.
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1 hour ago, InvidiaRed said:
Whichever you consider funnier. She’s saying don’t be a monster. What he’s hearing is don’t be successful.
I forgot to mention it in the review, but my absolute favorite joke in the story is Tinarah’s “There is so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to start...” reaction to the exchange.
QuoteI very nearly didn’t survive highschool. Anxiety and depression fed on one another till it was unbearable.My parents caught me before I contemplated the unthinkable.
I’m very sorry you went through that, but I am glad that your family was there for you and that you had a source of support.
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10 hours ago, Tcr said:
Well, I’m not saying every male out there wants it… But I’m sure there’s more than a few who do.
Oh, I wasn’t trying to say that. Trust me, I don’t want to add to any stereotypes about my sex. I was just trying to think of why straight men would push straight women to “go bi”, and that was the only reason I could come up with.
10 hours ago, Tcr said:The only point that I was disappointed with that novel (and, admittedly, it was written at a time when this was… both the norm and nigh mandatory necessity) was the ending with the ‘magical cure-all medicine to revert everyone to ‘normal’’… That left a sour note with me in what was otherwise a great novel.
Yikes. It’s one thing if a bunch of straight people had been magically made gay, and the “cure” left actual gay people as they were and just reverted the straight people back to their original orientation, but if it “fixed” everyone, well...awkward.
actually, with regards to sexual orientation and the politics that go with it, I really appreciate how nice Lian is so far. When the story was starting and the guys were giving Celeste shit, I became vaguely alarmed, since I’ve seen other stories with gay main characters make all the straight characters huge jerks, perhaps for the sake of a message of some kind. Seeing how much Lian appears to genuinely care for her friend was immensely reassuring.
And yeah, having seen just how much cheating Adara seems to have been doing, Celeste’s anger feels extremely relatable.
10 hours ago, Tcr said:I’m still nervous when it comes to scenes involving intimate actions, I’m always doubting how well it will turn out… Or if it’ll be disappointing… lol. But thank you.
It’s still nerve-wracking for me too, actually. I never really know how well it’s working.
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I posted the first chapter back on Monday, but better late than never!
Author: InBrightestDay
Title: The Woman in the Statue
Summary: Kevin's never liked that creepy statue in the park. It's sad, it's disturbing and, as he finds out one day, it's not a statue at all. The woman he finds inside is enigmatic, beautiful...and hurt in ways far beyond the physical. Taking her home, Kevin attempts to help her recover, but she's not the only thing to return from the past. 75 years earlier, Los Angeles was visited by an evil born of Hell itself, and it's coming back.
Feedback: Reviews and constructive criticism very much appreciated! The silence is more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be.
Fandom: Original>Paranormal/Supernatural
Warnings: Angst Contro H/C Humil MCD MF MiCD OC Oral Rape Tent Tort Violence
Solo or chaptered story: Chaptered
URL: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109227
Review Reply thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/67631-inbrightestdays-originals-review-reply-discussion-thread/
Thanks for reading!
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1 hour ago, JayDee said:
The first one’s pissed because somone threw a skull in her pond after she did her spring clean
Funny you should say that, because there’s another illustration that made me think “Kids today, always throwing their trash in my pond...”
Quote“Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“...take your MM scatfic back to AFF.”
I keep forgetting how many words are actually innuendos.
QuoteDunno if I’ll finish it. Just trying to write more, really. Sit down for a time and try and write something.
That’s really all you can do. As I mentioned a page or two ago, some scenes just come together in my head, while others require me to stare at a blank word processor for quite some time.
QuoteMaybe I’d be better concentrating on one of my few remaining gorefest re-writes from 2007. Something I could finish at least!
I thought you’d be out of those by now. Do you just have a big “Old Guro Stories” folder on your PC?
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3 hours ago, JayDee said:
I guess when your sole reason for existing is to be a warning against getting close enough to water to drown you’re gonna be one creepy water critter.
She’s netted a few creepy illustrations too.
3 hours ago, JayDee said:She probably just has a ham, egg, and chips at a riverside pub these days.
I now kind of want to see this in a story. Maybe the same one where Kizzy & Co. end up after a mission (which I guess would make it “a seraph, a succubus, a vampire and a werewolf walk into a pub”)
QuoteI ought to revisit him someday in another humorous misunderstanding. Perhaps around a wolf in some sort of park back in America.
It could actually work pretty well right now. Given the government shutdown, there are people literally pooping in the woods in some of our national parks.
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So...remember this?
QuoteMinimum diameter on the circle is probably something like 2 meters (6.56 feet), since the dome has to have some room above her head, and it would explain how the confinement was so tight she couldn’t dodge the chains in Part Three...but then her wings end up looking absurdly small rather than absurdly huge.
I just realized that as a hemisphere, the height of a dome is equal to its radius, not its diameter, so in order for Luzurial’s head not to be brushing the roof of the dome, the radius of the thing has to be something like 2 meters (about 6 feet 7 inches), which means the diameter is 4 meters (a hair over 13 feet) at the ground level.
I apologize for the math-based stupidity from earlier. I’ve gotten better at it over the years, but sometimes basic aspects of geometry still escape me.
In case you’re curious, if I’m doing this right, it would mean that assuming Luzurial is 6 feet (1.829 m) tall, then the wings sprout from her shoulders, which according to what I could find online are about 82.1% of the way up your body (1.501 m in her case). At a height of 1.501 m, the diameter of the barrier should be 8 feet 8 inches (2.642 m), so with that 15 foot wingspan, she’d be able to spread them more than halfway, which should allow her to beat them somewhat, though obviously not at full strength, but would also allow her to press them against the walls of the dome.
Assuming I didn’t just screw up the math again, that is.
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1 hour ago, JayDee said:
That does sound like the ol’ Lamia. Sometimes writing the stuff down is the only way to purge it. Although, If it helps, there’s always the bright side that l I never got around to writing her “Turducken but with angels” idea.
Anyway, you could always undelete it and use it for the basis of an AFF Halloween party story… Wait, that wasn’t me, that was the muse.
It’s not the kind of thing I could use for a Halloween Party anyway. I sent it to you via PM so that you might understand.
I’m not blaming you or anything; I know the line was meant to make me laugh.
The Woman in the Statue
in Promote a Story!
Posted
Part Three is up!