[She is the One]

Yes, that was rather odd timing. Wait, could it be that Kayla's parents had a threesome (or similar encounter) with Tara's parents and when Tara moves in the memories resurface causing a rift between the two parents. This way what happened with Jack, Kayla and Tara was history repeating itself. Just something that came to me, though the odds of this happening are low.

I think it's much more likely that Chester was introduced to that fine young woman Tara by his daughter, and he immediately went to the internet where he found a trove of Facebook photos.

I know, I've been there!

[She is the One]

It would be a big twist, but it would pale by comparison to our actual political scene ever since Bill Clintons' days in office. Truth IS stranger than fiction-- and that's because fiction has to make sense.

Clinton didn't start those kinds of things - well, maybe in the Oval Office.

Look up a book "Silent Coup". I read it in the early 80's, maybe 10 years after Watergate.

It alleges that John Dean, who got immunity for testifying before Congress about everyone else in the White House, was actually deeply involved in the planning, and it had more to do with prostitution.

Both sides looked for dirty tricks to be pulled on the opposition, especially in the run-up to a presidential election. Nixon's people had word that a secretary in the DNC headquarters in the Watergate office complex was in charge of booking 'escorts' for out of town politicians and donors who came to DC for visits. That's because the madam's roommate was Dean's girlfriend, and later wife, Maureen.

The popular story was that the bugs planted in the DNC offices were to gather political intelligence, with Liddy and the others caught when trying to remove them. The book alleges that the bug was on the phone of the secretary arranging the escorts, so that Nixon's men would know which Democrat had been with which hooker, to be used later as blackmail. Once a guy associated with the madam was busted for transporting a girl across state lines, they closed up shop to avoid being implicated in the police investigation of the prostitutes.

So, to tie two story lines together, Mr. Hanigan found out his wife was arranging escorts, acting as the liasion between her 'clients' and the madam. Although I still like the idea than Chester was caught fapping to Tara's Facebook page (the problems between Kayla's parents was first noticed when Tara's family was moving in).

Why not both? Make them both guilty!

[She is the One]

How do you know who died? Or if anyone died? I'd figure if it was told from first person, past tense, that the teller may have survived.

It was triggering!

In two stories, the young lady was in serious peril, and of course I was rooting for her to escape and/or exact revenge for her deprivations. Then the violence went up a notch, and I got queezy reading about what seemed a permanent and/or disabling injury. And then they died. I wasn't interested in trying the genre again.

However, death of a prominent character can be done well. Ron Moore killed dozens of people off of Battlestar Galactica, and it provided good drama. He told a story on his podcast of the actress who played the Viper pilot "Kat." She was traveling and received an email of the next script. Her friend was reading through it, and excitedly told her, "You're going to be the star of this episode!" "What's it about?" "You escort the ships through a dangerous nebula - oh, and then you die" "Shit." Moore forget to tell her ahead of time that they were terminating her character (and thus her employment) - but Moore thought it would make a great story.

[She is the One]

Tom smiled apologetically. "I'm afraid I'm not taking prisoners. But I'll acknowledge your will." He leveled his pistol at my head.

I thought of Walburn, of what happened. I closed my eyes, wondering if it would be quick. I waited for the embrace.

"Good bye, Jack!" Tom sang.

"BANG!"

I've read a few fan fics on this site, two which involved young attractive TV characters being held against their will and then raped. The sense of danger to characters we know, and even of degradation and injury, can be entertaining, but I'm rooting for my people to respond, to get the upper hand and live to tell the story. Then they die - what a bummer!

[She is the One]

I still got my money on Craig, Joe, Sam, Jessica or Nick.

Craig has the means, and has a history of douchery. The ring leader could approach Craig to ask for material assistance, but he's the richest of the gang and as far as I know suburban girls turned prostitutes are more likely to be looking for a way to make more money.

Those others are all still in school, much younger. If it's Rhona, she doesn't have to be the ring leader, but got caught up in something when trying to find some extra bucks to get her own place. Once in, she could be pressured to supply names of some friends who might also be interested in 'making a little extra cash.' Maybe she is successful with one of the girls, and if Jack's the one who introduced Rhona to the gang, he might caught some of the shit being blown back.

[She is the One]

Joe mentioned Rhona is based on a really good friend of his, and he asked us to give her time, if the fracture with in the group happens then Rhona might be a comforting force. Even during their interactions i can see her taking on a comforting role.

But characters can also be a combination of multiple real people.

Rhona exudes sexiness, needs money for her own place, and was immediately drawn to the 'gorgeous' Kayla. Maybe Rhona gets it started and tries to pull some of the girls in to her organization.

PS I will get back to you, lot of things going on!

[She is the One]

I'm working my way thru it now

...she pulled out a sandwich she’d gotten from some sandwich place I hadn’t been to yet (sorry, don’t remember the name)

Oh Joe, you're trolling me so bad, you F'er...it's Sheetz! Sheetz! (in case you didn't hear me the first time)

[She is the One]

The Fracture Saga.

is 37 the end of Summer, and then 38 will begin The Fracture?

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

A year ago today, some starry-eyed 18-year-old put his first story on XNXX. Can't believe it's been that long.

Thanks for sticking with me for a whole freaking year, anyone who reads this. Next year I'll try to have more than 12 freaking chapters finished.

Looking forward to it, and getting a look at the new series!

Happy anniversary to an author and story whose talents I can only dream of matching someday

I bow down to both of you, you've some amazing writing as well, jashley

[She is the One]

Wait, was that the end of the summer saga?

looks like it, and it went to almost 250k words...and IIRC only two sex scenes - the infamous threesome, and the makeup sex a couple weeks later

[She is the One]

Through the whole last scene I was expecting the parents to have argued at dinner and came home early, finding Jack and Kayla doing the romp

well, I think all the parents know, but...

...as I yelled in orgasmic joy...I dimly registered that she was screaming again, her eyes wide and her jaw dropped, hands clinging to me as she shook with her own orgasm.

that would have been a great time to hear the front door close, with Mr. and Mrs. Hanigan hearing Jack yelling (somehow that gave me a mental image of Gary Busey - "Yeaaaah!!!")

[She is the One]

Joe please don't die in an accident I want to see this story finish through the end <3

I loved how Joe worked "Kayla waiting for Jack to come out of his coma" into the story.

Joe - one question on Kayla's parent's problems. When you first wrote that they were occurring, did you already know what the problem is, or is that something that you waited until later (or are still waiting) to decide?

[She is the One]

and you know I cannot let Jack's slap at baseball go unanswered! In chapter 3 Joe & Hannah will be attending one of the biggest Pittsburgh Pirates games in history, and yes, it comes with tons of anticipation!

I loved baseball growing up and was frustrated that I didn't get as many chances to play as I would have liked. Sort of like Joe in SITO-36, it's harder to break in when you wait until 14 and most everyone else already has established themselves.

jashley, did you ever play any school or summer sports, or were you just a drama nerd?

[She is the One]

And that's all I can think of off the top of my head feel free to reply with hate about Australian language so I can laugh at you

I've watched a fair amount of Australian TV on Hulu, so I'm aware that it's much closer to British than Standard American English. I grew up learning Pittsburghese, so that's what many of the characters in my story speak.

"There's some bee-ah in the boot"

"You two been rutting (rooting)?"

[She is the One]

A very enjoyable read. I'll digest it for a day or two before I make any specific comments, except - damn, I wish I could right this well. Joe, if you don't get work in front of the camera I'm sure you could do very well writing, either for film or books.

[She is the One]

Thanks Joe, belated Happy Birthday and I pray you receive the strength to get you through anything that comes your way.

I will of course get to reading ASAP. Also, now that SITO is out, I can target my next chapter for next week, as I certainly don't want to try to compete head to head with SITO.

[She is the One]

Respectfully disagree. The fact that Rhona has six brothers will have matured her and made her wise beyond her years. She will become Jacks' friend and mentor, not competition for Kayla.

but Kayla doesn't know that

[Magusfang's Corner]

She's just a huge distraction. How can anyone, male or female, concentrate when DirtyAngel is in the room?

[She is the One]

Question: what is the writing process some of you use when crafting your stories?

I outlined the major points in the story, so I had the beginning, middle and end. As I write the first drafts I filled in more scenes, detail, dialogue, etc to push the story along the outline.

Now that I went back to the beginning to re-write, I have a couple folks helping me with comments and suggestions. I'm getting more detail about emotions (which jashley does SO well) and adding in more subplots.

The first time thru I think I did a good job of leaving clues and foreshadowing what was to come, but almost all of the story was the main plot. Now with some subplots (not just backstory, either hinted at or explicit) I'm leaving crumbs for parallel story lines which may or may not come to anything - I'll decide later.

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

You're one up on me! I don't watch television at all, really. Just Night Court, older Doctor Who and Corner Gas. That's about it.

I don't watch a lot of shows, tending towards cops and space (loved the new Battlestar Galactica) Elementary, the modern take of Sherlock Holmes in New York is one of my favorites.

Te last couple years I've gotten into both the Marvel and DC TV shows - Agents of SHIELD, Agent Carter, Gotham, Arrow and Flash

It runs dry in the summer, so then I dig thru Hulu to find the foreign English shows. New Tricks from the BBC is a hilarious cop show, and they also have MI-5 aka Spooks over there

[She is the One]

Alright. Let's drop and begin with crazy story theories. I figure that Tara may end up getting a bpyfriend in the next saga, making Jack question his feelings towards her, especially due to the events of this saga. As for Tara's boyfriend, how about Rhona's brother, Evan. Not any crazier than the theory of her and Alan getting together.

I think Tara's boyfriend will come about once school starts. She just move din from out of state into some suburban sub-division. I know I didn't know many of my neighbors who lived more than a literal stone's throw away. Many some pimply faced boys have seen her running around the block and then went inside to wank.

Once school starts, it'll be just like Kayla the year before, the new girl in class. There will be older boys lining up.

Evan is a senior, but I don't think it's at the same school, as Tara lives 30 minutes away.

[really!?]

This site is a privately owned business, and they can set any rules they want. Freedom of Speech ("Congress shall pass no law...") is not in effect here. If you don't like it here, go somewhere else (that's how I came here). If you can't find somewhere else, start your own website.

[She is the One]

I could have lots to say but I don't think this is the place to get into it. As a libertarian leaning conservative, I'm willing to tolerate other people doing their own thing. Live and let live. Government should treat everyone the same, but at the same time people have the right to freely associate. The government should not force people apart, nor force them together. For more on the subject, I'd recommend Reason.com

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I'll never tell. Maybe I'm 6'4.

Actually in Canada we still use feet and inches for how tall people are. Literally everything else though... Liters, meters, Celsius, you name it, all metric.

I've been using Hulu to watch TV shows from a variety of English peaking countries, such as England, Canada and Australia. I notice that all of them are not fully committed to metric.

We were watching New Tricks from the BBC in England last night when the detective had to data into a computer. "Enter victim's weight in kilograms - I don't know, she was about 9 stone!"

For Canada, I've mostly been watching Cold Squad off and on (up to season 4), which is set in Vancouver.

[BashfulScribe's Written Works]

I'm taller than him. Don't tell him I bragged about that.

huh, I had pictured Joe around 6-1 (I don't know what that is in Canadian!). Should I set my sights lower?